Money and Contentment

[photos_101]

Living on a single income is hard, but we have managed to do it for years. I was a SAHM by choice and never regretted not having more money. My kids are now older and I work part time. The money I make goes to vacations. Since we were used to living on one income we will continue to do that but now we can travel and do more fun stuff!

Disney vacations are expensive. So my advice is to either cut out your Jan trip (I see you are already giving up the dining plan and paying OOP for food) or take a shorter one.

I know I would have been content with being able to take my DD to disney when I was a single mom (I don't see how that would have EVER been even a possibility for me..I was just barely getting by so NO vacations.). But, alas each persons feeling of contentment in life is different. If you can do all you say you have done, have no debt and take Disney vacations but still not be content. Maybe money is not the issue??? I guess I just don't understand.

 

[NancyIL]

I'd also recommend getting off this board if you aren't content with your financial situation - and certainly do so before the Black Friday talk starts. Get over to frugality boards, where they make fun of Black Friday. This is a budget board, but its a budget board on a website that caters to one of the most consumerist companies in the world. I suspect that most people who hang on this budget board are not single parents on one .8 income plus some side work - prior polls - for what they are worth - put our average household income as a group well over the national average. Around here it can seem like everyone else is getting to go to Disney World - and almost everyone else is getting to go eighteen times a year (I'm exaggerating a little - but then, I hang on the DVC board as well so my perception is skewed towards frequent visitors). And there is always someone who, for instance, will post to a thread on American Girl that their daughter had several hundred plus dollar dolls. It can make you wonder what you are doing wrong. If you start reading THOSE sorts of boards, we budget boarders (with the exception of a few people like barkley - and a few others who manage frugal and a love of Disney) spend like drunken sailors.

You are SO right! I love to travel, but I feel like a poor person (and I'm not) when I read many of the posts on the DIS cruise line or resorts boards!

There are a couple - Mr. Money Moustache (our friend Mrs. Pete shows up there from time to time) - whose focus is early retirement on a reasonable income - Mr. Money Moustache himself has a three person family living off about $30k a year. Living Like No One Else - for Dave Ramsey followers - I know several people here spend time over there. Bogelheads was mentioned - has an investing focus, but they can get fairly cheap so they have more to invest similar to how we suggest to save money to be able to afford Chef Mickey's.

I actually don't participate in any - I'm here and one other general use board and that is it. I'll check out a few frugality blogs from time to time. You can do a search for them - I like to check Get Rich Slowly (which has forums, but I've never checked them out).

I will note that when you enter the realm of extreme frugality the people around here WILL seem like the spend like drunken sailors. And if you think this group can get judgmental on how other people spent their money, brace yourself. You might want to go into those places and not come right out an admit a Disney addiction that involves trips, snowglobes and every Disney movie ever released on VHS, DVD and now Blu Ray, plus digital copies purchased on Amazon so the kids can watch at Grandmas Most people on the really frugal end of the spectrum "just won't understand."

I LOVE Mr. Money Mustache, and I first read about him here - on a thread about early retirement. I don't find his blogs as extreme as some comments from his followers on the forums - although I doubt I'll ever start riding a bike everywhere! He doesn't think much of Disneyland, so I won't admit to him that I've gone to WDW multiple times a year since 1999 - although pretty frugally! However, I have finally reached the Disney saturation point, and I'm finally cutting back!

 

[eliza61]

I agree with you. Being a single mom is hard. I was raised by one, but then I got to this post and this is a deliberate choice the OP made...and now she's complaining it's hard and she doesn't have much money?

The simplest answer is you either need to make more or spend less.

I didn't take it as a complaint per se, I took it as just a frustrating vent.

hasn't anyone had those periods of time when you swore the more you did, the further behind you got?

come on, you guys can't be that perfect.

The thing is and I think Colleen mentioned it, is that we live in a society where so much of our values are wrapped up into the wrong things.

Heck, I'll totally admit that even over 55, it still takes me a minute to real remember the important things in life.
My oldest son got a part time job a UPS. It's really a great pt job. half way decent hourly wage. but the hours are 11-4 am so now of course I stress with him driving home at night at 4 in the morning.

So when I hear the door chime from the alarm system signaling that he's home, then I'm content but when a tree goes through my roof from the last storm, I do what a lot of people like the op do...

I start whining and some times it goes like.
"if I made xyz more money......"

Think about the difference in perception in salaries. On the community board some one was thinking about retiring. He calculated he'll probably get about 4K a month. Which to me is on the very low end but others were saying how that is totally doable.

 

[crisi]

Think about the difference in perception in salaries. On the community board some one was thinking about retiring. He calculated he'll probably get about 4K a month. Which to me is on the very low end but others were saying how that is totally doable.

With kids, this can be so big. If your kids hang with other kids who seldom vacation, shop thrift stores, and do park and rec activities (my daughter's middle school crowd was a bunch of middle class people "getting by") that is different than if your kid is hanging with someone who always has a new bike, wears the latest clothes, gets thousands in Christmas gifts and goes on vacation every year (my son's close friend has a wealthy grandfather). With my daughters friends, the perception is that we are very rich (and we are well off, but our external presentation is pretty middle class) and to my son we are poor because he won't get a car for his sixteenth birthday like his friend.

 

[MaleficentRN]

I didn't read through everything, so forgive me if I am redundant.
I don't see mention of what type of nursing you do, but can I suggest working in a critical care field? You can earn a couple of dollars more an hour, if you get a ccrn you can add another dollar more an hour. Do you precept? When you do that you should get a dollar more an hour while doing so. Charge? Same thing. I see you do home health shifts. Any chance you could do agency work in an acute care facility instead? That would pay more and you wouldn't have to use your car as much.
I hope I was helpful.

 

[Marci Smith]

If you have no debt and $10 dollars you are better off than 25% of Americans. It seems like you are doing better than you think but want to do more for your family which is understandable. Do you budget? If so, how do you go about budgeting and making sure that you keep under your budget? Do you shop around for your services? If you have cable, internet etc...call them and see if you can get a discount or move to another service as new customers usually get better rates than established customors. Also make sure you shop your insurances. We saved $2,000 dollars between our auto and home insurance last year. We had been with the same company that they continued to raise our rates just enough not to tell us about it and we just paid the bill. I made one call to a company that shops around what you want to multiple companies and it saved us a buttload.

What company did you use to shop insurance prices? Curious!!!

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Just read the first & last pages, but you're working about 1,000 fewer hours a year than me - and my wife also works (about as many hours as you). Your entire household income is based on less than 40% of the hours worked in my household. And we're not rich. All things considered, I'd say you're doing pretty well for what is essentially a single part-time income.

 

[DaretoDis]

Don't take this the wrong way OP, but you say you are a single mom to two kids under 18. Is/was there a father involved, or did you self pollinate? Is/was there ever any child support?

The word "choice" is fraught with danger. A lot of people believe any choice is positive, but there can be negative choices. If you chose not to go after the father(s) for child support that was a bad choice. Depriving children of a father is another bad choice...flame away man haters.

You're doing the best you can under the circumstances, but have some hard decisions/choices to make in the future.

I wish you the best.

 

[havaneselover]

Don't take this the wrong way OP, but you say you are a single mom to two kids under 18. Is/was there a father involved, or did you self pollinate? Is/was there ever any child support? The word "choice" is fraught with danger. A lot of people believe any choice is positive, but there can be negative choices. If you chose not to go after the father(s) for child support that was a bad choice. Depriving children of a father is another bad choice...flame away man haters. You're doing the best you can under the circumstances, but have some hard decisions/choices to make in the future. I wish you the best.

She adopted.

Going after a deadbeat dad can be way more complicated than most understand and isn't necessarily a bad choice IMO. But that's off topic.

 

[RitaE]

Don't take this the wrong way OP, but you say you are a single mom to two kids under 18. Is/was there a father involved, or did you self pollinate? Is/was there ever any child support?

The word "choice" is fraught with danger. A lot of people believe any choice is positive, but there can be negative choices. If you chose not to go after the father(s) for child support that was a bad choice. Depriving children of a father is another bad choice...flame away man haters.

You're doing the best you can under the circumstances, but have some hard decisions/choices to make in the future.

I wish you the best.

It seriously would help to at least read at least most of the thread, if not all of it.

The OP adopted her children from China, as a single mother.

 

[ellochka]

Don't take this the wrong way OP, but you say you are a single mom to two kids under 18. Is/was there a father involved, or did you self pollinate? Is/was there ever any child support?

The word "choice" is fraught with danger. A lot of people believe any choice is positive, but there can be negative choices. If you chose not to go after the father(s) for child support that was a bad choice. Depriving children of a father is another bad choice...flame away man haters.

You're doing the best you can under the circumstances, but have some hard decisions/choices to make in the future.

I wish you the best.

LOL! You gotta love when people spew off rants like that and preface it with "don't take it the wrong way". The same happens when people start their rants with "I am not a racist". You kind of know what's going to follow...

 

[marmalade]

Don't take this the wrong way OP, but you say you are a single mom to two kids under 18. Is/was there a father involved, or did you self pollinate? Is/was there ever any child support?

The word "choice" is fraught with danger. A lot of people believe any choice is positive, but there can be negative choices. If you chose not to go after the father(s) for child support that was a bad choice. Depriving children of a father is another bad choice...flame away man haters.

You're doing the best you can under the circumstances, but have some hard decisions/choices to make in the future.

I wish you the best.

I guess it would have been a better choice for the OP to not adopt her kids so they could live a glorious life in an orphanage in China, you know since depriving them of a father is such an awful thing.

 

[Colleen27]

With kids, this can be so big. If your kids hang with other kids who seldom vacation, shop thrift stores, and do park and rec activities (my daughter's middle school crowd was a bunch of middle class people "getting by") that is different than if your kid is hanging with someone who always has a new bike, wears the latest clothes, gets thousands in Christmas gifts and goes on vacation every year (my son's close friend has a wealthy grandfather). With my daughters friends, the perception is that we are very rich (and we are well off, but our external presentation is pretty middle class) and to my son we are poor because he won't get a car for his sixteenth birthday like his friend.

Very, very true. I felt poor growing up with a mom who made more in the 80s and 90s than my husband makes now because we lived in a community where kids did get cars for their 16th birthday, most of our friends had boats/campers/other big toys, and everyone traveled more/better (ie not just visiting family) than we did. My kids, on the other hand, seem to think we're pretty well off because we travel more and have a few extras that most of their friends don't. And we are fortunate to have circumstances that allow for that though our income isn't particularly impressive.

Don't take this the wrong way OP, but you say you are a single mom to two kids under 18. Is/was there a father involved, or did you self pollinate? Is/was there ever any child support?

The word "choice" is fraught with danger. A lot of people believe any choice is positive, but there can be negative choices. If you chose not to go after the father(s) for child support that was a bad choice. Depriving children of a father is another bad choice...flame away man haters.

You're doing the best you can under the circumstances, but have some hard decisions/choices to make in the future.

I wish you the best.

Bracketing this sort of black-and-white judgement with "don't take this the wrong way" and good wishes doesn't make the rest of the content any less ignorant or offensive. Life is seldom as black and white as your perspectives and if you read the rest of the thread you'll see a stellar illustration of just that. Certainly a Chinese orphanage is not a better family situation than a loving mother who has "deprived" her children of a father by not waiting for Mr Right to come along before adopting them.

 

[SEA333]

Don't take this the wrong way OP, but you say you are a single mom to two kids under 18. Is/was there a father involved, or did you self pollinate? Is/was there ever any child support?

The word "choice" is fraught with danger. A lot of people believe any choice is positive, but there can be negative choices. If you chose not to go after the father(s) for child support that was a bad choice. Depriving children of a father is another bad choice...flame away man haters.

You're doing the best you can under the circumstances, but have some hard decisions/choices to make in the future.

I wish you the best.

Self-pollinate? Really?

 

[ronandannette]

I guess it would have been a better choice for the OP to not adopt her kids so they could live a glorious life in an orphanage in China, you know since depriving them of a father is such an awful thing.

...Bracketing this sort of black-and-white judgement with "don't take this the wrong way" and good wishes doesn't make the rest of the content any less ignorant or offensive. Life is seldom as black and white as your perspectives and if you read the rest of the thread you'll see a stellar illustration of just that. Certainly a Chinese orphanage is not a better family situation than a loving mother who has "deprived" her children of a father by not waiting for Mr Right to come along before adopting them.

In a (mild) defence of the poster you're both berating, I would imagine NONE of that would have been asked if there was an inkling that the OP was involved in a single-parent international adoption. Nobody in their right mind would suggest that the children would have been better off left in China. Reasonably speaking though, when discussing single-parenthood, it's not exactly crazy to assume that the situation was more conventional as about 999 out of 1,000 would be. That's not to say that the questions were necessary at all, let alone so bluntly put, but still I think that DaretoDis didn't have as evil an agenda as you two are making out.

 

[NancyIL]

In a (mild) defence of the poster you're both berating, I would imagine NONE of that would have been asked if there was an inkling that the OP was involved in a single-parent international adoption. Nobody in their right mind would suggest that the children would have been better off left in China. Reasonably speaking though, when discussing single-parenthood, it's not exactly crazy to assume that the situation was more conventional as about 999 out of 1,000 would be. That's not to say that the questions were necessary at all, let alone so bluntly put, but still I think that DaretoDis didn't have as evil an agenda as you two are making out.

The OP did mention the adoption after someone else asked about child support. However, not everyone reads every post in a multi-page thread.

 

[20yBWDW]

The OP did mention the adoption after someone else asked about child support. However, not everyone reads every post in a multi-page thread.

You would think someone would read all of the posts before making a judgmental and offensive comment, though, wouldn't you? It's like a glaring billboard of "I like to judge people on as few facts as possible" when you don't even look at the information right in front of you before spouting an opinion on someone else's life.

 

[MomToOne]

In a (mild) defence of the poster you're both berating, I would imagine NONE of that would have been asked if there was an inkling that the OP was involved in a single-parent international adoption. Nobody in their right mind would suggest that the children would have been better off left in China. Reasonably speaking though, when discussing single-parenthood, it's not exactly crazy to assume that the situation was more conventional as about 999 out of 1,000 would be. That's not to say that the questions were necessary at all, let alone so bluntly put, but still I think that DaretoDis didn't have as evil an agenda as you two are making out.

There were in fact many inklings that the OP was a single parent by adoption - it was mentioned in several posts. And DaretoDis clearly had an agenda to berate the OP and put forward his/her own agenda - DaretoDis used the words "self pollinate" for Pete's sake, not to mention "man haters". Those are highly charged words, that were put out there VERY deliberately, meant to start an uproar. There was nothing constructive in that post - not a single thing. Just insults and bigotry.

 

[Colleen27]

You would think someone would read all of the posts before making a judgmental and offensive comment, though, wouldn't you? It's like a glaring billboard of "I like to judge people on as few facts as possible" when you don't even look at the information right in front of you before spouting an opinion on someone else's life.

Exactly. There are valid reasons to become a single parent by choice and there are valid reasons not to pursue child support. Why not take the time to read the thread and see it has already been addressed rather than jumping in blind with controversial and judgmental opinions of the situation?

 

[ellochka]

Exactly. There are valid reasons to become a single parent by choice and there are valid reasons not to pursue child support. Why not take the time to read the thread and see it has already been addressed rather than jumping in blind with controversial and judgmental opinions of the situation?

Ditto.

There are good reasons not to pursue child support.

There was also no indication in the first question whether she was or was not getting any child support, so his conclusion about child support was a pure guess.

And yes, I believe his ill intent is confirmed and well known to him, thus the "don't take it the wrong way" preamble.

P.S. Like they say in the South, you can say any mean and awful thing about anybody as long as you add "bless her heart" at the end. No, this aint how it works