Mistreated by teacher

[marshallandcartersmo]

I still can't get past the fact someone pays $20,000 tuition for middle school.

 

[Teacher03]

OT a little bit but, I don't think I would bring up the "I pay $20,000 a year, etc." I teach in a private school, and although it is not anywhere near that much, I hate it when parents say to me, "I don't pay all this money for my daughter to get a C on their report card." Excuse me, your daughter earned that C. You can't buy good grades. I think I would wait to get both sides of the story. And I don't know that I would trust another teacher at the school talking badly about your daughter's teacher. That is completely unprofessional, and honestly, none of his or her business.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

And I don't know that I would trust another teacher at the school talking badly about your daughter's teacher. That is completely unprofessional, and honestly, none of his or her business.

This is a good point.

 

[phillybeth]

For fear of stating the obvious, the OP is in Pennsylvania, not Mississippi.

A $20,000/year middle school in PA? There are exclusive private high schools that don't cost that much. I can only think of 2-3 schools where I would expect grade school tuition to be over $15,000. Unless you are on the Main Line, or it's a boarding school.

 

[Alyssa88]

I think that the poster who was reffering to "reverse racism" was thinking of the term "reverse discrimination" which is often used to argue affirmative action. In my opinion racism and discrimination can not be reversed, isn't racism a prejudice directed towards anither race, there is no definition stating it as white prejudice toward black. . .

I do hope that you can get everything straightened out without resorting to calling her racist. That is such a harsh claim to make, be careful not throw that around to much.

And seriously, $20,000 a year. Thank God my univeristy tuition doesn't cost me that much, I'd be in serious debt.

 

[debaudrn]

A couple of points for what it's worth. OP's location says raised in PA, my home is NY.
I'm in New England as well and private, independent school tuitions average $20-23K/year (think Tabor Academy type schools).
I also work in this type of school. For one do not mention to princial/head of school that you have been speaking to another teacher. This is extrememy unprofessional on the other teacher's part and makes you look like you were hunting around "behind the scenes for information" also.
Kids have very different perceptions of what has happened sometimes, than what did actually happen. Talk to the teacher first to get her/his story.
I also agree with several other posters that if your DD called out (or didn't) a different answer that some of the other students she should have backed it up with the teacher when asked. Sort of like "show all the work" on a math paper. What if in fact your DD was actually right and the other students were wrong? She missed out on a learning opportunity here (so did the other students in the class) by backing down. I do however understand her possibly being intimidated by the teacher but did you ever consider the point that this is a teaching method? All of us, at some point in life, have to explain positions, opinions, answers ... to others. Kids need to learn to do this, as well as understand that it is part of the learning process and a part of life.
Deb

 

[dimimi]

This post is a good example of why it is hard to get the total picture through writing.

We don't know the other conversations you have had with the teacher.


I am a teacher and when one person calls out a different answer than the entire class, and then says never mind...sometimes it is because the child was fooling around and trying to be contrary. Sometimes the student wasn't really paying attention and answered the wrong question. We really don't know exactly what happened with what you wrote.

We can assume that you have spoken or emailed the teacher throughout the year. If you have copies of the emails and notes from your phone calls, etc., then you may have something to bring to a principal. If you have these things, you may be able to ask for a room change. OCCASIONALLY/RARELY this might happen at our school. Once you go to the principal, it will be more difficult for your child in that class. If you go to the principal with what you have told us, it will be difficult for her to do much about it. If several parents have the same issues and can document their contacts with the teacher, go in as a group.

I can understand when you are paying for private education that you expect professional staff that treat students with respect! Yes, public school should too, but when you attend private school you are more like a customer.

I'm not sure if this makes sense, but I hope things work out for you. My son would be a nervous wreck if this was happening to him.

 

[marathonmommy]

A $20,000/year middle school in PA? There are exclusive private high schools that don't cost that much. I can only think of 2-3 schools where I would expect grade school tuition to be over $15,000. Unless you are on the Main Line, or it's a boarding school.

High School? Many parents pay $20,000 a year for private school in 1st grade in NJ! I've gotta' move . . . .

 

[TCPluto]

You may want to be careful about that. It's illegal to tape someone without their knowledge. You might get yourself in trouble.

Actually, it's not. One party consent is all that's required by most states laws. Federally, one party consent applies.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Actually, it's not. One party consent is all that's required by most states laws. Federally, one party consent applies.

Really? When I was still working in mental health there was a record button option on our phone. We were told NEVER to use use it without the other person's knowledge because it was illegal.

 

[Lanshark]

Talk to the teacher to find out what is going on. You may be surprised to learn that there is more to the story as my signature line refers to. I have been shocked, through the years, as to how kids have perceived certain situations.

I work at an expensive private school and my kids both attended private schools. Communication is usually very open. It's part of that "expensive" package.

Also, she heard me talking to one of the faculty on the phone last night, and that teacher spoke to her this morning to comfort her and tell her that she didn't do anything wrong all year, and that the teacher is going through something in her private life

This teacher should be fired. This totally inappropriate, unprofessional and unethical.

 

[JikoMarie]

I'm with the majority of people here. We don't know what other incidents you are referring to, but the one you described here is certainly not as big of a deal as you make it out to be. I can understand that it might be a big deal for an 11 year old but adults can easily deal with this. It's good to hear that you spoke to the teacher about this but you left out that part of the story. What did she say about the incident? Why do you still feel the need to go to the principal? Was she unresponsive to your concerns?

That is totally unfair. Because I send my kids to public school I hold the teachers to a lesser standard than you do? That I expect that they will be mean to my children and disrespect them? That is one of the most ridiculous things I have read on the DIS in a long time, even with the smile.

I have to agree that the OP's comment about paying $20,000 a year came across as very elitist. Every kid in this country deserves a good education and to be treated with respect so you flaunting your financial means is completely irrelevant to your story, IMVHO.

Thank you for your understanding. Yes, my daughter does know we have an appointment with the Principal. Also, she heard me talking to one of the faculty on the phone last night, and that teacher spoke to her this morning to comfort her and tell her that she didn't do anything wrong all year, and that the teacher is going through something in her private life

This is frightening! I think you should be talking to the principal about the teacher that is sharing this priviledged information with you instead. How incredibly unprofessional and unethical!

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

*sigh* where do i begin??

when i was in a private school, the teachers didn't bother with me at all. they only cared about the kids who's parents had lots of $$$ and we were middle class, so i was barely ever paid attention to.

when i went to middle school/high school i went to a public school. did it get better? no. of course not. i had an English teacher for both a study hall and then English right afterwards and the teacher did NOT like me. she was VERY very religious and i was always in her class with black clothes and different hair colors every week. she thought i worshiped Satin(i don't, by the way...thank you).

so this teacher would never even acknowledge me when i would ask for help, she would completly ignore me. and then at one point during the study hall, when i was doing homework, she came up to me and started asking me all of these questions about drugs, alcohol, and sex. i was shocked because i didn't do ANY of those things in high school, not even once! i mean, yeah i wore black, hair crazy hair, and listened to bands like TOOL, but i was pretty straight-edge. i had a job from the time i was 15 so i just went to school and worked.

so i was pretty upset by her comments and told my parents who got angry and called a meeting with the head Principal of the school, my "tower" Principal(there were 4 buildings in the school, there was too many kids and they couldn't have just one principal for everyone), my guidance counselor(we'll talk about her a little later), and a represenatitve of the School Board.


we all sat down and they asked all these questions and in the end, they all believed the teacher. who changed her story around to "we were talking about alcohol and drugs in class and that's how it came up" which, FIRST of all it wasn't brought up during class, she came over to me during a STUDY HALL. second of all why would those questions even be asked during an English class, anyway?? so, in the end......who do you think they believed?? a nice church-going Christian woman, or a student with black clothes and fire-engine red hair?? yep, they believed her.


so to the guidance counselor i mentioned. anytime i'd go to this woman, she just seemed annoyed by me. she was always very rude and was always putting me down. she was having kids come into her office to fill out college forms and i grabbed a few different ones and she stood up, grabbed them from my hand and said "oh, i don't think so. you won't ever get into any of these colleges, anyway. just fill out a form for the community college in the reception area and bring it to me when you're finished." and sat back down. i was pretty taken aback. i told a friend of mine in class later that day and she said "oh yeah, she did the same thing to me!" Apparently she also told the girl that she would only end up like her sister anyway, so why bother even going to college. nice, right??

but of course, no one would listen to any of the students. why would they? no one ever believes kids, when they talk. they only believe adults for some reason.

 

[ToriLammy]

I still can't get past the fact someone pays $20,000 tuition for middle school.

Really is that just for one kid? My 2 kids in college only cost me around $10,000 last year.

 

[TCPluto]

she thought i worshiped Satin(i don't, by the way...thank you).

Satin, as in frilly womens undergarments, or bed sheets?

 

[marathonmommy]

Satin, as in frilly womens undergarments, or bed sheets?

You beat me to it . . . but I was going to say that I preferred to worship crushed velvet. (Sorry irishchick - only kidding, but I couldn't resist)

 

[Hedy]

This is frightening! I think you should be talking to the principal about the teacher that is sharing this priviledged information with you instead. How incredibly unprofessional and unethical!

Frankly, I think you should be questioning why you spend $20K a year on a school where the teachers are so loose with such information.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Satin, as in frilly womens undergarments, or bed sheets?

you know what i mean! Satan. i never like spelling it like that, because of the hockey player with the same last name.

 

[manning]

What about a small tape recorder and have your DD record the way she is being talked to. Of course if the meeting doesn't do any good.

Careful here. There are states that have laws against recording conversations without the knowledge of the other party and can result in severe criminal charges.

 

[grlpwrd]

My daughter's math teacher is totally mistreating my dd. My daughter goes to an incredible private school and her math teacher knows that my daughter needs her confidence boosted. All the teacher has been doing is shutting her down. Yesterday she asked the class a question on a problem and my daughter's answer was different from everyone else. When the teacher asked her why - in a very can't be bothered way and mean way, my dd said to never mind and changed her oponion. My daughter says that she told her to not call out again unless she wants to answer the question! And it was told to her by staring away from her in a very mean, hatred looking face!

I have called the school to set up a meeting and will be seeing the Principal on Monday. We have had issues with this teacher all year long. After the very first attempt in the beginning of the year, she has gotten much worse towards my daughter! Now I have heard that she might be getting fired, not because of us, we haven't complained, only today was our first with the principal. Obviously, this teacher has serious issues of her own and is putting it out on my daughter and now I hear others as well!

Just wanted to vent and get this off my chest. I can't believe that there are educators out there that mistreat children like this and make them feel worthless.

Your post seems edited. Did you edit the part about the teacher being African-American?

My mother works in a credit union and she hears from teachers who work at an elite private school in Hawaii. Some of the kids expect to be treated a certain way. I am reading in the OP's initial post how it is assumed her dd "needs her confidence boosted." Say what? lol

I thought school was to teach you and not necessarily treat its students like prima donnas.

What other issues have you or others had with this teacher? There is too little to go on by just one incident...