Military Balls (bit of a vent)

[VAfamily1998]

I know I've seen a lot of other military folk post on here...if your (or your spouse's) unit has balls, about how much do you end up spending, total?

We just got the info for this years ball. It is being held at a luxury hotel over 30 miles away from the base (this is the Washington DC area). We live off base and the hotel is about 40 miles away from our house.

Our expenses:

1. Babysitting-- $130
There is no way I feel comfortable going that far away, that late at night and leaving my kids with the "teenager down the street" type sitter. The child care center on base is offering care (on base, not in the hotel) at a rate of $40 for the first kid, $30 each additional. This does NOT include meals, parents must supply a sack dinner. I have 4 kids, so babysitting for me would be $130--not outrageous, considering...but still a major expense.

2. Tickets--$111 per person. This, I feel, is outrageous. Why couldn't they hold the ball at one of the clubs on base, or even a closer, maybe less fancy hotel?

3. Dress--I found a dress that would be acceptable for about $100. I don't love it, but "it will do". Still, I hate to spend $100 on something I'm not really thrilled about. I have shoes I can wear, from a previous ball several years ago. Again, I"m not thrilled with them, but they will do. I will have to buy special lingerie to go under the dress...that's expensive! I"m thinking I'll end up spending at least $50 on undergarments alone!

If I got my hair done/nails done/make up...we're talking a few hundred more, so that's not happening

4. My husband (the military member)'s uniform--he already has...but it seems every year there is some type of little accessory, new ribbon/medal, minor alterations, etc. he needs to purchase...

5. Parking is not included at the hotel (Again, why couldn't they just have it at a club on base?!?!?!?) and will be either $19 or $28, depending on if we want to self park, or valet...

6. Drinks--would depend, of course. We're not huge drinkers, and since we arent' spending the night, one of us would be soda only!

7. We have the option to get a hotel room for an additional $189 for the night, but since our kids would be back at the day care, that is not even an option for us...

So it looks like it's going to be at least $500 MINIMUM (that's if I don't get my hair/nails done, or even buy a new lipstick--and we both drink tap water only!!!) just for the ball.

Am I a cheapskate, or does this seem a little outrageous? Those of you who attend military balls, is this pretty typical in your experience too?

 

[JB2K]

As most of what you said is pretty much "girl talk" and venting in general, I wanted to touch on only one of your topics...

4. My husband (the military member)'s uniform--he already has...but it seems every year there is some type of little accessory, new ribbon/medal, minor alterations, etc. he needs to purchase...

Your husband, as a active duty military member, should already receive an annual clothing allowance (on his service anniversary), which is intended to offset the expense for certain replacement items, as well as the occassional little things.

Basically, his stuff is already "covered".

As for everything else, this is the life of a military member -- particularly in a place like the nation's capitol. It's pretty much "expected to happen"....

 

[VAfamily1998]

As most of what you said is pretty much "girl talk" and venting in general, I wanted to touch on only one of your topics...



Your husband, as a active duty military member, should already receive an annual clothing allowance (on his service anniversary), which is intended to offset the expense for certain replacement items, as well as the occassional little things.

QUOTE]
No, he does not. Officers do not recieve a clothing allowance.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

There is of course the option of not going.

DH is at the rank where he is expected to be there so he goes and I stay home.

You, as a spouse, are not required to attend.

Also you may want to talk to your FRG Leader so they can speak with the COC so for future balls you can be involved in fundraising efforts that could offset the price of the tickets.

 

[VAfamily1998]

There is of course the option of not going.

DH is at the rank where he is expected to be there so he goes and I stay home.

You, as a spouse, are not required to attend.

Also you may want to talk to your FRG Leader so they can speak with the COC so for future balls you can be involved in fundraising efforts that could offset the price of the tickets.

Right, I'm probably not going...and Dh is required to attend as well...but of course I'm not

We don't have an FRG leader. This is unlike any unit I have ever experienced in 12 years of being married to a miltiary member. It is mainly civilian, and they do not deploy as a unit, so there is no need for any type of family support services. I have not met one other spouse from his unit, at all... There really hasn't been opportunity to. There was a family day, several months ago, but it was held in the middle of the day on a weekday--most spouses are at work, kids at school, etc.

I think my main gripe is the fact that the ball is held somewhere off base, which is causing so many additional expenses. Things like the dress, uniform upkeep, etc are of course expected, and would be the same regardless of where it is held. I think the tickets could be a lot more reasonable if it was held on base at a club, or a more local hotel--especially one that doesn't charge for parking.

 

[hmdavid]

As most of what you said is pretty much "girl talk" and venting in general, I wanted to touch on only one of your topics...



Your husband, as a active duty military member, should already receive an annual clothing allowance (on his service anniversary), which is intended to offset the expense for certain replacement items, as well as the occassional little things.

Basically, his stuff is already "covered".

As for everything else, this is the life of a military member -- particularly in a place like the nation's capitol. It's pretty much "expected to happen"....

Not true for officer's.

The cost adds up quickly. We have had three this year.

 

[VAfamily1998]

Not true for officer's.

The cost adds up quickly. We have had three this year.

Yep...

When they first start out it's expensive too...I've known some officers whose parents pay for their uniforms as a commissioning/graduation gift...and others who have to actually take out a loan to buy all the uniforms when they are first commissioned!

 

[samefay]

My husband's unit is holding a dress swap for the spouses. You will have the option of renting someone else's dress for $10 or bring your own in for an even exchange. Great way to clean out the closet and reuse some dresses that will probably never be worn again.

I do feel that the prices are extreme. Seems like each year they are trying to beat the last year's party/ball. Most of the people that attend would like to keep it on a more affordable scale.

Last year I took a friend with hubby and I and she babysat in the hotel room. We would have been over an hour away.

I feel your pain!

 

[LuLuO]

Not true for officer's.

The cost adds up quickly. We have had three this year.

DH is in the Reserves now but every year there is a fair amount of stuff that he has to pay out of pocket for, including all new NWUs this year. Of course it is part of the job and we do get a deduction on our taxes for it, but it can be burdensome.

The last time DH even mentioned us going to a Ball was in 2006 but he wound up being deployed just before it was to take place. We aren't near a base and it was going to be held at a hotel. I remember it was going to cost us around $500 to go.

 

[scrapquitler]

My Comments are from a Non-Military Perspective, but...

1. Babysitting-- $130
There is no way I feel comfortable going that far away, that late at night and leaving my kids with the "teenager down the street" type sitter. The child care center on base is offering care (on base, not in the hotel) at a rate of $40 for the first kid, $30 each additional. This does NOT include meals, parents must supply a sack dinner. I have 4 kids, so babysitting for me would be $130--not outrageous, considering...but still a major expense.
Maybe you could get together with another family near you and share the cost of hiring a 'professional' nanny for the night at one of your homes
2. Tickets--$111 per person. This, I feel, is outrageous. Why couldn't they hold the ball at one of the clubs on base, or even a closer, maybe less fancy hotel?
Honestly, that doesn't seem outgrageous to me...but that may be because I am in the Northeast. The high school prom here costs that much for tickets...dinner at any sort of hotel or banquet facility plus a DJ/Band would cost a similar amount for a ball, a prom, a wedding, etc.

3. Dress--I found a dress that would be acceptable for about $100. I don't love it, but "it will do". Still, I hate to spend $100 on something I'm not really thrilled about. I have shoes I can wear, from a previous ball several years ago. Again, I"m not thrilled with them, but they will do. I will have to buy special lingerie to go under the dress...that's expensive! I"m thinking I'll end up spending at least $50 on undergarments alone!'
How about a consignment shop?


If I got my hair done/nails done/make up...we're talking a few hundred more, so that's not happening
I'm not a girly girl, so I don't know much about these prices, but I do know that a manicure is only $15 here in CT, and I can't imagine spending a few hundred for hair/makeup...I didn't even do that for my wedding.

4. My husband (the military member)'s uniform--he already has...but it seems every year there is some type of little accessory, new ribbon/medal, minor alterations, etc. he needs to purchase...
I wouldn't count this expense because I would imagine he needs to make this purchase regardless of the ball or not, part of the uniform seems to me would be required anyway

5. Parking is not included at the hotel (Again, why couldn't they just have it at a club on base?!?!?!?) and will be either $19 or $28, depending on if we want to self park, or valet...
I hate that.

6. Drinks--would depend, of course. We're not huge drinkers, and since we arent' spending the night, one of us would be soda only!

7. We have the option to get a hotel room for an additional $189 for the night, but since our kids would be back at the day care, that is not even an option for us...

So it looks like it's going to be at least $500 MINIMUM (that's if I don't get my hair/nails done, or even buy a new lipstick--and we both drink tap water only!!!) just for the ball.

Am I a cheapskate, or does this seem a little outrageous? Those of you who attend military balls, is this pretty typical in your experience too?

'

 

[JB2K]

It's hard for me to be sympathetic on the subject, since OP's husband is a military officer. These things "go with the territory" and when you compare their salaries with those of enlisted members, they are more than adequately compensated.

 

[VAfamily1998]

It's hard for me to be sympathetic on the subject, since OP's husband is a military officer. These things "go with the territory" and when you compare their salaries with those of enlisted members, they are more than adequately compensated.

"More than adequately compensated" in bold? In other words, in your opinion, military officers are over paid? And I don't see why you need to "compare to enlisted members." This isn't a "E vs. O" gripe (except, it seems, you are trying to make it one...)

 

[VAfamily1998]

My husband's unit is holding a dress swap for the spouses. You will have the option of renting someone else's dress for $10 or bring your own in for an even exchange. Great way to clean out the closet and reuse some dresses that will probably never be worn again.

I do feel that the prices are extreme. Seems like each year they are trying to beat the last year's party/ball. Most of the people that attend would like to keep it on a more affordable scale.

Last year I took a friend with hubby and I and she babysat in the hotel room. We would have been over an hour away.

I feel your pain!

The dress swap is an awesome idea! I will check and see if our base has anything like that!

 

[Ash&Wes07]

I was pregnant at the time of DH's last ball/gala. I can't help with the babysitting. But, I can say that if we were to go with one now, we'd be splitting the cost with another family for a nanny for the night through a service.

I bought my dress at Dillard's on sale for $70 (it is a BCBG gown). I used shoes I already owned as well as bag/jewelry.

I did my own make-up and nails. I did pay to have my hair done for $50.

The tickets were cheap for us, being that DH isn't an officer. They lowered the price significantly for enlisted members. It was a cash bar, but I was pregnant, so I only paid for sodas, lol.

If you're a size medium, I'd be happy to lend you my dress. It's navy blue and a halter.

 

[uk_wildcat]

Military officers are not more than adequately compensated! When my dh graduated from college, he was making less than $25,000/yr as a 2nd LT. Had he taken a job in electrical engineering (his degree), he would have made at least twice that amount. Sure, the military paid for some of his education, but he still came out of college with student loans because they don't pay for everything. I can't say there was ever a time when we felt like we were just rolling in the money! My dh got out at 9 years and he is now making more than an O-6 and he would have had to stay in another 7-10 years to get to that point in the AF.

Now for the OP, I only went to one formal function the entire time my dh was in the military. This was before we had kids, so no childcare and it was held at the O club on base. I also wore a dress that I already owned, so really didn't spend much at all. I never went to the big AF Ball or other balls they had every year because it just wasn't my thing. That cost sounds really high to me and I would probably just stay home with the kids if I were you and let your dh go. I don't really think you would be missing much anyways!

 

[melancholywings]

The title of this thread makes me giggle like a 12 year old.

 

[Pigeon]

Not military, but to the OP, OUCH! That's a lot to have to spend, and I'd be miffed, too.

These things are mandatory for the person in the military?

 

[hmdavid]

It's hard for me to be sympathetic on the subject, since OP's husband is a military officer. These things "go with the territory" and when you compare their salaries with those of enlisted members, they are more than adequately compensated.

Tell that to my bank account! My husband has an engineering drgree but has chosen a military career. His friends from college make at least double what he does in the Army.

 

[goodfood4ursoul]

I know I've seen a lot of other military folk post on here...if your (or your spouse's) unit has balls, about how much do you end up spending, total?

We just got the info for this years ball. It is being held at a luxury hotel over 30 miles away from the base (this is the Washington DC area). We live off base and the hotel is about 40 miles away from our house...

...Am I a cheapskate, or does this seem a little outrageous? Those of you who attend military balls, is this pretty typical in your experience too?

I grew up in NOVA, an army brat and I'm guessing some things have changed since then...
are the balls a new thing?
I don't think I ever saw my dad in his dress blues more than once.
I'm guessing dress blues are the thing for officers at the ball.
I remember plenty of socializing among officers & families, but it was all in homes or at the O club.

Specifically, I recall Mom saying that it did not matter how you entertained, as long as you returned the favor of hosting in your home.

We weren't on base as Dad was stationed at the Pentagon, and keep in mind, during my folks' era, wives wore white gloves, and hats and left calling cards when they met the base commanding officer.

In those days, officers also were not allowed to carry grocery bags, carry an umbrella or a baby or push a stroller while in uniform.
Heaven help the poor woman who went to the Commissary w/ her husband (in uniform) on a rainy day with kids! She had to do it all!

All the fun aside, I think that these costs are a lot to expect in today's economy, but PP have shared lots of good ideas to shave down some of the cost.
It sounds like the babysitting is a huge cost- are there any moms you are close with in your neighborhood who could swap a night of babysitting with you?
Also, the cost of the ball is $111 per person and it does NOT cover drinks???
So what are y'all paying for?

You don't have to look on these balls like they are prom for adults.
You could simply give yourself a manicure, put on your favorite dress (even if you wore it out before on another occassion ) and go be a classy lady on the town with her wonderful husband.

Hard decision to make, but go with your heart and have fun if you decide go to the ball, Cinderelly!

 

[JB2K]

"More than adequately compensated" in bold? In other words, in your opinion, military officers are over paid? And I don't see why you need to "compare to enlisted members." This isn't a "E vs. O" gripe (except, it seems, you are trying to make it one...)

I'm a military retiree, so that "E vs. O" thing doesn't hold much for me, anymore.

However, I would've been more sympathetic had you been an enlisted spouse, as trying to go to these functions on, say, an E-5 salary is truly something that warrants a little something extra.

I'm just sayin'...