mildly morbid question.

[Sparx]

When you go to a funeral, do you stay the whole time the casket is being buried? or do you leave once they start to put it in the ground?

I've been to funerals where the families did both. I'm wondering if its regional or just a personal preferance.

thanks

 

[Chuck S]

I don't think it is necessarily a regional thing, I think it depends upo the particular beliefs of the family. I'll admit is seemed a little "odd" to me the first time I attended a graveside service where the casket was lowered.

 

[anewvance]

I've been to a few funerals, but all but 2 of the times the deceased was creamated. But the 2 times there was a burial, both times everyone left before the casket was covered with dirt.

 

[babiesX2]

My XH's family has the tradition of digging the grave themselves and then after the coffin is placed in the grave the male family members shovel the dirt back in. Their reasoning is that this is the last thing the family can do for that person.

We lived in a rural area and there was another family that lived on a dirt road. This family had their own community down this dirt road. They held the tradition of bringing the deceased family member back to their home after the body had been prepared for burial. The body would stay in the living room family members would take shifts staying awake with the body. They also dug the grave themselves and filled it in.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have been to many funerals and never once have they lowered the casket and buried it.

 

[MosMom]

I have been to many funerals (in different regions and even in Canada vs. US) as well and I've never witnessed the casket being lowered & buried. We've always left with the casket still above ground.

 

[dmslush]

My XH's family has the tradition of digging the grave themselves and then after the coffin is placed in the grave the male family members shovel the dirt back in. Their reasoning is that this is the last thing the family can do for that person.

We lived in a rural area and there was another family that lived on a dirt road. This family had their own community down this dirt road. They held the tradition of bringing the deceased family member back to their home after the body had been prepared for burial. The body would stay in the living room family members would take shifts staying awake with the body. They also dug the grave themselves and filled it in.

They did this with my dad who died 31 years ago. He was brought back to his dad's house and kept up for three days before the funeral.

I'm the OP's mom and we usually stay at the grave yard while they are burying people here. If it is a close relative, one of us usually stays right with them while they are being buried, and if it is not, we gather a little farther away and wait until the person is buried.

 

[dhcoffey]

I know around here, they won't begin to actually bury the casket until everyone leaves. We've been bad in the past about standing around talking and the workers just kind of hang around.

 

[KristaTX]

Around here it doesn't seem like anyone stays around for the actual physical burial. I've never seen a burial done like it is in the movies (which is, afterall, always the "right" way of doing things ) where people throw dirt or flowers in.

When it is a family member or close friend of mine being buried, I always think leaving before the actual burial makes makes the ceremony seem kind of incomplete . That final symbolic ritual is just inexplicably skipped .

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have been to funerals where we were given flowers to lay on the casket during a reading gravesite.

 

[mommy*RN]

I've seen it both ways. I've noticed it changed since I was a kid. When we were kids we would stay to see the coffin lowered into the ground. I remember throwing little handwritten notes into the grave for one of my aunts that had passed away. Now days the family will often leave prior to the coffin being lowered into the ground. The funeral directors will/should stay till the end though (my step-sister is a funeral director).

When my mom passed away my dad was adament a member of the family stay until the grave was completely filled in. His worry was that someone may reopen the casket and steal my mom's jewelry (we chose to bury her with her wedding ring). I think that was from watching one too many Primetime or 60-minutes specials. My great-aunt stayed as no one else really was up for the task...

I think if you deal with a funeral home you can often customize what you want. Instead of us throwing dirt on my mom's casket in the grave we walked past and sprinkled some holy water on and one of the funeral directors gave us a rose from her casket spray...

I'll have to ask my step-sister about this...it is an interesting question since I can remember seeing caskets lowered when I was a kid...

 

[Becky2005]

It all depends. I've never actually stayed until the casket is completely buried though. In my family, usually once the graveside ceremony is over then you leave, even before the casket is lowered.

At my MIL's funeral they lowered it but we were actually by the car before they did, so we saw them putting the first shovelfuls of dirt on the casket but we didn't stay around until it was completely done.

As for the families keeping the deceased in the living room, that dates back to way back when. My grandfather died before I was ever born (actually before my mom was married), my grandmother always talks about how she always thought that was a silly tradition but her and my grandpa had discussed it and she would have never known he wanted someone to stay up 24 hours with him (someone always stayed awake for the first 24 hours), since she knew he wanted it so, she did it. We didn't do that with her though (I have never known it to be done around here). When we talked about this, I was told that the origin of this came because it was originally to keep animals from getting to the deceased before they could be buried and just has stuck as a tradition.

 

[babiesX2]

2005When we talked about this, I was told that the origin of this came because it was originally to keep animals from getting to the deceased before they could be buried and just has stuck as a tradition.

That makes sense about staying awake to keep the animals away. I enjoy knowing trivial things like that. There is a plantation house over in Mississippi that has a "way of life" tour. Old traditions like that are discussed in detail. Very interesting indeed!

 

[lucas]

OP: Good question.

Even though I am from New Orleans - where the graves are above ground - I do not know the answer to this. But, what do people do at New Orleans funerals at the grave site? Any info would be appreciated since I do not feel comfortable asking my close family.

 

[shoes99]

The Catholic Church we belong to no longer allows the family to go right up to the freshly dug grave. Everyone assembles inside the mosoleum chapel for prayers and a final goodbye. You can even leave the flowers on top of the casket. When my father died they did the 21 gun salute outside the chapel, then we all left. When my Mom died before my Dad, I didn't know of the new procedure. I whispered to the undertaker, "we didn't buy a mosoleum"....He smiled and said that the church changed the rules and this is what they do now. It was comfortable for us. My Dad was buried during a New Jersey snow storm in January.

 

[crz4mm2]

Dont' usually stay for the lowering of the casket/

 

[glass- slippers]

I've never been to a funeral where they actually lowered the casket. I think it would be very traumatic though. Maybe that's just me.

 

[Race the Reaper]

The tradition in my family is that the funeral home digs the grave but the male family members do the actual burying. Meaning they take shovels and fill the grave completely.
When I was younger many, many moons ago, I remember a couple funerals which were held in the decease's home.

 

[Buckalew11]

Around here, everyone leaves before it is lowered.

I could not watch a casket be lowered. I can't watch an open casket be shut. Well, once I did. It was horrible. I'll never let it happen again. Lowered into the ground? No way for me.

 

[Sparx]

Thanks for the replies everyone.