MIL Trouble!!

[deedeew80]

I really get along with my future MIL. We have a lot of fun together. But when it comes to the wedding, she is a little strange! When we got engaged she was happy for us. (So I thought!) We are now in the beginning stages of wedding planning. Whenever I ask her opinion or ask her to go somewhere with me & my mom she always has no care in the world. She did come with us to look at the reception site though. However, when we were there, the man asked her if she had any questions & she said no, this is boring to her since she has already been through two weddings! Who says that?! I was shocked. Anyway. Then tonight a bunch of us went to dinner at the MIL house. My fiance's sister in law brought me addresses that she had from her wedding the year before. They were all my fiance's families addresses. Well, future MIL was highly mad! She went on to say that she (sister in law) had no business giving me the addresses, that if I wanted addresses I could have asked her, that she feels SO in the dark with things! What?! I never even asked this girl for the addresses. She just thought she was being helpfull in giving them to me. And as for MIL being in the dark with things...I don't think so. We tell her everything that is going on, invite her everywhere, and she is the one that seems not interested! This is a pain! I don't need to deal with this crap! Anyway. I just wanted to vent! Thanks for listening!

 

[princessdisneybelle]

Join the club. Alot of us have the same issue. Mine is now. After months of drama, causing more. All I have to say is don't let her ruin things. I have just moved on and realized that she isnt gonna be in on everything like I wish.

 

[deedeew80]

Ya know I really thought I was one of the lucky ones, having a MIL that I get along with. When her other son was getting married, she was always complaining about not being involved and not knowing anything that was going on with the wedding plans. So I said to myself that I would not do that to her, that I would tell her everything and keep her involved. Well now that that time has come, I have done all that, but she just doesn't seem to care. We will tell her something and she just says oh or something like that. For instance, when we were choosing a video package, we asked her opinon and she just read them over and shrugged her shoulders. Then when we did choose one & showed her, she just nodded her head. What's the deal?! She seems like one of those mothers that think NO ONE is good enough for her sons! Whatever lady!

 

[princessdisneybelle]

Yep that is definately the issue with my MIL. And what makes it worse is she doens't really care about him at all. She just doesnt want to be replaced? I have no idea. Hopefully things will get better.

 

[Nala2007]

Don't let ANYONE ruin your wedding. Trust me, on this! My wedding would have been so much smoother had I listened to that one piece of advice...
Don't even let things go in one ear and out the other...let it hit the ear and bounce off, crumbling into oblivion...

 

[Arvandor_Ilfirin]

Ick! How frustrating!

As hard as it is, just let it roll off your back...
This is your big day and as hard as it is to enjoy something while others might scoff at you, it's time to just be selfish and ignore them!
Her reasons might be a number of personal issues that you just can't see...Perhaps she's sad to 'lose' her child, or worries she'll be forgotten. She could also be just out for attention/sympathy from others by attempting to play the victim. Whatever it is, it's not your problem--it's hers.

Just think of it this way, no matter how much she may sulk, yell, or pout...
When your wedding rolls around, you're going to be the 'Belle' of the ball, ( Disney Pun! ) and it will be the time of your life!

 

[Laurafoster]

Been there!! My MIL even complained to my DH on the day of the wedding that she had not been asked about the cake and that she wouldnt have gone along with our flavours! By that point though i couldnt careless and said to her well if you didnt like the flavours why did you eat 3 pieces!

I know its hard but try and ignore it! Just remember it is your day and dont let anyone ruin it for you!

 

[JJClemson]

Believe me, I know how you feel I do not get along w/ my FMIL at all. At first, I was really concerned w/ pleasing her and keeping her involved in wedding planning. Yeah right, nothing pleases this woman so I just keep as far away from her as possible

This is your day, do not let anyone ruin it! Do not always try to please her and make her happy b/c you'll just drive yourself crazy. Good luck, we're here for you whenever you need to vent

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

Sometimes I think that MILs that complain about not being involved (when they actually are) are just jealous that there is another woman getting all the attention and need to stir up some trouble to put the focus back on them. Don't let her ruin your wedding day (and all the fun leading up to it!) and just know that there are a lot of brides going through the same thing!

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

I guess I should count my blessings since my MIL only speaks spanish & I dont

Anyway.....MOMS & MIL!!!!

Ya love em ya want to kick em!!

Guilt trips are there best tactic to make us nuts!!

I would just let her vent & act the way she wants & kill her with kindness.
Im sure someone will key her in on her behavior.

Its to bad cause shes the one that looks bad

Just keep your cool & dont let her get to you...its your day & make the most of it

I just want you to know we dont mind venting here....its good to get it off your chest..Good luck

 

[StephSFL]

I feel your pain and even after the wedding we are having huge issues. I agree that as kind as you are to her and as much as you keep her involved it will never be enough. I don't know what it is- jealousy, them thinkinbg your not good enough . . . please don't let it ruin your day!
Vent away! That is what we are here for and a lot of us have been in your shoes. Hopefully, she will "transform" back to normal after the wedding!

 

[deedeew80]

WOW! Thank you so much everyone. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one in this situation. What do you do about your fiance? I think my guy is just blind to what is going on! He is the type of person that hates conflict, so of course he is always trying to make it better or just flat out ignores it. I think he is kind of a mamas boy, which stinks! He is always trying to do something to please her. It really gets on my nerves. But do I say anything? No, I don't. When I do it causes an argument, and I really don't want his mother coming between us. What do all your guys do?

 

[princessdisneybelle]

WOW! Thank you so much everyone. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one in this situation. What do you do about your fiance? I think my guy is just blind to what is going on! He is the type of person that hates conflict, so of course he is always trying to make it better or just flat out ignores it. I think he is kind of a mamas boy, which stinks! He is always trying to do something to please her. It really gets on my nerves. But do I say anything? No, I don't. When I do it causes an argument, and I really don't want his mother coming between us. What do all your guys do?

I would say. As long as he sticks up for you with her. I wouldnt say anything. They realize what their mothers are doing. Mine is Puerto Rican and speaks only spanish around me. I have just learned to ignore it lately. I let DF deal with her.

 

[DisneyFairy19]

Do what you want, forget about anyone else.. Try not to stress about it and remember your wedding is just the two of you and thats important

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

Ok, this might be long:

I'm in the reverse situation, I am the one that doesn't like confrontation. Luckily my hubby is well aware of what is going on (we've had more problems with her since we got married, not too many before) and he will usually say something to her. Unfortunately he currently works for his parents and even though he is looking for a new career, he still needs to rely on them as a reference, so he hasn't mentioned some of the bigger problems we've had lately. It's really tough for him, but hopefully he will find something else soon and things will change.

Our most recent problem had to do with their store. She asked me if I would work inventory (which is on a Sunday in a big store, so it takes up the whole day) and I said very clearly "No one enjoys inventory, so if I'm going to give up a Sunday to help you out, I want to be paired with DH so that we can at least spend the day together". DH also told her before inventory day again that if we were not paired together I would not be working. Sure enough we show up at the store bright and early and she announces the inventory "teams" infront of everyone. Surprise, surprise, we were not paired together, however she paired us with people we spend time with outside of the store, so we couldn't say anything without hurting their feelings. DH told me that I should just leave, but I figured if I left than everyone else would have to stay longer to make up for me not being there. Normally DH would have pulled her into the backroom and said something, but he just can't afford to be on her badside right now. It was like she was trying to keep us apart!

Alright, that felt good to get off my chest!

Just know that you are not alone and that I now believe that most women have some level of problems with their MIL and those that don't are extremely lucky!

 

[calanniebu]

UGH! I'm fairly lucky that I have a fairly decent relationship with my MIL. I'm worried when kids do come along though that it could get intersting. My one piece of advice is to make sure you are a UNITED front against all things evil!

 

[heatherlynn444]

I ahve the opposite problem...my Dh's DAD is CrAzY (literally) it would take me a novel to write all about it, but he is SO overprotective of DH....DH is MARRIED and on his own and doesnt need YOU to call him EVERY NIGHT befrore you go to bed to make sure hes in for the night, remind him to take his vitamins, etc. oh and he always offers to tkae us out to eat b/c apparently I don't feed him "good food" AAAHHH! and he is older and stubborn and you just have to say "yes sir" or he will go nuts and disown you. whenever something happens and we tell him about it he says "you never tell me anything" and he is such a martyr, he complains about everything and wants pity form everyone. it is very annoying!!!

SO I unserstand how you feel! I just try my best to ignore him and pick my battles. some things just are not worth it. you have to deal with these people forever!!! good luck!

 

[deedeew80]

One of the best stories about MIL is when I asked her for a preliminary guest list. I know our wedding is far off, but when we were going around looking for a reception site I really wanted to get an estimated count of how many people would be attending. So I wrote a list for my side & then asked her for one from their side. She preceded to tell me that it was too soon to be doing that! Excuse me! This is MY wedding correct?! So then DF and I sat down & tried to come up with a list ourselves. We then gave it to her to look over & she added some people & deleted some people. Fine. It was done. I then asked her for the list back, surprise...surprrise...she LOST it! Now this was around January, and I have yet to get a list from her! She NEVER once asked me any questions about the wedding. She acted like she was so happy the day we got engaged. She cried and everything. Now it's like she could care less. So I don't even talk to her about anything anymore. I leave it up to DF and if he doesn't tell her anything, oh well, not my problem anymore!