MIL problem!!!!!! HELP!

[BuzzBelleMom]

After reading all of this, I am grateful that my mom and sister never got their acts together for us to take a family vacation to WDW ten years ago when it was first mentioned.

My brother who lives in FL met us on our last trip for half a day in Epcot and then later complained to my mom that we do too much in the parks and he was exhausted.

I feel for OP and the whole family, crossing my fingers that the trip goes well.

 

[kirstenb1]

OP, I would advise your brother to not push the issue now. Wait till they get there, see the parks and see how much they do. Then, when/if they don't get to see everything or do everything they really want to do in the parks, I think that would be the way to approach the MIL: "Daughter didn't get to meet Favorite Princess. She really wanted to do that. We'd like to take her back to Magic Kingdom to do that and spend some more time there since we only had the one day. Do you want to come or do you want to stay at the resort?"

I wouldn't set the vacation in a bad tone before even leaving. Let everyone get there and let the MIL see how big the parks are and how much there is to see and do. It will be much easier for her to "save face" and agree they need more days. Now, she's just going to dig in her heels with "My TA is always right and you're wrong."

Good luck to your brother and his family. Seems like they're going to need it.

Totally agree. So often it's easier to gradually ease into something, where everyone can see where things change/it makes sense, then to try to have a family meeting beforehand. Seriously, it's a free trip. Let Grandma see everyone having fun, rather than trying to change the trip before they've even arrived.

 

[Guyton dis lover]

upgrade,upgrade.upgrade

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I'd have a meeting with MIL to learn why she picked these tickets. Did her TA convince her that HS and AK were half-day parks? Does your family really enjoy water parks enough to go for two days, and do you like interactive games like Disney Quest? These are things that hold no interest for my family; we are good for a half-day at a water park about once every 5 years, and the whole DQ thing gives me hives- ENORMOUS waste of time and money, in my family's opinion. We just don't enjoy these things, and really aren't pool people. In 25 trips to WDW, I bet we have totally skipped going to any pool at all in about 15 of them. My sister doesn't get this, but we just don't like to hang out in/around a pool. Boring. Maybe MIL just didn't realize how people felt about these kinds of things. Before worrying about everything, I'd talk to MIL.

I think the "she's paying, she plans" mindset is interesting. Do you guys always accept what others decide, just because they are paying? If you go out to dinner with someone do you let them order for you because they paid? Do you always keep and use every gift you've ever received, or have you exchanged things for a different color, model, upgrade, or- gasp- RETURNED something because you didn't like it, didn't feel you'd use it, needed something that was more fitting of your lifestyle? Same thing here. Just because MIL is buying the trip doesn't mean you can't negotiate something more "user-friendly." Everyone needs to go into a family meeting with open minds and open hearts, and talk about what is going to happen on this vacation, then depending on the outcome, re-evaluate expectations.

OT, but if I received an invitation to dinner with someone else paying, I would order a cheaper meal than if I were paying. When someone gives me a gift, I keep it, period. Even if it sits in my closet forever, it was kind of them to gift it to me. I'm definitely not returning it or giving it away. If someone paid for my vacation to spend time with me, I would hang out with them not run off on my own. IMO, this is all common courtesy.

I would never accept a free trip though. We would politely decline by telling my inlaws we'd love to go with them, but we would pay our own way. That way I wouldn't feel like anyone should have total control. We would spend the bulk of our time with them just not share a room. If it were an annual event, that would be different. I can see why those who are constantly with extended family would split up. For a once-in-a-lifetime vacation, it wouldn't hurt anyone to hang out together the entire trip. All that said, when we take our DS & his GF on trips, we prefer they do their own thing & meet up with us for meals. That is the only thing we ask of them. I would feel differently, if I weren't the one footing the bill though. I'd go along with what the person paying wanted, which is basically what our DS & his GF do. We just happen to want our alone time.

FWIW, many young kids say the pool was their favorite part of any vacation. Grandma may be onto something.

OP, I agree with those who would stay out of it. Most people don't want vacation planning help as much as we'd like to help them out. If anyone decides to approach the MIL with suggestions, it should be her DD. Parents can be much more forgiving of their kids than their inlaws. If she gets upset with anyone, let it be her DD. If I was your SIL, I would make sure she thought it was all my idea & leave you & your brother out of the conversation. JMO

 

[jump00]

I'd have a meeting with MIL to learn why she picked these tickets. Did her TA convince her that HS and AK were half-day parks? Does your family really enjoy water parks enough to go for two days, and do you like interactive games like Disney Quest? These are things that hold no interest for my family; we are good for a half-day at a water park about once every 5 years, and the whole DQ thing gives me hives- ENORMOUS waste of time and money, in my family's opinion. We just don't enjoy these things, and really aren't pool people. In 25 trips to WDW, I bet we have totally skipped going to any pool at all in about 15 of them. My sister doesn't get this, but we just don't like to hang out in/around a pool. Boring. Maybe MIL just didn't realize how people felt about these kinds of things. Before worrying about everything, I'd talk to MIL.

I think the "she's paying, she plans" mindset is interesting. Do you guys always accept what others decide, just because they are paying? If you go out to dinner with someone do you let them order for you because they paid? Do you always keep and use every gift you've ever received, or have you exchanged things for a different color, model, upgrade, or- gasp- RETURNED something because you didn't like it, didn't feel you'd use it, needed something that was more fitting of your lifestyle? Same thing here. Just because MIL is buying the trip doesn't mean you can't negotiate something more "user-friendly." Everyone needs to go into a family meeting with open minds and open hearts, and talk about what is going to happen on this vacation, then depending on the outcome, re-evaluate expectations.

Well said !!!!!

 

[jump00]

OT, but if I received an invitation to dinner with someone else paying, I would order a cheaper meal than if I were paying. When someone gives me a gift, I keep it, period. Even if it sits in my closet forever, it was kind of them to gift it to me. I'm definitely not returning it or giving it away. If someone paid for my vacation to spend time with me, I would hang out with them not run off on my own. IMO, this is all common courtesy.

I would never accept a free trip though. We would politely decline by telling my inlaws we'd love to go with them, but we would pay our own way. That way I wouldn't feel like anyone should have total control. We would spend the bulk of our time with them just not share a room. If it were an annual event, that would be different. I can see why those who are constantly with extended family would split up. For a once-in-a-lifetime vacation, it wouldn't hurt anyone to hang out together the entire trip. All that said, when we take our DS & his GF on trips, we prefer they do their own thing & meet up with us for meals. That is the only thing we ask of them. I would feel differently, if I weren't the one footing the bill though. I'd go along with what the person paying wanted, which is basically what our DS & his GF do. We just happen to want our alone time.

FWIW, many young kids say the pool was their favorite part of any vacation. Grandma may be onto something.

OP, I agree with those who would stay out of it. Most people don't want vacation planning help as much as we'd like to help them out. If anyone decides to approach the MIL with suggestions, it should be her DD. Parents can be much more forgiving of their kids than their inlaws. If she gets upset with anyone, let it be her DD. If I was your SIL, I would make sure she thought it was all my idea & leave you & your brother out of the conversation. JMO

Thanks

 

[chartle]

Well said !!!!!

In all this mess did the MIL say yet why she is only going to the parks 3 days or have we not gotten to that part. Without knowing this all the above comments are pure speculation.

Maybe first thing out of BIL mouth is 'do you know that adding days is only $10 a day' and then MIL says 'REALLY I thought it was WAY more than that. Lets go to the parks for 6 days '.

She also could say I really want to spend time with my grandchildren hanging around the pool.

But without that knowledge, arguing what is or isn't proper when you receive a gift is pointless. And a trip to Disney is not a blender.

 

[TDC Nala]

If you go out to dinner with someone do you let them order for you because they paid?

No. But I also don't say "I don't like this restaurant, I'm going to the one next door on my own dime and then I'll come back for dessert."

They (the OP's brother, not the OP) need to talk to her and let her know they would like to do parks every day and they want to upgrade their tickets. Offering to upgrade hers too would be nice. Apparently they can't afford to go if she isn't paying for the transportation, resort and dining plan.

 

[WDSearcher]

In all this mess did the MIL say yet why she is only going to the parks 3 days or have we not gotten to that part. Without knowing this all the above comments are pure speculation.

Maybe first thing out of BIL mouth is 'do you know that adding days is only $10 a day' and then MIL says 'REALLY I thought it was WAY more than that. Lets go to the parks for 6 days '.

She also could say I really want to spend time with my grandchildren hanging around the pool.

But without that knowledge, arguing what is or isn't proper when you receive a gift is pointless.

Good point.

There are a couple of other questions that could provide more info:

• What was the impetus for her planning the trip? Was it, "I'd like to take the family to Florida, and while we're there, maybe go to Disney a couple of days" or was it, "I'd like to take the family to WDW"?
• BIL is saying (according to OP) that this might be their only trip to WDW. Is that because they can't afford it on their own? If so, then being upset that the trip doesn't include more park time seems ungrateful.
• Do the kids care? As someone upthread mentioned, for a lot of kids, having an entire day or two to play in the pool or spend in a Lego store are more important to them than an extra day or two standing in line for rides they're not all that invested in.

 

[TDC Nala]

What was the impetus for her planning the trip? Was it, "I'd like to take the family to Florida, and while we're there, maybe go to Disney a couple of days" or was it, "I'd like to take the family to WDW"?
BIL is saying (according to OP) that this might be their only trip to WDW. Is that because they can't afford it on their own? If so, then being upset that the trip doesn't include more park time seems ungrateful.
Do the kids care? As someone upthread mentioned, for a lot of kids, having an entire day or two to play in the pool or spend in a Lego store are more important to them than an extra day or two standing in line for rides they're not all that invested in.

This is what I understand from the previous posts.

They're booked at a Disney resort on a package with the dining plan, so it sounds like they intend to stick around Disney property. MIL was told by her travel agent friend that "all you need is a 3 day park hopper and more, you don't need more than that," so that is what she has bought. Technically they could spend a couple of days at the water parks but it sounds like the brother and family are only interested in the theme parks. MIL also enjoys relaxing at the pool. Brother has already offered to upgrade the tickets at his own expense and she said no. What he needs to find out is her reasons for saying no, maybe he can change her mind. If he can't their only option is to upgrade the passes anyway and go to the parks without her. Which will most likely lead to a sticky family situation.

There's only one child, 8 years old.

The argument regarding the meal plan, I think, is not relevant, because there are plenty of restaurants outside the parks where they can use the plan - you don't need park access for that.

 

[zadok]

I think the BL should just upgrade tickets if he wants to at the park. He can discover the opportunity that day and offer to upgrade mil as well. No matter what MIL's personality is, she's probably going to be feeling good about getting everybody on this trip, and an hour at the pool and dinner together may be enough together time for her on the off-days. Or spend a few hours downtown together then split up for the evening.

 

[HopperFan]

I've traveled to WDW with grands & other relatives & friends. Some trips have been good and some not. The one thing I have learned is that you always put it out on the table what you hope to do during the trip. This is complicated because MIL is paying the bill and wants it her way. But they can say what all they want to do ... and it could work that they can't get it done with 3 days so in order to fulfill the granddaughter's dreams the extra day(s) might be need to be added then.

Both sets of Grands in my family would always say "what do the kids want to do" and then they follow along or take their quiet time. The point is to spend time with the grands and see their happy smiling faces. Being that close to Disney, a bus ride away from a magical park and to tell the my kids they can't go is like handing them an ice cream cone and telling them to take a few bites then throw it away. This is the trip of a lifetime I can't blame them to want to do as much as possible. She would have done better with five day tickets, no hop so that each day they could enjoy a park then go back to the hotel and get in the pool time she wants.

One thing I wonder is if they are flying (looks to be Canada) are they renting a car to go with that DDP. If not, dinner reservations at other hotels will need considerable built in travel time on the buses since they won't have park tickets for four of their dining days. They might have dining on their property too but do they want to repeat. Yes there is DTD but I don't think I would want to be there four nights.

If they are going during extended hours then it's possible the three days can work, I'd just tell MIL we are opening the parks, taking a hotel break, hopping then closing a park. Mix in the water parks and probably by day 5 she will be wiped out. Then tell her that little "susie" would like to go back to the MK so we are going to add to our tickets. Invite her along. Then again they might be tired as well and welcome a do nothing day with her and all is fine. I would def make sure our "free" days are at the end of the week so it leaves their options open.

No matter what they will have a magical time!