MIL Drama

[luvestodizz]

MIL came over for dinner the other night and could have won an Academy Award. Everytime she comes over she complains about the temperature. The house is too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter.She keeps hers chilled in the summer and hot in the winter btw. That night it was 55 all day and we had the oven on,- the house was 68-69 degrees. After we ate she starts complaining that she's cold and we should put the heat on. DH turned on the electric fireplace and the living room was very warm. I hear her complaining so I go look and she's standing huddled by the electric fireplace with her coat on. I told her she is crazy that it is not cold. Oops DH was a little annoyed but I couldn't stand to hear it anymore. So was I wrong, should I turn my heat to 74 degrees when shes here and 65 in the summer? It bothering me because I've never said a word back to my MIL in 11 years and Im starting to feel bad...

 

[NotUrsula]

Are you sure that she doesn't have a health problem that causes her perception of temperature to be off? Among other things, thyroid disorders can cause that.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

ugh my DFIL is like this!! except it's the opposite!! in the summer if he comes over and we have the air on it's "too cold" and in the winter with the heat it's "too hot"(and even then it's only set to 68).

just tell her the thermostat is broken or something. she's not the one who has to pay the bills.

i'm genereally a cold person, i am ALWAYS cold but we keep the temp at 68 and i just wear sweatshirts and blankets.

 

[Sleepy]

Many people, when they get older, are more sensitive to temperatures. I remember my grandfather used to wear a sweater and sit by a lit fireplace during the summer months in South Carolina. Probably the result of health problems, but we would have never told him that he is crazy for feeling the way he did.

Some people are more sensitive to temps no matter the age. My son is a teenager and thinks 65 degrees is freezing. He complains and wraps in a blanket, but we don't call him crazy. He is just cold. My husband thinks anything more than 65 degrees is too hot. At night he has to have it really cold for him to sleep well. So, in the summer, the house is frosty and in the winter it is frosty. Me? I like it to be between 65 and 70.

Personally, if someone visited my home, I would adjust the temp based on their needs, especially if they were elderly and it is winter.

 

[AnnaS]

Just another thought - is she taking any medications? There are some medications (I think blood thinners, plavix, coumadin) that makes them cold too.

I remember my husband's grandmother would be freezing and wrapped in a blanket and everyone around her was dying from the heat (especially around the holidays when the oven is on, cooking is going on and the house is full of guests). If we knew she would be at my in-laws during the winter, short sleeves it was for us.

 

[hucifer]

If my guests were cold/hot, I would adjust the temperature to accommodate them, and after they left I would put it back to a temp that's comfortable for us. Personally, I would be cold if the house was set at 68 in winter.

 

[NancyK]

Have to agree with previous posters. It's not unusual for older people to feel the cold more as they age. I would also adjust the temperature to make her comfortable and then turn it back after she left.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

It's not really MIL drama. It is DIL drama. Your guest was cold. I would have sucked it up and raised the heat. Why would you make someone uncomfortable in your home? You can't tell someone not to be cold or not. Everyone adjusts to the weather differently. If I was your DH I would be annoyed too.

 

[eeyore kelly]

I have a MIL that makes me want to pull out my hair (or better yet, hers).

Maybe because of my personal experience, I am inclined to believe that the MIL is doing it for attention, to make the DIL uncomfortable, or to see if her baby boy still loves her the most.

Even if I am off base, I don't think we should scorch the OP with harsh remarks. I think sometimes people just look for a way to flame OPs. I don't mean you have to agree with the OP. Disagree repectfully, while realizing on the other side of these words is a breathing person with feelings.

OP, sorry your MIL makes you uncomfortable in your own home. I wish I had sage advice for you. However, after 18 years of marriage, mine still tries to play games.

 

[aprilgail2]

Personally, if someone visited my home, I would adjust the temp based on their needs, especially if they were elderly and it is winter.

It's not really MIL drama. It is DIL drama. Your guest was cold. I would have sucked it up and raised the heat. Why would you make someone uncomfortable in your home? You can't tell someone not to be cold or not. Everyone adjusts to the weather differently. If I was your DH I would be annoyed too.

OP I wonder if it was YOUR parent rather than your husbands if you would be feeling differently!! If Iwas your husband I would be very annoyed with you!

 

[Nancyg56]

In my home I accommodate my guests. I can tell you that as I have gotten older I am having trouble controlling my own temperature so there is no way I would tell someone else that what they are feeling is crazy. If you chose not to adjust the temperature for your MIL you might have at least censored your comments. Telling your husbands mother that she is crazy is not only insensitive it was rude and your husband was right to be annoyed. If my DDIL said that to me it would be a heck of a long time before I stepped foot back into her home. Thank goodness she is thoughtful.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Older people cannot regulate their body temp. like younger people. It is one of the things that happens when you age.

 

[RUDisney]

I have a MIL that makes me want to pull out my hair (or better yet, hers).

Maybe because of my personal experience, I am inclined to believe that the MIL is doing it for attention, to make the DIL uncomfortable, or to see if her baby boy still loves her the most.
Even if I am off base, I don't think we should scorch the OP with harsh remarks. I think sometimes people just look for a way to flame OPs. I don't mean you have to agree with the OP. Disagree repectfully, while realizing on the other side of these words is a breathing person with feelings.

OP, sorry your MIL makes you uncomfortable in your own home. I wish I had sage advice for you. However, after 18 years of marriage, mine still tries to play games.

What I highlighted sums it up best. My MIL pulled all sorts of drama whether at her house or at mine. Finally, after I was married for 10 years, my mother called her and told her to cut it out. My MIL called me that day and apologized for the last 10 years of crap she'd dished out to me. We've been friends for 5 years now because of this and I spent most of my summer with her as she was recovering from brain surgery.

Whether it's too hot or too cold; or you have animals and she doesn't like animals; or you go on vacations of which she doesn't approve; or you wear your hair differently than she'd choose for you; or you don't iron her DS's shirts the right way... it will always be something with some MILs.

The fact that your DH got annoyed with you is of concern. He could have accommodated his mother without involving you... or he could have spoken up and told his mother that everyone else was sweating because the heat was turned up. He chose his side... it was hers. My DH would have chosen his mother's side over mine, too. That's why our drama lasted until my Mom called her out on it.

My MIL screwed all of her kids in huge ways that I cannot fix. What I do know is that she won't always be here and then it'll be up to me to fix my DH. Even my SILs are afraid of losing our MIL because of how her kids will react. It won't be in a natural way. There will be wailing at the casket, my one BIL will become violent and my DH will crawl into a self-inflicted hole until he's ready to surface again.

There is hope, OP, as my MIL has gotten older, she doesn't come to our house anymore. She only goes to her DD's houses. Why? Who knows? She's welcome here but doesn't want to come. Probably because of our animals.

 

[Christine]

I want to chime in on the temperature regulation thing.

The whole time my mother was going through menopause (well perimenopause), she was constantly FREEZING. She was iron deficient due to her erratic cycles and so, always walking around with a sweater, always cold. She wasn't trying to be a drama queen at all, but, yeah, I thought it was strange.

Fast forward a few years. I'm almost 46. I am finding that I am having a terrible time with temperatures. If it gets cold in my house, I am absolutely FREEZING (no one else is) but if the heat goes a tad too high, I break out in a sweat and get all flushed. It's very easy for me to go from being too hot and "flashing" to shivering. I definitely never had these problems until the last year or two.

So have some pity on the poor woman. It's miserable when you go in either direction--too hot or too cold.

 

[golfgal]

It's not really MIL drama. It is DIL drama. Your guest was cold. I would have sucked it up and raised the heat. Why would you make someone uncomfortable in your home? You can't tell someone not to be cold or not. Everyone adjusts to the weather differently. If I was your DH I would be annoyed too.

So, they are supposed to crank up the heat to accommodate the MIL while everyone else sweats to death?? Sorry, I don't agree with your statement at all and if the MIL does this all the time then perhaps it really IS the MIL's problem. If she is so cold, and knows she will be cold at her son's house, why doesn't she bring a sweater???

My cousin's house is always freezing, everyone knows that so they just bring a blanket along when they visit. Big deal.

OP, give her a blanket next time she whines.

 

[rie'smom]

So, they are supposed to crank up the heat to accommodate the MIL while everyone else sweats to death?? Sorry, I don't agree with your statement at all and if the MIL does this all the time then perhaps it really IS the MIL's problem. If she is so cold, and knows she will be cold at her son's house, why doesn't she bring a sweater???

My cousin's house is always freezing, everyone knows that so they just bring a blanket along when they visit. Big deal.

OP, give her a blanket next time she whines.

Her MIL was wearing a coat.
When my mom comes to visit, she is always cold, so I raise the temp. I'd do the same for my MIL or any other guest. If they were warm, I'd lower the temp. It's common courtesy to think of others, especially older people who are more sensitive to temperature changes.
BTW, I'd be annoyed if my husband was rude to my mother. Would you get upset if your husband was rude to your mother?

 

[golfgal]

Her MIL was wearing a coat.
When my mom comes to visit, she is always cold, so I raise the temp. I'd do the same for my MIL or any other guest. If they were warm, I'd lower the temp. It's common courtesy to think of others, especially older people who are more sensitive to temperature changes.
BTW, I'd be annoyed if my husband was rude to my mother. Would you get upset if your husband was rude to your mother?

No matter what this DIL does the MIL is going to complain.

Wouldn't your DH be mad at his mom if she were rude to YOU, which is exactly what this MIL is doing to the DIL. My DH has been "rude" to my mom on plenty of occasions but he was sticking up for ME every time.

Yes, it is common courtesy to think of others which is why they turned on the fireplace. The mom was being overly dramatic sitting next to the fire with a coat on.

 

[eeyore kelly]

No matter what this DIL does the MIL is going to complain.

Wouldn't your DH be mad at his mom if she were rude to YOU, which is exactly what this MIL is doing to the DIL. My DH has been "rude" to my mom on plenty of occasions but he was sticking up for ME every time.

Yes, it is common courtesy to think of others which is why they turned on the fireplace. The mom was being overly dramatic sitting next to the fire with a coat on.

I totally agree. I think the OP nailed it on the head when she called it a performance.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If that were my MIL I would file this in the annoying category and as morbid as it sounds, I imagine looking back and thinking about my actions with my dh's mother.

If my MIL wanted the heat turned up, I would have accommodated. Then again we are always changing the temp in the house to accommodate ourselves. I wouldn't think twice about a respecting a guest in my home.

Also to the OP, if you engage people in their drama you become a part of it. Maybe because I am 44 but I have no desire to take part in drama.

ETA...When my grandpa was living with us he was always freezing. To the point of long john's in 100 degree summers. Turns out he was dying from cancer.

It reminds me that people can have a valid medical reason why they are cold. It helps that I wear a coat or jacket at my sister's because she has the house cold. She is in menopause and has some health problems herself.

 

[VillageMama]

Wouldn't your DH be mad at his mom if she were rude to YOU, which is exactly what this MIL is doing to the DIL.

Amen! I'm willing to be sympathetic to the MIL for feeling cold due to possible age/thyroid/medication factors.

But the fact remains that she was saying it was cold in the house when it wasn't. She was cold but no one else was. Thus I can't overly blame the OP for telling her MIL that she was "crazy" to think that the house was cold. She was right... the house wasn't cold.

It is incumbent upon the MIL to acknowledge that she is the one out of step with temperatures. I'm sure if she had said kindly, "I'm sorry... I'm feeling extra cold today and I just can't seem to warm up. Would it be possible to turn the thermostat up?"... the OP would have been happy to comply.