MIL and DH angry with me today....

[frannn]

because I came back a few minutes late from shopping, giving them 10 minutes to get to a vet appt for his brothers dog (he had to work OT). I feel really bad, and I know I'm going to hear it from DH. The thing that kills me is I work from home (F/T)and have 3 kids, one who will have a birthday next month & I needed presents for. I hardly ever get "me" time, so I try to take a few hours each Sat. DH had a fire call this AM, so I didn't get out till 11:30. I got back at 2:10. I was supposed to back by 2. I can't go out tommorrow because DH's sister is having a burthday party for her DS19, which we will have to go to. So, the only way I get time (and I don't mean to take a long bath, watch tv, read a book) to shop for things we need (and want) is if I take it. I feel bad and selfish, and I'm going to get the guilt from DH (MIL just walked out, didn't even look at me). It's always something though, that I am made to run home for, every Sat, (and never leave the house during the week, except for a 10 minute walk with DD1 if its nice weather). Between DH's demands with his family, his volunteer firefighting, his job, my 2 kids and our 1 together, I feel like "I" don't exist, and how dare I expect to go shopping? Should I just stop whining?

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

Why did your DH and your MIL both have to wait until you got home for her to take her dog to the vet? That doesn't make sense. If your husband is mad, just tell him it's too bad, you had something to do, and let that be the end of it. He's your husband, not your Father, don't let him forget that.

 

[frannn]

so I needed to be home to watch her so they could bring BIL's dog to the vet. Not a big deal once in a while, but BIL works a lot of OT, so DH has to go walk BIL's dog usually once a weekend. Then there's the parties, crisises, and other stuff. Maybe it just feels like a lot. Maybe I just feel that way because my family was never like that.

 

[CajunDixie]

Why did they have to wait for you to get home? One car? Or they didnt want to take any kids with them? Seems like if the dog isn't yours I'd tell him to quit being a mommas boy and put you first. He's your partner not your master.

It's always something though, that I am made to run home for, every Sat,

You need to stand up for yourself.....you're his partner not his slave.

 

[DSNY FN]

I know from experiance that if I get mad at DW she just lets it go and in an hour or so it is done and forgotten same goes with her usually not always. But for something like this let it be and I am sure he will be fin in a couple hours don't worry to much about it.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

I still don't understand why DH and MIL had to take the dog to the vet together?

 

[frannn]

The dog is a puppy who won't walk up their apartment stairs, and he is 30 lbs. She is in her 60's, and has trouble handling him. Plus, she is extremely dependant on her sons (lives with BIL and DH helps whenever necessary). Her daughter helps at times, but lives about 45 minutes away (we live a few blocks). I knew somewhat how this was going to be in the beginning, I should not be complaining, I should be used to it.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

Originally posted by frannn
The dog is a puppy who won't walk up their apartment stairs, and he is 30 lbs. She is in her 60's, and has trouble handling him. Plus, she is extremely dependant on her sons (lives with BIL and DH helps whenever necessary). Her daughter helps at times, but lives about 45 minutes away (we live a few blocks). I knew somewhat how this was going to be in the beginning, I should not be complaining, I should be used to it.

Used to it or not, you are allowed to have a life. And if your husband is that upset with you for being 10 minutes late, you have bigger issues.

 

[frannn]

but they had to go pick up the dog first a few blocks away. Just giving all the facts. I just hate having to drop everything each time their is something happening there, which I already have to do with DH volunteer fire fighting. If this was a one time thing, I'd say, yeah, I'm being selfish. If something was wrong with me or my car, etc, they'd come and pick me up, etc, in a second. That's wonderful, I just don't think they know how I constantly have to step aside at home. Hard to describe. Do all families go thru this?

 

[faithinkarma]

This is crazy. Did you intentionally show up late? I seriously doubt it.

What kind of person would make someone feel guilty over something so petty? And, no offence, but your husband should not be allowing anyone to treat you like this, much less making you feel like you "are going to hear it from him".

I wish you the best of luck. And from one who has been there...sooner or later you have to be yourself, and the longer you bury it, the harder it is to reclaim.

 

[CamColt]

Originally posted by faithinkarma

What kind of person would make someone feel guilty over something so petty? And, no offence, but your husband should not be allowing anyone to treat you like this, much less making you feel like you "are going to hear it from him".

Ditto!
You have nothing to feel bad about. You having "me time", or I wouldnt even call that me time..you having necessary time to run errands is more important than a dog thats not even yours/DH's. Let BIL take care of his own dog. If he cant he shouldnt have one. It shouldnt be a cause friction in your marriage.

 

[BHFan25]

I think a lot of people can relate--at least to the "sandwiched" feeling you have. You have kids and you have your MIL (who is demanding and dependent). Both need you. You are trying to please DH but are "losing" yourself. You do need time for yourself, you know. Time for a heart to heart talk. You sound like they know they can walk all over you and make you feel guilty. Don't be guilty. You were 10 minutes late. So what? They could have taken the dd with them, could they not? Who keeps the kids when he run off to fight a fire? You! (I'm guessing )

Look, I work from home also. I only have one child. I'm married to a fireman also. I know what that life is all about. You NEED time for yourself. If a few hours alone on a Saturday help you cope with the RL, then you stand your ground for that need. It is crazy but there are weeks when just getting out of my house and shopping at Walmart or Target feels good. Like someone else said, he is your DH not your father. Keep that thought. If he thinks he can lay the guilt on you, he will. Tell him you are sorry you were 10 minutes late and let it go. I'm sure you weren't trying to be late. It then becomes HIS problem, not yours. His mom is teaming up with him (& him w/her) to make you feel bad. "Not speaking to you" is her way of saying that "see, MY son is still MY son and you are just the wife, so there." He probably can't cut the strings. Don't play their games. Those games are NO FUN.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

If I were you, I would skip the 19 YO's bday party tomorrow and take the day to go shopping! DH can take the kids and go party.

Life's too short.... and personally I think mandatory attendance bday parties are ridiculous.

Just MO.

 

[buzzlady]

Your not being selfish at all. Why couldn't MIL stay with DD and your DH take the dog by himself? You shouldn't EVER have to get used to it. You deserve time out too.

 

[iamsorcerermickey]

You did nothing wrong and should not feel guilty---- AT ALL.

Everyone including DD1 could/should have gone to pick the dog up ahead of time, if they were worried about being late to the vet appointment, what would it have taken 5 minutes (you said BIL is only a few blocks away) or MIL could have stayed with DD1 while while your DH picked up the dog.

Better yet---your BIL should have cancelled the appointment and taken HIS dog on HIS time, besides if he works that much OT he shouldn't have a dog.

Whose backing you up when you have things to do??? Watching DD while you are doing other "chores", shopping for things you need (and want) does NOT COUNT.

YOU NEED some "ME" time and by the sound of it QUICKLY.
You are sounding WAY TO OVERWHELMED.

You might want to tell DH that the next time he "volunteers" to help his Brother or Mom, that he will have to make the arrangements without taking away from your time.

You're a person too and deserve the same respect as anyone else--even more because your are his wife.

Your husband gets his free time. You deserve yours.

 

[Serena]

Frann, your husband and mil need to get over themselves. You are not a child and you don't have to let them give you any guilt trips.
It's ridiculous.

 

[Microcell]

I am married to a mommas boy and it does get grating! MIL lives closer now and gets more and more aggrivating. When her husband goes she will just about be living with us. She gets lonley and wants to see the kids more but DD does not get out of school until 4pm and dh has to work alot on the weekends. His good outweighs his bad so I deal with it, but I tell him to take the kids to whiny mom and I take time to myself. You may just need to plan time to yourself.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I just wanted to say that if my husband was "mad" about being 10 mins late I would tell both of to *BEEP*. Then I would continue with a serious tongue lashing to both, maybe squealed the tires, and left.

Your dh is lucky!

 

[Kimickey]

10 minutes is not a big deal. Anything could have happened that held you up for 10 minutes. Your DH can be mad, but he will get over it. It's not a big issue in life, there are other things to worry about. DMIL well who cares if she is mad, you don't live with her so she can take her anger home and stew there.

You are a grown woman and mother. I think you should not beat yourself over something so minor as this. There are worst things in the world other than being 10 minutes late.

I hope things work out for you.

 

[Planogirl]

Just tell them to get over it. They're being petty IMO. And take the time you need to do things for yourself. They can work around YOUR needs too.