Middle Schoolers Dating???

[DisTeach1]

I just found out that my 13 year old son asked a girl to go out on a double date to the movies with him and another boy/girl combo. He did this without asking us, and I haven't heard what the outcome is. I don't know how I feel about this-aside from the fact that I don't want my baby to grow up. But, I guess it would be a small group of kids going to the movie, obviously with an adult driving. Isn't it a little young? Do I say no? Is it harmless, it would be during the day. I'm a little peeved that he didn't ask us first, anyway.

Then I have to deal with the fact that my son doesn't need me anymore, but that's another thread.

 

[dfarner]

IMO it is not too young for an outing like this. However, I would read him the riot act about making plans w/out clearing it with you first

 

[Mickey'sfriend]

I can empathize with you!! My oldest dd is in middle school (I an staying in denial that she is actually that old!!) The rule in our house - only "dates" in groups until high school. This event your son wants to go on qualifies in my book as a group. Of course, maybe he needs to hear that he needs to clear any plans with you before making any plans - that includes with girls or boys. And make sure he has heard "the talk". Don't think that your kid is too young! The average middle schooler has tried sooooo many more things than we think!!

 

[Lady V]

well, I think 13 is too young personally. Why rush things? and yes, I know that kids will find ways to do things they want but why start dating so young? jmho

 

[mcco5543]

not a mom here, 27 years old and becoming a teacher.


I think only you know if your child is too young or not. I do not think that a double date qualifies as a group. And it's very young to be there without an adult during the movie.

The fact that he made plans without clearing it with you first, may or may not be an indicator as to whether or not he's mature/responsible enough to go on a double date. I have a feeling from your post that perhaps he should have known better but didn't actually act on that knowledge. ....Just my two cents.

Truly it's up to you.

And as far as your child not needing you anymore....your child will ALWAYS need you, they will just need you differently at different times in their lives. I promise!

 

[badblackpug]

I am "mean" and "too old fashioned" and "not fayerrrr" but the rule in my house is 16.

 

[SnowWhite12]

Definitely not too young. I started meeting boys at the movies for "dates" in 7th grade. Of course, I was the kind of kid my parents could definitely trust. So only you know how your child is. But I agree that I would read the riot act (and maybe not even let him go this time b/c of it) for planning this without your permission.

 

[beattyfamily]

I am "mean" and "too old fashioned" and "not fayerrrr" but the rule in my house is 16.

Me too!

 

[mlraabe]

For DS's birthday he wanted to invite his best friend and then the 2 girls they supposedly were "seeing" to a baseball game. Now, keep in mind that both girls have grown up with the 2 boys and they are really just a good group of friends. They all hangout together alot but this did seem like "date" even though Dh and I would be going. I was not sure what to do -so I asked the other moms what they thought (one is my best friend and the other is my principal at school). They were both fine with it so we went ahead and did it. I'm not sure if I would let them do something like that alone, though. It was fun to watch how their interactions have changed now that they are middleschoolers and not "little kids" anymore! We have always said that we are glad he has a good set of boy and girl friends that like to hang out together. Hopefully, that will make the high school years easier.

I don't think he would ever make any plans without checking with us first, though. These decisions don't get any easier, do they?

 

[DisTeach1]

Well, right now I'm in a wait and see mode. My husband told me this last night, and I'm not sure how he found out, so I'll wait and see how my son approaches it. I thought about just off the sleeve mentioning that he wasn't allowed to date until he was in high school. These kids are all on the swim team together, so always hangout at meets, etc.

 

[jodifla]

In middle school, all our "dates" were at the skating rink. Everyone would just meet up there....loved those couple skates where they'd turn downt he lights!

 

[MSSANDRA]

I would be a little more concerned about keeping the lines of communication open.

I am on the fence on the dating thing. My DS is 14, 8th grade and we really have not gone there yet. They have lots of school fuctions where I am starting to see some of the interation but for the most part, the boys and girls at his school are not to the dating thing yet. Ds is really mature and I could see me letting him, his best friend and two girls MAYBE go to the movies or a ball game together. Of course I still want to know the details, who will take them, will parents stay at the mall, etc.

I really think that I would say no this time, if for no other reason than he seems to have tried to go behind your back. That to me is not a good thing to let get started at 13.

Good luck,, parenting does not get easier, it just get different.

 

[Carrie772]

I like the idea of a ballgame for a 13 yo date. They won't be sitting in the dark for an extended period of time!

 

[blanq]

Oh, I soooo sympathize. My DS is a 13 yo 8th grader, soon to be 14. So far, he has not expressed any interest in dating. He kind of gets a kick out of the kids in his class that say they are "going together". He's like "what the heck, mom, are they bicycling to the movies or what?" He flat out thinks that 8th grade is too young too date, but his neighborhood friends do include girls and I think that is good. We have spent quite a bit of time talking about what we believe the purpose of dating is in our household, and that the most important dating issues relate to the maturity and character of our son, not his age. I can tell you without a doubt, my DS is not mature enough to date.

In case any of you are interested, I can recommend a really great book: "So You're About to be a Teenager?" by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. This book is really ideal for pre-teens and has great advice on friends, love, sex, peer pressure, faith and other life issues. We first read this book together as a family when my DS was 11, and it is a book that he keeps going back to as he gets older, rereading passages. It is written from a Christian perspective, so is just great if it is important to you to adress these issues from that perspective.

 

[isla bonita]

I am "mean" and "too old fashioned" and "not fayerrrr" but the rule in my house is 16.

Me three.

 

[HarbinsMom]

My 14 1/2 year old son doesn't get the *going out* thing either. He keeps saying *What's the point? I can't drive yet, so where would I go*. There is an 8th grade social tonight as a matter of fact at the school and most of the kids are going in groups, or meeting up with their friends at the dance. No dating and they probably won't even dance with girls, but at least he's going. I can't wait to hear how it all goes.

 

[cinder1]

Although it would just about kill me, I think I'd let my 13 yr old go. My oldest is 12 and I would probably let her go now IF I knew the boys and the other girl and they were good kids. With that said, I think I'd say I was driving and that I'd be seeing the same movie or one in the same theatre. When I was that age (I'm 40 now), we went to the movies, skating, the mall without parents with boys. I'd insist that your son not make plans without asking, then I'd check with the other parents. They may feel weird too. Maybe you could suggest some changes to the outing that would be acceptable to everyone. Suggestions that come to mind...mini-golf, ice or roller skating, bowling. If the kids are ready for such a thing, I think flat out saying no will get you more trouble in the long run. But just like you did when your son was 2, distract him and change the game to one you like better, if you get my meaning.

 

[mommiepoppins]

I am "mean" and "too old fashioned" and "not fayerrrr" but the rule in my house is 16.

I am with you! I was a bad middle school kid. I just want to prevent. Why do they need to go on dates that young?

 

[winniethepoohsmom]

My DS is in 8th grade 13yo soon to be 14yo. So many of the 8th graders are dating and many are short term. This year the ice rink has been a big place they like to hang out at, it's a big social thing, we allowed him to do that and only once a month at the most, we used to bring him and hang around for a while or pick up and come early. Tonight ds is at a dance with chaperones and they aren't allowed to leave until the parents sign them out. I know the movies will be the next thing he asked me 2 weeks ago but before I had time to think it through the plans fell through. In the fall we were at DS's football game and took our other DS to the playground at half time all but to find a young couple heavily making out DH & I looked at each other and said are you kidding me. It was night time but they did'nt even come up for air and we walked past them a couple of times. I don't want that to be DS13, I'm so not ready for high school next year. Buckle up it looks like we're in for a bumpy ride.

 

[Pumbaa_]

The 13 yo has never been told a dating age, correct? So how could he know this was not allowed?

If the girl says yes, I would let him go but also set expectations for the future. By telling him no will really make him look like an idiot in front of the girl he likes as well as his friend. That sure won't open the lines of communication!!

It is far better to have open lines of communication going forward than to make a point that will cause acute embarrassment.

13 is a natural age to be interested in the opposite sex. Some are ready early, some later, but the most important thing is to help your kids learn how to interact with the opposite sex in a healthy way.