Middle school help needed: emotional immaturity issues

[MedCruise07]

For those of you with Asperger's kids--how do you help your child cope with emotional issues? For example, how do you help your child learn to respond appropriately to teasing or other negative behaviors by other kids?

After two years in a class with the same kids and a supportive teacher, we are now faced with the whole changing classes routine. And any kind of non-positive interaction can make my 12 yo teary--and already a fairly minor teasing incident had him in full-blown meltdown mode.

He can recognize that his reations are extreme after he has calmed down, but he cannot seem to recognize that at the time. Any good techniques anyone can recommend? Or books targeted for the child?

 

[Earstou]

I've heard that some of the adhd meds can cause or increase teariness. My asd child is also adhd, so this explained some of our problems to me.
Have you talked to the school counselor? This was one of our biggest assets in middle school. She/he might have suggestions, or can monitor the place where the problems are occuring.
Getting to know the counselor was also good for us because my son was later accused of starting a fight. The counselor, because he had worked with my ds already, knew my son wouldn't start a fight, and that the situation was probably manipulated by other kids.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

We're also facing these types of issues since our 12 year old son with Asperger's just started middle school. A few days ago, I was standing outside of the boy's locker room waiting for him to change out of his PE clothes after school. A bunch of other boys were changing for cross country practice. I could hear one boy calling my son's name over and over like he was trying to taunt him. My son finally yelled, "Leave me alone!" The other boy laughed and yelled something back. As the kid came out of the locker room, I gave him a good, cold stare but didn't say anything. The look on his face said, "Uh-oh."

We can't always be there when our kids get teased. Last year, his 5th grade teacher was a big help. My son knew to tell the teacher anytime a kid of any grade teased him (our school is a K-8). The teacher would have a talk with the kid and the teasing would stop. It's good to find a teacher or other staff person (or a few) that your son feels safe going to when he's being teased. There was also an aide from another classroom that my son liked to talk to at recess (they both like Nascar). If she saw him in a bad situation, she would step in and help.

I've been discussing emotional issues with my son's psychologist lately. Now that my son is in middle school, it's become apparent that his emotional age is several years younger than 12. His reactions to disappointment and frustration are more extreme than other kid's his age. Unfortunately, bullies pick up on this.

 

[MedCruise07]

Now that my son is in middle school, it's become apparent that his emotional age is several years younger than 12. His reactions to disappointment and frustration are more extreme than other kid's his age. Unfortunately, bullies pick up on this.

Yep, this is the problem exactly! I am torn about a good solution, though. On one hand I see the desirability of enlisting counselors and teachers to try to step in and control the teasing -- but to be honest my greatest wish would be for Will to learn to not respond to it, at least the very minor incidents (which thank heavens is all we have had, objectively speaking). Unfortunately he can be quite rigid about rules and has no problem seeking out adults, to whom he relates every transgression that he has observed. This isn't helpful for his getting along with the kids in general. So I hesitate to encourage him to seek out a teacher or counselor any time he feels slighted because he does have such a hard time distinguishing a real problem from something that he should just let go, or that isn't even a problem at all.

 

[mdsouth]

Yep, this is the problem exactly! I am torn about a good solution, though. On one hand I see the desirability of enlisting counselors and teachers to try to step in and control the teasing -- but to be honest my greatest wish would be for Will to learn to not respond to it, at least the very minor incidents (which thank heavens is all we have had, objectively speaking). Unfortunately he can be quite rigid about rules and has no problem seeking out adults, to whom he relates every transgression that he has observed. This isn't helpful for his getting along with the kids in general. So I hesitate to encourage him to seek out a teacher or counselor any time he feels slighted because he does have such a hard time distinguishing a real problem from something that he should just let go, or that isn't even a problem at all.

I agree with you wholeheartedly.
My son also is very rigid with rules and informs those that are not following the rules. He also seeks out adults to address the matter. We, too, are trying to get him to seek out the adults less, and to try to ignore some small infractions. We don't want him to alienate himself any further from the other kids, especially for very small minor infractions of rules that do not harm (physically or mentally) anyone. This is part of the socialization skills that he lacks.

Any suggestions?

 

[cymomtx]

PE in junior high was awful for my ASD son. Now I would ARD/IEP him out if I had a 2nd chance. In high school they have given him a different opportunity where he has been a Coach's assistant to a Life Skill's class and not had to dress out and gotten full PE credit.

My son and daughter both received special ed counseling and that person works with coping skills for these types of situations. She writes social stories for them. I also can email her when I have issues at home that I need her to work on with them.

 

[cymomtx]

I agree with you wholeheartedly.
My son also is very rigid with rules and informs those that are not following the rules. He also seeks out adults to address the matter. We, too, are trying to get him to seek out the adults less, and to try to ignore some small infractions. We don't want him to alienate himself any further from the other kids, especially for very small minor infractions of rules that do not harm (physically or mentally) anyone. This is part of the socialization skills that he lacks.

Any suggestions?

This is so my Matthew, and in middle school, got him in so much trouble and still does in high school. He has deceided he want to go into law inforcement and be like NCIS.

 

[arubalisa]

Any suggestions?

We too face the same with our 11 yo dd. Reinforcement, reinforcement, reinforcement of social skills...stories, role play, plain old discussion...find out what works best for your child. We talk about how to handle situations regarding what is acceptable and things which are not and when and how to respond. I would say 80% of our dinner conversations revolve arund the school day and socialization and plain old interaction with the other kids. Heck we have been working for 3 years on the difference between friends and acquaintances. Not about to give up now.

 

[pcparamedics01]

We're also facing these types of issues since our 12 year old son with Asperger's just started middle school. A few days ago, I was standing outside of the boy's locker room waiting for him to change out of his PE clothes after school. A bunch of other boys were changing for cross country practice. I could hear one boy calling my son's name over and over like he was trying to taunt him. My son finally yelled, "Leave me alone!" The other boy laughed and yelled something back. As the kid came out of the locker room, I gave him a good, cold stare but didn't say anything. The look on his face said, "Uh-oh."

We can't always be there when our kids get teased. Last year, his 5th grade teacher was a big help. My son knew to tell the teacher anytime a kid of any grade teased him (our school is a K-8). The teacher would have a talk with the kid and the teasing would stop. It's good to find a teacher or other staff person (or a few) that your son feels safe going to when he's being teased. There was also an aide from another classroom that my son liked to talk to at recess (they both like Nascar). If she saw him in a bad situation, she would step in and help.

I've been discussing emotional issues with my son's psychologist lately. Now that my son is in middle school, it's become apparent that his emotional age is several years younger than 12. His reactions to disappointment and frustration are more extreme than other kid's his age. Unfortunately, bullies pick up on this. [/QUOTE

Middle school is my biggest fear! Hang in there. Unfortunately I have no experience here. My son is in 4th grade the kids are great and he has a one on one assistant to ensure no one will bother him. I actually considered hiring I big guy, body guard to follow him around all day when he enters high school.
That is if we can afford it!

 

[whgrn]

Does your school have any programs that could help him assimilate? My DS(12) is in middle school now, and they have a social skills group that meets before school every Wednesday, where they learn how to deal with everyday situations. There is also a Peer Buddies group for special ed kids and "regular" kids, where they interact and the special ed kids get to try out their social skills.