Middle school basketball help - vent - frustration

[Trish Bessette]

I don't know exactly what I'm looking for other than to hear what all of you have to say about this situation.

My DD is in the 8th grade this year. VERY small school and basketball is her passion. The team is a 7th & 8th grade team with only 11 players. DD is very good at the game. I don't know where she got it - certainly not from me She is very driven and competitive. She watches her favorite team on TV (Celtics) and really pays attention to everything. She has been on the school team since fifth grade when the team begins. Loves her basketball player t-shirts that she wears ALL the time

This year's team - practice started a few weeks ago. Before Thanksgiving break the team voted for 2 captains. One stipulation was they have to be 8th graders only (not 7th graders). There are only 5 eight grade students.

Well, 3 of the girls on the team approached my DD earlier this week and "confessed" that one of the other girls on the team, an 8th grader, went around to everyone before the vote and told them all not to vote for my DD

Today is their next practice since they had the vote and are getting the results. Her coach called me just a little bit ago and wanted to let me know that DD didn't get any votes and she was concerned on how she would take it because she considers her the best player she has ever coached. I informed her about the "scandle" that went on prior to the vote which she didn't know about. (I wasn't going to let the coach know about this but since she called me about this I let her know). She is going to talk to my DD and instead of picking the 2 captains she decided she is just going to rotate different players as captains each game.

Now...here is my question to all of you...the coach did say that my dd makes most of the points. Her position is a point guard. She brings down the ball and if open she does drive the basket but 85% of the time she passes the ball to a teammate. The problem is most of the time the teammates passes it right back to DD. A few parents have complained that my DD make most of the points. DD has become aware of this and is now saying that this year she will bring the ball down, pass it and just "hang" back near mid court so that she doesn't get the ball.

I'm so angry that just because of a few parents who voiced their opinion, my DD will not play "her" game this year.

For those of you who know this sport, or who coach, what do I do to help support my DD this year? It's like she is punished for being a good player.

Thank you for your thoughts.

 

[mickeyboat]

Trish,

I think you need to give the coach an opportunity to handle it. Be there for your daughter when she needs your support, but I think the coach has a better feel for the team dynamics, and she will know the best way to proceed.

IIRC, basketball at this age is all about plays. The coach will draw plays out on the board and the girls will work to execute them. The ball gets passed to the person who it is supposed to get passed to. Everyone has their own job. Make sure your daughter knows that if she is doing what the coach tells her to do, she is doing her job.

If as the season progresses, you find your DD is still having problems, I would talk to the coach again. But at first, just keep your eyes and ears open.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Trish,

I think you need to give the coach an opportunity to handle it. Be there for your daughter when she needs your support, but I think the coach has a better feel for the team dynamics, and she will know the best way to proceed.

IIRC, basketball at this age is all about plays. The coach will draw plays out on the board and the girls will work to execute them. The ball gets passed to the person who it is supposed to get passed to. Everyone has their own job. Make sure your daughter knows that if she is doing what the coach tells her to do, she is doing her job.

If as the season progresses, you find your DD is still having problems, I would talk to the coach again. But at first, just keep your eyes and ears open.

Hi friend

I will most definately let the coach handle this. I'm not the type of parent to keep butting in. Plus, last year they didn't have any plays

 

[Jennasis]

You handle it the way you handle any middle school drama. You hug her and listen when she complains, you cheer her at games and high five her at the end, and encourage her to stick it out, be strong and to mind the coach.

 

[JimR24]

I am a fast pitch softball coach for my daughters travel ball team (10U age group). I think you handled it the right way by letting the coach know. Other parents will always complain. It's just the way our society is these days.

Your daughter has to continue to play her game as long as it fits in with what the coaches plan is. If other parents don't like it, let them take it up with the coach. Tell your daughter to continue on with what she does best until she is told other wise.

 

[ICF]

I'd let your daughter do what she feels comfortable doing at 1st and see how it plays out. If necessary the coach will tell her to play like she was last year.

If the COACH tells her to go back to driving to the basket or shooting in general then she should do it and she (you) should not give it a second thought to what the parents think.

In general, if the coach is unhappy with a kid shooting too much they'll let them know...unless of course it's their own kid, but that is a WHOLE different thread!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Hi friend

I will most definately let the coach handle this. I'm not the type of parent to keep butting in. Plus, last year they didn't have any plays

If they don't have any plays, the best player will score the most points in every game.Essentially, instead of the offense running through her - she becomes the offense - like in street ball.

So, if the coach doesn't start teaching them plays, your daughter is put in a tough place by the coach. She is forced to decide for herself, every time down the floor, what to do.

If the other players are petty and jealous, the coach should handle it - but if the coach isn't even teaching them plays...

 

[Hannathy]

I am confused about one thing, Why didn't she have at least one vote-herself?

That is the first thing you need to work on. She should have voted for herself. If she doesn't believe in herself enough to do that why should anyone else.

As far as the game I would have turned it right back onto the coach and said that is your department,. it is up to you to call the plays and to deal with things on the court. I would stay out of anything on the court.

Sounds like you have a pretty weak coach and if your DD is as good as you say I hope she is getting some additional play time in a rec league or something with a real coach so she is ready for high school ball.

 

[skater]

It amazes me how jealous other parents can be. I could not believe some of the comments we received when my son (after years of trying, failing, and working his butt off) made the top soccer team in our little area. One parent even commented to my son that she wished she had talked to the coach during try-outs like I did (intimating that this was the reason my son made the team ). I have even worse stories, but I don't want to incriminate the innocent and guilty .

It sounds like you're handling this very well. Just talk to your DD a lot (I'm sure you already do ). Its good the coach is aware of what's going on. We had to just decide to let a lot of things go and concentrate on what was most important. Good luck to you!

 

[bonoriffic]

The vast majority of parents have little clue to the actual strategy and dynamics of the sport their kid plays. They just know the basic rules and how much game time their kid is or isn't receiving. I'm fairly certain there were parents grumbling about LeBron James in 8th grade too.

My brother-in-law is a high school basketball coach and fields parent complaints constantly. He tells them bluntly that if you want to know why your kid isn't playing, come to our practices. If you want to know why one player shoots more than others, come to practice and see why that player is better than your kid.

Parents grumble, but the players know the real story. If they had a problem with the situation they would never pass her the ball back. If she wants to hang back for a game, go ahead and do it to prove a point. But a true competitor wouldn't throw the game on purpose. Usually a ball hog will be sent a message from the coach. As that isn't happening keep playing her game.

This isn't the pros so being voted captain is a popularity contest, especially for girls at that age.

 

[NMAmy]

As the unathletic mom of a great basketball player, I've been there. I think my biggest concern would be the fact that the other girls appear to be resentful of your dd since no one voted for her.

Basketball is a team sport. If your dd wants to be a leader as well as a good basketball player, she needs to work with the team. She needs to encourage the other girls and even help them refine their skills and develop more confidence instead of throwing the ball to her all the time. This will make them work better as a team and help all of them to win and to feel a part of that win.

When dd was about that age, I remember telling her that no one likes a ball hog even if the team is winning. Kids who are good at a certain sport can get caught up in how good they are when sometimes the skill they really need to learn is how to work as a team.

Please don't take this as criticism of your dd. Obviously, I've never seen her play and my comments are all based on my own dd's behavior at that time.

 

[jen0610]

I don't know exactly what I'm looking for other than to hear what all of you have to say about this situation.

My DD is in the 8th grade this year. VERY small school and basketball is her passion. The team is a 7th & 8th grade team with only 11 players. DD is very good at the game. I don't know where she got it - certainly not from me She is very driven and competitive. She watches her favorite team on TV (Celtics) and really pays attention to everything. She has been on the school team since fifth grade when the team begins. Loves her basketball player t-shirts that she wears ALL the time

This year's team - practice started a few weeks ago. Before Thanksgiving break the team voted for 2 captains. One stipulation was they have to be 8th graders only (not 7th graders). There are only 5 eight grade students.

Well, 3 of the girls on the team approached my DD earlier this week and "confessed" that one of the other girls on the team, an 8th grader, went around to everyone before the vote and told them all not to vote for my DD

Today is their next practice since they had the vote and are getting the results. Her coach called me just a little bit ago and wanted to let me know that DD didn't get any votes and she was concerned on how she would take it because she considers her the best player she has ever coached. I informed her about the "scandle" that went on prior to the vote which she didn't know about. (I wasn't going to let the coach know about this but since she called me about this I let her know). She is going to talk to my DD and instead of picking the 2 captains she decided she is just going to rotate different players as captains each game.

Now...here is my question to all of you...the coach did say that my dd makes most of the points. Her position is a point guard. She brings down the ball and if open she does drive the basket but 85% of the time she passes the ball to a teammate. The problem is most of the time the teammates passes it right back to DD. A few parents have complained that my DD make most of the points. DD has become aware of this and is now saying that this year she will bring the ball down, pass it and just "hang" back near mid court so that she doesn't get the ball.
I'm so angry that just because of a few parents who voiced their opinion, my DD will not play "her" game this year.

For those of you who know this sport, or who coach, what do I do to help support my DD this year? It's like she is punished for being a good player.

Thank you for your thoughts.

We have had this issue as well. The coach heard the comments, we heard the comments, DD heard them. The coach talked to us, then DD, then all of us together. Even with him calling in set plays, often times they were busted plays and the girls were passing the ball back to DD to take the shots.

With our consent, the coach had a team and parent meeting. He asked the girls if anyone felt that one player was a ball hog. None of the girls said a word against any of their teammates. He asked if they could vote for the best shooter, who would win. All the girls said DD was their best shooter. He asked if any of them wanted to get to be a better shooter. All of them said yes. With this answer, he told them that in order to become better shooters, they would all need to start taking the shots and not just passing the ball back to DD.

Per his instructions, which all the parents heard, DD wasn't going to shoot until someone else took a shot. If each one of the other 4 had touched the ball twice in a possession and none of them shot, only then would DD take a shot.

It only took a couple of games for some of the other girls to get over their lack of confidence and started really putting up good shots. It spread the points out across more of the girls and actually let my DD really fine tune her defensive skills. Instead of always driving the basket, she was able to stay out, get back on defense quicker and play the defensive style of ball she really likes.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Well, 3 of the girls on the team approached my DD earlier this week and "confessed" that one of the other girls on the team, an 8th grader, went around to everyone before the vote and told them all not to vote for my DD

Today is their next practice since they had the vote and are getting the results. Her coach called me just a little bit ago and wanted to let me know that DD didn't get any votes and she was concerned on how she would take it because she considers her the best player she has ever coached. I informed her about the "scandle" that went on prior to the vote which she didn't know about. (I wasn't going to let the coach know about this but since she called me about this I let her know). She is going to talk to my DD and instead of picking the 2 captains she decided she is just going to rotate different players as captains each game.

The "mean girl" is jealous of your DD and is trying to break her down to make the playing field more level. Trust me on this. I went through it too. My problem was that I played the post position and was shorter than most the girls competing for my spot. I played hard and well and that didn't sit well with a lot of the girls, from both my age level and above. I actually had a girl (2 years older than me) intentionally injure me my freshman year because we were going out for the same spot. Another girl in my class came after me as a person, not my playing skills, and tried to pull what that "mean girl" did - she realize that it wasn't going to stick with the majority of the team since I had been playing ball with them over the last couple years (through PAL and AAU). Her poor attitude cost her lots of playing time, that I was gladly willing to take.

The rotation idea on the part of the coach is the most diplomatic approach to the situation. If problems arise/escalate, it's up to the coach to put their foot down and take care of the situation by means of benching the guilty party(ies) or removing them from the team altogether. Hopefully it never reaches that point.

Now...here is my question to all of you...the coach did say that my dd makes most of the points. Her position is a point guard. She brings down the ball and if open she does drive the basket but 85% of the time she passes the ball to a teammate. The problem is most of the time the teammates passes it right back to DD. A few parents have complained that my DD make most of the points. DD has become aware of this and is now saying that this year she will bring the ball down, pass it and just "hang" back near mid court so that she doesn't get the ball.

She SHOULD NOT be docile about her abilities. Her teammates rely on her to be a producer. It's one thing if she's a ball hog, but if she is moving the ball and working on assisting other players and they are too afraid to make a move, that's their fault, not hers. Tell her to keep working at perfecting her skill - it will pay off in the end. If they want to win, and she holds back, and they start losing, the retribution of her un-productivity will be worse on her than the allegations of her being a ball hog.

It's like she is punished for being a good player.

Quite possibly so. I had a coach in 7th grade that benched me because I got injured. I have had foot and ankle problems all my life (resulting in several surgeries and lots of bandages). One day at practice I rolled my ankle. At the time, I had a plastic peg in my ankle joint that was installed (for lack of a better term) in order to correct my ankles - they severely rolled inward and were very weak before this procedure. Anyway, when I rolled my ankle that day, it was so severe of a sprain that I actually dislocated that peg by about a 1/4 inch. I couldn't walk. My coach stood over me yelling at me and telling me not to be a baby and to get up. I crawled out of practice that day on my hands and knees. When my parents picked me up, we went straight to the doctor. The xrays revealed what happened. My coach finally believed that I was hurt (he was a real *winner*). I was still benched for the last 2 games of the regular season (because I didn't "practice"...). Next up was the tourney, and we were holding on to a very small lead. With 2 minutes left in the game, he calls me to go in (I had been benched the entire game... and I was a starter) to guard a really good point guard who was known to be good in the clutch. My dad was FURIOUS, stood up and told me to sit down. I did. The coach started yelling at my dad and dad came back at him (nicely I might add) that there was no way he was going to allow me to play since I had been benched. If I was that important to the team, I should have been playing the whole time. The other parents agreed. Our principal was there and told me dad to let me play. He agreed. I ended up saving the game (blocked a shot with 5 seconds left). After that, my coach was fired for what he did.

Your DD needs to stick with it. Get her into a program that will help her grow outside of school ball. If she does well there, it can lead to full or partial college scholarships. Even if she doesn't have wNBA dreams, it can still help her pay for school!

Plus, last year they didn't have any plays

They should have been running plays by that age. The most simple ones at least. They should have had at least 2 basic plays for offense and at least 2-4 plays for inbounding the ball. Again, encourage her to find a league that's outside of school - they will teach her a lot more than what she'll learn playing for her school!

Tell her not to give up - only to push harder to be the best ballplayer she can be. One of my high school's alum got a scholarship to play for Penn State. Every morning of the school year (once she got her driver's license) she would come into school early just to shoot around. This is also the same girl that had a dirt spot on her ceiling over her bed from practicing her shot form while laying in bed. She put in the effort and was rewarded greatly for it.

 

[Trish Bessette]

I am confused about one thing, Why didn't she have at least one vote-herself?

That is the first thing you need to work on. She should have voted for herself. If she doesn't believe in herself enough to do that why should anyone else.

Oh my daughter believes 110% in herself. She asked at the vote if she could vote for herself and another girl spoke up and said "that is just wrong and selfish" So my DD didn't do it.

This whole thing makes me want to

 

[Trish Bessette]

As the unathletic mom of a great basketball player, I've been there. I think my biggest concern would be the fact that the other girls appear to be resentful of your dd since no one voted for her.

Basketball is a team sport. If your dd wants to be a leader as well as a good basketball player, she needs to work with the team. She needs to encourage the other girls and even help them refine their skills and develop more confidence instead of throwing the ball to her all the time. This will make them work better as a team and help all of them to win and to feel a part of that win.

When dd was about that age, I remember telling her that no one likes a ball hog even if the team is winning. Kids who are good at a certain sport can get caught up in how good they are when sometimes the skill they really need to learn is how to work as a team.

Please don't take this as criticism of your dd. Obviously, I've never seen her play and my comments are all based on my own dd's behavior at that time.

I'm not taking this as criticism at all, I appreciate this...DD is not a ball hog at all. She passes it but she is so quick in moving around they always pass it back to her to score. This is what is killing DD - she works with the other girls on the court all the time. In fact, the school has asked her to assist the coach for the girls 5th & 6th grade team which she is doing.

 

[jen0610]

I am confused about one thing, Why didn't she have at least one vote-herself?
That is the first thing you need to work on. She should have voted for herself. If she doesn't believe in herself enough to do that why should anyone else.

As far as the game I would have turned it right back onto the coach and said that is your department,. it is up to you to call the plays and to deal with things on the court. I would stay out of anything on the court.

Sounds like you have a pretty weak coach and if your DD is as good as you say I hope she is getting some additional play time in a rec league or something with a real coach so she is ready for high school ball.

Oh my daughter believes 110% in herself. She asked at the vote if she could vote for herself and another girl spoke up and said "that is just wrong and selfish" So my DD didn't do it.

This whole thing makes me want to

My first thought is, if you are voting for captins - 2 - of them, each girl should have cast 2 votes. A vote for each captin.

And like your DD, if they were voting for captins on her team, and there was going to be 2 named, she wouldn't have voted for herself. She would have voted for one of the other girls to get the 2nd open spot. If they were allowed 2 votes, then she would have voted for another girl and herself. But with just one vote, she would have voted for one of her teammates before she would even think about putting her name down.

 

[trip]

Today is their next practice since they had the vote and are getting the results. Her coach called me just a little bit ago and wanted to let me know that DD didn't get any votes and she was concerned on how she would take it because she considers her the best player she has ever coached. I informed her about the "scandle" that went on prior to the vote which she didn't know about. (I wasn't going to let the coach know about this but since she called me about this I let her know). She is going to talk to my DD and instead of picking the 2 captains she decided she is just going to rotate different players as captains each game.

I hope your daughter doesn't get any "fall out" from the "mean" girls when the coach tells the team he is changing the method of selecting captains after the vote was taken. I'm sure the girls will question why the change is happening.

Girls at that age can be such a pain. I know - I have 3 DDs.

 

[jen0610]

I hope your daughter doesn't get any "fall out" from the "mean" girls when the coach tells the team he is changing the method of selecting captains after the vote was taken. I'm sure the girls will question why the change is happening.

Girls at that age can be such a pain. I know - I have 3 DDs.

And the answer to their question, should be as the coach this is the decision I made for captions.

And if the girls challenge that, the decision of THE COACH, I sure hope that they have enough backbone to tell the girls that THEY MADE A DECISION on captions and that is the end of the conversation. If they are unhappy with THAT decision, as a player they are free to either live with it and play ball or quite the team.

 

[Hannathy]

My first thought is, if you are voting for captins - 2 - of them, each girl should have cast 2 votes. A vote for each captin.

And like your DD, if they were voting for captins on her team, and there was going to be 2 named, she wouldn't have voted for herself. She would have voted for one of the other girls to get the 2nd open spot. If they were allowed 2 votes, then she would have voted for another girl and herself. But with just one vote, she would have voted for one of her teammates before she would even think about putting her name down.

Why? I totally don't go along with this theory. If you are voting for the best person then you vote for yourself unless you don't feel you are the best.

Sorry do you really think Obama or any other politician didn't vote for themselves?

Seriously if you don't feel you can vote for yourself then why should anyone else. thinking that it is polite to not is out dated and IMO just wrong. It isn't passing the cookies it is voting.

 

[Trish Bessette]

And the answer to their question, should be as the coach this is the decision I made for captions.

And if the girls challenge that, the decision of THE COACH, I sure hope that they have enough backbone to tell the girls that THEY MADE A DECISION on captions and that is the end of the conversation. If they are unhappy with THAT decision, as a player they are free to either live with it and play ball or quite the team.

I don't think the girls will challenge it as much as their parents may