Message to MY Daughter in Law: UPDATE!!

[diznygirl]

One more:

Why don't you stop assuming you know what I plan to do?

I do not rant and rave about things. I vented on a message board. You seriously need to get a grip.

I am not setting anyone up.

Don't let Wishing get to you - she has MIL issues, and you are a MIL. She's projecting. It's has nothing at all to do with you. Some MILs are indeed bad (my MIL wore white to my wedding ) but some DILs are bad. Sorry yours is feeling insecure and doing things to avoid you.

 

[disykat]

To the OP - Just a thought, Is it possible that when budget was being discussed regarding your DSs 2nd wedding that it was mentioned to your soon-to-be DIL how much you spent on his first wedding? Maybe she based her own ideas on that (thinking they would get the same) - only to be told her budget was much smaller. This would certainly set anyone up to feeling not welcome and loved. .

Seriously? I certainly hope the OP's DIL is not that big of an idiot! Why would anyone assume parents would continue to kick in money for weddings just because they did a first? How many weddings should a parent pay for?

 

[Jennasis]

Don't let Wishing get to you - she has MIL issues, and you are a MIL. She's projecting. It's has nothing at all to do with you. Some MILs are indeed bad (my MIL wore white to my wedding ) but some DILs are bad. Sorry yours is feeling insecure and doing things to avoid you.

So did my ex-MIL, after I very specifically asked her not to. And my ex-SIL did as well. I wasn't happy. My current MIL did too...what IS it with these women?

Sorry...hijack!

 

[RadioNate]

Ouch. I was really with you for 19 pages. I do think you need to have a heart to heart with your son and your DIL but particularly with your son. The fact that you know (or think you know) everything about the internal workings of your son's marriage and the fact that you think you know what he should do with his life better than he does is just not a good sign of a healthy relationship. He is an adult, if you treat him like a child you will be pushing him away. I know you are not trying to do that and that you just love him and your DIL. I believe you, but you need to be careful that you are not over stepping.

This cracked me up because I know how well my MIL thinks she knows my DH. Sure she knew him well 15 years ago, but she doesn't know who he is now. She thinks she is the expert on him when she doesn't have a clue.

OP, have you considered changing the thread title to "Message to MY Daughter in Law"?

I agree. I really think that is what bothered me so much. Message to ALL Daughters in Law. As if we ALL behave like her DIL.

I'm sure the MILs on the board would be upset if I posted "Message to ALL Mothers in Law" ranting about specifics my MIL did.

 

[mickeywho?]

Sorry yours is feeling insecure and doing things to avoid you.

THIS!

Confronting your son about how inconsiderate you think they are will not solve this - only make matters worse.

 

[Wishing on a star]

This cracked me up because I know how well my MIL thinks she knows my DH. Sure she knew him well 15 years ago, but she doesn't know who he is now. She thinks she is the expert on him when she doesn't have a clue.

My son likes pickles...
I keep pickles in the house.

I have never, in 20 years of marriage, seen my husband reach for the pickle jar. Not once.

I can remember one time, having a meal at MIL's house, she was practically serving pickles out of the jar onto my husband's plate... When he indicated "no...no..." She insisted "But, you just love pickles."

 

[luvsJack]

Changes asked and granted.

In the immortal words of Doc Holiday, "Now, we can be friends again."

 

[Jennasis]

Changes asked and granted.

In the immortal words of Doc Holiday, "Now, we can be friends again."

No way! I actually affected change in this world. I'm touched.

 

[gina2000]

You're cracking me up, OP!

This, too, shall pass. Hopefully blending will occur, the edges will soften and you and your DIL will enjoy a more thoughtful relationship. Sometimes it just takes a bit of maturity to change perspectives.

 

[luvsJack]

You're cracking me up, OP!

This, too, shall pass. Hopefully blending will occur, the edges will soften and you and your DIL will enjoy a more thoughtful relationship. Sometimes it just takes a bit of maturity to change perspectives.

You are right, it will pass. And things will get easier.

 

[luvsJack]

No way! I actually affected change in this world. I'm touched.

And I really do feel better now!

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

OP

 

[lillygator]

hopefully everything works out.

 

[MrsSpratt]

Then she started cutting the guest list and doing other things to try and manipulate us.

Hi, LuvsJack -

First off, . I'm sorry you are so frustrated. I'm not a MIL, and I'm very new at the DIL game, and my MIL lives on another continent,
so this thread has been amazingly informative for me. (And I am the one who reminds him to call, shops for all of the Holidays, etc.)

Please accept this in the spirit it is being given - I'm rooting for you, and I wonder if this may help you see your DIL a little bit differently.

One of the most common pieces of advice in bridal magazines is that if you need to cut your budget, the guest list is the first place to go. (The less people, the less cost for food, booze, size of place for the wedding.) Soooo.....is it possible she was trying to have her "dream wedding" by cutting the budget that way?

Just a thought - I hope it all works out -

 

[clh2]

For what it's worth, my future DIL already owes me...I finally trained my son not to pee all over the seat. It'll benefit me for another 15 years, her a life time.

Your future DIL will owe you REALLY big if he learns to put the seat down too!

 

[luvsJack]

Your future DIL will owe you REALLY big if he learns to put the seat down too!

For real! Why is that the hardest thing in the world for a man to learn?!??



MrsSpratt: Thanks for the prospective from a new dil. I really did feel bad for her that she couldn't have the wedding she wanted, it seemed so important to her. It made me really angry at her parents because they could have afforded more of what she had her heart set on than we could.

 

[Nancyg56]

And I really do feel better now!

My son likes pickles...
I keep pickles in the house.

I have never, in 20 years of marriage, seen my husband reach for the pickle jar. Not once.

I can remember one time, having a meal at MIL's house, she was practically serving pickles out of the jar onto my husband's plate... When he indicated "no...no..." She insisted "But, you just love pickles."

I am chuckling because I have three kids and I always mixed up what they liked and did not like. Pickles were the #1 screwupAnd I still tell them what they like.............and they still tell me I am wrong. WHat do they know

 

[SydSim]

When Dh and I started dating, MIL liked me very much. When things started getting serious, not so much. Moved in together - witchy! Engaged, distant. Sought advice from the elders (ie: older women at my job) who said "don't ever say anything bad about his mama". I never did. I never tried to keep DH from her (I'd encourage him to take DD over there without me. I didn't have a problem, and knew that she really only wanted to see them anyway) Over the years, she continued treating me badly, then started to change about 5-6 years ago. Now, she shows us so much love and we have a great relationship. Now we all see each other!

 

[luvmy3jewels]

OP - I like your post change. I think it really gets to the heart of the matter without being insulting (which just causes more hard feelings).

I am extremely lucky in that I have the best MIL in the world! I think after reading this thread, I'm going to send my MIL flowers or candy or something for Valentines Day and thank her for being so wonderful to me and raising her son so well.

 

[cheermom1]

OP - I like your post change. I think it really gets to the heart of the matter without being insulting (which just causes more hard feelings).

I am extremely lucky in that I have the best MIL in the world! I think after reading this thread, I'm going to send my MIL flowers or candy or something for Valentines Day and thank her for being so wonderful to me and raising her son so well.

LOL I sent my MIL an email saying how grateful I am that she is not like most MIL and so happy she is so good to me...

she sent me one back saying that thanks that she really need to hear that that day...

OP I really hope that everything works our for you guys really I do..My advise though would be to take their cue on how much they can come over either money wise or time wise ..I know that if we have the time but not the money my FIL will pay for us to come see them...sometimes it has nothing to do with if they want to see you but life happens...