Mean doctor - what should I do? UPDATE

[Gabes_mommy]

I am 8 weeks pregnant today. I had my first appt with my OBGYN about 3 weeks ago and she referred me to the perinatologist (high risk pregnancy specialist) due to my history of 3 miscarriages.

My last miscarriage was due to a subchorionic hemorrhage at 12weeks pregnant. The subchorionic hemorrhage was diagnosed after the fact as the cause of the miscarriage. A SCH is basically a blood clot in the uterus.

2 weeks ago I had my first appt with the Perinatologist. Before I met with her I had an ultrasound. After the U/S I was sent to the Peri's office.

When I entered she gave me a dismissive look and I asked if I should sit down and she said yes. She did greet me or shake my hand.

After I sat down she was reviewing my file and said something like, "I see you've already had 3 miscarriages, what makes you think this time is going to be different?" I was in shock, but told her that I have a son. She then asked how old he was and I said he was 3 and then she asked if he was healthy. This was said in a tone like she didn't believe he would be healthy. Nice.

Then she says, well you already have another subchorionic hemorrhage. Way to break it to me gently.

She gave me no details about the size or location of the subchorionic hemorrhage and she gave me no instructions on how to handle it. I left her office in tears. She told me I would probably lose my baby by 8 weeks if I was going to lose it. I am 8 weeks today.

Since my diagnosis I have done a lot of research on subchorionic hemorrhages and the size and location of them is a huge part of the risk factor so I don't know even how worried I should be since she told me nothing.

I am scheduled for my next U/S on Monday and I am dreading seeing this woman again. What should I do?? She is the perinatologist who is part of the OB practice I see. Should I ask to switch back to the regular OB? I just want a doctor who will speak to me honestly and openly about my condition and give me advice on how to handle it.

I am not a person who expects doctors to kiss my butt and baby me, but this woman was downright mean and rude.

 

[laughinplace199]

Yikes! I'm sorry she was so mean and rude! I can't even imagine having to deal with a dr like that. Is there another perinatologist in your area that you could go to? I don't know anything about your condition. Is there a way for the perinatologist to treat it? If not, could you just see your reg (or a new) OB?

I hope things go well with your pregnancy. I've had a number of losses myself, so I know how scary this is.

 

[Mandychelle79]

Personally, I would look for another doctor in your area and make an appointment. But I would have done that immediately after leaving the first visit.

 

[Katy Belle]

Find a different Dr. Ask your OB what you should do. This Dr. is not the right match for you. Talk about adding to your stress!!!

Best of luck on your pregnancy!

 

[agnes!]

I am so sorry that this doctor caused you undue distress. If I were you I would get an emergency appointment *NOW* with your regular OB/GYN to discuss your concerns. You do NOT need the added stress of worrying the entire weekend about seeing Dr. Personality on Monday.

And I would find another perinatologist. Regardless of the possibility that you might have misinterpreted Dr. Personality, the facts are that you left the office in tears and that she *should* be well-versed in how to deal with high-risk patients so as not to increase their stress.

And with *you*, she failed miserably.

. I hope our day goes better and that you get good news about the pregnancy very soon. You'll be in my thoughts.

agnes!

 

[minniebeth]

I am so sorry you had this experience with this doctor. You would think someone who works in that field would be compassionate and supportive.

I don't have much experience with high risk pregnancies, so I'm sure others may have more knowledge to share on how to handle it. However, it does sound like you are doing a good job being knowledgable about the situation. Trust your gut, it couldn't hurt going back to your orig. ob and see if you are comfortable with what they have to say.
Be your own advocate, which it sounds like you are doing.

to you and your baby, I'll pray and think positive that your pregnancy will progress well.

 

[robinb]

Wow! That was mean. I wonder if she was PO'd that you were in her office at only 5 weeks gestation. Still, there is no reason to treat you like that.

Oh .... congratulations on your pregnancy! Sending good thoughts your way .

 

[dakcp2001]

Ok, first I would report back to the Dr who referred you to this beast and see what they say. Tell them how you were treated and how you felt confused and upset when you left. They may say she is a dreadful miserable person but the best at what they do,then you may need to deal with them BUT I don't think that is the case based on how you left not knowing everything you needed to know. I would then ask for the next recommendation and CHANGE DOCTORS IMMEDIATELY! There is no excuse for being treated that way. Sometimes Doctors forget that they ARE BEING PAID to take care of you. They are not there on their own good will doing you a favor. I hate Doctors like that. This is a very difficult time for you and there is no excuse for the way you were treated! NONE! It is not acceptable. I am so sorry you had to go through that!

Word of mouth is usually a good way to find out about Drs. I work at a hospital and let me tell you, if you have surgery you dont want the one we all call fungus fingers behing his back. You need to find out from people who have been through a high risk pregnancy, that can tell you who they recommend. Dr's do not always have the best recomendations because that one you went to probably treats your Dr a lot differently than they treat you. It is very frustrating to see Dr behave this way, I see it all the time. Drop them like a bad habit, and tell everyone you know how you were treated, so the next person won't end up feeling like you did.

 

[LuvOrlando]

WOW, that's a hard call.

If the Dr is a top of her field SUPERSTAR (ask around and check out the degrees on the wall, are they IV league & is she board certified) and the office is VERY busy I might consider tolerating her if it meant a better chance for my baby. But, if she's on even footing with alternative Dr's in your area or if there are others in the practice then you might as well go where you'll be happy. Being stressed every week won't be good for you.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

Wow! That was mean. I wonder if she was PO'd that you were in her office at only 5 weeks gestation. Still, there is no reason to treat you like that.

Oh .... congratulations on your pregnancy! Sending good thoughts your way .

I was actually 6.5 weeks at the time. Not a huge difference I know.

Thanks for all the support everyone. I am going to call the Perinatalogist's office right now and see if the office girls can put me in to see someone else. I cannot imagine that I am the first one to complain about "Dr. Personality" - at that name BTW.

 

[clarabelle]

Tell your regular OB how horrible she was and ask what your alternatives are
Make yourself very clear

I am sorry you had such a horrible experience and wish you well

 

[Gabes_mommy]

Ugh - the office is already closed for the weekend. I am going to call my OB"s office now and she if I can talk to her nurse.

 

[Lisa AF]

I'm so sorry. When pregnant with my first daughter at my second visit to my OB she said "Wow, I thought you would miscarry by this time." I found a new doctor.

Of course you want the best care, but I'd see if there is anyone else available. If not and you must tolerate this person I'd go in with my list of questions each visit.

Sending best wishes your way!

 

[3prettyprincesses]

Oh what a horrible woman! Honey, I'd cut this dr. loose and find another perinatologist. No way would I want to see this woman again. Sheesh, what an awful bedside manner she has. With my 1st pregnancy, I miscarried at 7 weeks and my OB/GYN was terrible about it. She was rude about the whole thing and then yelled to the nurse outside the door to move my file from OB to just GYN now that I had miscarried. I went in the car and cried and never went back to that dr. Definitely find someone else, ask your OB/GYN for another recommendation. You don't need to be stressing about everytime you see this perinatologist. Try to relax and focus on getting someone else. Good luck!

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Like the others have said, I would find a new DR. right now. I mad the mistake of sticking with a new Dr. during my third pregnancy. He was rude and I don't think he even smiled at me once. We had just moved to that state and I didn't know who to use. I learned after that though and I will never make that mistake again. You should feel comfortable with your Dr. When you are already going through something stressful, you do not need any thing to add to the stress.

Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers.

 

[agnes!]

If you cannot change the appointment and feel you must see this doctor because of the various risk factors (and maybe because they might charge you a no-show fee if you don't make it to your Monday appointment), *please* take someone with you. You must have a friend or a relative or maybe your DH who would gladly give up some time to accompany you to Dr. Personality's office. Having someone there as an ally would help alleviate your concerns AND might make the Dr behave better.

agnes!

 

[Gabes_mommy]

OK, I left a message for my OB - hopefully I'll hear back from her sometime soon.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

If you cannot change the appointment and feel you must see this doctor because of the various risk factors (and maybe because they might charge you a no-show fee if you don't make it to your Monday appointment), *please* take someone with you. You must have a friend or a relative or maybe your DH who would gladly give up some time to accompany you to Dr. Personality's office. Having someone there as an ally would help alleviate your concerns AND might help the Dr to behave better.

agnes!

My sweet DH got the day off and he is going with me. He won't put up with any crap, so having him there should really help.

 

[dakcp2001]

If you cannot change the appointment and feel you must see this doctor because of the various risk factors (and maybe because they might charge you a no-show fee if you don't make it to your Monday appointment), *please* take someone with you. You must have a friend or a relative or maybe your DH who would gladly give up some time to accompany you to Dr. Personality's office. Having someone there as an ally would help alleviate your concerns AND might make the Dr behave better.

agnes!

Agnes is a smart cookie! These dreadful Doctors do behave better when there are family members supervising! Bring someone along if you see her again.

 

[VillageMama]

I want to offer you some encouragement... I had a subchorionic hematoma and went full term. It resolved itself all on its own.

The risks have to do with how big the SCH is and its location. I can't believe you weren't told the details of your situation. You definitely need a new doctor!

Best wishes to you!