"May my wife accompany me?"

[mjkacmom]

Comparing not inviting a spouse to not having children at a wedding is apples and oranges, especially since SOME spouses have been included. We rarely have children at weddings here, but I've never heard of leaving spouses off the invitation. And if children are included, probably all children would be included, not half.

ETA - DH and I spend many nights away from each other, at least one night a week. And, TBH, I probably would have DH attend this event without me, unless I knew people there. However, custom dictates that spouses should be invited.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

My cousin had about 10 coworkers at his wedding. No spouses. No one seemed offended. I wouldn't be offended if dh wasn't invited. I'd have more fun without him really. When you're with other coworkers, you usually wind up talking about work stuff... boring for the other person.

Exactly how would the coworkers "seem offended"? Stand in the corner and pout? Instead of making a toast, announce that they're offended??

Ohhhh goood grief....

Here we go again...

Nope, I am not 'wrong'.

Sure, a host or hostess can do whatever they wish.
That goes without question.

The issue here is what is 'appropriate'.
The issue here is social etiquette.

And, like another poster just stated so very well.

Just because one CAN do something, does not make it the right thing to do.

I agree.

I am amazed at how many people think this is an issue about being attached at the hip????

Seriously! The appropriate thing to do is to invite couples to a social event. It's up to the couples to decide if they both want to go.

My DH's Christmas party, for the 22 years he's been with the company, does not include spouses; several of the employees fly in from other company locations...it just doesn't make sense to include spouses (good, because I have zero desire to attend). His coworker in NYC threw himself a 50th birthday party, at a restaurant. Unless it was JUST his coworkers (like going out for a drink after work), it would have been inappropriate NOT to invite spouses too.

Wow, just WOW...

I shouldn't, but I can't help myself....

Again, for about the tenth time: This is not about who does or doesn't wish to attend parties with their spouse. This is completely off base and off topic.

Again, for about the tenth time: This is not a 'work' event for co-workers. The invitee's in question are not coworkers. At this point they are 'friends' who continue to stay in contact and socialize with each other because they choose to do so, as friends.

This is a SOCIAL event... A party given by the wife... where a personal (not work) achievement is being celebrated with friends and family... I am assuming that almost every one of these family and friends have been invited along with their spouse... EXCEPT a select few.

NOT OKAY, not by any standard of etiquette, anywhere.

AND to that last line.... (my bolding above)
Plan a party, hoping that others my choose not to come to celebrate with your spouse, because they may feel offended or uncomfortable with having their spouse excluded, so that one may save a little money...

Sorry, but I simply cannot believe the number of threads here where there are sticky situations where people are excluded from parties/celebrations and are possibly hurt or offended because the host(ess) is just not willing to plan and to budget appropriately. There have been several of these threads here in the past few weeks and months alone.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

ETA - DH and I spend many nights away from each other, at least one night a week. And, TBH, I probably would have DH attend this event without me, unless I knew people there. However, custom dictates that spouses should be invited.

EXACTLY! My DH has "male-bonding" trips twice a year to a friend's camp in Maine, and has for the last 35+ years. I have NO PROBLEM with him going; it's my "me time". (When we got married, my mom said "he's not going to keep going on those trips, is he?" ) So no, we're not joined at the hip. I would expect, at least, out of respect, to be invited to a social party with him, and yes, I may very well choose not to attend. I've gone to his coworkers' kids' weddings/showers, and altho I would rather not have (and he didn't want to go without me), I went out of respect to him.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

The appropriate thing to do is to invite couples to a social event.

Which is always soooo much fun for those who aren't paired up.

 

[javaj]

Just wanted to tell OP - Congratulations to your husband, that is a wonderful accomplishment! I'd like to get my doctorate too but I doubt I'd ever be able to write a dissertation

What'd he get his PhD in?

 

[Ceila]

Which is always soooo much fun for those who aren't paired up.

Are you suggesting that spouses not be invited just because others might not in be a relationship?

 

[Disney Doll]

I am amazed at how many people think this is an issue about being attached at the hip????

Well, why else would someone try to push themselves into a work-related party that their spouse was invited to?

 

[Disney Doll]

Wow, just WOW...

I shouldn't, but I can't help myself....

Again, for about the tenth time: This is not about who does or doesn't wish to attend parties with their spouse. This is completely off base and off topic.

Again, for about the tenth time: This is not a 'work' event for co-workers. The invitee's in question are not coworkers. At this point they are 'friends' who continue to stay in contact and socialize with each other because they choose to do so, as friends.

This is a SOCIAL event... A party given by the wife... where a personal (not work) achievement is being celebrated with friends and family... I am assuming that almost every one of these family and friends have been invited along with their spouse... EXCEPT a select few.

NOT OKAY, not by any standard of etiquette, anywhere.

AND to that last line.... (my bolding above)
Plan a party, hoping that others my choose not to come to celebrate with your spouse, because they may feel offended or uncomfortable with having their spouse excluded, so that one may save a little money...

Sorry, but I simply cannot believe the number of threads here where there are sticky situations where people are excluded from parties/celebrations and are possibly hurt or offended because the host(ess) is just not willing to plan and to budget appropriately. There have been several of these threads here in the past few weeks and months alone.

And I am amazed at the number of people who feel that they should have the right to dictate to someone else how they should throw a party.

It's quite simple...if you get an invitation and you don't want to go, for whatever reason, then you send your regrets.

You don't call and say "I want to bring my freind, wife, dog, cousin, hairdresser or sister's neighbor".

So for the former co-workers/friends/whatever you'd like to call them who got an invitation for themselves only...if it was going to be too much for them to be away from their spouse for the few hours of the party, then they should simply convey their regrets.

Frankly OP, you're nicer than I would have been. I wouldn'ty have changed my party plan for a few people who disagreed with it.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Well, why else would someone try to push themselves into a work-related party that their spouse was invited to?

G** forbid couples want to be together during free time. What's this world coming to?

Work events are just that...before of after specific work hours, sponsored by the company or a group that goes out after hours for drinks/etc via their way home.

Graduation parties are social events & the guest list should reflect that......

 

[cheermom1]

Well, why else would someone try to push themselves into a work-related party that their spouse was invited to?

But what you seem to not understand is this is NOT a work related event!!! GEEZ

THAT is what everyone is trying to tell people like you is that this is not being thrown by the company but this mans wife who at her own admittance invited other couples i.e. friends and family but not the spouses of past or current coworkers. This just does NOT make sense at all and the reason she had so many people calling and asking if their spouse is invited or not b/c they were confused! The norm is that you invite spouses to events like this which is why again people were confused if they can bring their spouses as they should be. This is not an issue about people being joined at the hip but rather a confusing invite.

For the record I'd have no problem with my dh going with out me but I know him too well and he wouldn't want to go without me. it is just that weekends are our time to be a couple since we don;t see much of each other during the week as I work nights and he works days.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, why else would someone try to push themselves into a work-related party that their spouse was invited to?

Moot point, the OP's party is NOT WORK RELATED.

Why do I feel that caps is not enough, and that I should increase the font size and make the font color a bold red.

 

[cheermom1]

Moot point, the OP's party is NOT WORK RELATED.

Why do I feel that caps is not enough, and that I should increase the font size and make the font color a bold red.

I know I feel the same way, some people just aren't getting it!

 

[wvjules]

I know I feel the same way, some people just aren't getting it!

Or maybe they get it but they just disagree.

 

[Wishing on a star]

And I am amazed at the number of people who feel that they should have the right to dictate to someone else how they should throw a party.

I see NOBODY, at all, who is 'dictating' anything.

I can understand the confusion by the invitee who asked.
Especially since one would assume from basic etiquette that spouses might be invited to a social celebration.

And, the original poster DID come on here and ask.

Nobody has 'dictated' anything.

The only thing that is amazing is the incredible and unfounded accusations being thrown at others.

To express what most believe to be good etiquette is NOT dictating anything.

Wow, just wow......

 

[Wishing on a star]

Or maybe they get it but they just disagree.

What in the heck is there to disagree on????

It is a celebration, thown by the wife, including family and friends.
And, beyond that. It isn't a celebration of work achievement at all.
This is clearly a personal achievement.

Anybody who can construe this as a 'work', or even 'work-related' event has no grounds to do so.

 

[surfergirl602]

What are you going to do about those that show up and bring their spouse or whomever because they would just assume that it was okay? I wouldn't think twice about bringing my DH. Did you specifically word it that guests weren't allowed on the invites? I think you've gotten yourself into a heap of a mess here with this one. You could always say that is spouses wish to attend they can pay for themselves... in a better way than that, of course.

 

[wvjules]

What in the heck is there to disagree on????

It is a celebration, thown by the wife, including family and friends.
And, beyond that. It isn't a celebration of work achievement at all.
This is clearly a personal achievement.

Anybody who can construe this as a 'work', or even 'work-related' event has no grounds to do so.

It is a celebration of a work achievement though. I'm betting that most of his co-workers are from jobs that directly related to him getting his doctorate.

 

[wvjules]

I see NOBODY, at all, who is 'dictating' anything.

I can understand the confusion by the invitee who asked.
Especially since one would assume from basic etiquette that spouses might be invited to a social celebration.

And, the original poster DID come on here and ask.

Nobody has 'dictated' anything.

The only thing that is amazing is the incredible and unfounded accusations being thrown at others.

To express what most believe to be good etiquette is NOT dictating anything.

Wow, just wow......

So it is good etiquette to call up the hostess and ask if you allowed to bring a guest? I think that breaches etiquette protocol as well.

 

[cheermom1]

Moot point, the OP's party is NOT WORK RELATED.

Why do I feel that caps is not enough, and that I should increase the font size and make the font color a bold red.

I know I feel the same way, some people just aren't getting it!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Remember, unless I am mistaken, the OP did decide to extend the invitation to these spouses.

OP, I hope your celebration is just fantastic!!!!

Just a PS: the above poster, one might want to be careful about any assumptions. I certainly do not have any problem with checking with the host if you really feel that maybe the spouse is invited. But, I wouldn't want to be considered rude by having anyone show up if there was any confusion.