"May my wife accompany me?"

[Lisa loves Pooh]

LO< we posted the something at the same time.

Great minds think alike.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am amazed at the number of people who fel the need to be attached to the hip of their spouse who is invited to a co-worker's party.
....

If they choose not ot come it'll be less people you're paying for...money saved!

Wow, just WOW...

I shouldn't, but I can't help myself....

Again, for about the tenth time: This is not about who does or doesn't wish to attend parties with their spouse. This is completely off base and off topic.

Again, for about the tenth time: This is not a 'work' event for co-workers. The invitee's in question are not coworkers. At this point they are 'friends' who continue to stay in contact and socialize with each other because they choose to do so, as friends.

This is a SOCIAL event... A party given by the wife... where a personal (not work) achievement is being celebrated with friends and family... I am assuming that almost every one of these family and friends have been invited along with their spouse... EXCEPT a select few.

NOT OKAY, not by any standard of etiquette, anywhere.

AND to that last line.... (my bolding above)
Plan a party, hoping that others my choose not to come to celebrate with your spouse, because they may feel offended or uncomfortable with having their spouse excluded, so that one may save a little money...

Sorry, but I simply cannot believe the number of threads here where there are sticky situations where people are excluded from parties/celebrations and are possibly hurt or offended because the host(ess) is just not willing to plan and to budget appropriately. There have been several of these threads here in the past few weeks and months alone.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Again, for about the tenth time: This is not about who does or doesn't wish to attend parties with their spouse. This is completely off base and off topic.

You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.

Folks have it made up in their mind that this is about those of us with no coping skills who couldn't stand if our spouse attended a work event alone.

OP has seen the light and realized the problem her decision has become and will remedy the situation.

 

[Imzadi]

Again, for about the tenth time:

You're assuming some of us have been reading for the last 7 pages. Some of us are joining for the first (or second) time because we can't believe this has gone on for the past 7 pages. I stopped in to see if 7 pages after the 1st page if anything has changed. Nope.

 

[Imzadi]

OP has seen the light and realized the problem her decision has become and will remedy the situation.

Oh! Which page was that on?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Oh! Which page was that on?

Page 5, but here it is below....

And when I said "seen the light"--I'm not saying that she thought folks were right--I was being silly, but she is revising the invitation to include guests.

Wow! I didn't expect to receive so many responses!!! Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment!

To answer some questions:

The past coworkers that I invited are still very good friends with my husband. They still get together regularly for dinners, parties, etc. There are 5 from one office and 7 from the other. Since they are all in the same line of work they still go to conferences with each other and help each other out with work problems, etc. They are still very active in his life.

Since I am not familiar with the people at his current place of employment I called and asked his assistant to help me with the guest list. I told her to include the 5 people in his immediate office and other people who are close friends with him. He has mentioned a few names over and over again, so I thought the guest list would be about 10 people. Well, because of office politics, etc. the guest list grew to 30 people.

Someone asked me how I would feel if my husband was invited to a party without me, and honestly, I wouldn't really care. Especially if it was a work related event...

BUT, obviously I am in the minority on that one, so...

I will be sending out a follow up invitation that includes guests. The most important thing is that people have a good time, and obviously people would have more fun if they can bring someone special to celebrate with.

Thanks again for all of the replies! I will let you know how the party goes!

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Again, for about the tenth time: This is not about who does or doesn't wish to attend parties with their spouse. This is completely off base and off topic.

Again, for about the tenth time: This is not a 'work' event for co-workers. The invitee's in question are not coworkers. At this point they are 'friends' who continue to stay in contact and socialize with each other because they choose to do so, as friends.

This is a SOCIAL event... A party given by the wife... where a personal (not work) achievement is being celebrated with friends and family... I am assuming that almost every one of these family and friends have been invited along with their spouse... EXCEPT a select few.
NOT OKAY, not by any standard of etiquette, anywhere.
AND to that last line.... (my bolding above)
Plan a party, hoping that others my choose not to come to celebrate with your spouse, because they may feel offended or uncomfortable with having their spouse excluded, so that one may save a little money...

I agree 100%!
This is not a work function.

It's very poor taste to even think it's ok to not invite a spouse to an event such as a graduation party.

****something that really sticks out to me in the OP is that people were invited from jobs/positions other than the most current but spouses weren't even considered

 

[Imzadi]

Page 5, but here it is below....

And when I said "seen the light"--I'm not saying that she thought folks were right--I was being silly, but she is revising the invitation to include guests.

Thanks for including the OP's answer. That's what I was hoping for when I peeked in on page 7 and it seemed like the argument was still going on for a full 7 pages, as Wishing on a Star said, for the tenth time. I'm glad there was a resolution for the OP.

 

[smkiya]

Whoever comes comes and if they don't want to come without a spouse then they can stay home. We recently had a co-worker get married and 10 of us (guys and girls) were invited - by ourselves (oh the horror!) and all 10 of us went -by ourselves- and they had us all sat at the same table (big sit down wedding) and we had a really good time.

My cousin had about 10 coworkers at his wedding. No spouses. No one seemed offended. I wouldn't be offended if dh wasn't invited. I'd have more fun without him really. When you're with other coworkers, you usually wind up talking about work stuff... boring for the other person.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Wow, just WOW...

Sorry, but I simply cannot believe the number of threads here where there are sticky situations where people are excluded from parties/celebrations and are possibly hurt or offended because the host(ess) is just not willing to plan and to budget appropriately. There have been several of these threads here in the past few weeks and months alone.

Again, you are wrong!!! A hostess can plan the party and invite whoever she wants and a lot of situations have nothing to do with planning or budgeting.

Example - bride wants no kids - oh no!!! Breaking up a family unit.

It is a little silly that people would not attend a party!!

 

[kaytieeldr]

I think it was very rude because spouses from one social group (friends) are invited, while others (co-workers) are not allowed to bring their spouse.

But in the social group "friends", both units of a given couple know and are (ideally) friends with the honoree. In the social group "coworkers" - both former and present - it appears only some spouses of said coworkers even know the OP's husband. It doesn't seem unreasonable to invite only people who know the graduate to a graduation celebration.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Again, you are wrong!!! A hostess can plan the party and invite whoever she wants and a lot of situations have nothing to do with planning or budgeting.

Example - bride wants no kids - oh no!!! Breaking up a family unit.

It is a little silly that people would not attend a party!!

Just because you can do something doesn't make it right.

To be frank it lacks etiquette & class.

For the people that said they have more fun without their spouse perhaps you married the wrong spouse

 

[Pigeon]

Again, you are wrong!!! A hostess can plan the party and invite whoever she wants and a lot of situations have nothing to do with planning or budgeting.

Example - bride wants no kids - oh no!!! Breaking up a family unit.

It is a little silly that people would not attend a party!!

Yes, the host can invite who they want to invite. But by the same token, the invitee can decide whether or not to come. Example, the bride wants no kids. I'm good with that, but I'll send regrets. Nothing silly about it.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I still don't see the big deal. I've been with dh for over 15 years, an evening apart here or there doesn't mean anything. If we go to separate things 5 evenings a year, that still leaves 360 to be together.

I see this type of event as being similar to when dh goes to a celebration for someone making partner. They invite people from the firm, past jobs in the public and private sector, family and friends. For the friends and family it's about the accomplishment and for the coworkers it's also about business connections. Personally, I find that type of thing boring. Sure I could go, but I would be just as happy to go out with the girls that evening and leave dh to make shop talk with his coworkers. I also don't feel the need to go and make small talk with the other wives when I could instead be out with my good friends.

I don't see getting a PhD as a graduation, I do see it more as a job promotion or significant career accomplishment and I would view that as work related. I wouldn't know him, nor would the other spouses, why not just let the others who worked in his department or were also working towards the same goal hang out for the evening and celebrate together?

Anyway, no one will change their minds about this. Those that would have a fit if their spouse was invited solo will always think that way, and those that would be okay with it will never be convinced they should have an issue where they don't.

OP - congratulations to your dh! I know that is a huge accomplishment and I am sure you are extremely proud of him. Enjoy the celebratory dinner!!!

 

[scrapquitler]

Personally, I would not expect to be invited to a party for a co-worker of my husbands. And if I were invited, I probably wouldn't go.

 

[PaulaSue]

If my name not on the invite I would not ask to go. If a spouse can't go out alone some of the time wihout the other complaining I would wonder about their relationship.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Again, you are wrong!!!

Ohhhh goood grief....

Here we go again...

Nope, I am not 'wrong'.

Sure, a host or hostess can do whatever they wish.
That goes without question.

The issue here is what is 'appropriate'.
The issue here is social etiquette.

And, like another poster just stated so very well.

Just because one CAN do something, does not make it the right thing to do.

PS: What is 'wrong', is to (instead of posting your own thoughts/opinions) is to issue what I would consider to be a possible personal attack by making statements like "YOU ARE WRONG!!!!!!" Complete with several exclamation marks.

So much for respect and social etiquette, even on a chatboard.

 

[Wishing on a star]

If my name not on the invite I would not ask to go. If a spouse can't go out alone some of the time wihout the other complaining I would wonder about their relationship.

First, nobody ever said that the other spouse was complaining.

Secondly, and most importantly, it is not up to you to wonder about, and pass judgment on, their relationship. Whether both wish to attend together is their business, not yours.

These posts are completely off base and off topic.

 

[mjkacmom]

Again, you are wrong!!! A hostess can plan the party and invite whoever she wants and a lot of situations have nothing to do with planning or budgeting.

Example - bride wants no kids - oh no!!! Breaking up a family unit.

It is a little silly that people would not attend a party!!

Comparing not inviting a spouse to not having children at a wedding is apples and oranges, especially since SOME spouses have been included. We rarely have children at weddings here, but I've never heard of leaving spouses off the invitation. And if children are included, probably all children would be included, not half.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Oh good grief. I can't believe that people get into such knots over a PARTY.