Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[zima-cheryl]

.... now I am at a point in my life where it is just me and my hubby and our 4 animals and I am at peace.

You know BamaTigger, that really is the thing.

I find keeping myself centered & peaceful is a full time job for me (w/a lot of help from DH). I don't know that I could have a kid and still be a balanced enough human to not loose it.

I certainly wouldn't be happy, much less yet at peace w/myself & my life. And I'm sure the child would be miserable & turn out to be a neurotic adult who would rightfully blame everything on the mother. Of course that is assuming DSS didn't show up & take the kid from me. And DH would probably be long gone if not physically... at least mentally checked out from the whole scene.

Maybe I just don't have a strong enough spirit, personality, sense of self, whatever... to be able to care for myself and another person.
But I'd rather admit that & have a happy life than make the mistake of having kids & ruining not just my life... but probably theirs too.

 

[PoohNTuck]

Forgive me friends, it's been 2 weeks since my last post...

I've been busy making money with 50+hr weeks. Cue the music "money, money, money, money.... mo-ney...". And spending way too much money on DH's tuition for a class he couldn't finish because 7 credits was too many (6 was manageable last semester but 7... ) Cue the music "money, money, money..." ah well, you get it.

Ok, so I love coke. And if absinthe is licorice flavored and you temper it with coke. What would you say if I said "Ouzo"??? I find ouzo to be licorice flavored. And I once mixed several shots of it in with a root beer and drank it like soda. I can still stay, cant I? Considering you guys chase your absinthe with coke???? Anybody else had/like ouzo (greek stuff)???

MADD, happy belated Sorry I missed it.

Alright back to making money this weekend (no cue for the music- it's just regular straight pay folks, no overtime to get excited about here)

 

[PoohNTuck]

Kirkland,

Isn't that a red wine decanter to optimize the flavor of young reds?

 

[TKDisneylover]

Pisco is the most politically entertaining liquor in the world. Just read the discussion on wikipedia, you'll understand...just don't let a Peruvian or Chillian know that you're entertained http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pisco

It's made from fermented grapes, but tastes nothing like wine. To me, there's a faint reminder of tequila scent/taste as you're drinking it, but not really.

Pisco makes me happy.

Thanks for the info! When I saw the word "tequila" it really sparked my interest. DH & I consider ourselves tequila connoisseurs as we have tried about 50 different kinds ranging in price from $4 - $65 a shot. But we actually drink it out of snifters versus doing the traditional shot with salt & lime.

 

[TKDisneylover]

I am 25 and my wife is 27. We dont really want kids either.

I havent read this whole thread, but the topic SCREAMED my name! Been married since 92, and Im 35 yrs old and me and DH do not have kids (our 4 furbabies are our kids). Back in 01 I got pregnant and lost it at 3 months. I was taking care of my disabled parents for the last 7 years and I think the miscarriage happened for a reason....

Im perfectly happy without kids. And to all the other couples who dont want any....YAY FOR YA'LL!!!

And for what its worth.....GREAT TOPIC! Its nice to vent to non kid adults...all my friends have kids and they act like Im the worst person in the world for not wanting any!

Sorry to hear about the miscarriage and the health struggles with your family. It is hard taking care of the elderly and I agree with you about not wanting ourselves to be a burden to someone else. DH and I always joke that when our times comes we will just take a cruise and jump ship together.

It always amazes me that people think we are so terrible for not having kids! Are we not making an adult decision or what?!

 

[KirklandTutu]

Kirkland,

Isn't that a red wine decanter to optimize the flavor of young reds?

No, it's the size of a shot glass.

 

[TKDisneylover]

and on to another "mind altering note" can you only imagine if this happened!????

Madd, Sorry to hear your b-day got rained out. But I can tell you that you will enjoy your new iPod, I LOVE mine. We take it on trips all the time. We have a docking station for it that has speakers that we take on vacation to enjoy our own tunes in our hotel/resort room.

I told DH a long time ago (and he agrees 100%) there is NO way I want to share you with anyone- nor, do I want to have anyone take my focus away from him. I feel I would resent a child for that reason. We can be together 24/7 and not get sick of each other- It seems to me, that a lot of couple's relationships change when they have kids- and it never looks like it is for the better! You can see them in public and they look aggravated and just not happy. It looks .........sad........

They probably think no one notices- but you can see it!

DH and I always feel this way too...We really are able to spend all that time together and not get sick of each other and I never wanted/want a kid to take away from that...I too have seen too many couples changed when they have kids and it just seems like that spark is lost between them and they are no longer a couple but just mommy and daddy...that just doesn't seem like a good life to me...

This is DH & I totally. We can spend tons of time together and never get sick of each other, not to mention we actually prefer it that way most of the time. We love vacationing by our selves too even though being at home is like a vacation also. We just enjoy each other's company that much.

Last night we went out with some of my co-workers/friends to a local mexican restaurant that has a great outdoor patio and a live mariachi band playing all night long. It was a celebration for a co-workers birthday and we were also celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary. One of my co-workers who is male, single & 40 asked what our secret was? People seem to ask that alot lately. Anyway, I typically say because we are just so connected in wanting the same things in life, but that I also think it has a lot to do with the fact that we don't have kids. He said he was asking because he has friends (2 married couples), whose kids are reaching their teen years and they are both having marital problems. He agreed that these days it seems as though children have become big stressors in a relationship. He counsel's many families whose kids have gotten into trouble with the law and at the same time the parents are on the brink of divorce.

Truly sad....

 

[TKDisneylover]

I saw this thread and had to weigh in, but can't read through all of the posts here at weekday work. Besides, I probably read it all before years ago on alt.fan.child-free, or whatever that newsgroup is called.

As for absinthe -

I have been intrigued by absinthe ever since I read about it in the Scientific American magazine article years ago.

I have tried to make a version of my own by soaking wormwood in hundred-proof vodka. I used to be in the SCA. I brought some of this to several Kingdom events, which resulted in "fairy puke" (the name a friend of mine gave it) being banned from the Kingdom. Any subjects of Trimaris reading this may remember "The Ballad of Imre the Evil".

I recently came across a recipe for Absinthe in an herb gardening book I have. I was considering trying this recipe, but your "fairy puke" is scaring me!

 

[BamaTigger]

Sorry to hear about the miscarriage and the health struggles with your family. It is hard taking care of the elderly and I agree with you about not wanting ourselves to be a burden to someone else. DH and I always joke that when our times comes we will just take a cruise and jump ship together.

It always amazes me that people think we are so terrible for not having kids! Are we not making an adult decision or what?!

Thank you!

lol @ JUMPING THE CRUISE SHIP! 2 funny ! We are leaving our life insurance to our 4 animals when our time comes!

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

IGNORANCE is BLISS

Madd, Sorry to hear your b-day got rained out. But I can tell you that you will enjoy your new iPod, I LOVE mine. We take it on trips all the time. We have a docking station for it that has speakers that we take on vacation to enjoy our own tunes in our hotel/resort room.





This is DH & I totally. We can spend tons of time together and never get sick of each other, not to mention we actually prefer it that way most of the time. We love vacationing by our selves too even though being at home is like a vacation also. We just enjoy each other's company that much.

Last night we went out with some of my co-workers/friends to a local mexican restaurant that has a great outdoor patio and a live mariachi band playing all night long. It was a celebration for a co-workers birthday and we were also celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary. One of my co-workers who is male, single & 40 asked what our secret was? People seem to ask that alot lately. Anyway, I typically say because we are just so connected in wanting the same things in life, but that I also think it has a lot to do with the fact that we don't have kids. He said he was asking because he has friends (2 married couples), whose kids are reaching their teen years and they are both having marital problems. He agreed that these days it seems as though children have become big stressors in a relationship. He counsel's many families whose kids have gotten into trouble with the law and at the same time the parents are on the brink of divorce.

Truly sad....

 

[maddhatir]

Happy Monday CF peoples!!

How was everyone's weekend?.... peaceful I am sure!!

 

[TKDisneylover]

Happy Monday everyone! Are you all rested after your child-free weekend, coming and going as you please, relaxing to sounds of ...... silence!

We had a great weekend, Saturday we helped my mom move into a new apartment and then spent the evening relaxing on our deck and enjoyed a quiet summer evening.

Then yesterday we just relaxed the entire day on the deck, read the newspaper, then read a book, all while enjoying a Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy and the beautiful summer weather......in silence. Ahhhh, the sounds of the birds chirping, the squirrels playing and the turkey waddling through to enjoy our peaceful yard.

Hope you all had a great weekend too!

 

[maddhatir]

Yesterday we were down the shore. We get on DH's boat to go sialing, and the motor would not start It is BRAND NEW!-

So nix the sailing. My SIL asked me if I wanted to go to the pool while DH tinkered with the motor- I told her I did not really feel like it- In so many words- I told her I did not feel like hearing the kids screaming! To me, it is like nails on a chalkboard. My wholy body tenses up at the sound of it!

I know the kids like the pool- so I just stay away

 

[zima-cheryl]

Happy Monday CF peoples!!

How was everyone's weekend?.... peaceful I am sure!!

We had a great weekend... despite some heavy rain showers. Saturday after a nice long nap we got dressed up and went out to supper at a fancy restaurant, then caught a show ... "All's Well That Ends Well".

I know... I know... but I just love Shakespeare!
Really... once you pick up the jist of the language & what is really going on... some of the stuff is pretty bawdy and crude. It was a pretty good show!

Sunday after church & errands I "worked" in the yard the rest of the day. I did get some flowers planted, a new soaker hose down & some weeding & trimming done. Of course that work also involved a heavy dose of inspecting the hammock!

 

[Shyvioletisme]

weekend was good, but HOT...it was between 105-107 here on saturday and sunday!! so hubby and I stayed indoors much of the time...
took a little trip up to Ikea(which is about 30 minutes away), bought some cute bath stuff. and some new storage units...

Spent most of the weekend reading a book!!! ahh. relaxation!!

 

[maddhatir]

We had a great weekend... despite some heavy rain showers. Saturday after a nice long nap we got dressed up and went out to supper at a fancy restaurant, then caught a show ... "All's Well That Ends Well".

I know... I know... but I just love Shakespeare!
Really... once you pick up the jist of the language & what is really going on... some of the stuff is pretty bawdy and crude. It was a pretty good show!

Sunday after church & errands I "worked" in the yard the rest of the day. I did get some flowers planted, a new soaker hose down & some weeding & trimming done. Of course that work also involved a heavy dose of inspecting the hammock!

I still have some rose bushes to plant- 6 of them!!

I went to the garden center and they had 50% off on all of their rose bushes- I can not pass up that! So I got 2 Peace and 2 Princess De Monacos- I also got 2 Lemon Drop tea roses. They are trained to grow, not as a bush, but it looks like a long trunk with a little ball on top.

And this is way cool........the girl I buy my plants from said her boss told her to TRASH all of the annuals that were left there! She said she can't just trash them, so she told me and mom to take whatever we wanted! I got 3 large trays of annuals. FREE!

 

[KirklandTutu]

This weekend, we did nothing!
lol
I just felt like saying that.

Actually we went to see a performance directed by a friend of mine, combining fire dancing with contemporary dance. I've been using my time off this summer to help out with it, and it was great to see it all come together on stage.

But other than that, we did absolutly nothing this weekend.

It was bliss.

 

[TKDisneylover]

Yesterday we were down the shore. We get on DH's boat to go sialing, and the motor would not start It is BRAND NEW!-

Did you DH ever figure out what was wrong with the motor?

I told her I did not feel like hearing the kids screaming! To me, it is like nails on a chalkboard. My wholy body tenses up at the sound of it! I know the kids like the pool- so I just stay away.

Ah yes, nails on a chalkboard, that's a perfect way to describe the screaming!

 

[TKDisneylover]

Of course that work also involved a heavy dose of inspecting the hammock!

I would love to have a hammock on our new deck!

weekend was good, but HOT...it was between 105-107 here on saturday and sunday!! so hubby and I stayed indoors much of the time...

Now that's HOT!!

And this is way cool........the girl I buy my plants from said her boss told her to TRASH all of the annuals that were left there! She said she can't just trash them, so she told me and mom to take whatever we wanted! I got 3 large trays of annuals. FREE!

What a great deal, good for you!

But other than that, we did absolutly nothing this weekend.

It was bliss.

BLISS, BLISS, BLISS, BLISS, BLISS......

 

[maddhatir]

Did you DH ever figure out what was wrong with the motor?

WELL! as he was investigating- he DROPPED THE OIL CAP INTO THE WATER! It was gone! We all just kind of looked over the side. The bay is yucky and *I* was not going to look for it.

I was peeing b/c my SIL is all cha-cha. She has on her matching outfit- her cha-cha rhinestone studded glasses, her dangling earrings, she looks at us and says- I *would* go in and get it but the water looks gross She wasn't going anywhere DH wasn't even going in for it-

He could not continue without the cap on- actually he just tracked one down and I just ordered another cap online. It was the only place he could find one!

He is crossing his fingers it gets here before the weekend.

So Tammy- when is your cemetery investigation??!

I told DH- I want to check out some cemeteries down the shore at night- we do not do much at night anyway when we are down there! Just hang out. He is not too keen on the idea- but if I whine enough, he may go for it