Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[ChisJo]

I've been on Depo Provera (the shot) for 4 and a half years and it sounds like that might work for you. I would recommend it, even though my experience has been both good and bad. Let me warn you that my first couple of shots were hell

Depo = BAD!!! I was on it for 8 years....I thought I loved it. I loved not having a period for that whole time. I never spotted - EVER. Now, let me tell you what did happen that made the entire experience terrible....
1) Lost all interest in any sexual activity...literally, the thought of being with my BF was revolting....and I truly loved him. He was lucky if once a month happened. Before the depo shot, this never happened. We are no longer together. No wonder pregnancy doesn't happen - when you don't have sex, you can't get pregnant!
2) Gained TONS of weight....literally, went from a size 4 to a size 12. I have been off the shot now for 2 years, and just hit a 6. Not so fun.
3) my personality changed...drastically. I became a totally different person. I kind of lost that fun part of my personality, and became a little bitter at just about everything. It wasn't until after that I realized how I had changed. I actually was told by my mother that I was a better person now. Wow - I didn't know I was like that.
4) I got major depression....literally. I wouldn't want to get out of bed. I had to go on an antidepressant for awhile just to get motivated to do anything.
5) I didn't know that depo depletes your calcium absorption...my dr. didn't really know either as depo was pretty new on the market. He never told to either ensure that i am eating enough yoguart or drinking milk, or ensuring I have a calcium supplement everyday just to ensure that enough calcium is being absorbed (quick anatomy lessson....having a period HELPS to absorb calcium into our bones...that is why when we stop menstruating, we have a higher chance of osteoporosis).

And just some more information on the depo shot....if it doesn't work for you, it's in your system for 12 weeks....you can't get rid of it. You can be ornery and spotting the whole time. But, if it does work for you, great. It's not for everyone, but I have met more who hated it then who liked it.

I've been on the Merina IUD for 3 months and like it. It is a low dose of hormones, it needs to be replaced every 5 years, and if I have problems, I just get it taken out. This isn't for everyone either....But, at least you have some ideas from this board as to which direction you can go.

Cheers - Jo

 

[Hixski]

When I was in my early thirties I got off the pill. DH and thought we would probably have at least have one child. We were still fence sitters while actually trying. I was off the pill for 5 years. My OB kept asking if I wanted to be tested and DH too. No, no we will just let nature take its course. When it didn't we decided we did not want to do everything possible and decided just to not have a child. I am on the lowest dose pill you can get. Being 47 , nature is now taking care of the issue. Can we say pre-menopause.
My OB keeps me on the pill as he says it is still a lower dose than the hormones he gives his menopausal patients. I am one of those women that never had problem periods (extra testoterone) and except for my brain going the menopause stuff isn't so bad for me either. All my same aged friends hate me right now.

 

[Liisa]

I'm so glad i came across this .... I'm only 23 and have never wanted children... my dbf is supportive as he knew my position on kids before we got together... the problem i have is the same as you except i get your young you'll change you mind but i can not see me doing this.... at Christmas this year my dad had a major go at me saying how i was being unfair to my bf and I'm not considering his feelings.... is he the one going through labor?... or having a child that is not wanted?.... it left me pretty low although my dad did say sorry it was the alcohol talking according to him the next day..... i love kids in moderation but i have no longing to have one what so ever.... sometime i feel not normal because society expects you to have children .... i dont even like thinking about something living in side me .... i know i will get famed by some ppl for what i am saying .... i just find it hard sometimes

GraLaur07,

Hang in there. If you can't tell already, you are in good company with others who haven't been bitten by the "i want kids" bug. I found that after several years of always having the same answer to the "don't you want kids" question, my friends and family finally realize I am serious. DH and I don't want kids. End of story. It just takes a little longer for the people around you to grasp that you can actually make that decision!

Liisa

P.S. You're in Scotland??? That is sooo cool! That is on our list of places to visit. As has been mentioned before, No kids = more disposable income, which for us means MORE VACATIONS!!!

 

[Liisa]

Dreary, Rainy day here in Connecticut. Thought I'd lighten things up... Anyone got any fabulous vacations planned in the next year with all that "disposable income" you've got hanging around since you don't have to save for jr's college?

DH and I are headed to WDW twice this year... Planning a trip to the Grand Canyon next Spring. (Having two dogs limits us a bit from the LOOONNNGGG vacations as we have a dog / housesitter while we are away....)

 

[ChisJo]

With our disposable income, next year we are buying an Audi TT since the mortgage will be paid!! And the year after that, we are hoping to be able to do a 3 month vacation to Europe, taking our time and enjoying it instead of having to rush rush rush!!

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Dreary, Rainy day here in Connecticut. Thought I'd lighten things up... Anyone got any fabulous vacations planned in the next year with all that "disposable income" you've got hanging around since you don't have to save for jr's college?

DH and I are headed to WDW twice this year... Planning a trip to the Grand Canyon next Spring. (Having two dogs limits us a bit from the LOOONNNGGG vacations as we have a dog / housesitter while we are away....)

We take lots of short vacations (generally one long weekend per month) since DH is self-employed and doesn't want to stay away from his clients too long. We've gone to Disney three times this year (our dog was sick and then passed away in March, so we didn't take any mini-vacations early in the years), and plan to go for 2 long weekends during the Food and Wine Festival and hopefully for Christmas too!

Other than that, we have plans for the 4th of July in St. Augustine and will probably do beach weekends this month and in August.

 

[WDWguru]

We were in Tokyo and Hong Kong (and of course all the Disney parks there) in late December, hit Vegas in January and again in April, just got back from WDW.

We head to Vegas again in June (Police concert!). We'll be living in the UK for the month of July and will be going to Prague, Pisa/Florence and Paris (+ Disneyland, which will complete our world circuit of Disney parks) while there. In August we'll take our third Alaska cruise, then back to WDW in December! DH travels a lot for work so I tend to tag along, but it's also what we enjoy doing with our free time. We have hit just about every place on our list - a few big ones left include Africa (safari!), the Galapagos and Dubai.

 

[Liisa]

We have hit just about every place on our list - a few big ones left include Africa (safari!), the Galapagos and Dubai.

An African safari is on our list as well!

We had done Italy (Bari, Rome, Florence, Venice, Pisa) on our honeymoon... but we hope to get back there to spend more time in Tuscany - we had one day trip to an olive vineyard and a nice dinner there... not enough time to appreciate the region.

I love hearing about everyone's plans!!!

 

[luvthemouse71]

Hahahah!!

I am actually rather lucky in this regard, as I chose a technical profession with almost no women in my department, at this job or any of the 8 I have had in the past 10 years (yeah, not exactly a STABLE profession!). Most of the men are from other countries and/or have SAHM as wives.

My boss does have kids but they are teenagers, and he is a workaholic anyhow, so the thought of leaving at 2PM is NOT acceptable in my department. I have actually never worked in a place where they put any emphasis on family time... I guess when you get into tech you know that the hours can be long/wonky.

Both my job and my husband's job penalize families way more than singles for health care. Employee only for me is free, and for him is $80/month... Family for my company is $200+, and same for him.

I do offer to take weekend time and holidays, since my DH is in retail and we can never take traditional vacations. Summer, Christmas, spring break is the LAST time I would want to take vacation anyhow... too many kids, too many people. I don't really like family holidays anymore... we wind up relegated to the kids table w/ siblings, cousins, and their babies, talking about diaper wipes and potty training.

Maybe I *am* bitter.

Oh BTW... I am looking for a new, more permanent form of birth control. I am currently on Yasmin and have no problems with it, but I would like something I didn't have to refill often and take daily. My insurance covers birth control other than the pill 100%. Any suggestions? I would love to have my tubes tied but at 31, healthy, married, no doctor would do it.

Really? They wouldn't tie your tubes at 31? I work as an OR nurse, and we do tubal ligations at my hospital. I've seen them as young as 24...It does depend on your doc though. Come to New England..we'll tie them for ya!

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Really? They wouldn't tie your tubes at 31? I work as an OR nurse, and we do tubal ligations at my hospital. I've seen them as young as 24...It does depend on your doc though. Come to New England..we'll tie them for ya!

A friend of mine had them tied at the age of 21 in the 1970s! I really think you could find a doctor to do it--you might have to shop around a bit.

As for me, I never had my tubes tied because everybody kept telling me I'd change my mind...I wanted to leave the option available, just in case....and here I am at 50, and never changed my mind!

 

[kennancat]

5) I didn't know that depo depletes your calcium absorption...my dr. didn't really know either as depo was pretty new on the market.

Jo - I would definitely recommend that you bring the potential for bone mass loss up with your current doctor since you were on it for so long. At this point, they don't recommend you stay on it for more than 2 years unless you have no other options. Check out this link on the FDA's web site: http://www.fda.gov/bbs/topics/ANSWERS/2004/ANS01325.html
My plan is to get off next month and I plan to talk to my new gyno (I'm changing that too) about doing another bone scan. My biggest concern is that if it is deteriorating faster than is healthy, I'd rather address it now instead of when I'm older.

 

[HockeyKat]

I would suggest you look into the Essure: http://www.essure.com
I had this done back in March. It was done in the doctor's office & is less invasive than surgery, like having your tubes tied. I go in about 2 weeks for the follow up to make sure everything is okay.

Keep in mind it is permanent, so be 100% sure before going ahead w/the procedure. Also, keep in mind that Essure's info. is marketing - I did find the process and recovery a bit more than they lead you to believe. That said, even knowing what I know now, I would make the same decision again.

My doctor was very reasonable, and after several conversations she understood where DH & I were at and agreed to do the procedure. Personally, I think a doctor that would do it at first request w/out making sure you realized what you were signing on to do isn't a doctor I would trust. This is a big step, so they need to be sure we aren't making a decision in the heat of the moment.

Good luck - there are so many options now days, I'm sure you will figure out the best one for you. (We really are lucky to live in a time where we have so many options & possibilities!)

Side question - what is the "Hockey" in "HockeyKat"? Are you cheering for either Anaheim? Or the Senators? in the Stanley Cup playoffs?

Hockey is for being crazy about hockey. I am pulling for the Sens, but I like both teams. DH grew up in Ottawa so they are his 2nd fav. I grew up in Pittsburgh so the Pens are my 2nd fav. We live in Raleigh-Durham, NC, so our first fav team is Carolina. We got to see them award the Cup last year which was cool. Both of us play hockey, as well... that is how we met.

I've been on Depo Provera (the shot) for 4 and a half years and it sounds like that might work for you. I would recommend it, even though my experience has been both good and bad. Let me warn you that my first couple of shots were hell Eventually, the monthly visits go away, but until they're completely gone, you'll experience "spotting", aka a 12-week period. Between that and the mood swings, wasn't too keen on doing the second shot. However, I figured I'd gone through it for twelve weeks at that point, might as well go for the second round and see if was the same or any better. Luckily, it got better, and the next time it was better still. By the end of the first year, it was marvelous - no periods, only had to deal with BC every few months, prevention rate is better than most pills, etc. I did gain weight while I was on it, but I don't feel like I can blame that on it because I was already gaining weight before I started on it. I did lose the extra weight and although I've gained it back (about 25lbs over goal weight) I still feel like that's more to do with too many trips to the bakery and not exercising. I have decided to go off it soon because I do wonder if it's causing me to be depressed at times and I think a lower dose pill might not affect me the same way. I've also read about possible negative impact that it may have on bone density, so that's important to consider too. I had a bone scan a year or so ago just to make sure that I was okay (I was fine). Like I said, it has its good and bad points, but what BC doesn't, right? I think it's a great option for any woman who needs a more permanent BC but either can't or doesn't want to go for sterilization just yet.

I am afraid of Depo. Weight gain, depression, etc. Also, I either want sterilized or I want to continue to have a period... it freaks me out not to otherwise.

NUVARING. I love it. I pay almost $50 cash a month for mine so if you can get it free, DO IT! You don't feel it and it is easy to put in - just once a month. If you use tampons, it can move, but that's happened about 3 times in 3 years.

Not sure about Nuvaring... if it is prescription it is not covered by the insurance, but by the precription plan so it might be $$. Crazy HMOs.

I'm so glad i came across this .... I'm only 23 and have never wanted children... my dbf is supportive as he knew my position on kids before we got together... the problem i have is the same as you except i get your young you'll change you mind but i can not see me doing this.... at Christmas this year my dad had a major go at me saying how i was being unfair to my bf and I'm not considering his feelings.... is he the one going through labor?... or having a child that is not wanted?.... it left me pretty low although my dad did say sorry it was the alcohol talking according to him the next day..... i love kids in moderation but i have no longing to have one what so ever.... sometime i feel not normal because society expects you to have children .... i dont even like thinking about something living in side me .... i know i will get famed by some ppl for what i am saying .... i just find it hard sometimes

I completely understand. I have known since I was in high school that I didn't want children. I am 31 now and I still get the "you'll change your mind" thing and I despise hearing that. I don't even like kids in moderation. The thought of having one inside me makes me shudder. I don't want to carry, birth, or raise one. My mom gives me grief all the time. So anyhow, maybe we aren't "normal" but then again what is... just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

Thanks for all the BC advice! I have to make a physical appt. soon so I will be better armed for the talk w/ my doctor.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Dreary, Rainy day here in Connecticut. Thought I'd lighten things up... Anyone got any fabulous vacations planned in the next year with all that "disposable income" you've got hanging around since you don't have to save for jr's college?

Yes! We are going to WDW in November. It's actually a family trip with my husband's parents and his brother. I can't wait!

 

[Mrs.Reese]

A week of Disney in August

A panama cruise at Christmas

A two-week tour of England, Ireland and Scotland in July 2008

It's a great life!

 

[Hixski]

Let me see now.

We went skiing in January.
Vegas in February.
DH had a guys golf trip in April.
Disney cruise in September with a couple of days at WDW too.

Beyond that I know we are going to do an Alaskan cruise next summer. For our 25th anniversary in 2010 we are going to sit on a beach for 1 week in Oahu and then take a week cruise to the other islands. Those are the only vacations I know of for sure.

 

[LoveStitch626]

We haven't had much "fun" this year since DH started a new job. Let's see though.. we are building a deck, putting in a hot tub, and getting our yard landscaped (diy). We're also working on the house..pulling up carpet and making it a lot prettier. As far as fun trips go, I'm planning a WDW trip for November/December with MIL ( lol I know!) Me and a couple of girlfriends have a "girls weekend" trip up to the Renaissance Fair in November but it may end up our guys go too. But hey.. that's ok too! We'll be able to see if the 5 of us can tolerate each other in one suite lol. We're planning a WDW trip for the 5 of us next December and staying in the WL Villas. We've also thrown around the idea of a few girls only slumber parties while the guys go hunting for the weekend. We've got a few parties planned for this summer once the deck is built. The Fab 5 have been on a Saturday night rotation for cooking dinner. Each Saturday one of us cooks dinner for the rest then we play cards/dice/dominos/have a few drinks. Some friends of ours are moving down in a couple of weeks, so that'll be fun too.

 

[Hixski]

We haven't had much "fun" this year since DH started a new job. Let's see though.. we are building a deck, putting in a hot tub, and getting our yard landscaped (diy). We're also working on the house..pulling up carpet and making it a lot prettier. As far as fun trips go, I'm planning a WDW trip for November/December with MIL ( lol I know!) Me and a couple of girlfriends have a "girls weekend" trip up to the Renaissance Fair in November but it may end up our guys go too. But hey.. that's ok too! We'll be able to see if the 5 of us can tolerate each other in one suite lol. We're planning a WDW trip for the 5 of us next December and staying in the WL Villas. We've also thrown around the idea of a few girls only slumber parties while the guys go hunting for the weekend. We've got a few parties planned for this summer once the deck is built. The Fab 5 have been on a Saturday night rotation for cooking dinner. Each Saturday one of us cooks dinner for the rest then we play cards/dice/dominos/have a few drinks. Some friends of ours are moving down in a couple of weeks, so that'll be fun too.

With all of your remodeling you should subscribe to this thread. http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1379800

Some of those folks on there are doing whole house remodeling. My small projects seem tame on there.

 

[Aggiegrl]

Hi everyone!

I'm new to the boards, I somehow I stumbled across this thread. I sort of fit in here, and I love seeing all of your posts--well the ones I have read. I don't have time to read all 1500!

DH and I are 25, been married for 3 years, and have been together for 7. Right now we have no plans to have children. We just bought a house and have 2 horses, 2 rabbits, and 2 turtles (they all need companions, you know!). We love to travel, to eat out, to do couple things. Everywhere we go we are mistaken for "just-marrieds" since we are very happy and very affectionate with each other.

Everyone else our age is popping out babies. My MIL reminds me weekly about this--we bought a new mattress this weekend and she bought the sheets for it, saying these are for making grandchildren. She is partially joking, but as we all know, she is partially not...oh well, I have nice sheets!

I don't want to loose my freedoms for a child. I love the family relationships we have with the generations above us, and I will miss that if we don't have children. But still, I'm not sure that is worth it.

More over, I would go crazy without a career. I have been unemployed twice in the past 3 years due to moving for DH's job, 6 months each time. I went absolutely crazy. I tried to be a good little domestic wife and it was horrible. I felt my brain going to mush.

I love my career in non-profits, ironically I am a director of youth for a 100,000 member organization! Non-profits don't pay much, so it would eat up almost ALL of my monthly salary for child care if I wanted to work. It seems like such a burden. That's the money we do "fun stuff" with now.

I guess I don't have a point, but I needed to vent to others that can understand!

...and BTW, DH and I are at the CSR the first week of September. We have free dining, and because we don't have kids, we can really enjoy all the NICER 2 TS restaurants in the world. No character dining of buffets for us!

 

[maddhatir]

Welcome to the board Aggiegrl!

Everyone else our age is popping out babies. My MIL reminds me weekly about this--we bought a new mattress this weekend and she bought the sheets for it, saying these are for making grandchildren.

I am sorry- I just have to do this........

....Ok all better!

 

[LoveStitch626]

Welcome to the board Aggiegrl!




I am sorry- I just have to do this........

....Ok all better!

LMAO My thoughts exactly.


Welcome to the boards Aggie...this could be fun when football season comes back around!! (assuming you're a Texas Aggie LOL I bleed burnt orange myself ) Bevo