Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[Hixski]

Do they even allow children in Vegas?

Hopefully not the toddler temper tantrum variety.

 

[maddhatir]

I would agree that this is very important to DH and me too. I would assume the same for most CF couples. It's even one of the key things that holds me back from wanting kids - how do you introduce kids to the relationship while maintaining that equal partnership?

I always told DH there would be no way I would want to share my time between a child and him, I love him that much that I think it would just ruin our relationship. We can actually be together 24/7 and never get sick of each other- and we have been together, between dating and marriage for 26 years! It never gets old!

The best thing in the world is to have your DH walk throught the door after a long day at work, kiss you and say "Man! It feels so good to be home!"

So we chose to have a relationship- between the 2 of us- that is WHY we got married-- and not share with anyone else

 

[maddhatir]

Hixski- Have a great time in Vegas--

And yes- they had to ruin that place too- they had to make it "family friendly"-

DH and I are trying to plan a trip to Amsterdam in the fall- now THERE I doubt you will find screaming kids- well, unless they live there, and they are screaming. But I dont think we will be bombarded!

You know- I ALWAYs tell DH I want to patent a housing developement idea (doubt that is even possible!) BUT- I want it to be a whole development for CF people. Smaller houses, they will have only 1 bedroom but it would be a huge master bedroom- huge bath- big kitchen, so we can entertain. Have everything CF people need but not all the extras, like 3 bedrooms- 3 baths, a living room AND a family room.

I want cobblestone sidewalks- gas street lamps, nice size yards for privacy. And no kids allowed! If you get pregnany- we have an association that tosses you out!

Imagine how great that would be- you dont have to hear little Jimmy and his friends playing street hockey- no kids toys in your yard- and the best thing- none of those neighbors that all hang out together only b/c they have one thing in common- the next playdate! -

Why dont we have rights- you know someone would fight it.

 

[plgrn]

If Disney would have a week with no kids, I would pay double.

Same here, although seeing all the screaming urchins nudges this fencesitter a little closer to a certain side of the fence!

 

[plgrn]

I always told DH there would be no way I would want to share my time between a child and him, I love him that much that I think it would just ruin our relationship.

So we chose to have a relationship- between the 2 of us- that is WHY we got married-- and not share with anyone else

Well said! I always tell DH I'm too clingy to share him with anyone. I've known mothers who are jealous of their own children and it's just sick! Don't want to be one of those.

 

[PghLybrt]

You know- I ALWAYs tell DH I want to patent a housing developement idea (doubt that is even possible!) BUT- I want it to be a whole development for CF people. Smaller houses, they will have only 1 bedroom but it would be a huge master bedroom- huge bath- big kitchen, so we can entertain. Have everything CF people need but not all the extras, like 3 bedrooms- 3 baths, a living room AND a family room.

I want cobblestone sidewalks- gas street lamps, nice size yards for privacy. And no kids allowed! If you get pregnany- we have an association that tosses you out!

Imagine how great that would be- you dont have to hear little Jimmy and his friends playing street hockey- no kids toys in your yard- and the best thing- none of those neighbors that all hang out together only b/c they have one thing in common- the next playdate! -

Why dont we have rights- you know someone would fight it.

Sign me up!!

My Mother is so disgusted by what I did to my house when I bought it. I gutted it, I have a huge master bedroom , big soaking bathtub, the downstairs and back yard are all set up so that I can entertain. She thinks I will never be able to sell it....I say I want to live in it (and live in it well) not sell it!

 

[maddhatir]

Sign me up!!

My Mother is so disgusted by what I did to my house when I bought it. I gutted it, I have a huge master bedroom , big soaking bathtub, the downstairs and back yard are all set up so that I can entertain. She thinks I will never be able to sell it....I say I want to live in it (and live in it well) not sell it!

You know what? Both of my BILs build and buy houses to resell- they are always these big houses- they are always thinking resale-- but guess what? There are tons of us CF people out there who would just love a nice sized home but without all the extra rooms that we will never use!

Our first house was a 3 bedroom 1 1/2 bath- dining room, eat in kitchen, living room AND family room- what in the world did we need all that room for?? So we sold that and bought a nice sized condo- even thought that had 2 full baths- that was nice b/c we both had our own- but it had one large bedroom and a loft that we used for out "computer room" it was a perfect size for us- but we then got tired of having people around all the time and we got lucky that we found a 1200sq foot little rancher with a big yard for DH to put his 30x40 garage on it with lots of room left over. His garage is as big as the house

In the past, if I wanted to make chages to our home DH would say- resale! Now with this house- I say-- this is OUR home and I dont care about the next people who buy it-- if they dont like it, oh well- we will find someone who does! There is always someone out there!

 

[Hixski]

We have a 1400 sq ft "starter home" ranch. We built it 20 yrs ago and it is still perfect. Ok, we have changed it a bit from its 1980's glory but we love it. It has 3 bedrooms and we use one for a guest room and the other for our office. We tell people the dog has his own room he just has to share it with the computer. We have a huge great room and thats all we need. We are going to be snowbirds when we are older so I guess we are staying.

 

[JodyTG]

I have a long time friend that also decided at a young age to not have kids. She was lucky enough to find a great guy that felt the same way. They've been together for about 15 years (married @ 5 years ago) and have their answer to "do you have kids" all worked out.

Sample conversation that I remember hearing a few months ago:
Nosy Person - So, do you have any kids?
Stace - Oh, yes, Ginger, Scottie, and Buddy. They're so cute and do the funniest things sometimes.
NP - Really?
S - Yes, just this morning Ginger didn't want me to go to work, so she hid my car keys.
NP - How old is she?
S - She just turned one a few weeks ago.
NP - She's only one and she hid your keys?
S - Yes. The poor baby isn't fully trained yet, so I had to put her in her kennel while I was searching for my keys.
NP - OMG! You locked your daughter in a kennel.
S - She likes her kennel so it's not like it was a bad punishment or anything.
NP - You should be turned over to Child Protective Services!
S - Why, the kennel I have is AKC approved.
NP - Maybe for a dog.
S - Well, that's what my "kids" actually are after all. Do you want to see their AKC registration forms?
NP - (Nothing said, she just walked off.)

Everyone standing aroung thought that it was hilarious. They just answer these types of questions with answers about their dogs (which ARE, in their opinions, their kids and probably have it better than my own). Also, if you break out pictures of your kids, she breaks out pictures of hers.

I'm another of those "breeders" but my 15 year old (at least) is a polite kid because she's been raised to be that way. Since she was 8 years old she's given up her seat on the Disney buses to older people, people holding younger kids and babies, and pregnant women. My son just turned 3 and is still in the "terrible two" stage, but he'll come around.

The kids that you guys are seeing at WDW are unlucky enough to have really bad parents that don't understand that unprotected sex is NOT a hobby.

 

[HockeyKat]

My last remaining female married friend called me today and told me she is pregnant. Sigh. It doesn't really matter that much, I guess, since she doesn't live close anymore. This is the third one to bite the dust this year.

And to the folks who say we can remain friends... not so much. I mean, we will likely still email once in a while, but until the children are in high school, they won't have much free time. And it will be as much our fault, since children are not welcome in our house.

Whee for the childless 30s! I love my life and wouldn't change it, except to maybe find some couple friends that feel the way we do. We still have some single friends, but that carries its own brand of awkwardness.

As to the housing complex, sign me up. We have a fairly large house (2300 sq ft), but it is set up totally for us as DINKs. The two spare bedrooms are for guests and the occasional drunken crasher and are usually shut. The master suite is huge w/ a big walk in closet, soaker tub, etc. The loft area has two white plush chaise lounges and a big screen. The family room has another big screen w 2 15 inch flat panels on either side, 7.1 surround, leather couches, a wine rack server, a kegerator, a high pub table and chairs, and a full bar. Just off that is a patio w/ built-in grill and 8 person hot tub. All carpets are white, all furniture is white plush or black leather, all accents are brushed nickel, and the dining room table is always set. Not exactly "family friendly."

 

[PghLybrt]

You know what I always find with my friends that have children (and maybe this has been discussed already)? I find an underlying thread of jealousy from them all the time. Yes they love their children and they would not change their lives but I always get those comments when I go on another vacation, or out to dinner again, or stay out till …(insert any time past 10 here!),.

Do you all experience the same thing?

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Hixski- Have a great time in Vegas--

And yes- they had to ruin that place too- they had to make it "family friendly"-

DH and I are trying to plan a trip to Amsterdam in the fall- now THERE I doubt you will find screaming kids- well, unless they live there, and they are screaming. But I dont think we will be bombarded!

You know- I ALWAYs tell DH I want to patent a housing developement idea (doubt that is even possible!) BUT- I want it to be a whole development for CF people. Smaller houses, they will have only 1 bedroom but it would be a huge master bedroom- huge bath- big kitchen, so we can entertain. Have everything CF people need but not all the extras, like 3 bedrooms- 3 baths, a living room AND a family room.

I want cobblestone sidewalks- gas street lamps, nice size yards for privacy. And no kids allowed! If you get pregnany- we have an association that tosses you out!

Imagine how great that would be- you dont have to hear little Jimmy and his friends playing street hockey- no kids toys in your yard- and the best thing- none of those neighbors that all hang out together only b/c they have one thing in common- the next playdate! -

Why dont we have rights- you know someone would fight it.

Yes, yes, YES!! I have actually been thinking a lot about a childfree retirement village (since DH and I will be retiring in 12 or 13 years). How cool would it be for childfree people to retire to a really FUN place and not have to listen to all their neighbors go on and on about their grandchildren?? That's omething that gets me about parents--it's like they have no lives or personalities of their own, everything is about their kids. It gets really tedious, and at my age (50), everything is just starting to be about the grandkids!

I want everything to be about Disney, and the beach, and kayaking, and my book business, and the internet, and great food/wine, and..well, you get it!

(When I returned to college in my late 30s, I once listened to an entire parallel conversation among a group of older students--my age--who were moms. They were sitting around a table and each one would say something about their kids:

"Samantha and I made chocolate cookies for her to bring to school today."

"Aaron has a girl from school who keeps calling him, it's so aggravating."

"Dylan's voice is starting to change, it's so funny!"

and on and on, with none of them responding to what the other moms said, but just going on about their own kids. It was very funny! )

 

[plgrn]

That's omething that gets me about parents--it's like they have no lives or personalities of their own, everything is about their kids.

Scary, isn't it? One of my major pet peeves is screen names (not intentionally naming any from this board )such as "mollysmommy" "mothertofive" "mommyoftwinboys"......It's like they have no identity outside of their kids. Also I see women with MySpace/Facebook pages and the like who remove their own picture from their personal profile and replace it with an ultrasound photo or a picture of their newborn. Did they morph into their child?

 

[plgrn]

You know what I always find with my friends that have children (and maybe this has been discussed already)? I find an underlying thread of jealousy from them all the time. Yes they love their children and they would not change their lives but I always get those comments when I go on another vacation, or out to dinner again, or stay out till …(insert any time past 10 here!),.
Do you all experience the same thing?

Yep. My sis-in-law (age 30) has 5 kids ages 8 and under and whenever I mention anything about how college is going, a trip we have taken, etc. She just kinda sighs and says how she would like to do something like that when the kids are grown. She and her husband have been trying to take a 10 year anniversary trip for years, but can't because there's always an infant breastfeeding!!

I've known my best friend since second grade and I called the other day to check up on her and her month old baby (I was not at the birth since mom and I were in WDW! ) She said "Enjoy your life, Jenn. Take trips. Don't have any babies." This is the girl that I thought was going to commit suicide if she didn't get pregnant! Granted that was probably the post-partum depression and sleep deprivation talking, but still!

 

[kennancat]

Smaller houses, they will have only 1 bedroom but it would be a huge master bedroom- huge bath- big kitchen, so we can entertain. Have everything CF people need but not all the extras, like 3 bedrooms- 3 baths, a living room AND a family room.

Oh, but I love having way too much room in my house! Now, if only I could figure out the best way to hire someone else to clean it!

 

[kennancat]

One of my major pet peeves is screen names (not intentionally naming any from this board )such as "mollysmommy" "mothertofive" "mommyoftwinboys"......It's like they have no identity outside of their kids.

You know, that's always kind of bugged me too. I don't think I could have kids if I felt like I couldn't still be myself. I'd want being a mom to be part of my life, but not the be all and end all. Most of the women I know who have become moms manage this decently and don't feel the need to put down others who made different choices.

Personally, I feel like there's a class of women who just relish putting down other women to feel better about themselves. And when these women become moms, well, look out - now they've got something really good to feel superior about. I think most mothers are naturally a little insecure about how they're doing, so even normally secure women can be hurt by these catty women. Great example of what I'm talking about - go check out the CB for the thread where some poor mom got flamed on another message board because she - gasp - left her baby ALONE for 10 minutes to take a shower. Another example - one of our seagull friends from this thread is even nastier to other parents than she is to us.

 

[Hixski]

Yes, yes, YES!! I have actually been thinking a lot about a childfree retirement village (since DH and I will be retiring in 12 or 13 years). How cool would it be for childfree people to retire to a really FUN place and not have to listen to all their neighbors go on and on about their grandchildren?? That's omething that gets me about parents--it's like they have no lives or personalities of their own, everything is about their kids. It gets really tedious, and at my age (50), everything is just starting to be about the grandkids!

I want everything to be about Disney, and the beach, and kayaking, and my book business, and the internet, and great food/wine, and..well, you get it!

(When I returned to college in my late 30s, I once listened to an entire parallel conversation among a group of older students--my age--who were moms. They were sitting around a table and each one would say something about their kids:

"Samantha and I made chocolate cookies for her to bring to school today."

"Aaron has a girl from school who keeps calling him, it's so aggravating."

"Dylan's voice is starting to change, it's so funny!"

and on and on, with none of them responding to what the other moms said, but just going on about their own kids. It was very funny! )

We have a golf country club type place by us that is somewhat childfree. You must be over 50 and no children under the age of 18 can live with you. I think that is about the best you can ask for. It is for "ACTIVE" retirees or anyone or 50. Not too bad. Where we live most of the kids are gone now so I guess we are staying.

 

[diznee25]

Great thread. DH and I are childless by choice, he's 32 and I'm 27. We haven't made a final "announcement" to family, but instead always beat around the bush when asked the dreaded question, "When are you going to have babies?" Come, on! Even if we told them how we feel, they wouldn't believe us anyway. So our best defense is no defense. They'll figure it out in 5 to 10 years.


Michelle

 

[maddhatir]

You know what I always find with my friends that have children (and maybe this has been discussed already)? I find an underlying thread of jealousy from them all the time. Yes they love their children and they would not change their lives but I always get those comments when I go on another vacation, or out to dinner again, or stay out till …(insert any time past 10 here!),.

Do you all experience the same thing?

OMG! I JUST logged on to ask anyone how many times they hear this little comment...

"MUST BE NICE!!"

and then I read your post and thought it fitting to post the comment here!

I HATE when people say that to me and yes it is jealousy that makes them say this I am certain of it!

Oh and by the way-- YES! IT IS NICE!!!

 

[maddhatir]

I have a long time friend that also decided at a young age to not have kids. She was lucky enough to find a great guy that felt the same way. They've been together for about 15 years (married @ 5 years ago) and have their answer to "do you have kids" all worked out.

Sample conversation that I remember hearing a few months ago:
Nosy Person - So, do you have any kids?
Stace - Oh, yes, Ginger, Scottie, and Buddy. They're so cute and do the funniest things sometimes.
NP - Really?
S - Yes, just this morning Ginger didn't want me to go to work, so she hid my car keys.
NP - How old is she?
S - She just turned one a few weeks ago.
NP - She's only one and she hid your keys?
S - Yes. The poor baby isn't fully trained yet, so I had to put her in her kennel while I was searching for my keys.
NP - OMG! You locked your daughter in a kennel.
S - She likes her kennel so it's not like it was a bad punishment or anything.
NP - You should be turned over to Child Protective Services!
S - Why, the kennel I have is AKC approved.
NP - Maybe for a dog.
S - Well, that's what my "kids" actually are after all. Do you want to see their AKC registration forms?
NP - (Nothing said, she just walked off.)

Everyone standing aroung thought that it was hilarious. They just answer these types of questions with answers about their dogs (which ARE, in their opinions, their kids and probably have it better than my own). Also, if you break out pictures of your kids, she breaks out pictures of hers.

I'm another of those "breeders" but my 15 year old (at least) is a polite kid because she's been raised to be that way. Since she was 8 years old she's given up her seat on the Disney buses to older people, people holding younger kids and babies, and pregnant women. My son just turned 3 and is still in the "terrible two" stage, but he'll come around.

The kids that you guys are seeing at WDW are unlucky enough to have really bad parents that don't understand that unprotected sex is NOT a hobby.

That is great! Tell your friend...good one. DH and I are sitting here on the couch, me on my laptop- him with the remote and a mimosa- WHY- becasue we can!

Anyway- I was just reading the conversation to him and we were laughing. I was telling him about our thread and he said believe it or not if someone asks him if he has kids- and he tells them no, they tell him that is a wise choice- I pretty much get the same thing.

Maybe b/c when people ask ME if I have kids- I say "oh god no!" and they know exactly where I stand, and dont bother to go further. But I am still waiting for that one obnoxious idiot, out in public not on our thread! to make THE comment so that I can let loose.

Well at least if I let loose in public, I wont get points!