Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[aclov]

I guess as I have gotten older my skin has gotten much thicker. Never let some random person get to you like that. People like that have their own issues when they need to insult other people. I have a friend that has 6 kids and she would be the first one to tell someone off like that. I joke with her that I can't imagine having 6 childen and she jokes with me that she would sometimes like to imagine not having 6 children. She GETS that not everyone has children. Too bad not everyone can be like that.

God Bless your friend! I have a friend who I've mentioned before who is the opposite. She's a SAHM with 3 kids and believes people are selfish who don't want children. Or she feels sorry and has pity on those that are having trouble conceiving. I honestly have pulled myself away from her because of the way she makes me feel. I've known her for 20 years and we share the same bday but it's to the point were I don't even want to talk to her anymore.

 

[autumnl78]

oh my gawd i LUV you people! finally lol people who get that dogs and cats are kids.
when drew and i were dating we acumulated 3 cats osiris, buttercup, and tux. then we got married. we've been married 3 years and some change. 3 weeks after we got married drew went to sea for 6 1/2 month. 1 week after he got home we went and got our beagle baby.
about 6 months later we got our calico arwen, took the 4 cats to the vet for shots and came home with 5 as someone had found a 3 week old under their apartment that the moms owner had moved with mom and not made sure they had everyone. so, we bottle fed natasha. then, we got captain henry. then sadly we lost buttercup to kitty heaven (seriously 4 months later i get all upset thinking about her..). we were done getting critters. until miss grace omalley found us.
i love kids. dont get me wrong. theyre great. one day we may adopt from overseas. but i have no intention of BIRTHING kids. seriously dont get me started on my husbands blood line, and my families issues as well im sooo not carrying those on or whose yet merging them genetically.
my parents refer to the beagle as their grandpup. she goes to grammy and pappys every day while we're at work. hell the dog gets to ride in my dads truck and he takes her to mcdonalds and gets her a bunless burger (not often or id throttle him).
personally i feel i should be able to take my dog anywhere others can take their kids as 75% of the time my dog is better behaved than the kids who screams "nonono" for 8 isles up and down in the target and the rents just let him scream instead of going home or for freaks sake apologizing to the people the kid is driving nuts.
yes i AM that person who says "your childs not happy take them home and let them sleep" at 930 at night when a 4 year old is flipping out as theyre dead tired and the adult cant figure out why the poor kid is acting out. i also have 6 nieces and nephews who ive basically helped raise the 4 on my side so im not one of those people who doesnt understand kids cause they dont have them.
i think what people need to remember is not everyone wants to be a parent. some people who are shouldnt be.some parents are great parents. some who want to be cant be. but, as long as all these people all just respect each other, and try to make the place a better world for all kids biped and quadraped thats all that matters. (also i think people must remember, my beagle is so the cutest coolest smartest doggy ever and my cats rock the socks lol)
regardless. i love my zoo. i love my husband. i love my neices and nephews. and thank gawd my parents have accepted im not a breeder, now if theyre friends would do the same life would be a lot easier.

 

[bulah1]

You know I actually lost sleep over this thread last night? I was up all night thinking about the negative comments we've seen on this thread that are completely uncalled for. I'm glad to see this morning that some friendlier banter has started back up for the most part it makes me feel like maybe somehow the point may be getting across to those on the other side of the fence.

To try and get things a little more back on track - bring it back down home to the Disney aspect of the question.

Walt made us a world to play in as EQUALS. It is a place to set our differences aside and unite for the duration of our stay and enjoy the company of others and delve into the realms of imagination. And shame on those who think the imagination is for children only. As many have proven here time and time again, the imagination is for grown-ups too... and Walt GOT that. Hence come forth his wonderful playgrounds. It is a place for people young and old, single, married, divorced, black, white, gay/lesbian, non-parents and parents with 6 kids or more , or WHATEVER - to come together with a single mind and stop caring about what is WRONG with the world outside those gates. And hopefully, when each of us goes back home - we take that attitude home WITH us! There's a little too much rage outside those gates, I hope some of the "magic" leaks out home with us and can spread it around a bit!

So please, check your problems and issues at those gates and hopefully before you enter these boards. Just please try and respect people as you would want to be respected. If you want to share an opinion it is one thing - but please do not judge.

 

[bulah1]

I guess as I have gotten older my skin has gotten much thicker. Never let some random person get to you like that. People like that have their own issues when they need to insult other people. I have a friend that has 6 kids and she would be the first one to tell someone off like that. I joke with her that I can't imagine having 6 childen and she jokes with me that she would sometimes like to imagine not having 6 children. She GETS that not everyone has children. Too bad not everyone can be like that.

I just love this post! It just goes to show people can actually see both sides of the spectrum! KUDOS!!

I know I can kind of come off as "preachy" sounding, but that is not my intent. I am just hoping that people here on the boards and hopefully outside as well, can all share this common viewpoint of respecting decisions. It's good to be able to "joke" about it as well, which can really only be done with strong bonds between each other without being offensive. I just think life without love is pretty darned empty. I don't think kids are the only way to find that love... there are so many forms of it that are barely explored... (kind of like the simple idea of "paying it forward"... something you can do for someone can profoundly affect another's life). Is it really so hard for people to just be "kind"?

So if some of you parents are trying to "fill a void" in your life by having children, you are doing it for the wrong reasons. You should be a strong, confident, and wonderful person standing on your own first - so that when you do have children you can pass those traits off to your children, and hopefully raise children that will be able to make some real positive changes in our world. I'm trying to become that strong individual now, I'm sure I have a long way to go - as do most of us I'm sure - but instead of passing it off to children of my own, I hope to "do good" for others in other ways. It's my opinion, and everyone is entitled.

Again, Kudos to those who already respect this about people... FREE WILL. We all have it, no passing judgements!

LOVE,

Erica

 

[Liisa]

I think I am done! So- when are you going??

We are going in May 2008 (8 year anniversary trip)... but we are up in the air again on the hotel. We now have a short list of options. The RIU is still on there, but now DH has also stumbled acress the Iberostar Grand Paraiso (which looks like it belongs in Vegas if you ask me) and the Royal Hideaway. You know, it's so much easier to plan Disney...

me to hubby "where do you want to stay, beach club or boardwalk?"

Hubby "we did the beach club, last time, how about the boardwalk?"

Me "Hello, DVC people, I need a studio at the boardwalk."



Oh, and that capybara thing... at first I though, he's kind of cute. Then I read the description - world's largest RODENT?!!! EEK! I think I'll be requesting a non-ground floor room!

 

[ObsessedwiththeMouse]

personally i feel i should be able to take my dog anywhere others can take their kids as 75% of the time my dog is better behaved than the kids who screams "nonono" for 8 isles up and down in the target and the rents just let him scream instead of going home or for freaks sake apologizing to the people the kid is driving nuts.

NOO!! I'm allergic and would have an episode right in the middle of Target!

 

[HockeyKat]

I just love this post! It just goes to show people can actually see both sides of the spectrum! KUDOS!!

I know I can kind of come off as "preachy" sounding, but that is not my intent. I am just hoping that people here on the boards and hopefully outside as well, can all share this common viewpoint of respecting decisions. It's good to be able to "joke" about it as well, which can really only be done with strong bonds between each other without being offensive. I just think life without love is pretty darned empty. I don't think kids are the only way to find that love... there are so many forms of it that are barely explored... (kind of like the simple idea of "paying it forward"... something you can do for someone can profoundly affect another's life). Is it really so hard for people to just be "kind"?

So if some of you parents are trying to "fill a void" in your life by having children, you are doing it for the wrong reasons. You should be a strong, confident, and wonderful person standing on your own first - so that when you do have children you can pass those traits off to your children, and hopefully raise children that will be able to make some real positive changes in our world. I'm trying to become that strong individual now, I'm sure I have a long way to go - as do most of us I'm sure - but instead of passing it off to children of my own, I hope to "do good" for others in other ways. It's my opinion, and everyone is entitled.

Again, Kudos to those who already respect this about people... FREE WILL. We all have it, no passing judgements!

LOVE,

Erica

Erica, this is the best post I have read on this thread, and maybe ever. I feel the SAME EXACT WAY about people who strive to find that job, that marriage, those kids, that anything to complete them or fill some sort of void. People and things can't complete you -- you have to stand for yourself, and enjoy what comes to you that is good as additions to your joy, and grieve through the bad and hopefully learn from it and move on.

For me, my kitty, my husband, my wonderful home, all add to my joy. But if I lost any of them, I would grieve, and move on to find something else.

However, I (and my DH) would find a child to be a loss and not a joy, and to me that more than anything says that children aren't for us.

 

[Liisa]

I'm several posts behind... forgive me as I catch up...

DH and I are also losing friends to parenting responsibilities. We figure some day when the kids are teens or in college, we'll get them back. For now, as funny as it seems, we do alot with my parents. It sounds odd, but they act young and enjoy most of what we enjoy - going out to dinner, travelling, shows... They even join us on a Disney trip once a year - my mom LOVES the teacups! They've got no kids left in school and have lots of free time. We have a terrific time with them.

I found an official childfree website for CT and it seemed pretty inactive. So that wasn't any help either. I understand the feeling of loss though. We miss just being able to call up friends on a saturday night to have dinner and see a movie... no spur of the moment outtings when you have to line up a babysitter.

We all got together for a bbq last month and DH and I felt left out. As the only childfree couple there, we found that most of the conversation was about kids / schools / friends / how to restrict internet access / etc. Since I've never come home and found my dogs looking at inappropriate websites, I really didn't have much to add! Hmmm... I bet my Khabo would really enjoy some puppy porn - he's kind of a crazy guy!

 

[kennancat]

You know I actually lost sleep over this thread last night? I was up all night thinking about the negative comments we've seen on this thread that are completely uncalled for. I'm glad to see this morning that some friendlier banter has started back up for the most part it makes me feel like maybe somehow the point may be getting across to those on the other side of the fence.

I will admit to letting people's responses upset me on other threads. This last one didn't bug me too much because she is so clearly a troll (3 posts and 2 of them are on here?!?) that I'm not going to let her bug me - that's what she wants to do. I have a theory that the people who make these kinds of posts are very unhappy and are looking to put others down so they can feel better about their own lives. Honestly, I feel pity for her - people who are happy with their own choices don't feel the need to trash other people's choices. Sadly, we've dealt with enough trolls on this thread at this point that it's becoming like water off a duck's back

 

[bulah1]

I will admit to letting people's responses upset me on other threads. This last one didn't bug me too much because she is so clearly a troll (3 posts and 2 of them are on here?!?) that I'm not going to let her bug me - that's what she wants to do. I have a theory that the people who make these kinds of posts are very unhappy and are looking to put others down so they can feel better about their own lives. Honestly, I feel pity for her - people who are happy with their own choices don't feel the need to trash other people's choices. Sadly, we've dealt with enough trolls on this thread at this point that it's becoming like water off a duck's back

You're absolutely right! I usually don't let stuff bother me, but it's like so many others deal with this bull $#*& daily from people close to home, so it's so sad that strangers have to add to the blow. I pretty much got it out of my system and have cooled off, I have to say I was steamed though. I have worked very hard to keep an open mind about everyone's lives around me and not pass judgement - but I do it! I have many people around me that are in situations I totally don't agree with, but it's their life and their lesson to learn and I won't dare say a thing about it unless they ask my honest opinion. And if I DO give my opinion, I will never do it in a judgemental way. And if I do, I hope they stop me and put me in my place! LOL! I consider you guys my new "friends" and hope you'll do the same for me, I just want to be a good person... I hope everyone wants the same for themselves. Seems that's not the case for some people though... sad.

Thanks for the support system you guys!

 

[Fritochips4u]

-

 

[KirklandTutu]

I love kids, I do. I love teaching them, especially the teenagers (I'm crazy, I know). One of my smile-and-be-happy answers to parents of students when they ask me why no kids, is that if had children, I wouldn't be able to focus so much on my students. No one seems to have thought of a come back to that one yet. But it's the truth, it really is. My job is my passion and first love. It also gives me a good topic to relate to parents about. They talk about baby carriers, it gives me the opportunity to hopefully save one more child from being a bucket-baby and later on having issues with reading comprehension (early development movement theory, one of my pet causes). It's funny, children and teens are the center of my life, just not in the parenting way. Vacations are wonderful because it's a true vacation from my job...and thank god for Disneyworld creating an escape for adults who still want to be kids. Everytime I go, I get recharged, and I come back as a better teacher I think. I see how the majority of kids in the States move and behave, and it reignites my passion for what I do all over again.

I'm so looking forward to February, when we go for a much deserved week long Disneyworld vacation. Last time we went to Disneyland and hubby was on crutches after ACL surgery. Now THAT was like taking care of a child. It was relaxing, but not enough so, I still had to take care of him. This time I'm being a bit more selfish I think, I'm making him go to Bistro de Paris (mmm, sweetbread), and I'm going to try as many odd treats as I can find.

 

[momomonster]

I've just reported her, as well.

 

[Fritochips4u]

6502

 

[momomonster]

OH MY GOODNESS......WHATEVER WILL I DO!?!?!?

It's called a discussion...People don't get "in trouble" for that.

Chrissy
5 kids

You are being hurtful and insulting. You are not discussing a thing.

 

[Hixski]

Nope, I'm not a troll, but thanks for the label...gotta love it. I mainly lurk and read for informative purposes.

I just thought it was ironic that you all were saying how reading others' posts about kids made you all "so thankful" to be childfree....yet, the reason I come here and read this thread and the reason alot of people with FAMILIES come on here and read this thread is because it reaffirms, to me anyways, that I am SO SO SO SO SO SO glad that I DID have kids.

I read about the countless posts about dogs and cats and, while they are wonderful to have, it's sad when an ANIMAL becomes someone's life. There was even a thread on here about someone took her BABY DOLL to Disney and posted pics.

Reading everyone's posts on here makes me sad that so many of you have nothing but a mangy mutt or feline. It makes me sad because I know the joys of what I've experienced and to see someone put so much of their LIFE in an ANIMAL is very sad to me. There's more to life than that.

I absolutely respect everyone's decision to not have children. I think there are people that really should NOT have children. BUT, to go to a families thread to read what we "complain" about...Very holier than thou.

I love my life, love my family and love my children with every fiber of my being. It's very funny that everyone's saying "oooh, she must not be happy with her life...that's why she came here"...

I came here for the same reasons ya'll read the families thread. This thread makes me MORE thankful that I have what I have.

Chrissy
5 kids

Ok, lets try this again. You just don't GET IT. You say you respect everyone's decision but you insult us with your comments. Did you even read that some people on here don't have children by choice. They made the choice after life made the choice for them. Bulah1 has helped 5 people have children that they desperately wanted. How insulting do you think your comments are to her?????

I think it is great you love your life. We love ours. I have a dog. I love him to death but here is a news flash.......I love my DH more. My dog is not a mangy mutt as you call them and I certainly have more in life than him.

I am not going to say anymore as I know some people will NEVER get it. This may be a discussion board but insulting people is not discussing.

 

[aclov]

Nope, I'm not a troll, but thanks for the label...gotta love it. I mainly lurk and read for informative purposes.

I just thought it was ironic that you all were saying how reading others' posts about kids made you all "so thankful" to be childfree....yet, the reason I come here and read this thread and the reason alot of people with FAMILIES come on here and read this thread is because it reaffirms, to me anyways, that I am SO SO SO SO SO SO glad that I DID have kids.

I read about the countless posts about dogs and cats and, while they are wonderful to have, it's sad when an ANIMAL becomes someone's life. There was even a thread on here about someone took her BABY DOLL to Disney and posted pics.

Reading everyone's posts on here makes me sad that so many of you have nothing but a mangy mutt or feline. It makes me sad because I know the joys of what I've experienced and to see someone put so much of their LIFE in an ANIMAL is very sad to me. There's more to life than that.


Chrissy
5 kids

Look it comes down to this - Your either an animal lover or your not. It has nothing to do with having or not having children. I know people who have children and treat their dog or cat or bird or horse or whatever like part of the family. I don't consider my dogs "just pets" to me they are a part of my life which means I have to care for them, but I also don't treat them like babies, dressing them up in clothes or feeding them with a spoon. It's called being a responsible owner. I know alot of people including my parents don't understand, my dad thinks I should get rid of them because they cost alot but he's not an animal person. So you either get it or you don't. And just for the record, I've NEVER been on the Families Thread.

 

[kennancat]

Reading everyone's posts on here makes me sad that so many of you have nothing but a mangy mutt or feline. It makes me sad because I know the joys of what I've experienced and to see someone put so much of their LIFE in an ANIMAL is very sad to me. There's more to life than that.

I don't even have a "mangy mutt or feline", so I wonder how pathetic that makes my life?

I absolutely respect everyone's decision to not have children. I think there are people that really should NOT have children. BUT, to go to a families thread to read what we "complain" about...Very holier than thou.

I also read the family boards because I don't have kids and I'm curious to see what life and visiting Disney is like for people traveling with children - both the good things and the things that they "complain" about. I think it's made me a lot more aware of the issues they deal with on a daily basis and more tolerant. I don't get the impression that you're interested in anything that we experience or think.

And I just found it really funny that the post telling us how pathetic we all were came right after bulah1's whole post about everything she went through to help perfect strangers have a child.

 

[momomonster]

You know what upsets me about this TROLL isn't what she's saying, because it truly defies logic, but that she's over here trying to hurt people.

And she thinks she's the better person!?!

 

[maddhatir]

OMG! I go away from our thread for a while and I come back to craziness!!!

Man- That Frito eater is certainly looking for a rise out of everyone. Who cares if she lurks- but she also posts- I think that is what she doens't get- some of the CF may lurk on the family threads- but do not post......but then again, just like Hix said- why bother!?...scoot

And Duncan??? a mangy mutt? She better bite her tongue! OOOO- that reminds me- I have to drop some supplies off to the animal shelter- yes, I will do that for the poor helpless animals b/c I do not have a life of my own............whoa is me........

and bulah1-- WOW! Good for you. You are certainly a better person than I-- I call myself selfish for a reason!

CJK--About loosing friends who are having kids- I guess DH and I were lucky- it seemed like our friends "staggered" their childrearing Over 27 years we had friends who were still CF while others were having them. And now it seems like most of our friend's kids are at the age they can be left alone- so we do get a chance to see a lot of our friends on and off. All of our friends DH and I have known since we were teens- so we will never really loose contact completely- they are the kind of friends who you can pick up where you left off and feel like you never missed a beat and we all still "get" each other....well for the most part anyway-- there may be one that is a little "nazi-mom like" with the whole kid thing- but even her kids are getting older now and it is not as annoying as it used to be.

Liisa- my SIL stayed at one of the Iberostars ( I think it was in the Dominican Republic) and know she said she loved it! She likes a lot of restaurant choices. And it had plenty!

And welcome autumnl78

and... hello to all the CF peeps!!