Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[ChisJo]

Madd - I too miss the Johnny pic on the bed....can't wait to see that one again....you know, I've thought that boy was good looking 20 years ago (I remember having pics of him from Teen mag. on my walls!). He seems to have gotten better throughout the years!

 

[maddhatir]

Madd - I too miss the Johnny pic on the bed....can't wait to see that one again....you know, I've thought that boy was good looking 20 years ago (I remember having pics of him from Teen mag. on my walls!). He seems to have gotten better throughout the years!

ChisJo- I like your new avatar! Your DH is a cutie! I LOVE the glasses!

Here are a few of JD in bed for your viewing pleasure!.....and to hold you off until I can put the yummy pic back into my siggay after Halloween!

I think I will take these over the eye candy thread and put them there also!

 

[kennancat]

So, we went to a couple of Halloween parties last night, and the subject of our lack of children managed to come up at both. At the first (where we really only knew the hosts well), we ended up chatting with this one guy that we talked to at a previous party at the same house. He'd mentioned that time how he wasn't sure on the whole kids thing, but his wife definitely was ready for them. At this party, he asked if we were still "deliberately childfree". We said yep. He said had seen a lot of people crack on this one, so good for us. Then he mentioned he's decided he no longer has the choice in his relationship, it's more about stalling now.

At the second party, we knew a lot more people - it's a group of friends from the local college that we managed to meet a couple of years ago (we did not go to college with them). They are ALL starting to have kids now. One of them (and I should add that she was three sheets to the wind at this point) was asking us if we were ready to jump on the bandwagon yet, and I said no. Her response was, "oh good, because I want to be next." I told her I'd be very very happy to have her be next as opposed to me too! We all got a good laugh out of that one.

I feel really lucky that we haven't gotten some of the comments that others here seem to - our friends and acquaintance seem surprised about our decision at times, but largely seem to be of the opinion that if you do feel that way, it's okay to not have kids. Of course, the fact that they all are still means our social life is starting to slow down a bit. We've recently started talking about ways to add new friends to our life so that we're not stuck at home because all of our friends are at home with their kids. I have to say, finding good couple friends is tough! It's like dating times 4! We did go out to dinner recently with one couple that I met through a local professional society and I told DH that it's his turn to go find a set too. Anybody else got any good tips on finding couple friends?

 

[ChisJo]

Not that long ago, my BIL, who, by the way, is a very verbal person, and is kind of arrogant and, truthfully, not very well liked, said the most ignorant thing to me ever. First, let me tell you that my sis and him have been trying for 2 years to have a baby, and a few months ago, my sister found out that she may not be able to conceive a child (final results next week), so she is very devestated about that and an emotional wreck at times about it. So, we were all driving in the car somewhere (him, me and my sis) and the topic of my desire to not have kids comes up, and he sais it's my human DUTY to have children, and a responsibility to continue on my BF's name. It's wrong to not have children, he sais, and if you don't have children, you are an insult to human kind, and besides, who will take care of me when I'm old! - he said this in front of his WIFE who at the time was just going through all the emotions of finding out she probably will never be able to carry her own child. Anyways, long story short, she freaked out, and I just dropped it. I was so mad, that when I got home, my BF had to calm me down.

 

[Shyvioletisme]

Not that long ago, my BIL, who, by the way, is a very verbal person, and is kind of arrogant and, truthfully, not very well liked, said the most ignorant thing to me ever. First, let me tell you that my sis and him have been trying for 2 years to have a baby, and a few months ago, my sister found out that she may not be able to conceive a child (final results next week), so she is very devestated about that and an emotional wreck at times about it. So, we were all driving in the car somewhere (him, me and my sis) and the topic of my desire to not have kids comes up, and he sais it's my human DUTY to have children, and a responsibility to continue on my BF's name. It's wrong to not have children, he sais, and if you don't have children, you are an insult to human kind, and besides, who will take care of me when I'm old! - he said this in front of his WIFE who at the time was just going through all the emotions of finding out she probably will never be able to carry her own child. Anyways, long story short, she freaked out, and I just dropped it. I was so mad, that when I got home, my BF had to calm me down.

That is horrible. Not just to you, but even more so to his wife. Geez. He sounds like a real winner. This sounds exactly like something my best friend's future husband would say..

 

[Liisa]

Madd,

Perfect way to start the week... I needed that!

I went to a halloween party this weekend and my niece (the one we are taking to WDW) has a lifesize POTC cut out of Cap'n Jack. She's so lucky. I don't think DH would be ok if I had one.

 

[kennancat]

DH and I are watching Headlines from Leno last night (love the DVR) when they show this particular piece of furniture:

DH goes, "wow, what a great idea!"

No, dear - if we ever have kids, we are not locking them up in "baby jails".

For anybody concerned, I found the website and this is "institutional furniture". I do not think it is intended for home use.

 

[KirklandTutu]

DH and I are watching Headlines from Leno last night (love the DVR) when they show this particular piece of furniture:

DH goes, "wow, what a great idea!"

No, dear - if we ever have kids, we are not locking them up in "baby jails".

For anybody concerned, I found the website and this is "institutional furniture". I do not think it is intended for home use.

Wow... institutional or not, that still gets a single eyebrow raised and dead pan 'wow'

 

[kmmccart75]

Just got back from a week long Disney trip, celebrating six gloriously childfree years of marriage - during the trip, DH and I agreed that if either of us ever has any doubts about not wanting kids, we will take a trip to Disney first! Not that we didn't have a wonderful time, just that it's amazing how so many families in the happiest place on Earth, are not so happy, and we are! And if they're not happy there, then where?

For example, we were taking the elevator down from our room in the Boardwalk, and were on the elevator with two families. This was in the morning, so you would think everyone would be fresh and rested (we were!). One family had two small children who were absolute terrors, whining, pouting, hitting each other and everything else - and I glanced at the parents, who had apparently given up. They had such long, tired, droopy faces, like I look or at least feel when I have the flu! The other couple had a cute little well-behaved daughter, but they were snapping at each other under their breath every few seconds. When we got off the elevator, I just looked at DH dreamily and said "THANK YOU" and he chuckled and gave me a kiss.

Also, I couldn't get over the number of parents who kept their infants and toddlers out till past midnight! The ones that weren't passed out were screaming, and doing that sort of half-whine, half-fake-cry thing. I mean, come on, those kids were exhausted and miserable and the parents didn't look happy either. Actually, I would say only about one in four families looked like they were actually enjoying themselves at any given time, and virtually every childfree couple looked peaceful, romantic, and HAPPY to be at Disney!

I will let you all in on one of our little secrets. Remember in the Lion King when Scar is telling the hyenas about his plan to get rid of Mufasa? The hyenas start singing "no king, no king, lalalalalala!" Well, whenever we are trapped next to a family meltdown, we will hum that little tune, or mime a little dance, or maybe even just wink at each other, and what we are singing in our head is "no kids, no kids, lalalalalala" and it reminds us that as soon as we get off that bus or out of that line, we will be blissfully childfree again! Maybe you all can use that one too!

Well, sorry I rambled on so long - gotta get to bed now, hubby is waiting!

 

[honugirl]

Ahhhh, I've had those exact same feelings while at Disney world. Especially the "why are these kids out past midnight thing?" None of them look remotely interested in what's going on. Half are asleep, the other half are wailing.

My SO and I have decided that Disney needs to do an extra magic hours for ADULTS ONLY in the evening. Restrict it to say, 21 and over. They could have EMH in another park for everyone so that you could choose, childfree EMH or regular EMH depending on what you wanted and which park you wanted to go to. Then we could have the totally blissful Disney experience.

The first time I was there, this past June, we were at the little beer area at the British Pavilion, next to the restaurant (ok, it's late, forgive me for not remembering names) waiting for Illuminations to start. Next to us was a mom who was PLASTERED! We watched her down at least two of those huge beers and she had at least one before we got there. Husband was no where in sight. Two kids who were not the least bit excited to be sitting there waiting, both who had swords and shields from the Norway pavilion. The kids were fighting and climbing all over us. The husband finally arrives and gets into a fight with her about being plastered. Illuminations finally starts, the other half of the family arrives (another 8 people) and tries to butt in next to us (we were right on the wall at a table with a perfect view!). Then they got all snarky when we told them the kids were blocking my view (I had to sit, I was recovering from ankle surgery). After Illuminations the comments started flying from them about how rude we were. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall in their room later that night... Oh boy, must have been some vacation if mom needed to drink that much!!! And the families wonder why I run the opposite direction from them? It should be pretty obvious after that adventure!

 

[ChisJo]

The first time I was there, this past June, we were at the little beer area at the British Pavilion, next to the restaurant (ok, it's late, forgive me for not remembering names) waiting for Illuminations to start. Next to us was a mom who was PLASTERED! We watched her down at least two of those huge beers and she had at least one before we got there. Husband was no where in sight. Two kids who were not the least bit excited to be sitting there waiting, both who had swords and shields from the Norway pavilion. The kids were fighting and climbing all over us.

I vote her for parent of the year! That's awesome parenting right there! I hope she was the one that drove home that night, just to set a better example for her children.

 

[honugirl]

Well, the last we saw of her, she was headed towards the "friendship" so with a little maybe luck she fell off the back of the boat. Ha ha ha ha.

 

[zima-cheryl]

... just that it's amazing how so many families in the happiest place on Earth, are not so happy, and we are! And if they're not happy there, then where?

I always thought a good way to make a fortune would be to set up a family counseling booth at Orlando Airport. All those "happy" families are an untapped market!

 

[dolcezena]

Hi All!

Been away from this thread (& the Boards) for many months & just came back...

VERY happy to see this thread still alive & kicking! Especially considering how I feel after that debacle of a kid's day, Halloween!

Have I ever mentioned that I live next door to a day care? 'Nough said.

Anywho, just wanted to say hi, & after skimming the occasional post that's popped up in the last few months, glad to see the CF community is still (mostly) thrilled to be CF. *Plgrn is gone?!!?*

DH needs the inter-web connection now. Guess I wasted too much time trying to figure out where I'd left off!

Hope to chat with y'all soon!

PS - Hixsi: LOOOOVE that snickers martini!

 

[hopey1kenobi]

OK, so here is my 2 cents.

I have 3 kids, they are great. But there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about what my life would be like without them. I love my kids and wouldn't have done things different, but that being said, kids are hard work. You have to put their needs in front of yours. We are not poor by any means, but we have to budget to survive. DH and I have to put our marriage needs behinds the family needs. It's tough, exhausting but by far the most fulfilling adventure I have ever had.

DH and I are putting our plans on hold until the kids are out of the house. Our youngest is 1 so it's going to be a while. But in 17-18 years when they are out of the house, my DH will be retiring within 2-3 years of that and then it is our time.

I do envy those who waited to have kids and had several years of kid free time with their spouses before having kids. That was not possible for DH and me as I had a DD from a previous relationship. Almost 5 years a of marriage and 2 more kids later we are planning for our kid free time. Yes we have to wait almost 2 decades for it but in the end it will be completely worth it. I do believe that if I hadn't had DD when DH and I got married we would be kid free and possible remain that way.

My best friend is in a commited relationship and never wants kids. She loves mine to death but has never had a burning desire to have her own. I completely agree with her decision!! She is maternal and would make a great mother, but she does NOT want any. My kids are enough for her. I envy her lifestyle but I know that we made the best decision for DH and I.

I'm not a kid person. Love mine, can't stand other people. It's not that I think mine are better, but mine get on my nerves, other people's drive me crazy. Like some people aren't cat or dog people, with me it's kids.

Bottomline: If you don't want kids, don't have them. It's not selfish or anybody's business why. If you want to have kids, make sure you have them for the right reason.

 

[Poppinsme]

[I'm not a kid person. Love mine, can't stand other people. It's not that I think mine are better, but mine get on my nerves, other people's drive me crazy. Like some people aren't cat or dog people, with me it's kids.]



What an odd thing to say. Why have children then? You sound like your not real happy. And thats sad.

 

[hopey1kenobi]

[I'm not a kid person. Love mine, can't stand other people. It's not that I think mine are better, but mine get on my nerves, other people's drive me crazy. Like some people aren't cat or dog people, with me it's kids.]

What an odd thing to say. Why have children then? You sound like your not real happy. And thats sad.

For starters I am very happy and fulfilled with my life. My children are a huge part of that. I was just being honest that I don't like being around peoples kids, i'm sorry if you think that is sad. I guess you think it sounds like I hate my kids or can't stand them. That is not the case in any way, shape or form. I love my kids, I love their little personalities, quirks, laughs, smiles and cries. When they are angels and little devils.

Parents should admit that sometimes their children get on their nerves and that sometimes you need to take a short break from your children, I'm not saying leave the country to get away, but everyone once in a while you need 5 minutes to yourself.

 

[ChisJo]

I'm not a kid person. Love mine, can't stand other people. It's not that I think mine are better, but mine get on my nerves, other people's drive me crazy. Like some people aren't cat or dog people, with me it's kids.

I actually can respect you for saying this. I think there are alot of parents who do feel that way, but wouldn't ever say it....I think it's great that you can recognize that.

 

[kennancat]

[I'm not a kid person. Love mine, can't stand other people. It's not that I think mine are better, but mine get on my nerves, other people's drive me crazy. Like some people aren't cat or dog people, with me it's kids.]



What an odd thing to say. Why have children then? You sound like your not real happy. And thats sad.

I think this is very common. Just because somebody doesn't get all gooey about children doesn't mean that they are a bad parent. I've heard many people whom I consider to be good parents share this sentiment, especially given the way that some poor parents allow their children to behave these days. And by the way, it's "you're", not "your". Why can't the trolls spell?

Welcome to the thread, hopey1kenobi. Come and be judged with us evil childfree people

 

[dolcezena]

And by the way, it's "you're", not "your". Why can't the trolls spell?

Apparently they don't know how to "quote" either....


I agree with ChrisJo too, I know there are parents out there who don't think all kids are great - my sister is one of them! Adores her daughter (who we'll call Peanut), but even Peanut drives her up the wall sometimes. How could you not be pushed over the edge by a child that bangs her head off the floor when she doesn't get her way??? (She's 18 mths old)

On another note, I just read a newspaper article about people spending huge amounts of money on their pets. Included in this article was a summary of a survey. A (very) small percentage of people thought that pet owners that lavish gifts on their pets are "trying to fill a void" in their lives.

I can only assume that they think "the void" is due to the pet owner's lack of children.

I spoil my dogs & cat rotten!!! And it's not because I feel a void because I'm child-free. It's because how else do you reward that unquestioning devotion a pet gives you!?!?

The best thing is, they don't grow up & ask for the car keys!