Marriage puzzle for you!

[SaraJayne]

Hey, thanks for the update and info!!!

Clearly, if your friend is going and and on, trying to get your input, etc... This situation is enough to bother her.

Sounds more like a thing ongoing with his family dynamics, more than crazy-talk or a 'controlling' thing.

But, reading your reply, I just have to say that I was thinking the same thing that you are now mentioning!!! It sounds like the themes of infidelity and being young-free-crazy, are hitting a little TOO close to home!!!

I almost asked in my earlier post if this might have to do with infidelity on his part, or his fear of infidelity on your friends part!!!!

It sounds like he got a little too 'upset' when your friend told him that she thought 'nobody should tell'... Asking 'who told'... etc...

Your friend was saying that she thought nobody should tell, and that this other sister should 'go have fun'....

Not to mention that her DH is working away from home a lot....
Either one could try go get away with doing whatever they want.

I think we have just found the deep underlying kicker here!!!

PS: I do still think that there is a problem with relatives having such a priority and influence, above one's own spouse.... (like I said, I've BTDT with that issue, would never abide by that in my marriage again, ever...) Having said that, I think that these other issues that are just now coming up are the primary ones here...

Holy cow, talk about making a mountain out of molehill.

Maybe the DH was just in a crappy mood ~ it happens to everyone, you know.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Your friend needs to put a stop to being bullied and let the bully know she's not going to be around him when he's acting like that.

I agree!

However, the DH is being a 'passive aggressive' bully.
He is the one who after having brought on the whole thing, HE walked off and 'wasn't talking to her'.

Really, this friend needs to learn how to handle this crazy passive-aggressive crap...

 

[Wishing on a star]

Holy cow, talk about making a mountain out of molehill.

Maybe the DH was just in a crappy mood ~ it happens to everyone, you know.

Well, maybe... maybe not...
Like I said, the friend is obviously going over and over this with the OP... So, this 'molehill' is enough to bother her...
So, yes, today it is her 'mountain'.

And, you know, you can post that "I think that too much is being made of this, maybe he was just in a crappy mood..." WITHOUT issuing a personal attack against another poster and their thoughts/opinions... (which included a full quote and three sarcastic emoticons...)

But, hey, whatever....

I've been around the DIS long enough to expect it.

 

[NHdisneylover]

She was thinking of going out, buying him a pair of leather pants and sending him off to the bike rally.

I like that your friend has a sense of humor

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My husband will come to the defense of his family even if I am agreeing with what he is saying. He's not angry about it though.

Lots of stuff going on in your post--so the most postive reason I can think of is the good ol' fashion "I can talk about my family, but you can't" syndrome.

On the negative--perhaps somewhere at some point he is catching grief and he is just irrationally acting out to his wife when his anger should truly be directed elsewhere.

Too much drama though, that's for sure. What's missing is that he isn't defending his sisters--and that truly is a puzzle.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Well, maybe... maybe not...
Like I said, the friend is obviously going over and over this with the OP... So, this 'molehill' is enough to bother her...
So, yes, today it is her 'mountain'.

And, you know, you can post that "I think that too much is being made of this, maybe he was just in a crappy mood..." WITHOUT issuing a personal attack against another poster and their thoughts/opinions... (which included a full quote and three sarcastic emoticons...)

But, hey, whatever....

I've been around the DIS long enough to expect it.

Maybe I am misreading things It sounds to me like the friend brought it up to the OP once, but then OP brought it up to the friend again when the friend called. Maybe the friend is wondering why OP and a bunch of crazy DISsers keep "going over and over" a couple of minor comments she made once over coffee

 

[SaraJayne]

Well, maybe... maybe not...
Like I said, the friend is obviously going over and over this with the OP... So, this 'molehill' is enough to bother her...
So, yes, today it is her 'mountain'.

And, you know, you can post that "I think that too much is being made of this, maybe he was just in a crappy mood..." WITHOUT issuing a personal attack against another poster and their thoughts/opinions... (which included a full quote and three sarcastic emoticons...)

But, hey, whatever....

I've been around the DIS long enough to expect it.

Telling you you're leaping to conclusions and making a mountain out of molehill isn't a personal attack.

People have bad days. It happens. It doesn't mean they are abusing their spouse, being a bully, cheating on them, think the grass is greener, etc.

But I'm not one for drama. If everyone would like to continue to berate the man for being snarly to his wife, please do.

 

[sbell111]

Not only am I not seeing a smoking gun in the OP's scenario, I don't think that it's useful to condemn someone simply because of their tone during a third (fourth?) party conversation.

 

[shortbun]

Sounds like he's a bit off to me. I would not be suprised to hear that he displays more unexplainable behavior. Could he be off his meds? (not a joke)

 

[bumbershoot]

I don't know, but if my DH & I were having a conversation that was going like the one you related, I'd say to him "What are your knickers in a twist about? It's a conversation, for God's sakes".

My guess is he told Sis about the cheating. The other issue...I have no idea why he was such a crank.
He may not have been realizing he was doing it...soemtimes if DH is having a bad day, he'll be snappy and I'll have to say "What are you so snappy about?" and then he realizes it.

Now, if their communication is like this ALL the time, then I'd say there is some sort of communication problem.

Not only am I not seeing a smoking gun in the OP's scenario, I don't think that it's useful to condemn someone simply because of their tone during a third (fourth?) party conversation.

I agree with both of you.

This was a *tone* problem. This wasn't a grudge carried on after the conversation (unless you left that out). He said later that he was NOT angry with her.

This sounds like he was excited while telling the story, he was in the moment of all of it, it was probably an eventful emotions-filled time with his sisters and mom, and the "tone" was just coming from reliving what was happening at his mom's house.


DH does this all the time. When he's telling me about his day, he gets all animated like it's happening again. I generally can't handle that much emotion directed towards me (I get my stomach in knots about it), so I ask him to not imitate peoples' voices or tones, and to just "tell it". This is a very common thing in my house. Anyone listening might think that he was yelling at me, when he's just imitating, say, his mom yelling about his sister.

From my experience, my context, this isn't a problem at all. And the woman wanting to make sure it doesn't happen, in the context I have experienced, is a totally reasonable thing to do, best accomplished by talking with her husband about how it made her FEEL, and trying to make sure conversations in which he re-tells things are told, not acted out, in the future.

 

[luvsJack]

Have not had the internet up and working for the past few days so now that it is, I thought I would come back and update.

My friends says that she talked to her dh a couple of times over the week and he has had a couple of other little episodes to acting odd about things she said. She sent the kids to grandma's for the weekend and they are spending some time talking about what his issue is. He finally admitted that something is bothering him. So, I am sure I will hear all about it after he goes back to work Sunday night.

Oh, and she actually did buy him some leather pants. I haven't heard any fireworks so am hoping they brought a laugh from him.

 

[Planogirl]

It does sound like something is on his mind and it's making him irritable. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with his wife either.

It's good that he admitted it and that they plan to talk.