Man VS Wife

[PUZZLDY5]

I have all the respect in the world for stay at home moms but with the ages of your children her job is done. Time to get a job and give you a break. As far as the kids go they should also get jobs and help you. Maybe they should look for somewhere else to live too.

 

[kellyg403]

I am in agreeance with everyone else...they need jobs and the kids need to start an account so they can begin the moving out process.

I don't understand, I guess, why your wife doesn't understand that staying at home is a wonderful thing, but when times get tough EVERYONE has to change and make concessions. Its the mature adult thing to do for the family. And you never know, she might enjoy something out there in the big world and not be set on raising adults, they aren't children anymore and they aren't learning anything having mom do it all. Heck anything could happen and their life could be turned inside out.

Sorry this is really just not a fair situation. Families stick together when times are tough and make it work together. One person should never carry the burden unless they WANT to.

Kelly

 

[peanut1967]

Your wife needs to get a job and support you, you have had brain surgery, you need to cut down hours.

I decided I had had enough of going out to work, my dd is 17 and my ds 20, but we then started fostering so I work from home and believe me I do work. Maybe your wife could do day care or something.

Has far as your children are concerened YES they need to have jobs, its all about life skills, you dont get anything for nothing. Especailly with the older one I would say, I am no longer going to support you, do not ask for any money, I will feed you and home you but anything else is upto you to provide for yourself.

Good Luck

Angie

BTW my son works and gives me £20 a week which is not a lot but he is still on apprentise wages...he also runs his own car and clothes himself and anything else he needs he pays for ...I feed him, house him thats it....I was married by 19 with a mortgage.

 

[Tuffcookie]

I agree with the others, it is time for the other 3 to get jobs.

Even if the kids are attending college, they could get part time jobs. My son is a senior in HS and he has a part time job.

Even though your wife has been a stay at home wife all these years, she could at least get a part time job to lessen the burden on you.

Good luck!

TC

 

[themilesfamily]

I don't understand where your 18 and 21 year old kids are getting the money to go out and do the things that young adults do -- get haircuts, go to movies, go out with friends, etc. I mean everyone needs SOME spending money.

Are they being given an allowance or is money just handed out to them when they ask for it?

If so, I'd put a stop to that pronto and maybe that will give them incentive to get a job. I think it's also fair to tell the 21-year old, "you will be paying X-amount of rent per month - if you don't agree to that you are welcome to find other accommodations."

I think it's your job to put some boundaries on the kids. You don't want to raise freeloaders. As for your wife, you promised to love her for richer and for poorer. Perhaps if she wants to continue being a stay-at-home gal she could find a job she could do out of your home. That way she can pitch in financially and still be at home. Maybe that would be a happy compromise.

 

[SC Minnie]

Yeah, they all should be looking for work. If the family is behind on paying bills for the necessities like rent, power, water, then every able bodied member of the household should be working to help out.

 

[jodifla]

They are all being incredibly selfish. They should get jobs.

 

[Heidict]

I just can't understand your wife's mentality on this. She is perfectly fine seeing you work nonstop to the point of illness. She is perfectly fine seeing you so stressed out you are probably hanging on an edge. She is perfectly fine having all your bills be 2-3 months behind.

She sounds incredibly selfish and unloving. What kind of women would be fine with seeing her husband go through that? That kind of stuff just ticks me off. We have a friend like that and she would be happy to see her DH work himself to death just so she can be a lazy butt and sit at home all day.

You wife needs to grow up and take on some adult responsibilities. She is acting selfish, lazy and unloving right now.

As to if your sons should work, that would depend on whether or not they are in school. If the answer is yes, then I feel that they should concentrate on that and should only have to work to contribute to the household if things are extremely hard and only if they can keep their schoolwork and grades up while working.

If they are not going to school then they need to get a job and contribute or they need to be shown the door.

You are allowing them to treat you as a doormat and until you stand up for yourself and put your foot down it will not stop.

Good luck, it sounds like you are going to need.

 

[TerriP]

They are all being incredibly selfish. They should get jobs.

Ditto.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I have been in a dispute with my wife for quite some time and I'm losing. I figure with my Dis friends you can help me(either way). I am the only one who is employed in my household. I live in Northeastern PA and job wages really stink around hear to begin with. I work a full time, approx 80-85 hrs per week so a second job for me is out of the question. My wife has not worked since 1989 when she was expecting our first child(now almost 21). Then my son came along in 1992(now 18 yrs). She insists that she comes from a backround where her mother didn't work, her grandmother didn't work etc. I'ts been sooooo long arguing this point that it is now moot. Now, as I said my children,21 & 18 both live at home and neither has a job nor have they. I want them to work, not only for their own benifit but to help me out a little with "room and board". My wife totally disagrees with this. I did it when I worked and I feel so should they. My kids have no problem with this but my DW does. I am struggling so bad, a few months behind in all my bills including rend due to me being out of work for a few months due to brain sergury. Am I wrong for wanting my kids to work and help out or is this just "my" problem. Please let me know so I can show my wife this and then maybe she'll see thwt we are not the only one with kids that help out. I'm sorry this is sooooooo long. Thanks again,
Mike

All should be working. If something ever happened to you, she would be really SOL.

My concern is your referring to "all MY bills". You're a household. It's everybody's bills. You need a "come to Jesus" meeting with the whole house to let them see financially what's coming in, what's going out.

As parents, we're responsible for making our children responsible adults. Responsible adults WORK for their bread and for the roof over their heads. By continuing to allow your children to suck your resources, you're failing them.

 

[SC Minnie]

One more thing OP-- does you wife know about all the bills? Does she know how much everything is and how much money is actually coming in? If we were behind in paying anything I wouldn't be able to sleep at night and would do whatever I could to find a job to bring in cash to get our heads above water.

 

[Mkrop]

One more thing OP-- does you wife know about all the bills? Does she know how much everything is and how much money is actually coming in? If we were behind in paying anything I wouldn't be able to sleep at night and would not whatever I could to find a job to bring in cash to get our heads above water.

This is what I was going to say. Does she have a clue that you are behind? I could not do that in good conscience to my Dh and family.

If the children are in school, then a PT job is the way to go for them to even juts pay for some of their own things.

Maybe you wife is scared about getting back into the job market after all this time, could you help her with a resume and a job search.

I would definitely have a family meeting over this. It is one thing when the kids are small and maybe working would be cancelled out by daycare costs or if you were both financially secure and this is how you wanted your household, her staying at home. But since you two are not on the same page, then you need how a long talk about all this.

Good luck!

 

[Disney Doll]

Your wife and your kids should be working. Student or not, they could get a part-time job. I worked and went to college at the same time. It's possible to do and still graduate.

I am a wife and I could not watch my husband work 80-85 hours per week while I sat home, especially if my kids were, essentially, adults, meaning that they did not need constant supervision like small children do.


Your wife sounds lazy and selfish.

 

[dawn1620]

Your wife and those kids should be working and helping out if the situation is calling for it. For someone to work 80 hour weeks is crazy if there are people in the household that could be sharing the burden - and when would you have time for a second job? I got my first job at 16 and have held one for the last 20 years.

Times have changed and I don't care how old fashioned her ideas may be she needs to look at how things are TODAY. You need help and they should be helping share the load instead of allowing you to shoulder the whole burden. If I could help at all I could never in good conscience allow my husband to do alone what you are having to do.

 

[PamNC]

I think the kids should work and perhaps even the wife...if you're behind in your bills, right? My BF's ex-wife refused to work, and they didn't even have kids together just because she was the female.

Doesn't work in my world. I want my own independence!! It works for some, and that's fine and to each his own. But the thing is, if bills are behind and you're working double what normal folks work, I don't think this is fair to you.

Just my humble opinion. The kids aren't little anymore, it's not like they need "babysitting"

PamNC

 

[snoopyluvsdis]

Getting your wife to work is probably a lost cause. You can't make her go out and get a job. Talk to your kids and tell them you would want them to contribute to the household costs. Don't give your kids any fun money or pay for things they need to be buying themselves.

 

[Philagoofy]

When and how does your wife expect your children to go out on their own? Is it because they are in school and she wants them to wait until they graduate to get jobs?

Perhaps you need to sit down with your family, maybe talk to your wife first without your children. Calmly talk about the situation again and explain that you will need to cut back on luxury things (cable tv, cell phones, etc) and really tighten the belt in order to keep up with the bills. As others questioned, does she know how behind the bills are?

If she doesn't want your children to work because they are in school and she's afraid it would disrupt their studies, maybe you can work out a plan to have them work part-time while monitoring their progress in school. If, after a certain amount of time, they can't handle it (and since they are willing, maybe they can handle it) that will help her see that they can work & go to school.

I wouldn't show her this thread though, she may not appreciate your situation displayed on a forum or she may not even care about the opinions of strangers, especially if there are negative comments about her ideas.

If she loves going to Disney, maybe you can suggest that if everyone works, in a year you'll be able to go on a nice little trip to WDW! (looks like it's been a long time for you - 2002?)

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

There really is no reason in the world why your wife can't be working-even if it is just part time! Does she understand how financially insecure you are feeling right now?

If your adult children are in school, I think that should be their priority. It can be very difficult to juggle school and work at the same time.

Good luck!!!

 

[Hoodie]

Your wife should be working and so should your kids.

It sounds like your kids don't have a problem working and helping out. Since they are supposedly "adults" at this time, they don't need your wife's permission to get a job nor do they need her to tell them what to do with their earnings. If your kids are on board, ignore your wife and have them work.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

I have been in a dispute with my wife for quite some time and I'm losing. I figure with my Dis friends you can help me(either way). I am the only one who is employed in my household. I live in Northeastern PA and job wages really stink around hear to begin with. I work a full time, approx 80-85 hrs per week so a second job for me is out of the question. My wife has not worked since 1989 when she was expecting our first child(now almost 21). Then my son came along in 1992(now 18 yrs). She insists that she comes from a backround where her mother didn't work, her grandmother didn't work etc. I'ts been sooooo long arguing this point that it is now moot. Now, as I said my children,21 & 18 both live at home and neither has a job nor have they. I want them to work, not only for their own benifit but to help me out a little with "room and board". My wife totally disagrees with this. I did it when I worked and I feel so should they. My kids have no problem with this but my DW does. I am struggling so bad, a few months behind in all my bills including rend due to me being out of work for a few months due to brain sergury. Am I wrong for wanting my kids to work and help out or is this just "my" problem. Please let me know so I can show my wife this and then maybe she'll see thwt we are not the only one with kids that help out. I'm sorry this is sooooooo long. Thanks again,
Mike

Wow.

1 - DW - yes, back in her mom's and grandmom's day one wage was enough to support a family. Those days are long gone. Get with the new millenium, mom, and get your butt back to work! Those "children" are full-fledged adults and should have been raised to be independent and self-sufficient so should no longer need a SAHM. Why should the DH work such an insane amount of hours each week? And you're behind on bills? A mom (I am one!) does whatever she has to to help her family. Right now, that means earning some money to help pay those bills down!

2 - "Kids" - again, wow. I've had at least summer jobs since I was 15! My parents didn't want me to work during the school year so I busted my hump all summer long and learned to save some of that to have on-hand for Christmas gifts and other stuff until the next spring. Even in college, I had a job at the school cafeteria to fund my phone bills (bf was a long-distance call away! ) Oy! And here my DS is peeved that he's too young to get a real job yet.

But some PP's may have a point - does DW know your household's financial situation? I truly recommend that you discuss with her and then have a family meeting. You need to take the reigns and put the family on a budget. So much for groceries, so much for utilities, so much for other bills and necessities (needs, not wants), so much for savings... Oops, nothing left for fun money! Make it tight so it'll hurt and then let them ALL know that they can feel free to get a job to fund anything that they want above and beyond what is covered under your "budget"!

Oh, yeah, once a kid has left school (graduated HS, not going to college), they need to pay room and board to stay at home. I paid $100 a month (back in 1989) to my mom after I quit college. I think at least $150 per kid is a good place to start.... and, yes, I will apply this to my own DS when/if the time comes.