MAN DO I NEED YOUR HELP!-update post 273

[Grumpy's Gal]

Another married mom here but I have always told both of my kids that they cannot get married until they have lived on their own, paid their own bills , and managed their own lives for awhile.

So many of our friends who have problems had never lived on their own before. If the girlfriend has never lived on her own before and paid her own bills before, how will she ever know how to budget money?

Something to think about....... seriously!

 

[HGD24]

DH had a GF in high school who sounds alot like your DS's GF. She even went so far as to buy her own engagement ring. She also told him that the reason he joined a fraternity was because he could never make any friends on his own (yeah, because she wouldn't let him have anyone in his life except for her!). It took him a few years of breaking up with her and getting back together before he finally stood his ground and got rid of her.

He didn't want to hurt her and she knew it so she played on that everytime he broke up with her. Her mom pushed them together because she knew DH was smart and was going to make something of himself one day. She even drove 3 hours in the middle of the night to get DH one of the times he broke up with her DD. This whole situation where your DS's GF's mom is pushing them together is eerily similar and just as scary!

I'm glad your DS is wanting to slow things down. I think getting away from his GF for a little while will help to put things in perspective. No one deserves to be treated the way she is treating him. My DH put up with similar abuse for many years and he regrets it now. He knows now that he deserved better, but at the time, he was more concerned with not hurting her feelings than he was with her hurting his.

Good luck! I hope your DS figures things out quickly and realizes that he does not deserve to be anyone's door mat.

BTW - DH and I paid for our own wedding since it was our day. We told our parents to sit back, relax and just enjoy themselves.

 

[jfoofj]

I keep checking back to see if there have been any updates... I actually found myself wondering about this situation at work yesterday... it is like I am reading a book in increments through this thread. I hope it has a happy ending! OP I hope things are going in a good direction for you and your son!

 

[3boymthr]

I was 18 when I met DH and 18 when we got engaged, but 21 when we got married. Tell DS and FDIL that you would support the marriage more if they waited until she is 21 to get married. My parents did and we're still married 19 years later. If we had gotten married when I was 18 I don't think we'd still be married. I also don't think we'd still be married if we had had children right away. Too much stress on the marriage. It was bad enough getting married right out of college.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

I keep checking back to see if there have been any updates... I actually found myself wondering about this situation at work yesterday... it is like I am reading a book in increments through this thread. I hope it has a happy ending! OP I hope things are going in a good direction for you and your son!

I know! I think all of the moms on here feel like an honorary god mother to this great young man. I keep checking as well.

 

[angwill]

When DH and I got married we paid for everything ourselves and only did what we could afford. Funny, I wanted to elope but DH wanted a big wedding. We never asked nor were we offered help by any of our parents. To be honest DH parents and his sister never gave us a card or a gift. Out of concern that it got lost or stolen DH asked if they gave anything and he said they told him they forgot. They still haven't remembered but I learned over the years that is just who they are. lol

I thought that the parents paying was the way it used to be done unless the parents want to pay for certain things.

IMHO, if the bride dreams of a huge wedding she needs to find a way to pay for it or settle for what her and/or her parents can afford.

Hope things are going better.

 

[disneyagogo]

For those of you subscribed to this thread, the OP has posted an update on a new thread http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2072825.

I am so proud of the OP's patience and her son's maturity.

disneyagogo

 

[Chicago526]

To the son:

Another angle on all of this is that, by putting off the wedding or canceling it and breaking off the relationship, you are doing HER a favor in the long run, although she and her parents won't realize it. If you don't want to do it for yourself, consider doing this for her. In the long run, she's better off if she grows up before she gets married, to you or to anyone else.

One of the best gifts I gave to both myself and my DH was coming to our marriage as a self sufficiant woman. By the age of 25 I had bought my own car and my own condo. I was living on my own with a career and responsiblities. I had a 401k and a savings account (not much in it, but I had one! ) and at least some sort of a life plan worked out in my head.

My DH actually found it a bit unsettleing at first, here was a woman that didn't need him for financial support! He couldn't hold on to me that way. I told my DH that it was actually a good thing, as I was with him because I wanted him, not because I needed him. When you want something, it's a freely made choice. When you need something, there is no choice, it's something you have to do whether you like it or not. Which would you rather have, someone that needs you, even if deep down they may not really want to be there...or someone that chooses to be with you because that is what they truely want?

 

[Eeyore's-tail-tack]

Historically it is the Brides family that pays for the wedding. But it has now changed to be the bride and grooms responsibility. Sounds like a no brainer to me. I think the little princess needs to get a job, earn some money and find out the real value of a dollar earned.

 

[maleficentmom]

Sorry but I'd send THEM a note and say TS! You get what you get or YOU pay for it.

Don't feel obligated to cater to them. Seriously. Don't. I'm pizzed off for you, I can't imagine how you must feel!


Heck I'd tell your DS to run far and fast away from that girl!

HAHA! Love your answer and totally agree, as my little 6 year old says "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit!"