nope sorry...no paper bags as of right now.
I hadn't seen or spoke to my son since the other night but he did stop home before he went to work each day and read Dis. What everyone has been posting has basically scared him. I know I shouldn't laugh but I did today.
Yes, the wedding for now is still on. He hasn't called anything off as of yet. He came to where I work today on his way to work today.(reason I haven't been seeing him...he's now on second and I'm on first so it makes it a little harder. When he gets off work, I'm already in bed.) I took a small break so we could talk. Poor kid...lol...what everyone has said has really got him thinking BIG TIME---THANK YOU!. So the first thing he said when we started talking..
DS: "Do you think those ppl are right, Mom? Do you think DGF might go off the pill and try to get pregnant?"
ME: "yes son, I really do think it might happen. She's young and immature. Sometimes young girls think this is the way to keep a man in their lives forever. And the worst part, it will. Even if you two break up, you will spend the rest of your life having to deal with the drama."
DS: "huh? why's that. You mean like 18 years, right?"
ME: Nope...the rest of your life...till you die son. It will be drama each time you get to see your child, it might be drama even after that baby is 18 because you will still have birthday parties for your grandbabies, holidays with your children and their family, graduation, etc. If it would happen and she never grows up thing will be the same as they are now. Just like she throws fits for you about everything right now, if she doesn't grow up, she will also throw fits with your child, no matter how old they are just to get her way.
DS: Not happenin'! Not another BFF situation. (his BFF since 3rd grade lives like this so he knows what I'm talking about.)
ME: Son, I'm not telling you what to do...that decision is yours and yours alone. But if it were me, I would be having a long talk with her and telling her this is how it is-the fits, the crazy spending, the control issues stop or I would be done with her. Also, you want my opinion on the rental?
DS: What? You don't want me to move in the house?
ME: Yes, I most definitely do want you to move in but either with your BFF or by yourself. I think it is foolish to move away from the problems in DGF house just to let DGF move in and bring the problems there. If it were me, I would let her family know that while the wedding isn't off, you need to make this move to stand on your own two feet. Any logical parent would appreciate their FSIL wanting to provide totally for himself and eventually thier daughter than to be living with them. In your own house, you make the rule...with or without DGF. But in their house, even though you are an adult you have to live within their rules. How can you expect things to get better between you and DGF if everytime you put your foot down to the silliness just to have to pick it back up because you live in their house and that isn't how they do things.
DS: I Don't know mom, what if things don't work out...then what?
ME: then you know she isn't the one. As much as you love her, if she choses to end it, that choice is hers. You can love her for a long time but if that same amount of love and respect isn't returned to you, it's never going to work. Living together in your house with your house rules or living with her parents with their rules. If it isn't 50/50 on everything-love, work, play, spending it's not going to work. I really think that though you might be ready for marriage, I don't think she is, she is to immature. Honey, as much as she wants you to believe she is an adult, she is just a teenager.
DS: Mom...she isn't a kid. ( I could tell he was getting a lil upset
)
ME: Ok, think of it this way. You are going to be 21 shortly. What are you going to do on your 21st birthday.
DS: BFF, A couple of buddies, DGF and I are planning on going out and celebrating.
ME: To a bar?
DS: Yep!
ME: Do you realize she is only 17, she can't go to the bars? She can't drink, she can't be there after 9pm even if her parents say she can because the Liquor Laws says she can't. That means you will have to leave at 9pm. So for another 4 years...until you are 25 you won't be able to go to the bars with your friends. DGF won't let you go out alone with them (a whole 'nother story) without her so while they are doing what typical 21, 22, 23 year olds do. You will be sitting at home or going to the movies because for the next 4 years that's all she can do and you can't do anything without her. Kinda sucky huh?
DS: yea...yea mom it is.
We talked a lil more and he headed to work. Either on his way to work or his first break he called her and...get this....tells her no more se*. He justs wants to cool it for awhile and take things a little slower. He calls me to tell me his decision and what happened.
I guess when he told her this, she started crying. She thinks it is unfair he can make this decision on his own (excuse me?). He said she has called him three times, crying, telling him he needs to change his mind.
He's being an A$$ for doing this to her. He said he finally turned off his phone because he was tired of hearing it. I told him to be prepared for either a huge fight when he gets home or she will be extra sweet and to really lay it on thick to get him to ...welll.....break and change his mind. I even offered to buy some precaution for him incase he needs it. Nope, he says it is sticking to his guns.
Thanks to all who has to nicely shared their opinions, history, examples, and ideas. I guess being mom, sometimes things are taken as seriously as it is taken when given by complete stangers.
And for those who asked...Yes she is a cheerleader. No his BFF and close buddies don't like her because of what she does plus he doesn't get to hang out or talk to them like he used to. If he talks to them (or us for that matter) on the phone, she is right next to him telling him he isn't saying something right (BIG HUGE PROBLEM with me and I finally told her about that it. Not every nicely either. (If I wanna talk to you, I will call you. If I didn't call you, then I don't wanna talk to you, I wanna talk to my son and my son only without hearing you in the background---that didn't go over very well and we didn't (son and I) talk for almost two weeks.
) What I said to her mom during the phone call? Basically in a hand basket, that I personally think that DS should be making decisions on things like who moves in the house. I think DGF should focus on graduation and not setting up house. She hung up on me
lol
I wish I could say he woke up and called off the wedding and they broke up. But I can't, but for the time being...he is growing up more and more....seeing the light so to speak. Do I want them to get married....honestly, in my heart, no I don't. I want my son to be happy and I don't see it happening with this young girl as things stand right now. But it isn't my life to live, only to cherish, love and share.
As for the wedding $$...I didn't call the FMIL yet. I'm just going to play it by ear...the wedding isn't suppose to be for another 18 months. But if the wedding happens, then I'm taking the word of my DIS family and simply writing a check for $XXXXX amount and giving it to MY son as a wedding gift. If the wedding does happen, a rehearsal dinner invitation will be sent to all to join US- HIS FATHER AND I- as our guest, at a certain location for a wonderful meal and celebration. And my son will have the food we talked about before at the rehearsal dinner. Whatever FMIL decides to have and pay for at the reception is totally up to her.
I will post more when and if anything happens. Who knows...second shift, renting his own place again and no se*, I might be posting really soon.
I guess we will never know what was in those bags...
to you too, this has got to be SO tough!
I hope he stays strong in his resolve to keep some distance (literally) between he and DGF.
. I certainly would not further enable DGFs "princess complex" at the expense of any other children. It doesn't hurt us to miss one vacation (well not t-o-o badly), but I would not sacrifice multiple happy family vacations to a 1 day event (even if I supported the wedding). I understand giving a wedding gift to your son, but no more than you can truly afford in 2010. With the current economy, NO ONE should take out a loan for what is basically a big party. Scary to think one could end up making payments (with interest) for longer than a marriage is likely to last. Considering the rest of your family...I also wonder if your son has considered how he would feel if your daughter wanted to get married at 17? Wouldn't he still see her as "a kid"? 
What a concept... It angers me that people do not try to prepare their children for the real world.
