MAN DO I NEED YOUR HELP!-update post 273

[hentob]

Hi just my input I got married six years ago and did so on a budget. I still had the fairy tale wedding but on a lower price scale first I got married on a Sunday that saved 8 dollars a plate. I moved in with my mom to help pay for bills for the wedding since my mom could not give me money. My dad gave me three thousand and that was to pay for whatever everything else was my expense. I was blessed that my MIL worked at a florist so she payed for all the flowers but my FIL and his wife said they would not help at all, I understand that the bride pays for everthing but then when I invited only 60 people and my husband had to invite 150 they should have helped. So anyway only give your son a check for what you can afford

I guess I just don't understand why she would give her son 10 cents to marry this tantrum throwing brat?

I couldn't live with myself knowing I funded a marriage that is going to result in my son being treated poorly

 

[Elmo888]

What is it with these parents that they are throwing their underage daughter at your son? Weird, weird, weird...

No, it isn't weird. I think that the word that you are looking for is CREEPY.

I hope that your son runs, not walks, away from these people.

I hope that everything works out!

 

[OceanAnnie]

So she doesn’t work/never plans to work, yet she wants to control where and when he works

I would be sickened if my son was involved with a lazy, worthless, brat like this

My heart goes out to you

Can he get counseling to pull himself away from this worthless, mind-game playing child? Does he have self esteem problems that need to be worked through? Why would he marry such an awful person?

Ugh. I hope he can escape, because if he doesn’t, it will end in either a divorce or a pathetic life

Run, Son-of-OP!! RUN!!!

I would be heartbroken. Run like the wind!

 

[Belle5]

What did YOU say to her when she said this? Did you tell her that it wasn't a good idea? That maybe the kids need to take things a bit slower?

I am glad your son is getting his own place. I hope he stands strong and does what is best for both of them. Good luck!

I've been wondering the same thing???

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

I'm wondering, has princess been engaged before? .

and for how long? or how many times.

something smells fishy with this arrangement....

 

[momof1princess]

OP, please gently warn your DS to watch his back-these people seem desperate to offload their daughter on someone else and there's no telling what they might do (such as, encouraging her to get pregnant) to accomplish their goal. if i were him, i'd be triple baggin' that thing! LOL sorry, couldn't resist!

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

don't let her move in with him.

and then when they have a fight and the neighbors call the cops -- he will be the adult arguing with a minor --

PLEASE DON'T LET HER MOVE IN.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

..he went home and talked to DGF and now she is totally flipping out. Just before he left to go to work, she was throwing things, screaming and crying because not only is he staying on second shift, he is wanting to rent his own place again. They would never have any time together except on the weekends.

welcome to the real world, PRINCESS.

There are many days when the only time I see my DH is when he wakes me up and gives me a kiss before he leaves for work. We are on different schedules for work and for sleep some days/nights. If she thinks it's not fun now, just wait until she sees that when he comes home from work and is tired and needs to sleep -- not do whatever she wants (shopping, going out etc)..

I don't know your son but please convey to him that a whole bunch of dissers are pulling for him. It sounds like he's a smart young man and will realize that there is NO RUSH.........slow it down. If she is indeed the right woman for him, she will wait as well. Postpone the wedding......and in the meantime, do a lot of soul searching.

 

[mrsklamc]

I'm thinkin second shift may be the best thing to happen to your ds in awhile...

 

[momx2]

But he's not in high school. He COULD be branded a sex offender.

It doesn't matter if in high school or not. All states have laws and they just look at ages. In KY. he would have to be 21 and her 15 for the lowest class rape felony. All states have different ages.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

I know several couples in their 40s, 50s, and 60s who were high school sweethearts and have been together for decades but....

They all waited to get married until they went to college! This little 16 year old and her parents sound like very scary people. First of all, the girl sounds extremely immature and unpleasant. Anybody who tries to get their way by screaming and throwing things has a lot of growing to do. The best thing in the world for this girl would be to graduate from high school and go to college. 16 is not too young to be in love, but it IS too young to get married, and this girl sounds like a VERY YOUNG 16.

Her parents have an entitled attitude and have passed this sense of entitlement on to their daughter. They are trying to push you around (and sounds like they are already pushing around your DS). You need to let them know exactly how much you can pay toward the wedding and don't promise them a penny more. Don't break your budget to help pay for a wedding--only very selfish people would expect this of you. And you've been given excellent advice re: not handing money over to the parents, and not signing any contracts.

To me it sounds like both you and your DS are being pushed around by aggressive, entitled people. I think this is a good time to be a role model for your DS and be kind and reasonable, but don't budge from what you know is RIGHT.

It's not RIGHT to break your budget for a wedding, it's not RIGHT for a 16 year old to be moving in with a 20 year old man, and it's not RIGHT for a girl to be screaming and throwing things to manipulate your son. This sounds like a creepy and dangerous situation. Your DS needs time on his own, a little breathing room away from this girl and her parents. I know many have already said this, but right now the most important thing he can do is make sure this 16 year old does not get pregnant.

 

[A Mickeyfan]

Due to the injustice of that scenario (18-year-old convicted of sex crime for involvement with consenting 17-year-old in romantic relationship sanctioned by all parties and their parents), many states have enacted "Romeo and Juliet" laws which exclude these sorts of high school dating relationships from sex crime treatment.

that didn't help the girl's brother here in Fl.. not sure about other states. There are also ways of getting around that too.. the girl can state that he forced her so either way, it isn't a good situation to be in

 

[Corjack]

I know many have already said this, but right now the most important thing he can do is make sure this 16 year old does not get pregnant.

Amen To that! Your son seems like he is starting to see past the haze of love and seeing the REALITY of her "Princess" plan. It means he is going to work his buttocks off forever only to find out that it is NEVER good enough. That is a sad prospect for your life.

I hope this all works out for you and for your DS.

Jackie

 

[MELSMICE]

As my DH would say, "this girl is waiting to be rescued". Sadly, it seems as though her mom is looking to your son as the rescuer.

I am also shocked at the number of people that are seriously giving wedding advice. These kids really SHOULD NOT be getting married.

I have to ask too, OP, what did you say when FMIL said she was going to see if her DH would allow their DD to move in with your son? I'm assuming that you told her absolutely not, as her DD is a minor & still in high school. It is their job to support THEIR child - not your son's.

Again - good luck to your son.

 

[disneybound31]

Just so shocking that anyone, especially a law enforcement family, would let an under age person co-reside with an of age person in a romantic setting. Many of us have probably had a boyfriend in our early life that fit that 17 year 18 year straddle that most do not regard as inappropriate...but this is just too big of a gap, IMHO. For co-habitation, surely.

 

[tinah159]

OP, I dont' quite understand this quote. Do you mean that your children have no choice but to use this particular hall, band and food for their wedding? If that is how you feel, then I honestly don't see it as any different from what the future IL's are doing.
Please don't take that the wrong way, it was just an observation.

I think your ds and his future bride need to sit down and discuss what THEY want for THEIR wedding. Once they decide they can come to you and her parents and you all can work out the finances. If they decide to not take advantage of what you can do for them (hall, music, food) then I think you should tell them you are willing to give $XXXX towards their wedding/reception and they can use it towards food, music or whatever they want but you will not give them a cent more for anything else. They will need to figure out what they can and can't afford based on that.
I hope everything works out.

Those are my thougts as well

 

[labdogs42]

I didn't get to read the pages of replies yet, but since when do the parents of the GROOM pay for the wedding OR the reception? The Bride's parents seem to have a lot of demands. They should be footing the bill. As far as i know, the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner and maybe the booze for the reception. Of course, you can pay for more if you feel inclined, but in this case I sure wouldn't feel inclined. This girl is a nightmare.

Oh yeah, your other option is to say, "we can afford/were planning to spend X money on the wedding, you may have that much to put toward the wedding debacle of your dreams, but not a penny more." The kids can then figure out where their priorities are and where they can get the rest of the money that their over the top wedding will require.

 

[FoundMyPrince]

Sorry, but I cannot get past the part of the 16 and 20 year old moving in together. I wouldn't be paying a dime for any part of the wedding, or reception.

 

[Goofy22]

All I can say is wow! I just skimmed thru youre thread and WOW! I'm glad when you son read this thread it set a light bulb off! Especially after her tizzy with him working 2nd shift not his choice and if she threw a fit thats just a start to what will happened when things go wrong when they are married! It does sound like DGF is much to immature to be getting married. maybe he should suggest that they stay engaged he lives at his own place by himself and stays on his 2nd shift and she stays home with mom and dad and only sees him on weekends this could be the true test of fate to see if it was really meant to be! And if it is and after she graduates they still are engaged or together then she can move in with him! I think he needs time from the craziness of her family and then at that point they can start making wedding plans and deposits etc.. but I would also let DGF know that I will have a wedding but not some extravagant over done over spent wedding that will be over in a day if I was your son he also needs it to be about him it's not only about her and right now it seems like it is all about her and that is not cool! Your son needs to speak up and tell her he will do things he may not actually want for her but she also has to be willing to bend for him and what he wants. And the menu thing is crazy there is nothing he would actually like to eat! Yeah! I think I've rattled enough but I would suggest he voices his opinion on his wants since it is HIS WEDDING DAY ALSO! It takes 2 ppl to get Married not 1! Also I would definitely not give any money out until the last possible minute and when I do it would definitely be a check made out to DS ! As for the reherseal dinner they cannot dictate that it is the grooms family that controls that she just gets to show up so I would definitely get my sons take on what he wants for that. But he does need to make sure she realizes this is his day also!

 

[sk!mom]

Actually the whole thing seems very wrong to me and I would be praying that my DS came to his senses soon! I wouldn't be paying for anything at this point.