Mammogram Results-I'm losing it at work, please help me.(Update!!, Pg.6, #83)

[KJ Luvs Pluto]

Please, try to relax!!!! Take a deep breath and know that you can get through the next step - whatever it is.

I'm so sorry you lost your mother to this horrible disease, but many people do survive it or live with it.

I am stage 2B and even I don't worry about how long I have to live. I plan on living a very long time. Even those with Stage 4 can live long and fulfilled lives today with proper treatment. I was told over the phone that I had breast cancer but it never would have been by a letter.

I'm the bald women with a smile on my face because of the call back on my mammogram. That saved my life! Because of that I got the ultrasound, the core biopsy, the mastectomy, the chemo, the radiation, the tamoxifen and hopefully many years of life yet to come. That makes me happy.

I will be thinking about you and hoping that it's just those stinking calcium deposits or fibrous lumps that show up on mammos that have to be checked out. to you.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I remember your thread from a couple of weeks ago. I'm sorry you're still having such anxiety over this (it does sound like it's progressed to panic). I think when this is over, it would be really helpful for you to see someone to help you work this through and give you coping strategies for other situations in the future. However, I can totally see why you'd feel worried about having cancer yourself having lived through what you did with your mother. My sympathies once again.

I hesitated to post, because as you can see from my signature, I'm a breast cancer survivor (6 1/2 yrs) so have been through what you're feeling - and more. (And I live with worry every day, but thankfully not as much as it used to be. Being a nurse sometimes makes it worse as I see the worst of the worst every working shift.) But the reality is that breast cancer is out there, we unfortunately can't make it go away.

I agree with the others that if it were something serious, you would have gotten a call and had further testing scheduled by now. When they saw a very suspicious spot on my mammogram, they sent me immediately for an ultrasound down the hall, then the radiologist came into the room afterward to meet with me and to say I needed a biopsy right away. When he added, "We have an opening tomorrow" I knew it was bad.

But guess what. Here I am, still here Dis-ing, still loving life, still being the best mother to my children and the best nurse to my patients that I can possibly be. Along with milliions of other Survivors. Surviving cancer helped me see things from a different perspective that I might not have otherwise seen. So, although we know that people do die of breast cancer, far more survive, so even in the worst case scenario, odds are (as I said in the other thread) that you'd be just fine.

With that said, I bet you're going to ultimately have a negative reading. Part of what they want to do on your first mammogram is to establish a "baseline" reading for which to compare future mammograms, therefore it has to be an excellent reading. They probably just want to redo it so that there is absolutely no question about your readings that may have been of inferior quality for whatever reason.

You hang in there.

PS on the Breast Cancer Survivors thread here, we have a saying (courtesy of NHAnn's DH): Don't bleed until your shot. I think it applies here.

And binny, I LOVE your Daddy's saying, too!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I'm the bald women with a smile on my face because of the call back on my mammogram. That saved my life!

Ditto.

I hope devotedchristian can see the irony here.

 

[devotedchristian]

Thank you everyone so much for the continued emotional support I am receiving in this thread and I apologize in advance for my updates...I know they seem all over the place.

I called back crying and explained my fears to Julia at the Kaiser Schedulign team and she was very understanding. She and Terry actually got me an appointment for in the morning.

I kept asking her questions about my report and she said in my report they saw a nodule in my right breast. I only caught glimpses of what she said...I can't remember.

I'm taking PPs advice and NOT googling nodules because I'm already shaking and cannot eat.

Julia said something about dense breast tissue and thickening of the tissue and this is why they don't recommend mammograms for women before Age 40 (I'm 36).

She also said we call back women every single day, this is what we do, we call back 20-31 women a day. I take a little comfort in that.

Right some of you remember my thread last week. And I haven't talked to anyone yet, but after this is over, I promise to get help about this panic disorder I have.

I'm taking PTO tomorrow because my appointments are so late in the day that I might as well stay home.

I think my panic is so full blown is because I have DS(6). If I did not have any kids, maybe this would be easier for me to deal with. But I'm a nervous wreck because DS NEEDS me to be healthy. He needs me as he grows up.

DH is a wonderful father and can take care of DS. But DS and I have such a special bond.

Pea-n-me and KJPluto (I can't remember the exact names) thank you for your posts (everyone's post), and I DO take comfort in your posts. They help alot.

And I think about all of the Women who get these awful call backs, do they worry like I do until their follow up? Are they able to eat and sleep the night before?

Do their thoughts CONSUME them like they are consuming me right now?

I just wonder, and I cannot help it. I keep calling Julia at Kaiser's Breast Health tracking center becase she said I can call her any time I feel a panic attack coming on. I feel she is the closest thing to the radiologist because she has access to my report.

She kept telling me they just want to see more images that's all. She said some other comforting words but now I can't remember so I keep calling her asking "can you please tell me again what the radiologist saw"

I just called a minute ago and got the voicemail. I'm still at work, I don't get off until 6:00pm.

DH has to go pick up DS(6) from school at 2:30pm and we only have 1 car and I am trying to stay strong until 6:00pm. I actually don't want to go home because I am going to panic at home without having access to the boards.

I am trying to take comfort in the fact that call backs are very common. I'm trying to find comfort. I will find the comfort, feel better and then 5 minutes later, feel the panic attack again because I am picturing the radioloigst coming out and giving me bad news.

I'm trying to call Julia to ask her what is my worst case scenario?

 

[sasywtch]

I have Kaiser also and just went for my mammogram. BF said he felt something and I felt sore. When I went for my walk in mammogram, the person at the window asked if this was routine or did I notice something. It was my routine time but I told the truth and they refused the mamogram and sent me to the breast health clinic upstairs on Monday (rough weekend). The lady did a hands on exam and said she didn't feel anything and gave me the ok for the regular mammogram. (they send you to the breast health to decide between a mammogram/ultra sound) The tech took a second picture of one side which bothered me. I expected my little postcard in the mail a week later but the breast health scheduled me for a telephone appointment 2 weeks later. Had no idea Kaiser would wait and use that for my results. The nurse did call me earlier than my telephone appt which was nice to tell me things were ok. Got the card a few days later. Kaiser can be odd sometimes in their procedures.

Not all tests that are questionable end up with a cancer diagnosis. 7 years ago on May 2nd, I had a lump removed. I went for a mammogram on Tuesday, a few days later I was having an ultra sound, a few days later I was in a surgeons office and two days later having surgery. All of this happened within 10 days.
I was definitely where you are with your thinking but try hard to be positive.
Turned out to be benign. 3 other women in my office, same thing except they got the non invasive procedure which I which I had known about. No sleep, just numbing. Even if you have to have a biopsy, don't stress. It happens a lot more than you know as most don't talk about benign biopsies. BTW, just a hint about Kaiser---they told me every 2 years for mammograms but I go yearly. They don't charge me so if they tell you that, you can still go yearly.

 

[Momvic5]

I want to thank everyone of you who responsd to me. I'm not ignoring the positives, I promise, but coupled with having GAD and watch cancer literally kill my mother, I thought the best way to deal with this is worst case scenario.

I just have to let the positive posts sink in because the images of mom at the hospital is still very fresh in my mind.

I will keep reading the posts, I promise. I called back and talk to someone live at the Breast Scheduling Team. I talked to someone different.

She said what you guys said, the radiologists can quickly pick up cancer she said he's not saying you have cancer, they just want to further evaluate my right breast. She told me to calm down.

I can't remember the rest but I did feel better (she did mention distorted images) she said they would have called me in and referred me to a Breast Specialist if he saw something serious.

But here that was not the case. She said my primary care doctor has to sign off on the orders and they cannot schedule me in until she signs off on it and as soon as she does, she will call me back and get me scheduled.

She also said the radiologist will read it the same day and let me know the results that day.

All I wanted was papers saying "your mammgram results are normal". But I feel like I am going through something.

I worried before the exam all the way up til today. I have not eaten or really slept since about 2 weeks prior to my mammogram. Every morning, I've been waking up feeling nauseous and having DH check the mailbox for the results.

I did a search on mammograms today and worked myself up into such a frenzy I called the Kaiser Radiology and here I am.

Okay, Kaiser just called and she said I could come in Thursday at 9:00am but she is going to find something for me tomorrow.

I can't stop worry though , I will keep reading you guys posts to me to calm me down when I feel the panic attack.

I lost my mom to breast cancer two years ago....I know your pain and worry. I am 39yrs old and have never had a mammogram. About 4 months ago, I went to my Dr. and talked about my mother and my risks. Just to be cautious, my Dr. sent me to a breast center for genetic counseling and to set up a plan of action. After thoroughly looking at my history, they determined my risk was very minimal. My risk did increase slightly due to my mother having breast cancer, but they also stated that only 10-14% of all cancers diagnosed each year are hereditary - meaning that just because your mother died with breast cancer doesn't mean that you are. Having talked to people who specialize in the breast and in cancer really helped put my worries at ease - maybe it would help you too. Try talking to your Dr. about your mom and your worries. Sometimes just knowing what you can do now to help minimize your risks can help calm your worries because you are being proactive with your health. Don't let the thought of cancer take away your joy...you are healthy and have lots to live for today.

 

[crashbb]

And I think about all of the Women who get these awful call backs, do they worry like I do until their follow up? Are they able to eat and sleep the night before?

Do their thoughts CONSUME them like they are consuming me right now?

No, I was not consumed with fear after a call back (and there have been a few). Or when I was told I needed a biopsy. Or while I waited for the biopsy results. Was I worried? Of course. However, I was still able to eat and sleep and work as normal. In fact, most people would not have known anything was up. The fear, of course, escalated with each step (call back, ultrasound, biopsy). At this point, I think nothing of a callback from a mammogram/MRI. I know that it is very unlikely to mean anything.

I'm trying to call Julia to ask her what is my worst case scenario?

Why? So you can panic about it. DO NOT go farther down the path than you have to. She's told you what they saw and the scan and you now know what the next step is. You also know that the next step is very likely the last one (they'll re-check, see everything is fine, and you move on). Focus on that. Not worst case scenarios.

Maybe you could write down what she says the next time you call her? So you don't have to rely on your memory. Remembering what a nurse/doctor/whatever said when you are panicking is all but impossible.

I'm glad to hear that you can get seen tomorrow.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Thank you everyone so much for the continued emotional support I am receiving in this thread and I apologize in advance for my updates...I know they seem all over the place.

I called back crying and explained my fears to Julia at the Kaiser Schedulign team and she was very understanding. She and Terry actually got me an appointment for in the morning.

I kept asking her questions about my report and she said in my report they saw a nodule in my right breast. I only caught glimpses of what she said...I can't remember.

I'm taking PPs advice and NOT googling nodules because I'm already shaking and cannot eat.

Julia said something about dense breast tissue and thickening of the tissue and this is why they don't recommend mammograms for women before Age 40 (I'm 36).

She also said we call back women every single day, this is what we do, we call back 20-31 women a day. I take a little comfort in that.

Right some of you remember my thread last week. And I haven't talked to anyone yet, but after this is over, I promise to get help about this panic disorder I have.

I'm taking PTO tomorrow because my appointments are so late in the day that I might as well stay home.

I think my panic is so full blown is because I have DS(6). If I did not have any kids, maybe this would be easier for me to deal with. But I'm a nervous wreck because DS NEEDS me to be healthy. He needs me as he grows up.

DH is a wonderful father and can take care of DS. But DS and I have such a special bond.

Pea-n-me and KJPluto (I can't remember the exact names) thank you for your posts (everyone's post), and I DO take comfort in your posts. They help alot.

And I think about all of the Women who get these awful call backs, do they worry like I do until their follow up? Are they able to eat and sleep the night before?

Do their thoughts CONSUME them like they are consuming me right now?

I just wonder, and I cannot help it. I keep calling Julia at Kaiser's Breast Health tracking center becase she said I can call her any time I feel a panic attack coming on. I feel she is the closest thing to the radiologist because she has access to my report.

She kept telling me they just want to see more images that's all. She said some other comforting words but now I can't remember so I keep calling her asking "can you please tell me again what the radiologist saw"

I just called a minute ago and got the voicemail. I'm still at work, I don't get off until 6:00pm.

DH has to go pick up DS(6) from school at 2:30pm and we only have 1 car and I am trying to stay strong until 6:00pm. I actually don't want to go home because I am going to panic at home without having access to the boards.

I am trying to take comfort in the fact that call backs are very common. I'm trying to find comfort. I will find the comfort, feel better and then 5 minutes later, feel the panic attack again because I am picturing the radioloigst coming out and giving me bad news.

I'm trying to call Julia to ask her what is my worst case scenario?

OP, I know you're anxious and panicky and nervous and upset, but you need to stop calling this woman. She won't be able to tell you what you want to hear and she does have a job to do. It's not fair to her, especially since you're obviously not listening to what she's telling you and not taking notes. Sorry if I seem mean, but it's time for a little tough love. Let it go, as best you can. Go home and spend time with your family. You'll have a definitive answer soon. My motto is "It Is What It Is." No matter how much you're freaked out, it won't change the final outcome one way or the other. Another appropriate saying is "Let Go and Let God." You need to find peace with this. It's common to be anxious, but this going beyond that.

 

[luvmy3]

Thank you everyone so much for the continued emotional support I am receiving in this thread and I apologize in advance for my updates...I know they seem all over the place.

I called back crying and explained my fears to Julia at the Kaiser Schedulign team and she was very understanding. She and Terry actually got me an appointment for in the morning.

I kept asking her questions about my report and she said in my report they saw a nodule in my right breast. I only caught glimpses of what she said...I can't remember.

I'm taking PPs advice and NOT googling nodules because I'm already shaking and cannot eat.

Julia said something about dense breast tissue and thickening of the tissue and this is why they don't recommend mammograms for women before Age 40 (I'm 36).

She also said we call back women every single day, this is what we do, we call back 20-31 women a day. I take a little comfort in that.

Right some of you remember my thread last week. And I haven't talked to anyone yet, but after this is over, I promise to get help about this panic disorder I have.

I'm taking PTO tomorrow because my appointments are so late in the day that I might as well stay home.

I think my panic is so full blown is because I have DS(6). If I did not have any kids, maybe this would be easier for me to deal with. But I'm a nervous wreck because DS NEEDS me to be healthy. He needs me as he grows up.

DH is a wonderful father and can take care of DS. But DS and I have such a special bond.

Pea-n-me and KJPluto (I can't remember the exact names) thank you for your posts (everyone's post), and I DO take comfort in your posts. They help alot.

And I think about all of the Women who get these awful call backs, do they worry like I do until their follow up? Are they able to eat and sleep the night before?

Do their thoughts CONSUME them like they are consuming me right now?

I just wonder, and I cannot help it. I keep calling Julia at Kaiser's Breast Health tracking center becase she said I can call her any time I feel a panic attack coming on. I feel she is the closest thing to the radiologist because she has access to my report.

She kept telling me they just want to see more images that's all. She said some other comforting words but now I can't remember so I keep calling her asking "can you please tell me again what the radiologist saw"

I just called a minute ago and got the voicemail. I'm still at work, I don't get off until 6:00pm.

DH has to go pick up DS(6) from school at 2:30pm and we only have 1 car and I am trying to stay strong until 6:00pm. I actually don't want to go home because I am going to panic at home without having access to the boards.

I am trying to take comfort in the fact that call backs are very common. I'm trying to find comfort. I will find the comfort, feel better and then 5 minutes later, feel the panic attack again because I am picturing the radioloigst coming out and giving me bad news.

I'm trying to call Julia to ask her what is my worst case scenario?:sad1:

That is not something you need to know right now. Try to focus on the more positive things.


I know many women who have survived breast cancer, I know on who recently got her diagnosis. Of all these women, they did recieve their call backs, by phone, immediately. Like others have said, take your cues from what they are telling you, this is very common and most of the time it turns out to be nothing because if it was serious in the first place you would have recieved a phone call right away, you wouldn't have had to contact them to find out anything and they certainly wouldn't have sent you a form letter.

 

[Bren's Mom]

Another repeat ultrasound/mammo girl here...and I concur with the others, don't freak out!

My last gyn exam my dr felt a 'thickening', that's a symptom of a very deadly breast cancer. He referred me for an ultrasound. I went in. The very next morning they called and could I come for a mammo NOW? Oh boy. Yes, that made me anxious but I said a prayer and went in. They read the films later that day and did not think it was anything warranting further investigation. Just to be on the safe side, I got a 2nd opinion from a leading breast surgeon in my area. It was nothing.

So {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} I'm sure it will all be fine. Hang in there.

 

[Christine]

Right some of you remember my thread last week. And I haven't talked to anyone yet, but after this is over, I promise to get help about this panic disorder I have.

I just want to add that you have more than panic disorder going on here. You have full blown hypochondria which often goes hand-in-hand with anxiety disorder. Hypochondria is one of the more incurable parts of anxiety disorder out there. It is awful and can destroy your life much more than garden-variety panic.

It's hard to say if you can blame your mother's illness for hypochondria. Oh, and you don't have to be afraid of every little sneeze to be a hypochondriac. It is a problem if you have any catastrophic worry with regards to your health. Some people just have it in one area of their health, some in every area.

I have probably always been a hypochondriac. I had my first bout when I was 9 years old and witnessed my friends father choke to death. He had throat cancer and it set off the choking. So, in my 9 year old mind "cancer=choking=death". I won't even tell you what I experienced emotionally at that time because I'm probably not equipped to deal with the internet ridicule that might result from discussing something like this. I then remember hearing on the news about a cluster of children dying from leukemia (I was around the same age) and I got all freaked about that. Then at 14 I got a lump in my breast which had to be surgically removed. Same thing at 23. By that time, though I had sort of calmed down about things. At age 31, with two little kids, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Hypochondria, understandably flared up and I felt like I had cancer everywhere. I then had several bad mammos and two surgeries to remove three more benign nodules.

So, you can see: I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! But I have gotten much better. I think I've just realized that all my stress and freaking out made things worse. Hey, I got cancer and I DIDN'T DIE.

Definitely see someone about the anxiety. The hypochondria is a different animal but you may see it wind down a bit if you can get the anxiety under control. And really, this is all about your feelings of needing to be in control and having that ripped away from you.

 

[mrsksomeday]

I am so sorry you are going though this . My mom also died from breast cancer. Please do NOT call and ask about worst case scenario's. They will not help you know it will just send you further in a panic.

You need to tell yourself that you were proactive getting this mammogram, you were proactive calling about results, and you were proactive scheduling a follow up, that is great!!

What if's and worst case scenario's only drive you crazy and you don't need that. Keep talking to us.

 

[DisneyMim]

Please don't panic. I just read page one and wanted to respond right away to you. I've been there, done that. In fact I just went for my annual mamo in Feb and had to go back for another (like you) days later and had to have a biopsy. Thank God everything was ok and it was benign, BUT I've had three over the years. They have come a long way with techno stuff that they find every tiny weeny thing and more and more woman have to go back for a second mamo and most times it is fine. Believe me I know how you feel. My Mom had breast cancer in 1967 and listen closely SHE IS STILL ALIVE!! Just because you have breast cancer does not mean you will not make it. They have come such a long way with this, although not enough, more research needs to be done. You did the right thing by having a mamo in the first place. I know woman who are too scared to go and put it off for years. The sooner they find it the sooner they can help you. I believe annual mamos are the way to go.

Again, PLEASE DON'T PANIC!! Everything will be ok. Take one step at a time. When I went through this a couple of months ago I just kept walking and telling myself to put positive energy out into the universe, which was what a nurse told me. Take Care.

 

[wvjules]

I think you need to get in to see a therapist ASAP!

Christine, wow you have been through alot and made it through ok on the other side.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I just want to add that you have more than panic disorder going on here. You have full blown hypochondria.

Devotedchristian, I suspect Christine may be correct. I don't know how long you've been having these types of worries (is it longstanding? or has this just happened for the first time?), but you probably need to talk to your primary care physician about it asap as your level of worry is concerning and can become incapacitating if left untreated. As you mentioned, you have to be functional for your 6 yr old so please seek help for yourself. I'm including this link so perhaps you can see yourself in this. At the very least, your primary care doctor can help you with your anxiety and panic. You shouldn't have to live like this. I don't know what will happen when this current epiosode is over, but it seems to me it would be helpful to get a handle on it now, regardless. Either way, it's a real disorder and help is available for it.

 

[mjkacmom]

Do their thoughts CONSUME them like they are consuming me right now?
?

No - and this is why you should seek help for the anxiety, because it's not normal. When I was waiting for the results of my lung biopsy, sure I worried, but not all of the time. As you can see, I have 5 children I want to live for. Yes, I worry about myself more than before I had kids, but not to the extent that I can't function.

 

[devotedchristian]

Devotedchristian, I suspect Christine may be correct. I don't know how long you've been having these types of worries (is it longstanding? or has this just happened for the first time?), but you probably need to talk to your primary care physician about it asap as your level of worry is concerning and can become incapacitating if left untreated. As you mentioned, you have to be functional for your 6 yr old so please seek help for yourself. I'm including this link so perhaps you can see yourself in this. At the very least, your primary care doctor can help you with your anxiety and panic. You shouldn't have to live like this. I don't know what will happen when this current epiosode is over, but it seems to me it would be helpful to get a handle on it now, regardless. Either way, it's a real disorder and help is available for it.

Yes, I clicked the link and this is me I'm going to talk to her about this Today. I have a 5:00pm appointment with her today to further discuss my mammogram results.

Because of who I am (according to the article), I hope my PCP can help me get through the night.

I have not called Julia back, I called the Radiologist team and asked them if they can PLEASE move my diagnostic mammogram to today. They can't.

The best they can do is get me to my PCP today at 5:00pm.

I have to wait until 11:45am in the morning. As a hypochondriac, in my head, I've already decided to get a mastectomy, and Christine and the Pea and Pluto helped me feel strong enough that I can survive this (can't even say it anymore).

But I am going to be PROACTIVE no matter what. I find comfort that their are survivors as far back as a diagosis of 1967.

I just HATE having to go through this test again. Why did they not do a diagnostic the first time?

And we women wouldn't have to keep going back for call backs.


I keep coming back to this thread because you guys are helping me through this even if it seems like to you all that I'm not listening to the positive stories. I just need them to sink in.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

OP I can understand what you are going through and let me tell you something. These women on these boards are what got me through it. I went in 3 years ago for my first mammo. My grandmother got breast cancer at a very young age and my dr wanted to be extra careful. Well I had the mammo and I received a letter and called to reschedule. They wouldn't tell me anything except "oh we can't discuss this over the phone you need to come in" . They then made my appt for a week later. I didn't sleep I didn't eat. I kept examining myself and every single lump was cancer..I just knew it. There were so many lumps I thought I was dying. I then looked up everything on the internet..BAD MISTAKE. Just when I thought I couldn't take any more of this I asked for help on this board. Women from all over the country opened up and shared their stories with me. It really made me feel like I was not alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We have done this, we were just as scared as you (I still get scared before the mammo) we are still here. I know that is easy for me to say but you will get through this.

Just to add...my grandmother got breast cancer twice. She then suffered from another 6 types of cancer. She is now 85 and has been cancer free for 40 years.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

Has anybody told you you have breast cancer? No. You can only focus on what you do know which is going for another test. One day at a time. Be positive. Negativity and stress are unhealthy.
My Mother has breast cancer and trust me, nobody ever sent a letter. Letters=they aren't too concerned.

 

[N&B'smom]

I had my very first mammo a couple of years ago. I got a call a week later telling me to come back for another. They did it and decided to do an ultrasound right then. They didn't expect to find anything but wanted to be safe. They did find something but it was NOT cancer. I required surgery and that was it.

I have a history of cancer, not breast cancer but cancer just the same. I freaked out after that first call back because of what I had already been through. So, I do understand your feelings completely. It's certainly possible that you have cancer but it's also possible that you do not. Keep your chin up and deal with it as it comes, don't get ahead of yourself.