Mama bear angry

[MrsPete]

Well, I find things like taking a few deep breaths quite helpful!
I can get my emotions in check.
I won't over react.
I can think more clearly.

Just because it doesn't work for you, does NOT make it invalid for others.

It's not the action that I find insulting -- it's giving that instruction to someone else.

And OP didn't have her 'angry mama bear' in control!...she was quite upset, understandably so. She was ready to march down to the school to confront a minor!!

I had the impression she was "blowing off steam" here as well as looking for advice.

 

[J'aime Paris]

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[J'aime Paris]

It's not the action that I find insulting -- it's giving that instruction to someone else.
I had the impression she was "blowing off steam" here as well as looking for advice.

OP asked for advise in her post, and I gave mine!
Are you purposely being obtuse??

 

[MrsPete]

OP asked for advise in her post, and I gave mine!
Are you purposely being obtuse??

Yes, she received good advice -- some of it from you.

This is a branch-off conversation about a trite comment, and I don't think it's worth discussing.

 

[Cheburashka]

Maybe I missed something....I went back and reread....but I don't see where OP said offending child is differently abled.

The OP has no way of knowing whether the child is or not. The school legally cannot share that information, and there are many high functioning students in special education who you wouldn't know were in special education just by looking or interacting with them.

 

[smilie]

OP....what has school done?

The principal emailed me and said that she had "addressed it and have asked the (my DD) let them know if anything with the student persists".
Not sure how I feel about it, but it is what it is right now. My DD was exposed to a student on her bus that tested positive for covid, so she is home under quarantine until she can go back to school on the 31st. Kind of glad she gets a little bit of time away.

 

[smilie]

It's not the action that I find insulting -- it's giving that instruction to someone else.
I had the impression she was "blowing off steam" here as well as looking for advice.

I was blowing off steam. Obviously I would never confront a minor, I know that is wrong. But wow how I wanted to!! Lol Thank you everyone for your replies. All of them. It's good to hear how everyone else would react. It helps you to know you're not alone in this parenting world.

 

[DisneyHardin]

The principal emailed me and said that she had "addressed it and have asked the (my DD) let them know if anything with the student persists".
Not sure how I feel about it, but it is what it is right now. My DD was exposed to a student on her bus that tested positive for covid, so she is home under quarantine until she can go back to school on the 31st. Kind of glad she gets a little bit of time away.

It's great that the principal followed up with you and is asking that you or DD follow up if anything else happens. Why are you not sure about how you feel about that response? As people have said above, the principal can't tell you how he/she "addressed it".

 

[smilie]

It's great that the principal followed up with you and is asking that you or DD follow up if anything else happens. Why are you not sure about how you feel about that response? As people have said above, the principal can't tell you how he/she "addressed it".

I understand she can't tell me more... I guess I still just have an uneasy feeling about it stopping. Mostly because this student is known for being a problem.

 

[ronandannette]

I understand she can't tell me more... I guess I still just have an uneasy feeling about it stopping. Mostly because this student is known for being a problem.

I’d be extra-concerned after reading some of the real-life anecdotes posted by educators in this thread.

 

[mjkacmom]

I’d be extra-concerned after reading some of the real-life anecdotes posted by educators in this thread.

If you are referring to what I posted about teachers (and I’m not one of them), ours have very involved unions and educators know to not get the school district sued (folks like to sue here). Teachers aren’t well paid as professionals that have advanced college degrees, however the benefits are good. Those that don’t want to deal with the bs quit, but not everyone can afford that option, and some still love to teach is spite of the hoops they jump through. Don’t blame the teachers, blame the system.

 

[monsterkitty]

I understand she can't tell me more... I guess I still just have an uneasy feeling about it stopping. Mostly because this student is known for being a problem.

As an educator now for 33 years, I understand your feelings. However, now that the teachers are aware of what's happening, they will be vigilant in watching not only your DD, but the other child as well.

It is difficult to suspend or expel students who have IEPs but it can be done. The teachers and admin need to document everything they can and have all their ducks in a row. They have to decide if the behavior is a manifestation of the child's disability or if the child is just being a bully. If it's a manifestation of the disability there are several protocols the school has to follow. The child can still be removed from that school and placed elsewhere, but it is difficult depending on what the child's behavior has been. If the behavior is not a manifestation of the disability, the school can suspend the child but only for a certain amount of days per year. They can have the child placed in another setting but it's still tricky and difficult.

So yes, schools' hands are tied but there are ways to discipline the student.

I do hate to say this, but the girl will probably move on to another child to torment. But, because teachers will be watching for this behavior, the girl is going to find it's not so fun anymore and will stop unless this is a manifestation of a disability. In that case life is going to get real hard for this child when she leaves school because the laws don't care. If you kick someone that's assault.

If the child bothers your DD or any of her friends, contact the school again and request a meeting with admin and the school resource officer. Your DD is now a victim of assault and therefore should be protected. Find out what her rights are at this point as a victim. Those rights should outweigh the rights of this student if the behaviors are a manifestation of a disability.

 

[lanejudy]

You'd be doing that child a kindness by advising his/her parents to remove their vulnerable child from your school.

Public school teachers in the U.S. can't advise parents to remove their child from the public school. In many areas there may not be an alternative free (public) option and by law every child in the U.S. is entitled to a "free and appropriate public education." If the school district cannot adequately meet the needs of a student, the district is on the hook for the expense of a private school tuition. A representative of the school recommending a family pull their child from public school for any reason would put the district in a challenging situation and likely cost the teacher his/her job. That said, the family of the child can petition for a different placement including tuition paid by the district, but it is a huge hurdle to get past with the burden of proof required as to why/how the public school is unable to provide an appropriate education for the child.

I understand she can't tell me more... I guess I still just have an uneasy feeling about it stopping. Mostly because this student is known for being a problem.

I hear you, it's that mom-gut feeling... concern the bully will be more "careful" (i.e. stealthy) and likely seek out hidden opportunities to retaliate. It's a valid concern. Be sure your DD knows to stay as far away from this other student as she possibly can and continue to keep the communication between you open so she'll tell you what's happening.

 

[dez1978]

That would likely be disorderly conduct in my area (more likely that if defending oneself) but could be deemed battery. The school wouldn't reprimand the student, they would defer to the authorities and likely would be referred to youth court unless it was deemed battery in which case the age would likely determine the end result. Not saying your kid wouldn't have the right to defend herself but a reprimand is unlikely to be the response from schools in my area when it comes to these sorts of things well unless you include in addition to what I mentioned things like suspension, etc.

Its strange how differently schools handle things. I know we are in the same state from previous threads, but in my kids school likely the kid would get a couple days ISS max for defending themselves

 

[Snowflakey]

Also that could be interpreted differently. Did the bullying stop because he/she sees that bullying is wrong, or because he/she is scared that the police will arrest them and take them away from their families.

With the stories coming from the US about police officers arresting and handcuffing 6-year olds, the explanation on why they should tell the police isn't necessarily a positive one.

Never was anything said to the child that they would be taken away from their family. That isn't the way law enforcement works here.

As a mother who has a DD in law enforcement I can't tell you how many people she has saved., the people who respect her, who ask for her to help them when they call, who call and ask for her to come speak to their out of control child. My heart hurts for the thousands of officers that work every day saving lives and putting their lives on the line for all of us that call them in a time of need.

 

[Snowflakey]

Disagree. Give the school a chance to handle the situation to start. If it continues, then a call to police may be warranted. Having it be the first response is extreme IMO. In your case, the behavior was repeated multiple times.

I have two daughters - one in law enforcement and one a teacher so believe me I know from experience. As others even said here for the most part the school can't do anything. It is not extreme at all to call in law enforcement. I only wrote about one instance where, yes, the behavior was repeated multiple times. However, there are so many more I didn't talk about......

 

[sam_gordon]

I have two daughters - one in law enforcement and one a teacher so believe me I know from experience. As others even said here for the most part the school can't do anything. It is not extreme at all to call in law enforcement. I only wrote about one instance where, yes, the behavior was repeated multiple times. However, there are so many more I didn't talk about......

Sorry, I still think calling in law enforcement on a single episode (as described in the OP) is extreme. Allow the process to work. IF it doesn't, then take the next step.

 

[ronandannette]

If you are referring to what I posted about teachers (and I’m not one of them), ours have very involved unions and educators know to not get the school district sued (folks like to sue here). Teachers aren’t well paid as professionals that have advanced college degrees, however the benefits are good. Those that don’t want to deal with the bs quit, but not everyone can afford that option, and some still love to teach is spite of the hoops they jump through. Don’t blame the teachers, blame the system.

Either which way, it doesn't seem to serve vulnerable kids very well, does it? Not sure it matters to them exactly which trusted person/authority is letting them down.

 

[mjkacmom]

Either which way, it doesn't seem to serve vulnerable kids very well, does it? Not sure it matters to them exactly which trusted person/authority is letting them down.

I’m confused, the person who brought up a child with a disability stated that it’s very difficult to remove a child with a disability/bully, not that the victim was disabled.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Its strange how differently schools handle things. I know we are in the same state from previous threads, but in my kids school likely the kid would get a couple days ISS max for defending themselves

I'm over on the KS side but in the KC metro (so I keep up with MO stuff by default too)

I was more responding because the poster said they would tell their child to "kick her right back. Then punch her directly in the face."

I think it also depends on reaction. In the OP the OP's child was kicked in the shins but wasn't held down, wasn't restrained, etc. There's less likely a defense for self-defense there and more of a retaliation eye for an eye kind of viewpoint. If you're kicked and you kick back and then punch someone in the face (especially the punch) you're objectively not defending yourself you're retaliating even if one thinks "hey I was kicked first" kind of thing. It basically puts both kids in the wrong even if morally one may be more right. It's not that I couldn't see ISS being given, that may depend on prior circumstances (such as prior interactions between the two parties, the history of the child who fought back, etc) but a reprimand only would be unlikely. I can def. see punching in the face as rising to disorderly conduct and perhaps even battery. I guess I was also looking at it from the standpoint of when the school districts must notify the police or the SRO or similar. The school may hand out an ISS for the interaction but that doesn't mean that's the only thing that would happen.