making friends

[Tiggeroo]

as an adult. How do you do this. I'm in my early 40's and have been very busy with life,kids,school,work,etc... Now things are easing up and I realize i have let go of all of my friendships. I have some friends at church and one good friend but they are in different places in their lives right now and it won't work. I'd love to have a group of girlfriends and some couples friends for dh and I. I wonder if it's possible to make friends like this at this point in our lives or is this something you can only do in hs and college, early single years?

 

[Hercules10]

Make lots of friends at the gym. Folks seem more friendly when they're at their grungiest. (BTW...I'm pushin' 40 too)

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

Of course! You can make friends at any age, IMO. I have some church girlfriends, friends from work, neighbors, high school friends, and DIS friend, OF COURSE! Have you met any of your neighbors? Those are some of my very best friends. We're like family. Our families are all in the "same boat" and we do a lot of things together.

 

[pearlieq]

It is harder as an adult--there defintitely aren't the same opportunities there were when you were younger.

Meeting people isn't that hard--church, the neighborhood, classes, clubs, and volunteer work all offer a steady supply of nice enough people. What I have trouble with is getting over the hump from being friendly to actually asking them to do something as friends.

For me it's a nerve-wracking as dating! I'm terrified of rejection, but he funny thing is I'm always flattered and happy when someone asks me if I want to go shopping, or for coffee, or to dinner with our spouses. I guess I'm just not too confident about doing the asking myself.

I guess my advice would be just to take the risk. If you meet someone a few times and they seem nice, maybe you could invite them for a cup of coffee or to check out a local craft show or something that might be interesting.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I think that it's easiest to make friends when you have some common interest. If you go to church, that's a possibility. Are there social groups there? Or an interest that you could pursue? Maybe a sport that you want to learn or become more active at that you could take a class or join a club (ie tennis, etc). Most of my friends I know through my children and I know it's the same for a lot of those people because we joke about it. I'm sure when we have my son's first baseball game on Sunday after a 6 week break, we'll be like hens getting together to socialize after no seeing each other for awhile. Don't worry about the quantity of friends right now--just think about what you'd like to get involved in and then hopefully a friendship or two (or more) will evolve.

 

[marybet]

I think it is difficult to do. I moved here 4 years ago and I really don't have any friends. My DH knows a lot of people, but since he is the boss we really don't socialize with them.

My neighbors are nice, but we really don't have much in common with them. We don't go to church, I exercise at home. We did joined the Corvette Club and have met some nice people but haven't really developed any close friendships.

We are Yankess and this is the South. There are just so many subjects to avoid that it is difficult to really get to know anyone.

 

[CEDmom]

I'm in my early 40's and have a 7 yo. We recently moved to a new town and I've started making friends kind of through my DD. Volunteering for PTO activities, taking her to library and the playground, Sunday school etc. Also, we moved into a brand new development so we're starting to make friends with neighbors much more easily than where we used to live. I also have a few good friends at work that I do things with.

 

[Tiggeroo]

What I have trouble with is getting over the hump from being friendly to actually asking them to do something as friends.

yep that's my problem. I have tons of friendly aquaintances. Part of the problem is I had my kids young. I am 42 and everybody is now in college. Alot of folks my age still have young kids. Some are even just starting families. I don't mind being friends with people with younger kids but they are like I was 10 years ago. Busy. I'm a big Jimmy Buffett fan and i'm thinking of going out to a local Parrothead club meeting. Alot of the times though these start while dh is on his way home from work. I can't picture walking into something like that alone.

 

[LadyyRedd]

A couple of things I did was find a local book club that meets monthly. We also meet for other fun events. They are really great people.

I also joined a local rec softball league and have made a couple of really good friends!

Kimya

 

[Syrreal]

I'll second the idea of finding something you like to do and join something that has to do with that. When we lived in FL most of our friends were met through a scuba club (these are still some of our best friends). Here I have met people through school but also through a dance class I took at a local studio.
Also, if you have the time you can take some kind of class through an adult ed program. I met a lot of people through an italian class I took a few years ago.

 

[mamajoan]

I am in the same boat as many of you. I turned 47 today, I moved last year and my kids are grown.... I also am kind of retired. I have friends across the country... but no one close to enjoy lunch or coffee dates

I have looked for a small book group... no luck yet. Gonna keep looking as my last Book group in California provided me with 2 very dear friends.
I am volunteering at an agency .. I just started last month... hopefully this will be an avenue to meet people.

I gave myself a year to meet people.. I can say I have acquaintances.. hopefully the friendship will grow.

I used to tell my kids when we moved to a new neighborhood (which was often due to the Military moves).." you have to go outside, put yourself out there. NO ONE is going to knock on our door to say "Want to be my friend?"

I am trying to take my own advice
But I agree it is very difficult to take the leap of asking others to join you for the first time.

 

[LadyyRedd]

I have looked for a small book group... no luck yet. Gonna keep looking as my last Book group in California provided me with 2 very dear friends.

Check with the local libraries and also with the book stores in the area. Some may know. Try www.craigslist.com for a bookclub and see if any are on there. Or why not make one yourself? Make flyers and post them in grocery stores, libraries, colleges, etc. You may find your own new friends sooner than you thought!

Kimya

 

[Stitch's O'hana]

We just moved out of state, so now I have to find some new friends( but I will always keep in touch with my friends back in MN) and it is sooooooo hard( since I am somewhat of a shy person). I just turned 27 this tuesday, but I always have gotten along better with people older then me. My best friend back in MN is 40 years old and she will always be my best frined. What I have been doing is calling around to different Church's and finding out if they have a Bible Study class or anything like that, so I can meet some new people and make some friends here in SD. I just have to push my self and make my self get out there, cause if I don't I will never make any friends.

We should make a support group, so we can help each other!

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

i agree with this and i'm only 26. I married young (all my HS & college friends are still single). Then GASP we suddenly had 2 children and that just put us in the oldies kind of group. My friends have even stopped calling often. It's hard and right now since i have younger children i'm still very much involved with them every day (SAHM). So it doesn't bother me as much. BUT i have noticed that DH and i really don't have any friends.

We never though of making new ones as we kind of just gave up. Our neighbors are wierd and annoying and loud (i'm sure they think the same of us! haha!) and we moved up to the middle of nowhere so even our families rarely visit (this could be a good thing!!).

 

[Redbudlover]

Some really good ideas on this thread. I find myself in the same situation - 59 just separated from DH, who is younger than I and most of "our" friends were his for a lot longer than ours and were much younger than me. I am close to my son and DIL and her family here, but my friends are spread across the country - we talk sometimes daily but that doesn't help with a social life. I use to relocate a lot also as an economic developer and made friends easily then, but had easy venues to meet people who knew I was new in town. Now I work out of my home office, am stuck in the suburbs, (though with nice neighbors, they are half my age) and am trying to figure it out. I also would like to find a book club. And I am thinking of volunteering as a child advocate. Look for a bigger garden club maybe. I attended master gardener classes last year but everyone else lived close in and I lived way out.... that kind of fizzled. I don't know maybe I need to move into town....

 

[Tigger&Belle]

One other idea for those of you who are trying to organize your homes is to find a local (usually county-wide) flylady group. Ours has a YahooGroups that they use to stay in touch and a very occasional social activity, but some might be more social. I think that most of those groups can be found via the www.flylady.net site, but I'm not sure exactly where on there. Ours couldn't list on there, though, because we approved membership and it had to be open membership to list there (we exchanged some personal info and wanted to know who was signing up and wanted to discourage spammers, etc). At least it's one more avenue to explore and even if there are not social activities, members might be able to help a person find other social activities.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I'm having the same problem. 32, newly single, and I just can't find people who are REALLY into music like I am! Around here, it's all sports, sports, sports. I HATE sports. Surprisingly, though, I've always been better friends with guys than girls. And older people, too - one of my best friends is 47. I talk to plenty of people on the internet, but it's just not the same.

I've tried making friends with one of my neighbours (we all know the story, I've posted about him before). But he's just incredibly busy and I called him a week ago and haven't heard back. I know he's the same way with his other friends.

I also joined a few alerts on meetup.com, but there are no groups in my area. I'd have to drive well over an hour away to meet up with the ones that do exist.

 

[Tiggeroo]

lots of good ideas here. You would think that going to college would help but it actually seems to hurt. I like the book club idea. But again the problem is going from aquaintance to friend. I guess what i'm really looking for is a group of girlfriends. People who stop in and out of each other's houses, go to bbq's together, go out for drinks, call when you are having a bad day, etc.