Major Help Needed. What do we do with her? (sorry, long)

[TinkerBelle2992]

As some of you probably remember, a couple months ago, my neighbor, lets call her A, foolishly traded away her gold ears and Herbie helmet. And, the DISer who gifted her the Herbie outfit, thank you very much! I lost your user name, because I had to clean out my PMs. But if you read this, can you please PM me? She wants to apologize. (Further down. lol)

Ok, a little history. She and her brother (let's call him B) started a little bit after me and my neighbor, (we will call her C) and we always, I mean always, would watch their trades. Just to make sure they weren't getting taken advantage of, or trading away something they really liked, because they are both under 10, and at the time, didn't understand it too much. That was in July. Let's fast forward to October. They both LOVE the game, play all the time, understand trades and stuff. A's bday is in October. Her cousin got her the Herbie DVD. She was thrilled because she got the Herbie suit. Well, about a month later, she traded away her helmet. She was SO upset. So, I asked on here if anyone would trade me one to gift to her. Then she got Gold Ears from a trade. Then she traded them away for something not worth it. Again very upset. Well, a very kind DISer gave me a Hebie suit to give to her. Loved it. "I am not trading my helmet again!" So she claims. When we went to Disney, my mom waited in line to ask to get a code for Gold Ears, at park closing, to get for A. Gave her the code, "I am never trading this!" I beieved her. I thought she learned her lesson. Well, I was at her house one day, and B said, "Guess what?! A traded away her Herbie Helmet!" I was SHOCKED! She said she learned her lesson, and she felt really bad. I thought she had learned her lesson. Well, right after I gave her her ears, C noticed in A's sig, "will trade gold ears for magic" Me and C talked her out of it, and she again said she is never trading them. Well Saturday, A was at C's house. A was in a trade for the super hero shirt. C said she offered her pink dress. Then the player said, "Do you have Gold Ears?" she said sure, and put them in. C said she wasn't really paying attention and saw them in trade. She said "C! Tell them they are not for trade!" and she closed the trade. I was away this weekend so C told me about that. Then C said that A was in her room and the conversation went like this:

A: How many credits do you have?
C: 1,000
A: That's enough to buy a super hero suit
C: I already have one
A: I don't
C: Well, I am saving for the blue one
A: aww man

So, she's getting greedy. I got home yesterday, got on VMK, checked my messages, and she traded her ears, they are gone. C talked to her, and A said if she got them for me and I traded them away, she would feel bad. So she knows it wasn't a good idea. She claimed she felt bad, and I think she did. But this is what has me absolutly shocked. C said after she found out A traded them, she told them not to let anyone borrow their stuff if they asked, because they would steal it. C said B said "A tried that once!" (Note: They only have the Kellog's Magic.) C, "What happened?" A said, "I asked if I could borrow their teleportation, I wanted to see if they would say yes." C, "Were you going to give it back?" A, "I don't know, I was thinking about logging off and pretending to crash." What the heck?! She knows that is stealing. And, if she would have, and gotten banned, B wouldn't be able to get on anymore! And never once have we heard her say, "I think I will go play Fireworks, or Pirates, and try to win magic." She won't try! So she's going to steal someone elses? The only thing that will wake her up is a ban. She thinks VMK should be handed to her on a silver platter! Did we cause this? Did we help her out too much? Please help! lol I am sorry this is so long. I just cannot get over the fact that she would steal! Again, I am so sorry that this is so long. Nothing will get threw to her. I didn't want to ask for help on here, but most of you have kids that play and might be able to help. Thanks in advance!!

 

[DemonLlama]

Make your own ban: no playing except when you are there for a period of time until she gets her act straight.

My DD got us all banned last October (different circumstances) and until this past week, for six months, none of us played again. I was deeply discouraged by the behavior of some of the rooms she had begun to frequent.

Now my son and I are playing again, but she is still banned by MOM, not VMK. There are some things a virtual game is not worth: integrity and dignity topping the list.

DD was kindly gifted a princess crown by Coriander when she got ripped off and I felt awful that my kid would turn around and do something really stupid, losing that gift in the process. I feel your pain!

 

[TinkerBelle2992]

Ok, little update. I just talked to A about the teleporatation thing and claims she has no idea what I was talking about. So, I will talk to C and find out if she's lying. But she has been known to lie before. What I forgot to put in the first post was, after A traded her ears, C met up with her on VMK. A was wearing the shirt and C said, "Oh! You got the shirt! What did you trade?" and A replied, "My princess dress." Then when they were outside B said, "Guess what A traded?!' and C said, "I hope it wasn't the gold ears." A said, "B hit accept!" C, "Well how did they get in there in the first place?" and A said, "You got me." So we will see how this infolds. Thanks DemonLlama, maybe we will try that.

 

[robynbird]

I think maybe the only way that she will learn not to take rare items for granted is to not get them after she foolishly trades them away. Next time she loses something, don't get her a replacement, hopefully she actually will learn a lesson by not having it again. Sorry to hear about the trouble!

 

[TinkerBelle2992]

Ok. Me and C talked to her and this is what happened. After about 20 minutes of the "I didn't do it!" she admitted that she tried to take two peoples super hero costumes. After the first one failed, she tried again. But, she lied again. She said, "I didn't know it was wrong at the time." But she said she knew she was stealing and she knew it was wrong. So, she knew it was wrong, and she didn't want to say it. But just won't work for her stuff. We don't know how to fix this. Thanks for ny help!

 

[mking624]

To be quite honest, if she wants to foolishly trade....let her. Don't help her through this, don't fix her mess-ups, etc. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way, and if she is not being appreciative of what you're doing to help her by refusing to learn the lessons being taught, then it's time for her to learn the hard way. It may sound harsh, but there comes a point where she has to learn there are consequences for her choices...and that someone cannot always come to her rescue. She'll never get it, otherwise, because she has learned that if she messes up, it'll be fixed for her.

 

[Disney Dreams]

I know I am new around here, but if I may chime in...

To me there is a much bigger issue here: Life's lessons.

After reading your telling of the occurances and discussions, it seems to me that this is a young individual who has
a - discovered that her mistakes are easily fixed by others if she can just gain some sympathy
b - learned that she can lie and cheat her way through this game and
c - manipulates the situation to get what she wants.

The ONLY way to teach her otherwise is to not rescue her. By finding codes and / or "gifts" for her, you are feeding her bad habit. She has learned she can work the system (and you) to get what she wants in this game. (Analogy: Working those in her world to get what she wants out of life.)

Next time, if she "loses" her Mickey ears in a trade, she will have to accept that is just a very sad situation that she will now have to learn how to remedy on her own (i.e. play games, trade with others, etc...). At 10, she is old enough to understand how the trades work, unlike a 6 year old, for example. Also, nothing that she can lose in VMK has true value. This is the perfect learning ground for her to see that her lies and manipulations are not her friend - without any true harm being done to her.

Today it is Mickey Ears that she "accidentally" lost so someone else can replace them. Tomorrow, IRL, it is a Mercedes. Truly.

-Disney Dreams

P.S. I am painting the picture to the extreme based on your posts. I am sure we are talking about a very nice girl and that you clearly know how to draw lines. Please do not take anything above as anything personal. It is not.