Ahh, the sun is so bright and the breeze is so cool and gentle here on my tropical island. . .
wait. Hold it. Who took away that tropical island???
No island--nope, not anywhere close, but I'm trying to find a peaceful island mentality in the midst of the organized chaos called my life!
It's OK--I can see the light at the end of the Busyness Tunnel--the place where I can do our laundry, clean at my leisure, and catch up on journals is waiting for me! The weekend IS coming, I just know it.
Even though yesterday was hopping, I managed to stay OP. I've made a list of my trigger foods and avoiding them and sugar is really helping me to feel more in control of my food and less controlled BY food. Also, staying OP (no sugar, eating sensibly, exercising, vitamins but not counting points right now) is giving me a peace of mind that I need with this issue. Re-reading my book is helping me to be honest with myself and what I need to do.
Food yesterday:
b--peanut butter on light toast, coffee
s--cheesestick
l--chicken strips on salad and grilled veggies
d--two tacos
s--grapefruit
Food plan for today:
b--one slice of light toast w/cream cheese, coffee
s--cheesestick
l--chicken strips on salad with grilled veggies
s--grapefruit
celery/fresh veggies
d--still have to figure this one out
I feel a lot more peaceful about my food issues knowing that my choice to abstain from sugar and certain foods is exactly that--MY CHOICE. It's something I'm doing for me to help me feel better and it makes a difference reminding myself that it's a gift I'm giving myself! I don't want to gain back all my weight, but if I slip back into the same bingeing kind of behaviors with the same kinds of foods I've abused in the past, I will.
So, I'm moving into the day,
through the busy times and looking for the blessings of the day--starting right here with my friends at the WISH.
Phil. 4:13
Erin
Edit: I've finished my walk and had my vitamins and I should shower and get going, but while I was walking and thinking over my w.o.l., I realized that yesterday I had a victory, and I wanted to write it down before I forgot it.
We had a concert last night (DDs group sang) and afterwards DD and DH were hungry and decided to stop in at McDonalds. DD had a milkshake, DH had some fries. I passed on having something, knowing I had my grapefruit at home. This might not seem like a big deal, but often times I feel compelled to eat something--like I'm going to miss something if I don't (I know, weird). As we drove up to the drive in window, I was inwardly going through this little dialogue with myself (does that make it a monologue?
Anyway. . .) over what I could have, what I shouldn't have, what I wanted to have, etc. when I realized it wasn't negotiable. The time spent thinking about it, the stress that this kind of behavior--this compulsive eating--causes just wasn't worth it. It would make my life so much easier to just say "no thank you" and be done with it, so that's what I did. I felt relieved. My grapefruit never tasted better.
Also a nice moment came yesterday when a friend of DHs showed up at the studio to say hi. We haven't seen him in four years--he's a great guy. Anyway, when he came in and I hugged him, I was so happy inside to not be feeling shame or sadness, feelings I would've had if I hadn't lost those 40 lbs. Whenever I used to see people that I hadn't seen in a long time, I always imagined that they must be thinking things like "oh my gosh, she's gained so much weight" or "poor Mike, his wife is so heavy." Trust me, I wasn't thinking this guy thought I was a model or anything, but I was relieved (once again) to be rid of the emotional baggage I used to have in almost every situation--at work, shopping, swimming, eating out, etc.--when I wondered how people were perceiving me.
This brings to mind an incident in my hometown over the weekend. I was recognized by the mom of one of the kids I went to high school with. I didn't know her from Adam, but when she told me who she was, I asked her how she could've possibly known me--after all, I've been out of high school for 25 years! She commented about "something about [my] eyes" and then said that I looked really great. Again, another good feeling. I KNOW I'm not looking like I did in high school, but I don't look too bad either.
More importantly, I'm feeling like I've got less negative stuff to carry around and bog myself down with, you know?
Erin! Glad to hear that you had such a great weekend. I need to get a copy of that book you are reading! Maybe it will help me get my butt in gear a little bit more.
like this! It is such a great post and you sound so happy. And I am just busting with happiness for you as well! Isn't it great to not feel so 
emotionally all the time? I know I love it! 
Congrats on the triumph at McDs, I've been there also and next time I willl think of you & your will power, thanks for the inspiration! 
What happened to the island cabana boy? Is he on vaca?
on through. Tomorrow I'm off until noon, so I'm looking forward to that.
!! You're finding out more and more about yourself, which means that you will always know how to prevent the 
and 
. I don't think I like it. I'm 5 pounds over my WW goal weight. That said, I know that I did OK considering last week and the bingeing from last weekend and the amount of temptation that I had to face from all the little celebrations I had (two more yesterday). This past week was definitely a "maintaining" kind of week, and I accomplished that. Maybe next week I'll be better able to focus on weight loss? We'll see. . .
