Loved One in Hospital-Do You Spend Night?

[DisneyMomOK]

Whenever anyone in my family: child, parent, spouse, spends the night in the hospital someone in my family stays with them (although my DH did not stay with me when I had our children, but that was fine with me). Anyway, I was shocked and it probably showed in my demeanor (did not mean to judge, but it probably seemed that way from my expression), when a co-worker (single, 50, who lived with her mother until her DM died), told me that she never spent the night with her mother while she was in the hospital. She lives about 45 miles from the hospital where her mother was (lives out of town) and visited her after work (works in the same town the hospital is located). We have a liberal Family Friendly leave policy, but even when she knew her mother had only a few days to live, she still did not stay with her. She took time after she died to take care of the details, but did not take off much time while she was still alive, I think her cousin was with her DM a lot of the time. I know different people approach death differently, but I know my DH stayed with his father at night and was so mad at his mother for not getting to the hospital the morning his Dad died (DH had to leave to go to work), leaving his Dad alone. When my DS was in the hospital last year, it seemed there were lots of people spending the night, but then I was on the pediatric floor. Does this seem typical or not?

Sharon

 

[CarolA]

Having worked in hospitals in the past it's not as typical as you might imagine.

Pedatrics is the exception. Folks spend the night there all the time. Otherwise a lot just depends on the patient and the family. It's not our place to judge.

 

[JoyG]

When my son had open heart surgery I spent the night at the hospital the entire week he was there.

When my mom was admitted in the hospital for a week, I made sure to visit every day but I didn't spend the night.

DH's mom just spent more than a month in the hospital. I went to visit her at least once a week, dh went probably every other day.

If my parent was near death, I probably would spend the night.

 

[poohandwendy]

Depends on how serious the illness is. And of course, with young children...definitely.

 

[JennyMominRI]

Ed is in the ICU and thy already bend visiting hours like crazy for me...Generally I am there from 11.30 to 4.30 every day. I have never spent the night ,but I have 3 kids at home and no one to watch them

 

[phillybeth]

I've never done it, although I can see where some people would.

I'll tell you though, it can be very annoying if it's a semi-private room. My dad's roommate last year had his wife there 24/7, and my dad felt very uncomfortable with certain procedures. Sure, they draw the curtains, but you can still hear everything.

 

[Vivianne]

It's just DH and I. I would definitely stay with him. I guess it would depend on a person's circumstances.

 

[Saphire]

I have worked in hospitals for 23 years, and it is rare for family members to stay over night. The exceptions are if the patient is dying, or if it is a child.

 

[aprilgail2]

The only time you spend the night with a patient here is if they are a minor in pediatrics, otherwise you leave when visiting hours are over. My last hospital stay the husband of the woman next to me thought he was going to stay the night but I quickly but a stop to that and security came up to tell him he had to go home. No way am I sharing a room with a strange male. Same thing after giving birth, it was bad enough that my roomates husband arrived at 8am and didn't leave until 9pm, I certainly didn't want him there all night long either. You are free to spend the night in the lobby of the hospital but you had to get out of the patients rooms by 9pm other than pediatrics. To be honest when I am in the hospital I wish they had shorter visiting hours, If I am in tehr I am sick and would like to rest, not be entertaining for hours or being disturbed by people coming in and out of the room.

 

[DisneyMomOK]

My DS and I had gone through a near-death experience with my father and she spent nights and I spent days, but there was no way we would have let him be alone. It is personal, but I guess it is the way I was raised. I know my DH has always felt at peace with his father because he stayed with him, although he also wished his mother had been there that morning. I guess that was what really overwhelmed me, her mother was alone when she died.

Sharon

 

[Cool-Beans]

The vast, vast overwhelming majority of adults do not have anyone stay the night.

Lots of people stay with their children, but there are kids for whom nobody stays. Single moms with other kids have to be home. Many of them have to keep working and can't afford to stay all day, either.

 

[tiggersmom2]

1 person was allowed to spend the night with me after my daughter was born. My Mother spent one night and my husband spent the other night....I did have a private room and their company was so, so wonderful.

 

[froglady]

I spent the night in the hospital with DS. I did NOT spend the WHOLE night with either of my parents. DH spent the night in the hospital for a foot injury, and I didn't stay with him all night, nor did he spend the night with me after my C-section.

Now, there were times during the DAY when I wish I had stayed with my DM, but that's different.

 

[Poohbear123]

No I didn't spend the night with my Mom before she died, but I had no idea that I could. Kind of wish I did now......

 

[janette]

I think it depends. During my FIL's final illness the only time someone wasn't' there was the very 1st night in ICU and that is only because they wouldn't let us. After that they allowed someone to stay even in ICU, he wasn't expected to make it and didn't leave the hospital passing a couple of weeks later. The main reason we stayed is he wasn't lucid much of the time and if we were there we could calm him or most of the time let him know he couldn't leave. I'm sure if we hadn't been there he'd have been restrained and I couldn't have borne that.

My father was the same for a few hospitalizations. I think it was the morphine but he just wasn't himself at all. His main goal was getting something to eat and / or leaving. Both of which he wasn't able to do. The one time he was left alone because of a scheduling issue he managed to fall and tear out his port, he was alone for about 15mins. It didn't happen again.

I don't know how nurses do it without family in those type of situations. Thankfully our family was able to be there for my FIL & father. I spent a few nights with each and treasure that I was able to do that for them. I'd give anything to do it now

My MIL was hospitalized recently and she didn't need anyone there 24/7. She needed her rest more than company. We did try to visit every day but didn't stay all the time.

 

[DaisyD]

Never heard of an adult spending the night for another adult. I can see doing it for a child but an adult really doesn't need anyone there all night.

 

[poohandwendy]

The only time you spend the night with a patient here is if they are a minor in pediatrics, otherwise you leave when visiting hours are over.

That is usually not the case when the patient is in very critical or grave condition. In those circumstances, the staff is usually accomodating to the family members as long as they are not disruptive in any way.

 

[tiggersmom2]

Never heard of an adult spending the night for another adult. I can see doing it for a child but an adult really doesn't need anyone there all night.

I really think things are different down here b/c EVERYONE had someone staying with them after the birth. I don't know if it is due to the hospital having all private rooms or what....but that is just how it is here. Even with my first child 13 years ago I had my Mom spend the night.....

 

[DisneyMomOK]

Probably should have clarified this: no one in my family has been hospitalized for anything but major stuff: brother-in-law had cancerous kidney removed, DSis stayed with him; my Dad was declared weeks from death, DSis and I stayed with him; DS was hospitalized (first and only time in his life, even though he was 19) I was there. All of these situations were with private rooms, so no one else was bothered. While waiting for my DS to come up to his room, a woman and her daughter were in the pediatric waiting room where they had pretty much set up camp. Her husband had been there for over a month (on one of the other floors) and someone had been with him 24/7 (this was a few days before Thanksgiving). She was going to have to turn the respirator (?) the next day when all her family was there to say goodbye. Even my DH got teary-eyed while she was talking. All the nurses seem accomodating for her situation, very compassionate and caring. I fully understand if you have children that need attention, but this was not the case for my co-worker. That is why I wondered if it was typical and I am just overly sentimental or protective.

Sharon

 

[DisneyMomOK]

Janette that is exactly the same with my father. He was so out of it because of the morphine, he wanted to call people and tell them strange things (ie, his neighbor because they were going to increase the paving three feet on the street so noone could get in their driveway). The cardiologist had told my mother he had six weeks to live after a heart attack, that was 11/04, he is still alive and fine, since he got home, but not good in the hospital.