Loved One in Hospital-Do You Spend Night?

[All American]

When my daughter was in the hospital (18 months), I stayed every night and even slept in the bed with her.

When I was pregnant with her and in the hosptal (sick with pre-term labor) and while I was in recovery after she was born, my husband went home every night. I figured that one of us may as well be getting a good night's sleep.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Everyone deals with the threat of loosing a loved one in a different way. There is no normal way to deal with grief.

 

[minkydog]

Ed is in the ICU and thy already bend visiting hours like crazy for me...Generally I am there from 11.30 to 4.30 every day. I have never spent the night ,but I have 3 kids at home and no one to watch them

I totally get this. My DH is frequently hospitalized with heart/lung disease and I rarely stay the night with him. I have three kids, including my autistic-mentally retarded son. It's very hard to find someone to care for him and the older kids can't do it for more than a few hours. So if DH is stable I stay during the day(if the kids are in school) and go home for supper. Then I go back up for 1-2 hrs after supper until he gets sleepy. then I go home for the night and put Christian to bed. It's exhausting but realistic.

The two times DH was near death i just left the kids and hoped for the best. Last time my neighbor came over for a few hours to get Christian fed & diapered. If it's not one worry it's another.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I totally get this. My DH is frequently hospitalized with heart/lung disease and I rarely stay the night with him. I have three kids, including my autistic-mentally retarded son. It's very hard to find someone to care for him and the older kids can't do it for more than a few hours. So if DH is stable I stay during the day(if the kids are in school) and go home for supper. Then I go back up for 1-2 hrs after supper until he gets sleepy. then I go home for the night and put Christian to bed. It's exhausting but realistic.

The two times DH was near death i just left the kids and hoped for the best. Last time my neighbor came over for a few hours to get Christian fed & diapered. If it's not one worry it's another.

Bless your heart sweetie....I know that you have a hard, hard road. I just wanted to give you a hug because I know that has to be difficult.

 

[dreamcometrue]

it depends on why they are in the hospital! If it's a child...then definitely, always, no matter what! When my DH had a severe asthma attack and they wanted to keep him overnight, I didn't stay, but I had noone to watch the kids at home either! He was fine with that though. He didn't spend the night when I was in the hospital after having DD and I was ok with it, I knew he had to go home to be with our DS!

 

[DisneyMomOK]

I agree with tiggersmom, minkydog. That you have so many needs to fill and still stayed with your DH is awe-inspiring.

I know this is just a personal way to face a very difficult situation; maybe being with someone that will soon pass away or is very sick, comforts those of us that stay as much as it comforts those that are sick. I grew up in a "it takes a village" small town, so maybe that is part of my sense of "typical", although I see how it is a personal choice.

Sharon

 

[mumzie2three]

My mother went into the hospital for a lung biopsy, was diagnosed with lung cancer and didn't leave the hospital until she died 2 weeks later. She wanted someone to stay with her especially at night. So there were about 7 of us that took turns staying over with her.

The nursing staff was 50/50. Some were understanding and others tried to get us to leave. We finally put our foot down and basically said "look she's terminal and we're not leaving until she does". She wasn't sleeping well and couldn't speak because of the ventilator, so having us there made her feel safe. She had a different nurse every 8 hours and some took more time to try to understand her than others.

I could go on but needless to say, it was an eye opening experience and I would stay with any family member that asked me to. And of course staying with my girls goes without saying. I wish I had spent more time at the hospital with my mom.

 

[DisneyMomOK]

My DSis believes her DH would have died if she had not been with him. He had just had his kidney removed and they gave him a med he had a severe reaction to. She was the one that alerted the nurse and told them he was having an attack. She firmly believes that if the patient is not lucid and fully aware of his situation, someone needs to be with that patient.

Sharon

 

[tiggersmom2]

My mother went into the hospital for a lung biopsy, was diagnosed with lung cancer and didn't leave the hospital until she died 2 weeks later. She wanted someone to stay with her especially at night. So there were about 7 of us that took turns staying over with her.

The nursing staff was 50/50. Some were understanding and others tried to get us to leave. We finally put our foot down and basically said "look she's terminal and we're not leaving until she does". She wasn't sleeping well and couldn't speak because of the ventilator, so having us there made her feel safe. She had a different nurse every 8 hours and some took more time to try to understand her than others.

I could go on but needless to say, it was an eye opening experience and I would stay with any family member that asked me to. And of course staying with my girls goes without saying. I wish I had spent more time at the hospital with my mom.

Oh goodness...I am crying. Please don't beat yourself up...your Mom knew that you loved her so much. I will stay with any family member that is hospitalized and hopefully I won't ever meet any resistance b/c I would hate to open a can of whoop butt...lol

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

As an RN who worked in a hospital, family members were never allowed to stay with pateints past visiting hours unless the family member was in grave condition. Pediatrics and maternity had 24 hour visiting hours for parents only though in pediatrics and 1 family member in maternity.

When my grandmother was ill, my mom and I stayed with her, her last couple nights. She had cancer and we knew it wouldn't be long. The nurses were so nice and accomodating. If either of my children ever were hospitalized, I would definetly NEVER leave their side.

When I was sick in the hospital with pylonephrits when pregnant with DD, DH didn't stay. Nor did he stay when I had either of the children. Actually, I really didn't want him to. It was nice to get rid of him, relax with the baby or by myself, before going home and taking on the care of a newborn.

 

[kejoda]

When my Mom went into the hospital we were told she only had 2 months to live. None of us wanted her to be alone so we took turns staying the night. Rather 3 of us and occasionally Dad. The next 21/2 months someone was with Mom every night but 1. About a month into Mom's stay everyone was either busy or sick so ended up with no one staying. The nurses begged us not to do that again, the phone calls to check on Mom was too much. I enjoyed my time with Mom and developed such an appriecaition to anyone that works in the hospital.

 

[DISUNC]

Unless it is a child in the Hospital, I think they throw you at at 9:00pm!!!!
I never stayed!

 

[jbthi]

In our hospital, they have waiting rooms on each floor, with chairs and couches. The nurses will give you pillows and sheets to spend the night there. My husband was in the heart ICU for 2 weeks a couple of months ago and I spent most of the day and evenings with him but I never spent the night. Some families would have 5 or 6 people there, all talking very loudly on cell phones and I don't think I could have handled being there all night.

The first night I stayed until about 3:00 in the morning so I could see him when he was fully awake and then I went home.

 

[RayaniFoxmur]

When I had a baby in August my FH (then boyfriend) stayed with me every night. When I had my gall bladder out 25 days later, he stayed until 9 and then came back around 9 the next morning to be with me when I was discharged.

It definitely depends on the occasion and seriousness in my family. My mom stayed the night every night in the waiting room, and then the family hotel type rooms the hospital provided while my stepfather was in cardiac ICU before passing away. But generally we go home that night and come back up the next day.

I've asked people to stay when I was younger because hospitals scared me, but it really doesn't matter to me anymore lol. Guess I'm used to it now!

 

[Hannathy]

When my Mom was in the hospital the last 2 yrs of her life and she was in a lot! we never stayed at night except for a few times she was critical in the ICU and then it was out in the waiting room. NO one was allowed to stay in the ICU room and my sister even works at the hospital.

They need their rest and more importantly you need your rest. When they are in the hospital they are being cared for all night but very soon when the come home, and it isn't very long anymore, YOU will be responsible for their care 24 hours a day and if you are already exhausted from not sleeping how are you going to take care of them? I don't see the need unless they are critical.

 

[Connieh]

My mother stayed every night when my father was hospitalzed for pleural effusion. They even supplied a roll away bed for her in his room. Sometimes I think they are glad for the help, as my mom would help him with cares.

 

[bekkiz]

I was in the hospital 2 times for surgery (one was just a few weeks ago for spinal surgery.) Both times, my DH stayed over night in my room. Both times I had a private room that had a pull out couch.

This most recent time, thank god DH was there. The nurses were great, but so completely busy with other paitents who were in very serious conditions. DH was able to do a lot of things the nurses usually would have done (i.e. help me when I was about to hurl and no nurse could respond to the button).

I do not sleep well when I'm away from him anyway, and I was very grateful (and the nurses were too...they kept asking if he wanted a new career ) to have him there. Sure, I wasn't in critical care, but I would have been very anxious without him.

 

[DaisyD]

I really think things are different down here b/c EVERYONE had someone staying with them after the birth. I don't know if it is due to the hospital having all private rooms or what....but that is just how it is here. Even with my first child 13 years ago I had my Mom spend the night.....

But that is due to a child. They are staying over because of the baby. They also stay over here for that too. If it is just an adult getting surgury or being sick then no one stays overnight. Exceptions of course of the adult is dying and only has days to live. When I had my 3 kids, I sent everyone home at night, including DH. It was so nice to have the time to bond with the baby and not have to talk to anyone else. I had a private room with each kid too. They are quite common here. Our hospital only has private rooms that you do everything in from labor, delivery, and recovery. Comes with a daybed for the husband or SO. I still sent him home. LOL!

 

[MareQ]

I spent the night with my DS when he was in the hoispital for 5 days - I never left - I showered there too. (He was only 4 - no way I was leaving for anything) ETA: He had a private room too so I wasn't bothering anybody.

Other than that - unless the patient is in a private room - I think people shouldn't be spending the night out of respect for the privacy for the other patient in the room.

I had my gallbladder taken out a few years ago. I was in the ER for HOURS AND HOURS the night before my surgery waiting for a bed to open up. Finally one did and they wheeled me up - only to find my room mates husband sleeping in the freshly cleaned bed?!?!?! They had to wake him up - tell him to get out of the bed - call housekeeping to come clean it again - then I got in my bed. In the meantime he asked for a rollaway bed - which only fit at the foot of his wifes bed - which completely blocked my path to the bathroom. @@ So not only did I have to put on pants and a robe when I needed to go to the bathroom - I had to wake him up, listen to him grumble, wait for him to move the bed, listen to him complain, use the bathroom - with him waiting for me to be done - then listen to him grumble and groan as he got himself settled again.

I was so tired and in so much pain I didn't complain but when DH came back to visit the next morning and saw the guy sound asleep there right in my way- he flipped out!!

 

[Becky2005]

Around here, I don't think it's normal for anyone to spend the night when an adult is in the hospital.

I know for pediatrics you can. I also think for maternity you can if there is no roommate -- if there is a roommate you couldn't. They have all become private rooms right now but I have no idea what the policy is now. I would send DH home anyway...it would be annoying as I would just want my rest. Then again, I also sent my babies to the nursery at night because I knew those couple days were the *only* time I was going to get any sleep. I had older kids waiting for me at home & I was going to be having to take care of the baby 24/7. I was going to take advantage of the nursery & 3 meals/day in bed.