Loved One in Hospital-Do You Spend Night?

[Krisu]

I work at a rehabilitation facility where we do have families that want to stay. If they are in a private room it's no problem, but in a semi-private room the other patient has to agree to it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Of course you stay with children.

As far as adults, it would depend on the situation.

 

[Keli]

At our local hospital (the one I'm most familiar with) I would stay the night if it were my dh or my dd hospitalized because I know the nursing appreciates your help in caring for the sick individual.

That is assuming they weren't in ICU or CCU, in those cases you cannot spend the night but they have a very low nurse to patient ratio in those departments so they are in good hands anyway.

The rooms are almost all private rooms now (they have been converting semi private to private for the last decade and very few semi private rooms remain now) which makes a big difference too.

With my parents and my Inlaws, or any other family member I would only stay if requested or if they were terminal. I would be too afraid I was imposing my help on them otherwise.

 

[fan_of_small_world]

I had my gallbladder taken out a few years ago. I was in the ER for HOURS AND HOURS the night before my surgery waiting for a bed to open up. Finally one did and they wheeled me up - only to find my room mates husband sleeping in the freshly cleaned bed?!?!?! They had to wake him up - tell him to get out of the bed - call housekeeping to come clean it again - then I got in my bed. In the meantime he asked for a rollaway bed - which only fit at the foot of his wifes bed - which completely blocked my path to the bathroom. @@ So not only did I have to put on pants and a robe when I needed to go to the bathroom - I had to wake him up, listen to him grumble, wait for him to move the bed, listen to him complain, use the bathroom - with him waiting for me to be done - then listen to him grumble and groan as he got himself settled again.

That's awful! I would have been You poor thing!!

 

[arminnie]

Wow - I guess this is another one of those regional differences.

When my dad had his knee replacement surgery 4 years ago I asked his surgeon if someone needed to stay with him. His answer "If it was my dad I would stay." So my sister and I alternated being with him.

When my mother had surgery 30 years ago someone spent the night each night so she would have help available.

When I had my gallbladder out - my dad and sister were incapacitated so my best friend came and stayed in the room overnight.

When my mother was terminally ill with cancer and in and out of the hospital we hired staff to stay with her around the clock in the hospital - a personal care assistant.

In perfect world the hospital staff would provide adequate care, but with the terrible nursing and other staff shortages it is can really help the patient to have someone available to be their advocate and to be immediately available.

The hospital rooms here all have chairs that make into beds for someone who wants to stay. The person staying is there to help provide care not just in case they might die.

Now when I had several major surgeries in California I had no one stay with me, but the nursing coverage was much better. If I rang for a nurse I never had to wait an hour or two like here. Please understand that I am not knocking the nurses - everyone I've seen was so overworked and just trying to cope with about 10 must do activities at once. There just weren't enough of them.

 

[anewvance]

My dh has always stayed with me after my kids were born, every night until I was released. When ds was in the hospital for rotovirus, I stayed all 3 nights with him.

When my grandfather was in the hospital, even before we had any idea he'd actually pass away, my grandmother stayed with him because she was worried about his breathing.

 

[shirleyb]

If I had a child hospitalized or someone in critical, probably won't make it through the night condition, I would stay, otherwise no.

I have had surgery and no one spent the night, as has DH. Frankly, I'm usually kind of glad when visitors go home, so I can get some rest. I can't imagine the hospital letting someone spend the night if it wasn't a deathly emergency.

 

[dhcoffey]

When my DD13 was a baby, she was in the hospital for a week. Of course, my DH and I both stayed with her, private room.

When my mother had a stroke, she was in a coma and in the hospital for about two weeks before we brought her home for hospice. At first, she was in not ICU but a step down from that, can't remember what they called it. Two of us stayed with her around the clock at all times. No way was I leaving her with her not knowing what was going on. Then when they put her in a regular room before sending her home, we still stayed with her, private room. The nurses were great to us, too. The regular room had a chair/bed thing in it; but since there were two of us, if a room around us was empty, they would let one of us stay in there. We had really wonderful, caring nurses at that hospital.

Heather

 

[powellrj]

when I had my 3 c-sections nobody spent the night with me nor when I had my knee replaced a couple of months ago.

I have to say my night nurse was wonderful when I had my knee replaced,so I felt very comfortable staying alone. During the day was a whole different story. I asked that someone stay with me the whole time during the day because without family help, I was lost. I needed help and had to rely on family to help.

 

[Disney Doll]

With a child, I would always stay...especially a young child. Maybe if it was a teenager and what they were in the hospital wasn't too serious I might consider going home at night, but it would depend on the kid too.

For an adult, the answer is really "it depends". If they were fairly ill, I'd stay. If they were older, I'd stay because I have seen so many elderly people get very confused in the hospital and sometimes a familiar person is enough ot keep them grounded. If they had any difficulty with walking/mobility, I'd stay because realistically the nusres are not always going to be able to get there within moments after your loved one calls to use the bathroom and many folks will attempt to go themselves and fall.

As a nurse I will tell you that in general we don't mind people staying, at least not where I work, but it does become more difficult in a semi-private room, because like it or not, you do have the other patient's feelings to consider and some folks do not want a stranger sleeping in their room, especially if it's a spouse thing, so the person staying in the room would also be of the opposite sex. Plus you have the whole space issue...hospital rooms are generally not known to be among the most spacious of abodes. The hospital I work at is going to renovate to make all rooms private, which should make things better. Also, if you are staying the night, remember that I am not there to take care of you. I will be happy to get you blankets, pillows and the like, I'll even do toothpaste, toothbrush, but it is a hospital not a hotel. I am not there to get you coffee and make you toast, especially if I don't have time. I will certainly offer if I do have time (I'm not as much of a witch as people think I am! ), but if I am busy with patient care, then the sleeping-over visitors are on their own. I also prefer you not remind me every 5 minutes that "Mom has not been washed yet" when it's 815AM. There are 32 patients on my unit, and they will not all be washed by 8AM. Mom will get washed at some point today, preferably in the morning, but she's not going anywhere, so if it's 10AM before she gets washed, I think Mom will survive.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I had my gallbladder taken out a few years ago. I was in the ER for HOURS AND HOURS the night before my surgery waiting for a bed to open up. Finally one did and they wheeled me up - only to find my room mates husband sleeping in the freshly cleaned bed?!?!?! They had to wake him up - tell him to get out of the bed - call housekeeping to come clean it again - then I got in my bed. In the meantime he asked for a rollaway bed - which only fit at the foot of his wifes bed - which completely blocked my path to the bathroom. @@ So not only did I have to put on pants and a robe when I needed to go to the bathroom - I had to wake him up, listen to him grumble, wait for him to move the bed, listen to him complain, use the bathroom - with him waiting for me to be done - then listen to him grumble and groan as he got himself settled again.

I was so tired and in so much pain I didn't complain but when DH came back to visit the next morning and saw the guy sound asleep there right in my way- he flipped out!!

Good GRIEF!!!!
That is wrong.

 

[UrsulasShadow]

I also believe it's acceptable to stay overnight if it's a child who's hospitalized, or death is imminent. Also, if you have a private room, and policy allows, it should be up to the patient.

I think it's terribly inconsiderate under any other circumstances to allow visitors past visiting hours.

 

[MamaLema]

DH has never been in the hospital overnight. We have 3 kids and I could never spend the night with him because there's no one to watch them. I would hate to think that someone's judging me thinking I'm a terrible wife for that

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I spent the night with my DS when he was in the hoispital for 5 days - I never left - I showered there too. (He was only 4 - no way I was leaving for anything) ETA: He had a private room too so I wasn't bothering anybody.

Other than that - unless the patient is in a private room - I think people shouldn't be spending the night out of respect for the privacy for the other patient in the room.

I had my gallbladder taken out a few years ago. I was in the ER for HOURS AND HOURS the night before my surgery waiting for a bed to open up. Finally one did and they wheeled me up - only to find my room mates husband sleeping in the freshly cleaned bed?!?!?! They had to wake him up - tell him to get out of the bed - call housekeeping to come clean it again - then I got in my bed. In the meantime he asked for a rollaway bed - which only fit at the foot of his wifes bed - which completely blocked my path to the bathroom. @@ So not only did I have to put on pants and a robe when I needed to go to the bathroom - I had to wake him up, listen to him grumble, wait for him to move the bed, listen to him complain, use the bathroom - with him waiting for me to be done - then listen to him grumble and groan as he got himself settled again.

I was so tired and in so much pain I didn't complain but when DH came back to visit the next morning and saw the guy sound asleep there right in my way- he flipped out!!

That is why I ONLY stay in private rooms!!!!

 

[RayaniFoxmur]

That is why I ONLY stay in private rooms!!!!

I feel the same way. I only stay in private rooms... I don't feel comfortable with myself to share a room with anyone!

 

[m&m's mom]

My Mom stayed every night w/me when I was hospitalized w/ pre-term labor for 3 1/2 weeks.. She completely set up camp. I literally could not even more side to side or anything and my bed was tilted back as far as it would go so I was in essence close to being upside down. In this position I could not do anything for myself. I could not reach my food, my drink etc. There was no way the nurses were going to be available as much as I needed them so she moved in. My sister, who is a Dr., taught my Mom how to read all of the monitors. The nurses were very glad she was there to free them up from the mundane stuff.
When DH had a heart attack I got to spend the 1st night in the ICU w/him. Again, on morphine, I was the only one that could calm him down.
When he had open heart surgery I did not becasue that hospital was very strict and it was a no go.

 

[PaulaSue]

I would only spend the night if one of my DDs was in the hospital or if my parent or Dh was dying. All else I would get home at a decent time and get out of the nurses way. It would be a mad house if everyone in our hospital a someone else with them and spent the night.

 

[princesspumpkin]

At my hospital, lots of dads want to spend the night with their wives and new baby to help take care of the both of them. What usually ends up happening is that the baby disturbs their sleep and ends up going to the nursery so the parents can rest. Then dad gets upset because I keep coming in to check on wifey, and wifey shushes me because I keep disturbing daddy
I'm all for family members staying to help out. But rarely do I see the family member actually helping. If mom and dad do keep the baby with them, they call me to help them No problem, that's my job! Which is why I tell them that they don't really need to stay, but if it makes them feel better, then go for it!

 

[NotUrsula]

In all but the most minor situations, it is expected where I live that one person will stay with the patient 24/7 to function as a watcher. I've got lots of medical personnel in my family, and every single one of them would tell you that someone needs to stay. The nursing staff is overworked, and an individual who is medicated often cannot effectively call for help if something goes wrong. I remember that when my father was hospitalized for cancer treatment, my mother was there to call the nurse when his roommate suddenly started choking in the night -- his wife had gone home to do laundry; she and my Mom took turns leaving so that the patients were never in the room alone. (Mom slept during the day when other family members came in to do a shift.)

If there is a roommate in the situation there is a certain etiquette to staying. The curtain between the beds stays pulled; the TV and lights are not left on when the other person is sleeping (and the volume stays down at all times), you ALWAYS step out of the room when medical personnel are there for the other person, and actually most of the time when your own patient is being treated, so as not to get in the way. If another visitor comes you go out into the hall to keep the volume down. If you are going to sleep (which you really should not do--being alert when the patient cannot be is the whole point) you should pull your chair out into the hall if you snore. If the roommate asks for minor help (pulling the curtains, pouring some water, etc.) you give it.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Hospitals screw up way too often for a patient not to have an advocate available if they are not fully aware.