Today is the one month mark of losing mom. I am still just as lost. I am still just has heart broken. My world is turned upside down. The pain is terrible. I miss her so much. I cannot express how much I miss her. A piece of me is forever gone. I just want to hug her and kiss her. I talk to her here everyday, but it's not the same. I want to hear her voice. I want to see her face and listen to her stories. I want to bake with her. I just want to be with her.
Mommy, my heart is sad. My life will never be the same without you. I love you so much and miss you terribly. I want you back.
I have only read a little bit of this thread, but wanted to reach out to you. I lost my wonderful Dad almost nine years ago. He was only 61. He died three weeks after being diagnosed with lung cancer. He never smoked, was very fit and in great health up until a few weeks before he was diagnosed. He and Mom were married for 42 years.
I was in a state of shock and felt I would NEVER be normal again. My Dad was a HUGE part of our life. He went to EVERY SINGLE game that my boys played, which meant we hung out at least 5 days out of 7. My family and my Mom and Dad went to Disney every April for 2+ weeks. We traveled with each other to other places throughout the year as well as spent every weekend together in the summer at our place on the Lake. We were super close.
I went to my Dr. and went on a low dose anti depressant. I think that helped me function. My boys were only 9 and 12 and devastated too, so I had to be strong for them.
The first year was very difficult. My Dad died on a Friday and I hated Fridays. Every Friday for months and months, I would relive it all over again. (I was with my Dad when he died)
I had a lot of anger. My Dad was only 61 and had always taken such pride in being in such great shape. I felt he was so cheated. (I still do.) I had so many emotions. Crushing sadness, anger, feeling he was cheated, feeling my kids, my Mom and myself were all cheated.
My Dad died August 12 and I still struggle on that day as well as the days leading up to it. The first anniversary of his death was horrible, as was the next and next. The last two years haven't been nearly as bad.
What really helped me though, was I knew my Dad did not want any of us to be sad. He wanted us to continue to lead happy lives. I didn't want him looking down on me and see me suffering with my grief. Because I felt like that, I worked extra hard to do things that would be fun for me and my family. We tried to focus on the good things in life.
I am a three time cancer survivor, and there have been times I have feared for my life. I actually almost died from a severe allergic reaction in my chemo chair. My last thoughts before I passed out, were for my boys, for them to be comforted with me gone and for them to live happy lives. I think every parent just wants their kids to be happy and not depressed, sad, crying, feeling hopeless. Even before my experience, I knew my Dad just wanted us to be happy even if he couldn't be physically present with us. That is the knowledge that pulled me through my grief.
I wish you luck on this journey. Just take one day at a time. If I thought to far ahead it was overwhelming. But what they say about time healing all wounds is true. I felt like you did nine years ago and while I still feel some anger that cancer took my Dad at only 61, I haven't cried about it in a long, long time.
I had a horrible day yesterday So weepy cranky got on my own nerves I know why, the mixed emotions Will be going to NY Thurs Visiting my 84 yr old Aunt and I won't go up there and not go to the cemetery I KNOW my uncle and my Dad aren't ' There" I know it intellectually, emotionally another whole thing Haven't been there in 5 years and that eats at me
