karajeboo
DISmom by land and by sea!
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2007
- Messages
- 6,591
Hey, we're doing Disney for our 10th anniversary!
But we're doing it adult style - now get your mind out of the gutter! I don't mean THAT! Although, it is our anniversary..... 
Anywho, we also love Jamaica! We've been twice and we're thinking about next year again, too. It took us 5 years to get back becaue I wouldn't leave the country until I knew that Ally was old enough to explain any pain, illness, issues, to her grandparents, who kept her for the week. We love the Superclubs resorts, better than Sandals or Couples, but that's just us. The all-inclusive resort is the way to go, for sure! But just don't venture off property in Jamaica (or Mexico, or any of the other countries down that way either!) as it's very poor and a little unstable. Now we don't go anywhere near Kingston, where most of the instability is, but still.....
Renee is right about hurricane season, too. But usually by late October it's pretty much over. Yeah, I say that as I have our bags packed, ready to evacuate tomorrow as Bertha gets within 1000 miles of the US coast! Bertha just sounds mean! OK, so maybe we're not evacuating YET.... but I'm not taking any chances!
Ok, so grab a chair and let's discuss this ex issue:
Do you know how many times I have tried to "advise" him since he left five years ago? At first, I was constantly telling him what to do to give the girls what they needed. He would follow through for a couple of weeks, then resort back to his own selfish ways. It frustrated me so much, but I kept on him because I figured if I could spare the girls the pain and disappointment I needed to stay on top of him.
I was still in therapy when I first separated and I would talk to my therapist about this. You know what she said? I'm no longer responsible for his emotional relationship with his children. HE needed to take the responsibility on his own. She said it's one of the biggest problems men have when they divorce; they never realize how much they counted on their wives to keep them emotionally-connected to their children; and when they divorce, most of them are left floundering.
So, if I have this talk with butt-head, w/out telling DDs; and tell him to spend alone time with them - it's really all just fake. DD NEEDS him to WANT to spend time alone with them; I shouldn't have to tell him. And, it may make them feel better if it's just the three of them on this trip; but the truth will continue to present itself in the daily things they do when he never initiates alone time with them on his own. I can't change who he is or what he's become. It's sad but shouldn't the girls come to accept this about him?
It is this issue that stops me from having a discussion with him, once again! So what do you think now? Thanks for listening; you can now discuss and get back to me!
I totally understand what the therapist is saying, however, isn't that hurting Lauren and Amanda? It's not like he doesn't WANT to spend time with his girls, it sounds like he just doesn't realize what they need. I know that men are very selfish, and I think that therapist makes total sense. But just because he doesn't "get it" I think that if you just make him aware of how Lauren is feeling, maybe, just maybe.... he'll slap his forehead and say "wow, I could've had a V8!"
Or maybe, "Doh!" Or you could just slap him! But seriously, just because he's an idiot, I would hope that he would listen and want to do something about it if he learned that Lauren was role playing having an argument with him (cause she probably doesn't want to ruin her valuable alone time with by arguing) about spending more one on one time together. KWIM?
Still feeling crappy and it's moving into my chest. So I picked up some Walgreen's brand of Mucinex. Never used it before but hopefully I can catch it before it gets bad. Plus Tylenol and Zicam. The sneezing is ending, but it's the head about to explode, now coughing, achy, yuck!!!!!
And there's nothing on TV tonight, is there? Well, maybe if I go to bed instead of DISing, I might find something. OK, Kara, go ahead and do that. But what if I miss something on the DIS? You won't - you can always go back and read tomorrow? Who are you anyway? Who me? Yeah, you! Get outta my head!!!!
OK, now that I have totally lost my mind.... I'm outta here!
but I tell you this with 100% of my heart - I've known you online for what - 6 months maybe, and I already know that your girls have one h*!! of a mom. So much so that you can easily fill those girls with more love than a lot of two parent home do - and that is something that I bet your girls know too. 
- you've added a ticker! I get so excited to see friends get one - another trip to help plan for and anticipate!
) He thinks he's made the effort to do something w/her; but he's always more about getting them to do what HE wants, not him doing what THEY want. Geez - he won't even take them to a movie if it's not something he wants to see also.
One last thing I'd like to mention: Lauren's therapist and pediatrician said I need to encourage Lauren to communicate her feelings more to her dad herself; that I can't always be the one to tell him how she feels. I did it alot when she was younger but now that she's getting older, she needs to start doing this more on her own - which she hates to do though. But I really don't ever want to see my daughter EVER afraid to reveal what she's feeling. Plus, I'd think it would be more effective if the ex heard it directly from her instead of me. I think we're getting there - she's definitely getting better at telling him what she wants. But now she needs to follow through and express her disappointment when he lets her down. Like with this past trip to NYC, he knew she just wanted it to be the two of them; but then he said wifey was coming and she pretended to be ok with it.
I need to work on that.
POOR THING!
A TICKER!!!!
It was just one of those... the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was wrong things...
I didn't even realize!
