LOOKIN for advice not criticism please

[mickeysgal]

My girlfriend's two kids were/are extremely picky...only would eat McDonald's chicken nuggets - not Wendy's, not anyone else's...just McDonalds. Processed foods galore - chips, cookies, etc. Sugar galore. Last time we saw them a few years ago, they were extremely thin, their coloring was pasty, their eyes look shadowed. Not good. They do take vitamins. Mom catered way too much to their pickiness when they were little.

I was picky, my kids at times were picky, but I make one meal. Not special separate meals. If my kids didn't like the family meal, there was always cereal or peanut butter. At least the peanut butter has protein in it, so it's not a bad choice at all. And hopefully, you're buying just whole grain cereals. Even the fun cereals are made with whole grains. That should help a bit too.

The best thing to do is to limit or eliminate the junk food in the house. And watch how soon she's snacking close to dinner time. Sometimes, after they've just eaten something as a snack, they're just not hungry at dinner.

She'll grow out of it.

 

[luvsJack]

It's not healthy. That should be your main concern. Try explaining that to her, she probably won't care, it's thtat age. I am a former picky eater.

I would tell her she is going to eay what you make, that's it. If she refuses and goes on a hunger strike, I would take something else in her life away. Ipod, TV whatever she values. Nothing too strong but a small sting.

Try that for a few weeks, if it doesn't work I would turn to a therapist, it's how she is looking at food.

This is just going to make it worse.

You cannot make food a battle. When all is said and done, you cannot control what your child eats. And starting a battle like this just makes them more determined.

I have seen 4 years olds that refused to eat. Everyday we set their lunch plate in front of them and everyday they sat there. There mom started sending a lunchbox everyday. The child had the option. Lunch we fixed or the sandwich mom fixed. Each day he made a different choice. In the end he started eating just like the other kids. We did not coax, or talk or make ultimatums. We just gave him his choices.


OP, one thing you CAN do with a 12 year old is get her things to read or just talk to her about nutrition and how it makes her skin look better and her hair look better. Not sure about your 12 year old but around here all of of them are ALL ABOUT how they look. She may be willing to try something new based on that knowledge.

 

[SC Minnie]

Talk to her about nutrition. But sit down with her on the weekends and let her help you menu plan for the week. Have her pick out at least 2 of the food choices per meal- maybe the veggie and starch. Then have her help you prepare the whole meal. If she sees what actually goes into the meal being prepared she may be more inclined to try it. Or she may tell you she doesn't like the onions in a dish so you can make modifications to help her try something new.

 

[Northstar]

Just wanted to mention, with all the posters suggesting that you make preparing the meal together part of your plan of action, the single best thing I've done for my family's nutrition is to put out a plate of raw veggies and dip while dinner prep is underway.

Usually, the veggies have disappeared by the time the meal is ready. Cooking seems to make the nibble reflex kick in!

 

[jen0610]

DS15 was the picky child. DD13 would eat just about anything, still does.

About 3 years ago, he started sitting down and watching FoodNetwork shows with me. At least once a show he would say this or that looked good. Most times I would just agree with him. The one time he pointed out how good something looked, very similar to a meal I make. I told him that is just like what I made. He was suprised and asked if I would make it so he could try it. Made it over the weekend. While it didn't look as pretty as the tv show's, he did in fact like it and ate two servings of it. YEA!!!!

That was a big step forward.

For years when we would go out to eat, the kids don't get input for the most part. We would have been eating at fast food places only if DS had his way. We picked places we knew had something on the kid menu that he would like. By the time he hit 11-12, a kids meal wasn't enough food, so he had to start ordering off the regular menu. Steak became his friend.

Around the same time, he discovered that you could do more than dip chicken nuggets into a sweet and sour sauce. He tried orange chicken and buffalo chicken wings. Added two more meats to his options.

The begining of this year, I ran out of buffalo sauce at home. I only had hot sauce, so he tried a little bit of that on some eggs he was eating. Yes the kid was eating eggs with buffalo sauce on them. Well, he found his new favorite sauce. He eats it on just about everything. There are times when I can't watch him eat, but I am still there thankful that something clicked.

At Thanksgiving dinner, my nephew came up to me and told me that DS was actually eating turkey - dipped in hot sauce - but he was eating turkey. Never said a word, when he came back thru to get 2nds, but I did check out the plate and he actually had put more turkey on his plate. Here is to hoping we get the same results with the ham on Chirstmas.

 

[DawnM]

My middle son is very picky and he will literally throw up if forced to eat foods that he gags on. He doesn't stick his finger down his throat or anything, but certain foods just make him gag.

We have had to work around it since it is a bit of an issue.

I find the foods he will eat. Tomatoes, no but lettuce and cucumbers and broccoli, yes.

He doesn't like things mixed much. So pot roast with carrots and potatoes he really doesn't like, but he will eat roasted plain potatoes, plain carrots (fresh), and meat on the side. Same nutritional value, but different combination.

So, I say spend time figuring out what she will eat and make it palatable for her.

 

[bellebud]

From what I've always read, the control factor is what causes eating disorders, not really the food itself.

I'd just stop buying anything junky and have lots of options (healthy), that she can or cannot eat. This way you can seriously say "eat anything you want for dinner", because if there's no bag of cookies or doritoes, she can't grab them.

We simply didn't have the money when I was growing up for junk food, so we only had 'real' food in the house. We were always, always, always allowed to skip dinner if we weren't hungry, or make something else for ourselves if we didn't like what mom made. My brothers and I ate cereal or sandwiches a lot for dinner (we often didn't like what was being served). My parents never said one word about it to us. (we only had cheerios or rice krispies in the house). I ate a lot of cheerios.

my main snack was always sunflower seeds. I survived on them throughout childhood.

I'd keep lots of yogurts, fresh fruits/veggies, and fruit cups (find 'healthy' ones), frozen 'healthy' dinners (as healthy as you can find), cereals, oatmeals, tuna, pb&j, frozen raviolis, cheese sticks, granola bars, etc, available. Let her pick her own food, and don't say a word.

Try it at least - it can't hurt.

 

[marcyinPA]

My middle son is very picky and he will literally throw up if forced to eat foods that he gags on. He doesn't stick his finger down his throat or anything, but certain foods just make him gag.

We have had to work around it since it is a bit of an issue.

I find the foods he will eat. Tomatoes, no but lettuce and cucumbers and broccoli, yes.

He doesn't like things mixed much. So pot roast with carrots and potatoes he really doesn't like, but he will eat roasted plain potatoes, plain carrots (fresh), and meat on the side. Same nutritional value, but different combination.

So, I say spend time figuring out what she will eat and make it palatable for her.

My 11 year old is a lot like this. He likes meat (chicken, beef, pork) and will eat potatoes, raw carrots, etc., but he does not like casseroles, soups, or stews. He is picky in that way. He does eat a pretty wide variety of foods, but he doesn't eat them in the way that I enjoy preparing and eating them. It does become difficult, because I don't like to eat plain, and neither does the rest of my family. Sometimes, I can make it work, but sometimes, I can't and he has to deal.

 

[Carnie]

Google up kid's bento lunch boxes. There are lots of sites like Lunch In A Box and Maisie Eats Bento that have cute ideas for getting kids to eat more nutritous things. There are a bunch of cookbooks too.

I know my DD still wants "cute" things at 13, so a lot of the ideas really appeal to her. She makes her own stuff and her friends are usually falling all over her lunches.

 

[kkmcan]

My dd 13 is exactly like the Op's child. It has nothing to do with body image. She is afraid to try new foods. I've pretty much given up on trying to get her to try new things. Either she does or she doesn't, I don't even talk about it anymore because it's been too many years of "talking" about it- you'll like it- it's good for you- don't you want your body to grow? etc, etc etc.

Right now, the choices are if you don't like what I make you can make yourself a peanut butter sandwich.

I've found she likes to eat protein shakes for breakfast. She's never been much of a breakfast eater- it grosses her out to eat early. Her bus comes at 6:30 so eating anything substantial at that time of the morning is out. We found that she likes frappucino type shakes so I add a 1/2 scoop protein powder and she will drink that. It's more protein mix than frap mix but she doesn't know that.

For lunch she takes a snack(trail mix, or nuts) to school and when she gets home she eats a grilled cheese sandwich or some cheese and crackers. She doesn't like to eat lunch at school. I don't care either way as long as she eats something.

For dinner she will eat grilled chicken, turkey, nuggets, fish sticks, cheese quesadillas, baked potatoes, rice, plain spaghetti, chicken soup, and corn. She doesnt really like hamburgers or pizza but once in a while she'll eat half of one if we end up having that for dinner. For the first time ever she had a second helping of turkey on Thanksgiving. She could of knocked me over with a feather when she asked for more!

Someday she'll grow out of it. Hoping to see some improvement when she heads off to high school next year.

 

[shortbun]

Plant a garden this spring and make it HER garden. When I was her age, my grandfather did this with me and that is when I learned to love fresh vegetables because I had watered, weeded, planted and watched them grow. For those who say they will grow out of it, consider this; my 22 yo neice still only eats chicken-she prefers tenders, grilled cheese, mac and cheese, cheese pizza and cheeseburgers. She doesn't eat vegetables at all and very little fruit-she still has to have her apples peeled; she has learned how to do this herself, lol!! I ask her often what she plans to do when she meets the right guy and his parents ask her over for dinner, she shrugs with a weak smile. Keep working on your picky eaters, they are redeemable in their early teens.

 

[HM]

That's the age my DD had a healthful living class and started trying to eat better and get our whole house to eat better. I hope she has something like this in her school.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I like the ideas about giving her control so food doesn't become a battle of the wills, it's her body so she will win in the end if it comes to that. The best you can do it just don't go there. In addition to everything else PP's have said I would invite her to pick out a few recipe books from the library then have her start making the meals with you. Sure it will be time consuming but it's probably better off in the end. Kids love to feel in control of things so if you give a little she probably will too.

If she and you don't mix well have her invite a girlfriend over to cook with her while you oversee. My daughter does this with one of her friends and as picky as she is they will eat the most icky things if THEY are the ones who make it.

Food is simply a bad place to aim at as a symbol of control. Trust me, I have a thread going about my MIL and a dopey cheesecake, you seriously don't want THAT on your hands. Once food becomes entwined with power it's almost impossible to undo the knot.

 

[cm8]

Your the parent, put your foot down. Your question is that of a parent of a toddler, she is not a baby. Stop catering to her special requests or it will never end(imagine her on a date later in life). Does she ever eat with friends? Do you think she might like to try something new if she helps cook or prepare it? Take her to a nutritionist and put your foot down.

Agreed

 

[sbell111]

Regarding the salt thing: Take the salt off the table. Season the food when you cook it.

To the other issue, illicit her help in choosing (and preparing) well balanced meals. Get her buy-in on the front end and don't offer choices during the week.

Some have suggested that working out and posting daily menus helps with this problem. The idea is that if choices are seen as a reasonable option, they will be abused. When a menu is written down and posted, however, deviation requests are less likely.

 

[eliza61]

We had trouble with our son for a short time. We told him if he didn't want what was on his plate then he could leave the table, and come back to eat it later if he got hungry. I thought he would starve himself because he is stubborn. I said something to the pediatrician and he said no way would that happen. When he gets hungry, he will eat. My parents told me the same thing. They raised 4 of us and we're all still alive.

LOL. You must have grown up in my house. No way, no how was my mother cooking "special" meals for us kids (4). We were lucky if she even asked what we wanted for dinner.

Basically, my pediatrician told me the same thing, after 32 years practicing medicine, He has yet to have a kid come in who starved himself to death.

I do ask my kids what they would like for dinner, some times they get their first choice, some times they don't. Unlike burger king, they don't get it their way.

I would simply start introducing items, maybe one at a time. don't make it into a contest of wills but let her know that this is it. dinner is done and you're not taking request.

Don't make it an issue. If you don't want her eating a lot of processed foods, easy. don't bring them into the house. That's how we cut out soda. simply stop buying the stuff.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

Other posters might have mentioned this.

There might be something else going on and this is the one thing she has control over. My nieces used to fight with their parents about eating. It was an attention getter for them.

I would also try to get her to help with the cooking so she can make foods she would like.

Good luck with everything.

 

[live4christp1]

I wouldn't worry about it so much. Like other posters have said, try and let her be involved in some of the choices or cooking.

In 9th - 12th grade my Monday - Friday menu was usually like this.....Breakfast = milk and cookies or cinnamon sugar toast, every now and then cereal, Lunch = most days I didn't buy a lunch, I bought a chocolate milk and a package of grandma's double chocolate chip soft cookies, Dinner = I usually picked at whatever mom made. I was always very picky about meat, didn't really like it at all. would eat a tiny center out of a pork chop and say the rest was fat, wouldn't try steak, would eat an occasional burger, if we had hotdogs mine consisted of a bun with chili, slaw, cheese, and mustard = no meat. The vegetables I ate consisted of corn (creamed or whole kernal), mashed potatoes, mac & cheese, baked beans. Somedays all I would eat would be mashed potatoes and corn.....yes lots of starch. I'd make mashed potatoe sandwiches with butter dripping from them. I was 110 lbs when I graduated. While everyone else in my family (parents & siblings) have had or developed high blood pressure - I have never had an issue with it (20+) year later, history of diabetes in my family - no issue for me. As a senior I added some green vegetables to my diet as I wanted to donate blood and my iron was low and they recommended eating more green vegetables (oh what you will do to get out of class excused). I would eat PB & J sandwiches, grilled cheese, chili, chicken and dumplings, campbell's chicken noodle soup, some of the Chef Boyaredee products.....lots of processed food......lots of junk. I was also very active as a dancer and a cheerleader.

Today my diet has a far broader range, will eat lots of different meats now, even steak. Will try new things (though I still draw the line at some things) even tried escargot on our cruise. DH likes green beans and while I don't like them I can eat them because he likes them. My mom salted everything she cooked, I don't salt anything unless a recipe calls for it and then it's sparingly....just don't see that it changes the taste that much.

Unless her doctor has expressed concern over her blood work or her weight I wouldn't worry about it to much.

Also, I would try new things more willingly if I had a hand in making them. In Home Ec we had to pick a vegetable we didn't like then after we told our vegetable we were told now we had to find a recipe to fix it in and we had to eat it. We were also tasked with creating a whole dinner menu and preparing it all. That helped some with being willing to try new things.

 

[mumom95]

LOL. You must have grown up in my house. No way, no how was my mother cooking "special" meals for us kids (4). We were lucky if she even asked what we wanted for dinner.

Basically, my pediatrician told me the same thing, after 32 years practicing medicine, He has yet to have a kid come in who starved himself to death.

I do ask my kids what they would like for dinner, some times they get their first choice, some times they don't. Unlike burger king, they don't get it their way.

I would simply start introducing items, maybe one at a time. don't make it into a contest of wills but let her know that this is it. dinner is done and you're not taking request.

Don't make it an issue. If you don't want her eating a lot of processed foods, easy. don't bring them into the house. That's how we cut out soda. simply stop buying the stuff.

I agree with this. If there are things you don't want them to have, don't bring them into the house.

And like the others have said, a child isn't going to starve themself to death. Cook dinner and if she doesn't want to eat it, don't make her. She can wait until the next meal. But don't let her eat unhealthy stuff instead of or in between. If she isn't getting enough food she'll eventually eat what's in front of her, it's in our genes to survive.

Really, food should be a means to keep us alive, it shouldn't be about whether we like it or not. That's part of what societies problem is now, we eat because we want to, not because we need to.

I like the suggestion too of letting her help with the meal prep. And if she wants to cook stuff that's unhealthy, simply tell her no, it isn't allowed. If she throws a fit and says then she doesn't want to help, then say fine, then you fix the dinner and she is back to the option of either eating what you cook or waiting to eat until the next meal.

Life is about choices, you have to pick one and deal with the consequences, whether they are good or bad. What kids need to learn is that life may be about choices, but those choices are often times limited. And you (general you, not specific you) as a parent are in charge of limiting those choices to only include ones that are in your child's best interest .

 

[SandrA9810]

Something I've read about, are people who create picture food journals.

They said the more they got into it, the more they started eating healthier stuff just because it started looking more appealing in the pictures than greasy fatty stuff. Have her take a picture of her dinner plate and keep a journal the computer. Or make both your kids do it. Then they can start comparing how colorful and varied their plates are.

There's also certain foods that I'll only eat raw or eat cooked. Like carrots, they are so gross cooked but I love them raw. Broccoli, love it cooked but hate it raw or cold.