LOOKIN for advice not criticism please

[Green Tea]

I actually wouldn't do anything. I'm no dietician, just a mom, but think the more you try to change her, the harder she'll resist. . I would just fix dinner as normal. If she doesn't want to eat it, then she can come to the next meal. A 12 year who doesn't have an eating disorder (and pickiness is not one) is not going to starve. I wouldn't point out that she needs to eat. I wouldn't coax or really say anything other than dinner is ready. If she eats, she eats. If she doesn't, there is always the next meal.

 

[Green Tea]

Is it possible to sign her up for cooking classes and get her involved in meal planning?

Cooking is a great way to introduce new food concepts in a non combative way. It's a great suggestion.

 

[kirstenb1]

I have no advice or criticism. Our older dd who's 12 has always been picky. Our younger dd on the other hand, asks for things like black beans, and broccoli. I've tried bringing older dd to the store to pick out her own fruits/veggies, more times than I can count. Ditto with cookbooks, and meal planning.

I'm just burned out dealing with the pickiness. Which sounds really mean, because I do believe she has some genuine sensory issues. So we're at the point where she has to try what the rest of the family is eating, then she can eat a bowl of cereal or fix something herself.

 

[overlyspoiled4sure]

I have no criticism or advice either, OP; just sympathy for what you're going through.

I grew up having to eat whatever mom made because I was the "oldest" & had to set a good example for my younger siblings. I hated it & vowed when I had kids I wasn't going to make mealtimes a battleground.

However, I also didn't insist on the one bite rule either. If my kids didn't want to eat what I made for dinner, they either had a bowl of cereal they got for themselves or they went hungry.

My grandkids, now, they're different. DGD is in high school & takes cooking classes so has tried lots of different things. Her summer trip to France introduced her to new foods too. DGS was my taste tester when the family lived with us. He was more than willing to eat lots of different stuff I made. He doesn't eat everything but will try things. Actually, DH is also a taste tester.

I like the suggestions to involve your DD in the planning-shopping-cooking idea. Maybe even involve her in planting foods to eat come summer? There's nothing like fresh produce from your own garden, providing, of course, the critters don't get to it first! Good luck!

 

[Teresa Pitman]

Have you seen the shows with chef Jamie Oliver where he is working in schools and trying to help the kids who will only eat a few things, none of them very healthy? He tried several different approaches, but it really only worked when they took away the other, unhealthy options and only served healthy foods. Eventually the kids got hungry and ate them, and in time learned to like them.

So that's probably what I would do. I would make sure that I only had nutrient-dense foods available in the house: fruits, vegetables, legumes, some meat if you eat meat. Maybe some whole-grain cereals or pasta since she likes pasta. No "white" foods (no white potatoes, white pasta, white bread, etc.). I'd prepare meals and snacks that were nutritious, make them available, and not get into a big argument or discussion about it.

The saying that helped me most in feeding my kids is: "My job as a parent is to offer healthy, nutritious foods. My kids' job is to decide how much to eat."

Teresa

 

[Minnie]

I actually wouldn't do anything. I'm no dietician, just a mom, but think the more you try to change her, the harder she'll resist. . I would just fix dinner as normal. If she doesn't want to eat it, then she can come to the next meal. A 12 year who doesn't have an eating disorder (and pickiness is not one) is not going to starve. I wouldn't point out that she needs to eat. I wouldn't coax or really say anything other than dinner is ready. If she eats, she eats. If she doesn't, there is always the next meal.

OP tried that route for a year - if you continue to do the same thing, then don't be surprised when you get the same results.... Time to find a way to work with DD - teach how to fix what she likes rather than continue to have her eat processed junk.

 

[GJM]

I totally understand your frustration - my DS 11 is a picky eater. The Dr. always said he would outgrow it - my DH is also kind of a picky eater. Every once in awhile DS will get in the mood to try something new.

 

[tammyandtommy]

I appreciates everyones responses. I think that maybe I am being too pressured by families opinions. Maybe I should just let her grow out of it. I am trying to work with her, her biggest problem is that I am forcing the issue. Sooo back to the drawing board......... I am going to talk this out with her and let her help me decide what she can try new... Thanks for everyones opinions and I am greatful for no criticism. I will keep checking back for advice and I will update ya'll as we try this new venture!

 

[redlight]

Is she healthy and at a healthy weight?

 

[tammyandtommy]

yes she is healthy and active and not obese or underweight. Im just concerned that she will only eat fried chicken for the rest of her life, weather it be chicken fingers, nuggets or KFC! LOL

 

[LuLuO]

DS11 is exactly the same way - there are very few things he will eat. I think it's because he has a very sensitive smell, so things taste stronger to him, and he sometimes gets weird about texture (i.e. he will drink pineapple juice, but can't eat pineapple).For the most part, I try to work with what he'll eat (rice, cereal, egg whites, PBJ's, plain pasta, apples, garlic bread and he'll drink the V-8 fruit drinks and a multi viti). This past year he's tried a few new things, and for the most part hasn't liked them however I thank him for giving it a try and don't force it beyond that, because I don't want him to give up on trying something new. I think about the only thing we added to his diet this past year is the pasta, which he will sometimes eat with olive oil/garlic stirred in. It's frustrating, however, it is what it is. I know DH has an uncle who is an incredibly fussy eater - always has been - and he survived to an elderly age on a limited diet so I guess it's not the end of the world. Hang in there.

This is me. I am very sensitive to tastes and smells and textures. I can smell a beer on DH at bedtime even if he had it at lunch while out with the guys and brushed his teeth before bedtime.

Growing up was a constant struggle with my parents and they would force me to eat things. It was always a battle. I once chewed a piece of cauliflower for over 40 minutes because I just could not swallow it. I just couldn't. My parents were so mad and didn't get that I wasn't trying to be defiant, it was something I just couldn't do. I don't think they ever really believed that my pickyness was not some made up thing to make them miserable.

Most of the time though my mom just wound up feeding me what I would eat, chicken, certain condensed soups, toast, cereals, potatoes, cheese, white bread, white rice, mac n cheese, hot dogs and green beans. Over the years I have learned to eat new healthier foods but it is not always easy. I still have smell/taste/texture issues. I try to work through them now but sometimes I still just can't eat certain things like large pieces of onions. Onion flavor=good. Onion textrue=bad. Mushroom flavor=good. Mushroom texture=bad. Pickel taste=bad. Lemons=bad. I could go on and on.

I wouldn't force the issue but maybe getting her involved in the shopping and preperation would be a good avenue like PP stated. Maybe that would help you find out why she doesn't like certain things. Is the spaghetti sauce flavor too overpowering? If so, could she make her own to taste? Also, would she like to eat yogurt fruit smoothies? If she doesn't like yogurt, she could just do fruit and ice. You could buy her a juicer and let her make her own juices.

 

[emer95]

My almost-12 year old daughter is extremely picky and it has caused major battles. I'm sort of at the "I give up" phase and it has helped a lot. She will eat plain chicken, broccoli, and fruit, so I try to incorporate that into as many meals as possible without being crazy about it. Other than that all she likes is pasta with butter, pizza, chicken nuggets, grilled cheese, quesadillas, etc. She has gotten a tiny bit better over time. I do ask her to try the foods I make for dinner and she does it grudgingly. Because of that she'll now eat a bite of scrambled egg without too much complaint, and she'll even eat a plain turkey sandwich for lunch at school. Those are major changes.

I feel your pain, OP. It's not easy. I hope things get better.

 

[minkydog]

At their age I highly doubt you are going to change their eating habits. But if you persist you may very well push them into an eating disorder. About all you can do is make healthy food available to them. Don't make it a battle. If they're hungry they can have what's available. You may have to ease into the healthy-food-only strategy--I guarantee you're gonna get some push back. But they won't starve to death. If they have to go without a meal or two, it's not going to kill them. The thing is, you can't nag, harangue, suggest, bribe or in any way push your agenda. "This is what's available, you can choose from this menu or you can wait until later." Period.

ETA: DD17 has a best friend who eats nothing but cheese pizza, beef ramen noodles, pancakes, french fries, and Skittles. I suspect she has an eating disorder.

 

[KarenB]

Oh my....no criticism at all from me. I didn't read all of the replies, but I have been in your shoes with my youngest. Our oldest DS would eat anything you put in front of him. Eighteen months later, younger DS came along. We did the same thing but he was SO SO picky. It was pasta-no sauce, pizza, grilled cheese, raw veggies and that was about it for YEARS. No meat at all. Yes, I catered to him and made what he would eat. I worried about him and made mistakes. It was embarrassing to go to friends and family for dinner. I was criticized by many parents. I remember DH would not let him leave the dinner table one night until he tried a piece of keilbabasa-he ate it after tears and threw up all over the table. Never tried that again!! I have no idea why my DSs were so different in their eating habits.

He changed when he went to college. Came home his freshman year and would eat everything put in front of him. Don't know if it was stubbornness, he just got hungry, or a little bit of peer pressure. Now he is SO fun to go out to dinner with. He eats everything from raw oysters to sushi to steaks. He still pushes away most sweets and potatoes!!!

So, no real advice, but letting you know it happens!
Karen

 

[sparklynails23]

If she doesn't have weight or health issues, just give her a good multi-vitamin and hope for the best. People used to survive on much less varied diets.

 

[Green Tea]

OP tried that route for a year - if you continue to do the same thing, then don't be surprised when you get the same results.... Time to find a way to work with DD - teach how to fix what she likes rather than continue to have her eat processed junk.

Not really. If she didn't eat the family dinner she fixed her own meal and now doesn't like that either. At least how I read the op. I'm not saying I would let my child in this situation make an alternate meal. If they didn't eat or eat much of the meal I made, they would wait for the next served meal and decide again.

I think if she isn't made to taste things or forced to take a bite of something, eventually boredom with white foods will kick in and they will branch out on their own. I wouldn't compare her to siblings with the "oh what a good eater he/she is. I just just completely minimize any talk of food outside what is normal..time for dinner. What is served.

 

[PrincessBelle09]

As PPs have said, I would only be super concerned if there is a weight or health issue. Definitely talk with her pediatrician about her diet and figure out what vitamins and minerals she may be missing. Then, I think education about proper nutrition and diet is the way to go. Obviously, it is not a good idea to begin force feeding a girl who is almost thirteen unless there are serious health concerns. Perhaps you two could try different recipes that will slowly introduce more variety to her diet. By helping to pick out and prepare the meal, she would retain a sense of control over what she is eating. And, if she refuses to have what the family is eating, she'll know how to prepare food that is more suitable to her palate.

 

[Green Tea]

And they do change overtime with no help from parents. My MIL said her DS won't eat seafood. ( eats it all the time). Hates Chinese Food ( loves it ). In fact the only particular memory he has of eating food at home was being forced to eat a bite of something. He refused. Stakes went up. Mil said he had to eat the bite before going out with friends. Refused.

Kids really are programmed to do the opposite of what we want. The more mom worries the more resistance is created.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Take her to cooking classes and have her cook with you. My picky eater has expanded her palate this way.

 

[clutter]

Have you asked you dd why she only eats what she eats? With my dd, I figured out early on that it was a visual texture/color issue for her. As she got older, maybe around 5 or so, I started casual discussions with her about why she would like A but not B. I learned that she was afraid to put things in her mouth. (Never mouthed things as a baby, and tried to climb out of the high chair to get away from some foods, so no big surprise.) So I started to describe foods in a more descriptive way, without asking her to try anything new. I'd tell her what the texture was like, comparing to foods she'd eaten, and what things tasted like.

One day, she tried something new -- steak. From there, I started offering texturally similar things like chicken without breading, then started adding different flavors to accepted foods. While there are still many things I cannot get her to eat (most fruits, most veggies except green beans, asparagus and broccoli) she has a pretty wide range of acceptable foods (seafood, rice, most asian flavors).

My suggestion is to have a heart to heart talk with your dd. No setting rules, but deciding where to go from here. What is she willing to eat, and how, given that you have other people in the house. How to you plan meals for everyone, and what can she fix as an alternative? Talk to her about sodium levels so she can learn to make good choices from what she will eat. Are they not teaching nutrition in school? Figure out what fruits/veggies she will eat so that you can provide them. By this age, if she's still that picky, I'd lean towards she has some kind of sensory issue.

It's not easy. Even now that my dd has a varied diet, I still miss the fish stick days. There are some things that I would like to have, but it doesn't make sense to make for me alone, since there is so much we both eat. Snacks are painful because my dd prefers cooked meals. Now she's a food snob.