LOOKIN for advice not criticism please

[Hidden_Mickey]

I'm there with you. DD 13 will eat almost anything, or at least will try. She doesn't eat as much fruit/veggies as I would like, but... sigh. DS 10 is on the "white diet". If the alternate to a meal was cereal, he would eat that and only that indefinitely, and be happy. I don't think that's good either. He is very resistant to change in general (wears shorts late into the fall, and long pants late into spring). I hate fighting about food because it makes meals unpleasant and I'm leary of creating food "issues". However, he is nuts. He will only eat Barilla pasta. Only pizza from one pizza shop. Chicken McNuggets but not grilled chicken. On Thanksgiving all he will eat is the bread and butter. I'm thinking his sense of taste/smell is very intense. I know the taste buds dull as you get older. I know I now eat many things I would never touch as a kid, so I'm hoping that will happen as well. I'm also hoping that once he hits puberty he will be so hungry that he will eat the table, and whatever is on it, lol. To make it more complicated, he is on ADD medication that kills his appetite. He is not hungry for breakfast (not an AM person), skips lunch at school due to the meds, and eats a lot for dinner. I just want him to eat SOMETHING for dinner, so many nights it's macaroni & hot dogs, Bagel Bites or cereal. Pop Tarts and donuts are popular, but that stuff is so toxic I hesitate to give it to him. The only green stuff he will eat is broccoli or granny smith apples. No other apples! Ugh! Once in while I will insist he eat a green bean. Those are the times he licks it and throws up, so I don't think he is just being stubborn - he really just doesn't like it. Pick your battles, right?

 

[MushyMushy]

If I were you I'd enlist in the help of other adults, friends, family members, or even a dietitian (can get your doctor to prescribe it). I pretty much ate like your daughter did when I was younger. No variety at all in my meals. It wasn't until I started eating at friends' houses that I learned to like new things.

Had any of that come from my mother, I would have fought her tooth and nail. But when it came from a beloved friend's parent, I tried everything they put in front of me. Just the nature of teens.

 

[IDoDis]

My DD and DS like most of the free samples of food that is given out at Costco & Sam's Club, but when I'd make something new at home, DS would not try it. So, I'd tell him to just take a sample. I'd put it on a toothpick and tell him to pretend he's at Costco trying a sample. Once he tried it, he usually like it!

DD is in high school this year and is taking a culinary arts class. She is learning to cook lots of things using fresh ingredients. That class is helping her expand her palate and is also teaching her more about proper nutrition -- things I've told her for years, but now that someone else is saying it, it's true (because of course moms don't know anything. )

 

[luvmyfam444]

I'm the mean momma - (we decided that many threads ago).

I cook one meal & if they don't eat it then the only other thing they can have before bedtime is plain ole wheat bread & water. I don't force them to eat their meal or clean their plate. but they must eat.
My middle one (8)is my picky one & quite often she doesn't eat much. Or she'll eat all of the one thing I have that she does like & not touch the other.

If its a new food I do ask them to take one bite but leave it at that.

Mine would live on hotdogs N mac n cheese if I let them. All 3 of them - their favorite food! And I could handle it too since I love it myself. LOL

When I'm concerned about what the kids eat I just don't buy the junk then there's no battle for us. Or when I'm on my diet kick. HA!

I go through phases of feeling really guilty about what they eat. Like last night they had turkey burgers with chips. That could have been okay - but they had junk (Red Robin YUM) for dinner the night before - therefore I felt guilty & tonight again was junk. So this week I have a bad pattern going on & I've got to get back to cooking instead of eating out! (celebrated a birthday 3 times for dd)

My dd loves to cook - we have several kids cookbooks & sometimes we'll cook out of them - they aren't necessarily all healthy - but we did make chicken fingers once that were backed & rolled in corn flakes the kids LOVED them. Much better than fried & they had fun int he meantime.

Maybe should could make the whole meal sometime - with the guidelines that there has to be 2 veggies, 1 meat, 1 starch - or whatever you like to serve. But she gets to pick it all & even if its a weird combo it's okay as long as it falls in the guidelines - teaching her nutrition. (so if its meataloaf with pot salad its okay)

One rule I have is when my kids come home from school they must have fruit before they can have any other snack. I have on hand fresh apples, oranges,grapes most days & then canned stuff to fall back on. I SOOOO wish I'd learned to eat that way - I have to force myself to eat fruit (but only when I'm on a diet)but all 3 of my girls love it. (even my 12yo).

Good luck!

 

[luvmyfam444]

I went back to read your op. It doesn't look like from the post that you tried telling her she could eat only what was served to everyone else. It may be too late now since she has already been able to make her own food, but I'd try it.
But NOT make her eat everything served. Just let her know that this is the meal & there will be nothing else served until the next meal & see how it goes. She will probably just hold out til b'fast & figure a way to eat enough through the day to not be hungry @ night so she doesn't have to eat - so of course that may backfire - but I'd still try it. Even if she doesn't eat a thing I'd make her sit with the family @ suppertime. She may choose to pick @ the food eventually.

I pretty much fixd the foods that I know my kids will eat. I'm not gonna make spinach or anything like that since noone would touch it.

I know - if you took her to a big buffet - with tons of choices...is there anything different there she will choose? (since mom didn't make it & its covered in butter & salt ) but that may give you an idea on a food to try.

I'm a bit of a picky eater at times. I can always find something to eat on a menu but any of that food cooked on the Food Network shows ---GROSS @ the Christmas party the other night were 2 green beans 1 made with onions & the other with feta cheese on top. People raved about them I thought they LOOKED disgusting! I have an issue with looks & texture
& smell too.

But if you name a food something enticing for me then I'd try it @ least once - or if its in a bite size form (like appetizers) - like calamari I had no idea what it was - but of course most appetizers I like are fried & aren't healthy - so THAT wouldn't help you any!

guess I'm not much help - just wordy!

 

[Minnie]

Not really. If she didn't eat the family dinner she fixed her own meal and now doesn't like that either. At least how I read the op. I'm not saying I would let my child in this situation make an alternate meal. If they didn't eat or eat much of the meal I made, they would wait for the next served meal and decide again.

I think if she isn't made to taste things or forced to take a bite of something, eventually boredom with white foods will kick in and they will branch out on their own. I wouldn't compare her to siblings with the "oh what a good eater he/she is. I just just completely minimize any talk of food outside what is normal..time for dinner. What is served.

1000000000% disagree with this. And so freaking thankful I didn't grow up in a household that had such harsh rules about something as simple as food. There is no way on earth I would do something like this to anyone let alone a 13 year old girl that should have a voice as to what she eats

 

[bluesaturn]

If it were my kid I would get professional help, like a counselor or psychologist. Preferably one with a cognitive or behavioral orientation. They will help you with issues like this, as long as they know it's not a medical problem.
I say this not because I think your daughter is mentally ill, but to prevent this from becoming a power struggle between you and her. She needs someone to help her change her own thinking about eating, and she probably won't listen to her own mother. Also, a professional might help you with the skills you need to parent her appropriately given her food concerns.

 

[Green Tea]

1000000000% disagree with this. And so freaking thankful I didn't grow up in a household that had such harsh rules about something as simple as food.

Seriously? Harsh? Letting her learn to cook, help in meal preparation? op was concerned she always resorted to fixing the same meal over and over again. My opinion stays the same, have a meal with the family. If she doesn't find something she likes at that meal, she will find something at the next one. Not making food a battle or monopolizing the conversation at dinner with pointing out she isn't eating and trying to coax seems a lot more antagonistic than just keeping things free of making it an issue is about the least harsh thing I can think of.

 

[golfgal]

Parents make picky eaters the second they start with issues about eating. A kid knows what they like and don't or how full they are or not. If you make an issue out of what their body is telling them they don't learn to trust that. Kids will eat what they need to eat if you let them listen to their bodies. Stop talking about it altogether, make one thing you know your DD will like and leave it at that.

 

[mjkacmom]

My dd14 is the opposite - hates kid food (and anything with cheese). However, she's been cooking for herself for years now. If we're having hot dogs, she'll stirfry some tofu and broccoli. I, personally, am not a fan of kid food - couldn't choke down a nugget if I tried. Have her find some healthy alternatives than she would enjoy, and have her cook them for herself. Dreamfields pasta has fiber, and you would never know.

 

[luvsJack]

OP, I have a 12 year old that is also a very picky eater. She would live on pizza if I would buy it every day. She also is a bit "curvier" (not fat, overweight, etc) than her friends and has had a bit of a issue with how she sees her body sometimes.

First DO NOT make food an issue. DO NOT tell her what she can or cannot eat or when she should eat. Make yourself a mental list of the foods your child will eat. Is there one veggie she will eat? For dd its raw broccoli. I may run out of milk and bread but always have broccoli in the house . Make meals just like you always have for the rest of the family and have at least one of her favorite things for a side dish. Fix her plate or let her fix it and don't say a word. You may want to make a rule that she has to put a little of everything on her plate--but NOT that she has to eat it.

The other option is to have the foods she will eat on hand for her to fix if she won't eat what you have cooked. DD likes baked potatoes with cheese and ham for example and I always have that here. She can fix the potato any time and have her favorite broccoli on the side.

She will eventually eat other foods. I didn't think dd would ever try anything new but she does every now and again and finds that she likes things. Eating at friend's houses, going out to eat, and eating with the youth group at church has helped tremendously with her eating habits. At thier age they are starting to branch out a little in their social activities and this many times will include eating.

I do make sure she takes a good vitamin every day.

I was also concerned with dd's body image and talk to her about that a lot so that I know her eating habits do not come from this. I feel confident that it does not. She is less hungry right now and I never try to get her to eat when she is not hungry (which is my problem). The food is there, she knows what it is and she can eat when she wants to.

 

[Disney Doll]

I actually wouldn't do anything. I'm no dietician, just a mom, but think the more you try to change her, the harder she'll resist. . I would just fix dinner as normal. If she doesn't want to eat it, then she can come to the next meal. A 12 year who doesn't have an eating disorder (and pickiness is not one) is not going to starve. I wouldn't point out that she needs to eat. I wouldn't coax or really say anything other than dinner is ready. If she eats, she eats. If she doesn't, there is always the next meal.

I agree with this. I htink she is using it as an attention and control thing. I tried this around this age. Here's what my mother said, once "I cook one dinner. If you like it, eat it, If you don't, eat cereal or a sandwich or whatever you choose to make for yourself. I'm not a short order cook and this isn't a diner". I spent some evenings having cookies for dinner, or cereal and cookies or a sandwich. Then I got tired of fussing with making my own dinner since I wasn't getting any attention from it anyway, so I started eating what she made. No issue was ever made of whatever I did. They made no issue when I didn't eat what Mom made, they made no issue when I did.

I'm 48 and training for a marathon now. I survived.

 

[Disney Doll]

OP tried that route for a year - if you continue to do the same thing, then don't be surprised when you get the same results.... Time to find a way to work with DD - teach how to fix what she likes rather than continue to have her eat processed junk.

Actually, the best thing to do is not have processed junk in the house, so what she has a choice to eat, if she is not eating the same meal as the rest of the family, will not be processed junk.

Unless the child truly has an eating disorder, in which case the OP should be enlisting psychiatric help. Perhaps a visit to a therapsit who specializes in eating disorders might be a viable option. It would either bring the problem out into the open as the child having an eating disorder or it would put the OP's mind at rest.

 

[marcyinPA]

No flames from me. My DS11 is very picky and has been since he started eating solid food as an infant. In fact, he never really did eat baby food...he gagged on it and we ended up giving him table food that was manageable.

He has a very strong sense of what he likes and what he doesn't like. And he has very odd tastes...like he loves pickles and anything marinated...olives, artichokes, etc. He likes variety meats (sausage, ham, salami, pepperoni, etc.). And he loves seafood (crab, shrimp, fish, etc.). But pasta with red sauce? Forget it. Soup with clear broth? No way.

I got really tired of cooking towards his likes, so I started just cooking what I wanted a few years ago. I never make a special meal. I DO make him try whatever it is that I've made if he's never had it before. He is a gagger (unfortunately), and if he absolutely refuses to eat the meal, he is allowed to make himself a peanut butter sandwich and eat whatever accompaniments I have with dinner. He likes salad quite a bit, and we eat it often with dinner, so at least he's getting veggies.

He is not undernourished and he is not low in weight, so I am not worried. But I have made it perfectly clear to him that I will not give into his picky eating and he either eats what I made, or at least part of my meal, or it's peanut butter. That's it. And skipping dinner, not an option.

They say that you need to introduce a food about 12 times or something like that, before a child will like it. I have to say that this is true for my DS. After years of never touching a green veggie, he now loves green beans and salad.

My DS15...eats anything not nailed down, and always has!

 

[hucifer]

Have you seen the shows with chef Jamie Oliver where he is working in schools and trying to help the kids who will only eat a few things, none of them very healthy? He tried several different approaches, but it really only worked when they took away the other, unhealthy options and only served healthy foods. Eventually the kids got hungry and ate them, and in time learned to like them.

So that's probably what I would do. I would make sure that I only had nutrient-dense foods available in the house: fruits, vegetables, legumes, some meat if you eat meat. Maybe some whole-grain cereals or pasta since she likes pasta. No "white" foods (no white potatoes, white pasta, white bread, etc.). I'd prepare meals and snacks that were nutritious, make them available, and not get into a big argument or discussion about it.

The saying that helped me most in feeding my kids is: "My job as a parent is to offer healthy, nutritious foods. My kids' job is to decide how much to eat."

Teresa

I love this post! I completely agree with you, Teresa.

Sneaking veggies into her favorite foods is another option. You can hide pureed cauliflower in just about anything.

 

[cabanafrau]

Your daughter is at an age where tremendous changes and growth are occurring, so nutrition is key. She needs to be educated about nutrition and hopefully come to the realization that she needs to find a new way to eat.

Getting her to cook with you is a fabulous idea. Arrange for her to work with a nutritionist if necessary. So many people have commented that forcing the issue is a bad idea. That's correct, to a certain extent. This is a battle. Try to work so that you and your DD have a common enemy that you will work to defeat together. She's got to be on board with the idea that she needs to fuel her body properly to be healthy.

Good luck. I hope to read an update from you in a month or two about your success. I'm sure it will be helpful to others struggling with this.

 

[Disney Doll]

Seriously? Harsh? Letting her learn to cook, help in meal preparation? op was concerned she always resorted to fixing the same meal over and over again. My opinion stays the same, have a meal with the family. If she doesn't find something she likes at that meal, she will find something at the next one. Not making food a battle or monopolizing the conversation at dinner with pointing out she isn't eating and trying to coax seems a lot more antagonistic than just keeping things free of making it an issue is about the least harsh thing I can think of.

I agree.

 

[luvsJack]

OP, just a note of encouragment. My younger ds was soooo picky at this age too. I thought he would never eat anything but chicken noodles soup. He now eat anything and everything. They will grow out of it. Unless you really feel she is malnourished, there isn't a reason to have this battle.

Like I said, have a few of the things she will eat around so she has that option; offer new things at home and either at a resteraunt or with friends and she will eventually eat other foods. Just let her have the control on this one.

 

[DisneyScraps]

It's not healthy. That should be your main concern. Try explaining that to her, she probably won't care, it's thtat age. I am a former picky eater.

I would tell her she is going to eay what you make, that's it. If she refuses and goes on a hunger strike, I would take something else in her life away. Ipod, TV whatever she values. Nothing too strong but a small sting.

Try that for a few weeks, if it doesn't work I would turn to a therapist, it's how she is looking at food.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

As a child I ate chicken fingers and potatoes and occasionally spaghetti and medium cooked steak. That was it. You could not pay me to eat cheese. I would scream. My mom simply made me something different or we just all ate these things.

As an adult, I'm a self proclaimed foodie and cheese is my favorite food. Somewhere in my mid 20's my tastes changed and I started trying new things starting slowly with different sauces and then different spices and eventually different meats and types of pasta etc. There are still things I don't like (including wheat pasta actually) but for the most part, I can tell you that there is no way I ever would have eaten the stuff I do now as a kid. My parents could not have made me like it. I had to do it on my own.

I don't think forcing her to eat stuff she doesn't like is going to do any good. It would not have with me.