Long rant about my family.

[FreshTressa]

Uggg, I am soooo mad at my family right now (mom, dad and brother).

Very long story but... here it goes.

My brother is 45 and recently got divorced. Since he has to pay child support, he is now only making about 1700 a month. So, my parents offered to let him move in with them. Since my brother has moved in, he does NOTHING to help out. He comes home from work, plops on the chair in front of the TV (which used to be my mom's favorite spot ) and has my mom waiting on him hand and foot. She cooks, does his laundry, makes his bed etc. And he controls the remote. They are even paying for him to have access to porn on their computer. And because he moved in, they needed to rent a storage to put his stuff in. He is only paying for groceries.

All of this doesn't really bother me that much, I don't mind that they are giving to him. I am not jealous.

Well, my parents landlord doesn't like this situation and is asking my parents to leave. So, they are looking for a house for them to share. Well, I find them a house in my neighborhood for $25 more than this other house they are looking at that is nearer to where they live now. They won't even consider it because "it makes the commute too far for your brother." Which isn't true at all.

So, anyway, I told her that this hurt my feelings.

She exploded, something along the lines of - I am under a lot of stress right now, it is hard taking care of your brother, how can you bring this up right now. Right now, my job is to take care of DB, he needs us right now, he has been through a lot with the divorce.

She is right, she is under a lot of stress. My DB is putting her under a lot of stress and asking a lot of her right now. He is mean to her, insults her and bosses her around and she tries to do everything to accomodate him and to make life nice for him. He is making them lose their home etc.

So I say, maybe since you are so stressed, he should be doing something to help you. She comes back with "Yes, it is about time that someone started doing something for me...I give and give and give to you.....you need to take care of me!!! No one ever helps me out, yada yada yada"

So, what she wants is for me to take care of her so that she is available to care for him, a grown man!!! So, now it is all my fault that she is stressed.

Did I tell you that I drive down there (about 50 minutes each way) once a week to take her shopping (she doesn't like to drive.) I take her on trips, buy her expensive gifts etc..

I do tons for her, and she says it is not enough, but DB who does nothing is the apple of her eye.

It is the same with my other sibs. They are all quite flakey and she loves how they need her. They all take advantage of them and they bend over backwards to get them to love them.

I am the one that is always there for them, helping them. I am the one that visits the most and that my mom would describe as being the closest.

But the second I need her, I am being selfish. I am about ready to quit talking to her. I am tired of this.

She treats him like a king cuz he is a MAN. When I have joined them on trips in the past, that they were going to go on anyway, they make me pay half the gas and half the hotel. I feel like they never give me anything because I am the strong, confident one.

I don't really need a lot, and do mostly giving. It is weird how that works, because I am the one that can take care of herself, I am the one that gets the least and gets blamed the most. It is tough being the responsible one!

I feel like I need a hug and some support right now!

 

[CBRorBust]

ugh...hugs of course.

I am really sorry that you are going through this, but I guess my only advice to you would be to remember that they are all adults and no one can make them do what they don't want to do.

It's not fair that your mom takes things out on you, but I think a lot of moms relieve their stress on the strong child because they know they can handle it. Just remember that she loves you and she is proud of you!

 

[IloveDMB]

Oh, I'm so sorry. The situation sounds pretty crappy. No one should be made to feel that way.

Here's from me to you.

 

[Otto's Doll]

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yep, I hear 'ya.
You are not alone feeling like that.
{{{HUGS}}}

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>Oh, Freshtessa, I'm really sorry you're going through this.

I don't know why some people are like that. My mom's parents took her for granted, expected so much from her, and gave their love and gratitude to her brothers ... and my xSIL kinda goes through the same things w/her parents - she's their for them, but all they think of is her brother (my ex).



You can't change them - but you can change how you react to them. Good luck, and we're here for you to vent when you need it.

 

[FreshTressa]

I feel better tonight. I guess it really just isn't a big deal, and most of the time I can handle it. I just hate argueing with my mom because I can never win. Whatever I say, I am being selfish.

Anyway, thanks for your kind words and thoughts. And sorry for the long post. Just typing it out actually made me feel a little better!

 

[wdwnutze]

 

[powellrj]

I thought you could use one!

 

[believe]

I know exactly how you are feeling...have 2 BIL's that do the same thing. Hugs to you Not really sure what you should do since I still haven't figured out my situation.

 

[tkd lisa]

Same type thing with my family. I used to really get my feelings hurt, but a counselor told me something that made me feel better. Basically, your mom knows that your love is unconditional and that you will be there for her, even if she goes off without cause. If she did that with the more needy family members, they would cut off contact. So it's because she knows what you do for her that she feels able to blast you like that.

It isn't fair, but it helps to let go of the pain when you know that you're the relief valve she needs.

Glad you're feeling better now.