Lisa's Journal (Life on the "Beach" - Part 2 all the way to goal!)

[R_Judy]

Hi Lisa. Brutal day yesterday! Just wanted to stop by and wish you a happy Friday.

 

[ZerasPride]

March 25, 2004 (Thursday) Day 116 on the Beach

I have on my skinny jeans for jeans day here at work. I also have on a smaller sized top that I would normally wear. I guess it's official, I am out of the size 22/24! I have been wearing this size for so long, it's like saying goodbye to an old friend. The top I'm wearing is a 18/20 and it's loose on me and the jeans are a size 20 but they are designer so I know they are cut small. They are kinda saggy in the back. I'm so proud of myself!

***

I felt really hungry Thursday night (last night). I think it was a combination of being tired from the late night I worked on Wednesday and skipping my snack in the afternoon because I was so busy. I decided to stop for dinner at Burger King and was tempted by my son's fries. I almost reached in the bag and grabbed a few like I would in the old days. It was so automatic it was scary. I mean my hand was in the bag and I caught myself. They smelled so good. I was so hungry. I was just so tired, I almost caved in but then I remembered something someone posted on the lowcarbfriends board. She said something like a cheat is not when you eat fries or cookies, a cheat is when you make a commitment to yourself to get healthy and you break that promise.

I didn't eat the fries. I am committed to this process. It wasn't easy but I went home and ate my casear chicken salad and diet soda. I did by a small cheeseburger and just ate the burger, cheese and tomato on it, throwing the bun away, in addition to the salad and I'm glad I did because the salad wasn't all that great. I've definitely had better.

My Disney trip is just a little over two months away and I want to stay focused and stay on plan. I got on the scale this morning and was down another 2 pounds. I hope it stays off and wasn't just a fluke because it will mean I've made my April 1 challenge goal of losing 10 pounds! And I would only be 1 pound from a shiny new 45 pound clippie. I'm going to try to stay off the scale tomorrow and just weigh in on Sunday.

Menu:
B: 1/2 bowl of ww flakes with 1% milk and 3 slices of bacon
S: 7 whole almonds
L: tuna salad with ww crackers and an orange
S: no afternoon snack
D: grilled chicken salad with lf ranch dressing, a small cheeseburger from BK with no bun and a no sugar added fudgesicle for dessert

Exercise/Water Gauge:
I did FIRM BSS1 body sculpt (lower body) this morning and feel so good! I never thought I would love to exercise and hate to take a day of rest but I do. The FIRM is just an awesome work out. Water was a 4.5 today. Not too bad.

That's a wrap for Thursday!

Judy - thanks for stopping by to check on me. I do appreciate the support. I hope you have a great weekend!

 

[lulu201]

Yay for skinny jeans!
Yay for skinny tops!
Double yay for taking your hand out of the bag and making sure it wasn't holding a french fry!

Looks like you're doing great, Lisa. Keep it up!

Erin

 

[Castillo Mom]

Hey you! You posted on my journal yesterday and I replied, but then I thought I better come on over here instead.

If you didn't read my reply, I answered your question about the GF robes. Unfortunately it wasn't me who has one. I wish! I'd love to have one of those, and as I mentioned on my journal, maybe hubby would want to take a trip just the two of us if he falls in love with WDW.

Wow, your trip is coming up really soon, you're in the double digits. Have you done the double digit dance yet? I bet you must be getting really excited.

I'm very proud of you for not eating those french fries. It's hard not to cheat when you're really hungry, so tempting to say you'll only have one or two, but you can't just stop at 1 with french fries, at least I can't.

Well, I'm at work so I've gotta get back to my report writing. Have a great weekend. Hope the scale is good to you on Sunday. Take care Lisa!

 

[ZerasPride]

March 26, 2004 (Friday) Day 117 on the Beach

I don't have much time to post this evening, it's been a very busy day. I want to make sure I get my menu and exercise/water gauge recorded.

Menu:
B: 1/2 bowl of ww flakes with 1% milk and 2 small sausage patties
S: 7 whole almonds
L: toppings off several slices of pizza and a salad with lf ranch dressing and an orange
S: Dannon light and fit 4 oz. yogurt (strawberry)
D: 3 buffalo chicken strips and coleslaw with a diet vanilla Pepsi and either a n/s/a fudgesicle for dessert

Exercise/Water Gauge:
I did FIRM cardio sculpt blast and water level is a 5.0.

That's a wrap for Friday!

Erin - thanks for the support. I really appreciate it. It's so exciting to see the changes taking place. I went to Old Navy with my sister and tried on a couple of tee shirts. Boy, was that an eye opener. I think everything in that store is at least 1 if not 2 sizes smaller than the tags! But I'll fit comfortably in their stuff one day.

Lisa - thanks for stopping by! You know, I'm concentrating so hard on my weight loss that I haven't thought too much about how close my trip really is! I just want to make sure when I get on that darn plane, I won't need a seatbelt extender. I thought it was you that mentioned the GF robe. I'll have to check when I get there if you can purchase one. It's Disney so I'm sure they are available for a price.

 

[ZerasPride]

March 27, 2004 (Saturday) Day 118 on the Beach

I weighed myself this morning (Sunday) and I'm happy to see that I have lost 3.5 pounds. I am so excited that I have made the April 1st challenge goal I set for myself of losing 10 pounds. I even lost an additional 1.5 pounds! That brings my total weight loss to 45.5 pounds and I've claimed my new 45 pound clippie! Now I've got 7.5 pounds to lose to reach my next 10% goal and after that I hope to hit onederland with my next 10% goal. I've also lost 6 inches since I took my last measurements two weeks ago.

I am happy that I can wear the smallest size pantyhouse that Lane Bryant sells. My husband said to me this morning does that mean that soon I won't be able to wear Lane Bryant clothes any longer. I had to take a pause for a moment. I've been wearing LB clothes for about 20 years. I've never EVER shopped at a regular sized clothing store. I've dreamed about it and even been in those shops with my thin sisters but never for myself. I was scared for just a moment. Losing weight means changes on so many levels, not just the physical obvious pounds melting off your body. I'm comfortable shopping at LB, I've always shopped there. It's hard to get my mind around going anywhere else for clothes.

Okay, I know I'm rambling but these are all the things I was thinking behind my DH's question. I just smiled at him and said, yes, honey, I'll be shopping at different stores. But I've been thinking about what that really means all day now. Part of me feels I don't deserve to shop at any other stores but a fat lady store and part of me can't wait! There are so many feelings to deal with when you lose a lot of weight. I still have so far to go but I'm proud of what I have accomplished so far. One of my favorite quotes from the lcf website is "Feel the fear and do it anyway!" That's how I'm feeling today.

I was at the mall with my sister, her daughters and a mutual friend and they wanted to stop for lunch. I had already eaten my lunch and in the old days I would have gotten something just because everybody else was eating. But this time I didn't. I was perfectly happy to sit there and conversate while everyone ate their food. I smelled all the different delicious smells that come with food court eating but I wasn't tempted, not even once. I meant to get a bottle of water to drink but I was so into the conversation and playing with my nieces that I didn't think about even getting water. I am certainly changing.

Also, my sister told me later that our mutual friend made a comment about my weight loss. I could feel her stares all afternoon but I just ignored her. If someone wants to comment to me fine. If they just stare and say nothing, that's fine too. Well, my sister said our friend asked her all kinds of questions after they dropped me off. Including just how much weight I was trying to lose because she said I shouldn't get "too skinny". That's a funny one. I don't think I'm in any danger of getting too skinny but it's nice to know she cared enough to make that comment. It's amazing to me how someone can mention me and "too skinny" in the same sentence.

Menu:
B: 1/2 bowl of ww flakes with 1% milk, 3 slices of bacon and 2 scrambled eggs with a slice of lf cheese
S: no morning snack
L: tuna salad and 7 ww crackers and an orange
S: 7 whole almonds
D: crustless pizza (recipe from this site) with mozzarella cheese, mushrooms, pepperoni and onions and a diet root beer with 1/2 cup of n/s/a neopalitan ice cream for dessert

Exercise/Water Gauge:
No exercise today. It's hard if I don't get it done first thing in the morning but I planned on taking two days off this week to give my body a rest but it's back to the FIRM tomorrow! I ran around all day so didn't drink much water. I'd say my water level was a 2.5. I hang my head in shame over this one!

That's a wrap for Saturday!

 

[ZerasPride]

March 28, 2004 (Sunday) Day 119 on the Beach

It was a pretty relaxing day (thank goodness). I did get some spring cleaning done and that's a nice accomplishment. I need to go through my closet and pull out all the size 26/28 clothes and most of the 22/24's so I can give them away. I never thought I'd be doing this! It's a pretty good feeling.

For dinner I made shrimp alfredo which is not exactly SBD friendly and I want to mention that for anyone that reads my journal and is interested in SBD. I do have some Atkins-type days and this was one of them. It is delicious stuff though. I have Olive Garden's recipe and mine tastes even better, if I do say so myself. I do serve it over whole wheat pasta and try not to make it too often. Okay, enough justifying here, I just don't want someone to be confused with some of my meals that are higher in fat than recommended.

Menu:
B: slept in so no breakfast
S: 7 whole almonds and water
L: 2 Kashi go lean whole wheat waffles with sf Log Cabin syrup, 3 small sausage patties, 2 scrambled eggs with a slice of lf cheese and 1/2 glass of 1% milk
S: no afternoon snack
D: shrimp alfredo (I know, I know, I shouldn't be using the heavy whipping cream) over whole wheat linguini with 1/2 cup of n/s/a ice cream for dessert

I want to make a quick comment on the whole wheat waffles. They were okay but I think my homemade mock french toast is much much better tasting and cheaper. I wouldn't necessarily not buy them again but I won't be in a hurry to have them again. It was a nice change from the cereal I usually eat though.

Execise/Water Gauge:
I did FIRM BSS1 ab sculpt with the advanced moves which I am very proud of and water was a 4.0 which is pretty good for a weekend. Thursday I get to change my exercise clippie to reflect 4 straight months of working out!

That's a wrap for Sunday!

 

[Strings]

Congratulations on the 3.5 pound loss, makin your goal, and claiming that mew clippie. You've worked really hard, and I'm really proud of you. I was cracking up about your comment about Me and skinny in the same sentance. I feel the same way. Be good to yourself today.
Beth

 

[wovenwonder]

That 45 Pound clippie look 'Maaaavelouse' on you darling! Enjoy it while you can because I have a feeling that you will be in the 'changing room' again in no time!

Congratultions!

 

[DoeWDW]

Lisa, I've caught up on your journal and am continually amazed and inspired by your accomplishments and your healthy sunny attitude!!

45 POUND CLIPPIE PARTY!!!

That is a wonderful achievement!! You are shrinking before our very eyes, girlfriend!! You're wearing smaller clothes and will soon be shopping at different stores. You are doing exercise on a daily basis. You are avoiding those nasty trigger foods that seem to be tripping me up lately!! I'm going to remember your comment about how cheating is NOT eating the wrong foods, but breaking a promise to yourself. That is profound and it will help me focus today on what's really important - doing the best and healthiest things I can for me!

I'm glad we're on this journey together, Lisa, because I'm learning a lot from you!

I hope you have a wonderful Tuesday!


P.S. Amanda is the proud owner of a GF robe, in case you have any questions about it!

 

[ZerasPride]

March 29, 2004 (Monday) Day 120 on the Beach

I felt totally out of control this evening. I'm not quite sure what it was. I didn't eat off plan but as I was eating dinner and then my dessert I felt like the "old Lisa". It was a weird and very scary feeling. I'm still not quite over feeling like the old me. I actually felt like I was binging when I wasn't. I simply ate my dinner and had my usual dessert. I actually felt guilty after I ate. Don't know where those feelings are coming from except that I might be afraid of reaching the 50 pound mark. I mean, what will that mean for me?

When I started this journey I never seriously expected to lose weight. I have done every other weight loss program known to man. I do mean EVERYTHING! (Simfast, WW, Jenny Craig, NutraSystem, I've taken shots and pills and even considered bariatric surgery). None of these options, although they have proved successful for other people, worked for me. Now here I stand on the brink (okay I've got about 5 pounds to go) of losing 50 pounds and I feel inadequate and frankly like I don't deserve to move along any further.

My thin sister called me last night to get exercise advice from me. Can you believe it? She works out at Bally's and wears a size 10 and she was asking me about my exercise routine because "my tummy is getting so flat". What in the world?! Who is she talking too? Me? Unbelieveable. Maybe I just need to take some time to reflect and relax and feel like I am leading myself along this weight loss journey because right now I feel like I'm in an old western, sitting at the reins of a wagon where someone has just spooked the horses and they have taken off with me barely holding on as we thunder across the prairie! Yes I know I can be melodramatic sometimes but that is truly how I feel.

I'm so grateful for this journal and the ability to put these feelings down in writing and "out there" for me to see my thoughts which I know will help me. It's always helped me before. I have to remember that you can feel the fear but you must do it anyway! I'll keep telling myself that today because just like all my WISH friends out there - I deserve to be a normal weight, have compliments and achieve my goal. We all deserve it!!!! So onward and downward no matter where this path leads us my friends!

Menu:
B: 1/2 bowl of whole wheat flakes with 1% milk and 3 slices of bacon
S: 7 whole almonds
L: tuna salad with whole wheat crackers and an orange
S: Dannon light and fit 4 oz. yogurt (peach)
D: beef stroganoff over long grain converted rice with 1/2 cup of n/s/a ice cream for dessert

Exercise/Water Gauge:
I did FIRM Cardio sculpt blast this morning and while I'm still learning the moves, it was a good work out. I really worked up a sweat! Water was about a 5.0. Pretty good for the day.

That's a wrap for Monday! I actually feel a little better and not as fearful as I felt before I started typing today's entry. This board is just a wonderful resource that I really appreciate!

Beth - thanks for celebrating with me! And a big thank you for the reminder to take care of myself. We nuturer types know how to take care of everyone but ourselves. Now you do the same today, okay?

Jody - thanks for checking on me! I really appeciate the support. I hope to be snagging my 50 pound clippie before the month of April ends.

Doe - I appreciate your stopping by and celebrating with me! I hope things are bright and sunny in your neck of the woods these days! The support I get on this board is invaluable so if you can get encouragement and strength from my experiences, then that makes this journey and the success I have had so far all the sweeter! Right back at you with the inspirational and encouraging example!!! You ladies of WISH keep me going when I feel scared to take one more step, I know you guys are all right beside me so this journey into the unknown (skinny world) isn't so daunting!

 

[marsh0013]

hi lisa!!! i've been away from your journal for a while, but i just got the chance to catch up with you! 45 pound clippie! girl, you're doing such a great job! i'm still uber-impressed by the fact that you had your hand in the fry bag and you took it out! i know i'm late in these congratulations, but i guess better late than never

how great is it that your "skinny" sister is calling you asking you for exercise advice?!?! well, we all know around here that you are the queen of exercise, what with all the firming you do, so i can see why she would ask you for advice

i hope that you have a wonderful day today

 

[Castillo Mom]

Wow, someone else with a new clippie! Congratulations! I just finished posting on Laurie's journal and she has a new one too! I'm very happy for my WISH sisters. You guys keep me motivated!

I'm keeping it short tonight sweetie, but I just wanted to say that you do deserve to shop in those skinny stores and you will get there. You have so much support around here plus your wonderful husband cheering you on. You can do this!

 

[septbride2002]

Hello Firm-sis! Your post has really made me think (which is dangerous this early in the morning). I think it is in our nature to beat ourselves up over how we look. You are taking control and that is a scary thing. But you do deserve to be in control, and you do deserve to be healthy, you do deserve to wear mini skirts and swimsuits, you do deserve it all! Especially with how hard you have been working.

I think some of your fear may be coming from the fact that you may subconsciouly worried about putting the weight back on. And what do you do then? Lets face it losing weight is an emotional rollercoaster ride - we give up foods we love, we work on the outside of ourselves, meanwhile inside we still have the same negative thoughts about ourselves that we always had - and this fear that we will fail and then everyone will know.

I once read an exercise that everyday you should write down something good about yourself and repeat it to yourself during the day or week - however long it takes for it to sink in. That by doing this we can turn our negative thoughts into positive ones.

to you my friend! I know that we can do this together!

~Amanda

 

[toystoryduo]

Lisa,
for you today, my friend. Lisa, you have been working so hard. You are making excellent food choices, you are exercising with the FIRM, you are leading a healthier lifestyle. You deserve to be losing weight and to feel good about it. You have been such an inspiration to me and many other WISHers as well. You can do this Lisa! We are all here for you!

Hope you have a wonderful day today! Take good care of you!

Tracy

P.S. Here's some extra to help you get through a rainy Wednesday.

 

[DoeWDW]

Lisa, I'm also sending a your way. Those feelings must have been very frightening for you. Can I add another possible theory??

You've lost weight and are changing your appearance. You are on the verge of having to leave your comfort zone (Lane Bryant) and start shopping at different stores. I think sometimes our bodies change quicker than our internal image of ourselves changes. On the outside you look different and your eating and exercise habits are different. But when you close your eyes and picture yourself, do you still see the Lisa that started on this journey months ago? Are you still surprised when you pass a mirror - do you recognize that thinner woman you see or is she still a bit of a stranger to you?

If this is how you're feeling, I'm not sure what the answer is. Maybe you should have DH take some pictures of you and you should look at them every day to reinforce to your mind that this is what you look like now. Maybe you want to just try to maintain the weight you're at for a month to let your mind's eye catch up with reality. Those are just 2 ideas off the top of my head, but I'm sure you'll come up with some of your own.

Know that you are special, Lisa. You deserve to have a healthy body nourished with good food and made stronger with regular exercise. I recognize those self-worth issues we all struggle with at times - "am I good enough", "do I truly deserve the good things in my life", "what if they discover that I'm NOT as good as they think I am", so many thoughts and questions in our heads. It's a mental mindset and you are not alone. We'll be here, believing in you even when it's hard to believe in yourself.

Just take things day by day, baby step by baby step, and know that we're all walking with you.

 

[ZerasPride]

March 30, 2004 (Tuesday) Day 121 on the Beach

First off I want to thank each of you for encouraging me. I was feeling so down yesterday and still feel the remnants of Negative Nelly holding on to me. But partly thanks to Doe, Tracy, Amanda, Lisa and Marcia, plus all those that read but don't get a chance to post, I feel a bit stronger today. It's so theraputic to write down your feelings sometimes. I am going to think about what each of you said and dig deep inside myself so I can acknowlege that it's okay to move forward. I'm definitely traveling in unchartered waters for me but I've got DH and my WISH friends to keep me grounded. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Here's today's menu:
B: 2 scrambled eggs with a slice of lf cheese, 2 small sauage patties, 1 slice of whole wheat bread with strawberry simply fruit and 1/2 glass of milk
S: 7 whole almonds
L: tuna salad with whole wheat crackers and an orange
S: Dannon light and fit yogurt (4 oz. strawberry)
D: grilled bacon sirloin cheeseburger on a bed of lettuce and tomato with a n/s/a fudgesicle for dessert

Exercise/Water Gague:
I did FIRM BSS1 body sculpt (upper body) work out this morning. Water level was about a 5.0. Pretty good!

That's a wrap for Tuesday!

Marcia - thanks for stopping by. I appreciate your celebrating my new clippie with me! I'm actually afraid to eat a french fry. I don't think I could stop at just a few. I'm sure I'll get over my fry phobia once I'm at goal!

Lisa - thanks to you too for supporting me. I am fortunate to have all of you and my DH to keep me grounded. I hope things are going well for you, please take care!

Amanda - you are so right that I am fearful of putting this weight back on. Wouldn't that be awful after all this hard work? I don't think I've acknowledged that possibility before. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. I don't want to start subconsciously sabotaging myself when I could acknowledge my fears and move on. Thanks so much! I hope your work outs are going well. Keep up all your hard work FIRM buddy!

Tracy - having people like you to support me is such so awesome! I really do appreciate the encouragement you give me. You make this journey a little less scary for me. Thanks so much!!!! Now will you make this fog go away!

Doe - Boy, I really can relate to what you said. Sometimes I do look in the mirror and am a bit startled by the face and body in the reflection. I don't know about maintaining my loss where I am but I definitely need to find a way to acknowledge the way I look right now so that I'm not so fearful of the face in the reflection. It probably sounds silly to other people but I have been overweight all my adult life. I don't know anything else. Thanks for helping me to see where my fears might lie. I think I feel ready to keep going by just taking it the way I have from the beginning. One day and one meal at a time. I do appreciate you reminding me of that.

You are all just wonderful! Thanks so much for being here for me!!!!

 

[Strings]

Lisa,

I'm sorry that I am late with that. I am happy to hear that you are feeling better tonight.

I was going to get philosophical, but it was all about me. I'll put that thought into my journal. Your journal really made me think about your journey and my own. Thank you. Know that we are here to support you on the good and the bad days.

I hope your Thursday is .

Beth

 

[ZerasPride]

March 31, 2004 (Wednesday) Day 122 on the Beach

I just wanted to make a quick stop in to my journal to post my menu.

I have to keep telling myself to stay off the scale. Stay off the scale. Weighing yourself everyday can be brutal but I can't seem to stop doing it!! I'm just excited to get to the 50 pound mark and hope that by joining the Mother's Day challenge I can do so by the second week of May.

Menu:
B: 1/2 bowl of whole wheat flakes with 1% milk and 2 sausage patties
S: 7 whole almonds
L: leftover beef stroganoff over long grain converted rice
S: Dannon light and fit 4 oz. yogurt (strawberry)
D: grilled chicken breast, 1/2 cup of long grain converted rice and broccoli with Carb Options cheese sauce with 1/2 cup of n/s/a ice cream for dessert

Exercise/Water Gauge:
I did the FIRM cardio sculpt blast work out this morning. Water level was a 5.0. Pretty good!

That's a wrap for Wednesday!

Beth - thanks for stopping by and checking on me. You can feel free to post whatever you like on my journal. I enjoy reading my fellow WISH buddies comments and feelings. I did make it over to your journal this morning to share some encouragement with you as you have done with me. Take care!!!

 

[Desiree]

Good for you! You ended March with a bang! Keep up the good work and I hope you have a great weekend!