Life is expensive

[IDoDis]

I do not believe in giving graduation gifts, especially cash. Isn't that the whole point of school in the first place? You go there to get educated and graduate. It's not a contest. When my daughter graduated HS, she got flowers. And when she graduated nursing school, she got taken to dinner. There were no gifts or extravagant parties or new cars. It has gotten out of control, now there are "graduations" from nursery school, kindergarten, 8th grade, high school, college...it's insane. I have a relative who bought their daughter a brand new Audi A4 for college graduation. She had a perfectly good car (a Mustang that was given to her as well). I think that is way beyond ridiculous.

I call most of these holdays "Hallmark Holidays"--made up by companies to make money. I do not buy my mother a gift on Mother's day-if I can not love her and be good to her the other 364 days of the year, a $3.00 card and another knick-knack that she doesn't need given to her on one certain day of the year isn't going to get me a free pass into Heaven....every day should be treated as Mother's/Father's/Grandparent's day where they are loved and respected for who they are. No one needs gifts to convey that.

When I graduated from high school, my mom gave me a new suitcase. I guess she was trying to tell me something??? My friends squealed and thought she was sending me on a trip to Hawaii or something. They kept looking in the pockets for airline tickets. I knew better though!

 

[Chicago526]

I don't mind giving gifts, but I put a strict dollar limit on it. $25 per person for b-days and Christmas. My parents and MIL it's $50 each for all gifts (bday, xmas, mom/dad's day) hey, they raised us, they earned it! $40 for graduations (hs or college) and $50 to $100 for weddings, depending on how well I know the couple. Oh, and $25 for baby showers.

I find that these amounts allow for good gifts, or a high enough amount to make a decent gift card, without breaking the bank. It's also fair, everyone gets the same amount or "value" of a gift for each type of occasion.

 

[brymolmom]

If I couldn't afford to go to a party with even a bottle of wine I would choose 1 of 2 options myself:

1. I'd explain the circumstances and offer to help set up or cook as a gift.
2. I'd decline.

I'm not saying you all are wrong, I can respect the differences and feel to each their own, I'm just voicing another point of view.

WOW - as a person who likes to give parties...I would hope that my invitees don't feel that way. There's no way I would want someone to stay home if they don't have the cash to bring a gift. When I invite someone - it is because I want their company, not for anything they'd bring. I would be very sad if anyone I would invite felt this way and, indeed, refused the invitation due to a tight budget.

 

[mjantz]

AFA gifts in general, I love giving gifts but at times I find it hard to strike a balance between what my budget can afford & my desire to give a nice gift. My gift stash helps but on occasion I have to go out & buy something.
The other part is, as others have stated, these things tend to happen in spurts. I seem to have moved out of the stage where all my friends are having babies (except some co-workers) & I expect, in a few years, to move into when all of them are having kids graduate from H.S.
One thing my mom got a lot for graduation gifts was a set of twin bedsheets, especially if she knew they were going to live in a dorm at college. She could get nice sets for about $20 or so. Big bath towels were another favorite of hers to give. Ones from Dillards, Macys or other department stores, bought at a discount for probably $10 or so.

 

[C.Ann]

"Acceptable" is what you feel that you can afford.. If you fall into that "acceptable" or "going rate" trap now, you can count on being broke (and resentful) for the rest of your life.. Don't do it..

 

[WDWHo]

I am kind of torn with your post. I personally love giving gifts. I enjoy it alot. But like you I dont want to spend alot of money. I have come up with a few ideas for myself, that enables me to give nice gifts but not spend alot.

First, I have perfected making chocolate covered pretzels. I can make a incredible basket with over 50 rods in assorted chocolates and toppings for about $6.00. The perceived value is $50 or more and people just adore them. I give them at baby showers, (color coordinated), grad gifts, birthdays etc. I have actually gotten so many calls afterwards with friends and family asking to purchase my baskets to give to other people.

Also I shop yard sales ALOT. I spend every saturday buying brand new items for pennies on the dollars and they go in my gift closet. I have found DVD box sets sealed and brand new for $1. I find Yankee Candles for $4, New packaged gifts toys etc. I pull out a gift when I need it. I think there is a way to give gifts and not spend alot. It requires some extra time and energy but all in all its worth it. Regardless of what people say, if you "opt out" of gift giving, people really dont understand and it causes weird feelings...in my opinion.

But the reality is, you have to decide what is best for your family. This works for out family and gives us the best of both worlds.

 

[disneysteve]

I can make a incredible basket with over 50 rods in assorted chocolates and toppings for about $6.00. The perceived value is $50 or more and people just adore them.

Also I shop yard sales ALOT. I spend every saturday buying brand new items for pennies on the dollars and they go in my gift closet. I have found DVD box sets sealed and brand new for $1. I find Yankee Candles for $4, New packaged gifts toys etc. I pull out a gift when I need it. I think there is a way to give gifts and not spend alot.

Great post. I think the key is "perceived value". There are so many ways to get great gifts at great prices.

 

[writersblock42]

I too am torn with your post. My dh and I just had this discussion today. I could not believe that he was not going to get his father something for father's day. He just said our families are different. We get immediate family gifts for all the important holidays and some not so important holidays. And like an above poster said some things are just meant to help a person in a stage of their life such a wedding, the birth of a child, graduation...
However, I must say something about graduation. Every year...and I mean every year (and part of this is because I am a high school teacher and also am involved with youth in volunteer situations too), I get at least four or five invitations for a graduation party. The majority of those I do not attend and do not purchase a gift.
In addition, we also get a lot of people asking us for money for this mission trip or to sponser them on this non profit thing or with a non profit organization internship..It drives me nuts because a lot of them come from very affluent backgrounds and well I live in a small old house that could probably fit into their garage. But that is my little rant. So I see things both ways.

 

[WDWHo]

I too am torn with your post. My dh and I just had this discussion today. I could not believe that he was not going to get his father something for father's day. He just said our families are different. We get immediate family gifts for all the important holidays and some not so important holidays. And like an above poster said some things are just meant to help a person in a stage of their life such a wedding, the birth of a child, graduation...
However, I must say something about graduation. Every year...and I mean every year (and part of this is because I am a high school teacher and also am involved with youth in volunteer situations too), I get at least four or five invitations for a graduation party. The majority of those I do not attend and do not purchase a gift.
In addition, we also get a lot of people asking us for money for this mission trip or to sponser them on this non profit thing or with a non profit organization internship..It drives me nuts because a lot of them come from very affluent backgrounds and well I live in a small old house that could probably fit into their garage. But that is my little rant. So I see things both ways.

See with regards to the invitations, I think a good alternative is a book that you find inspiring and applicable to a new phase of life (graduation) with a wise personal inscription. Its something they will treasure I am sure, and the cost would be nominal. I am sure the invitation was presented to you because you have been an inspiring teacher and I am sure a large gift is not what they were after (I know you dont think that either). To me the invite was a show of respect to you. If you know what I mean. Thats why I am like you on the fence with the whole lets not do gifts.

 

[Califgirl]

WDWHo, would you PM me with your pretzel recipe? I have been dying to try to make those!

(thanks!)
Chris

 

[WDWHo]

WDWHo, would you PM me with your pretzel recipe? I have been dying to try to make those!

(thanks!)
Chris

Chris I will PM you now!

 

[Kate and Pete]

I have a friend who's getting married next weekend - HUGE wedding (almost 200 people!) at a posh place. They're paying for it themselves (they're young - 25- and without money!). His fiance told someone that she heard the average wedding gift is $1000!! Based on that figure, they're "hoping to break even" on the wedding!

I got them some lovely silocone bakeware...

 

[WDWHo]

Are you kidding me?? They cant be serious? They are in for a RUDE awakening.

 

[Kate and Pete]

Unfortunately, very serious. And she wants to get prenant and build a house right after the wedding.

 

[WDWHo]

Me thinks she will be figuring out how to pay for the wedding, after the wedding.

 

[disneysteve]

she heard the average wedding gift is $1000!!

I think I may have to get divorced so I can get married again.

 

[Chrisypoo]

First, I have perfected making chocolate covered pretzels. I can make a incredible basket with over 50 rods in assorted chocolates and toppings for about $6.00. The perceived value is $50 or more and people just adore them. I give them at baby showers, (color coordinated), grad gifts, birthdays etc. I have actually gotten so many calls afterwards with friends and family asking to purchase my baskets to give to other people.

I did the same thing for everyone except for my younger nieces and nephews. I also made the same basic idea but used marshmallows on a stick. Both went over really well and only cost me about $20 to make gifts for 15+ people.

As for other gift-giving days...my entire family is really not big on gifts. When I graduated, we had a cookout at my parent's house and a cake. I got a few cards, and a neighbor gave me a Precious Moments graduation snow globe. That's typical of what we do for all days...you get a call, a card, or maybe a cookout if someone feels up to to it.

My DBil has a great saying about Christmas "I'm nobody's Santa except for my children's." I think that really hits the nail on the head, and can hold true for other holiday's as well. Now just to convince the rest of the world of this!

 

[cheapi86]

When I graduated high school (3 years ago) and I sent invitations, it's because I truly wanted those people to come. If they gave me a present, great! But I honestly wanted them to be there on my special day.

That said I think a cheaper gift that I would enjoy just as much would be like a $25 gas card. Or whatever you can afford. If someone complains about a gift, then they are tacky and don't deserve anything anyway.

 

[HunnyPots]

I have a friend who's getting married next weekend - HUGE wedding (almost 200 people!) at a posh place. They're paying for it themselves (they're young - 25- and without money!). His fiance told someone that she heard the average wedding gift is $1000!! Based on that figure, they're "hoping to break even" on the wedding!

I got them some lovely silocone bakeware...

Silicone bakeware is a thousand dollars now??? Wow, things have gone up!

 

[bettyann29]

I think I may have to get divorced so I can get married again.