Letter to the Editor; Reasonable mom or helicopter parent?

[NHdisneylover]

I think he was scared to drive with me after that.

OMG, your little camporee girl? WOW, that is someone I would not be driving any where again. I would kill my daughter if she did something like that to a friends mother in their car.


Oh, that's okay. Laugh away. I still crack up when I think about it.

Good for you for scaring your cousin straight
The girl from camporee got a pretty good lecture at camp about appropriate car behaviour and listening to the driver. She was told that if this type of thing happens again she will not be allowed on trips unless her family drives her. Being in Europe we take the girls many, MANY cool places and she did seem to get it, thankfully.

 

[Tink888]

Is it an unreasonable question to ask? No, I don't think so.

Would I ask it? I wouldn't.

It's very easy to laugh and judge parents who would ask those questions. Do you use the cell and drive.....do you have guns in the house, etc. because we might never do that, but I'd bet the first time any of our kids, or kids we knew were involved in an accident due to those things, we'd be asking the very same questions KWIM?

I think for some parents, giving up control over their kids is a hard thing to do. But at some point, it needs done, so if it makes a parent feel better to question me about something, ask away. I'd give them an honest answer and I probably wouldn't change my behavior but they'd know up front what the deal was and then they can make the decision how to react to that as far as their child goes.

Everyone has different comfort levels when it comes their kids, different parenting styles, rules, etc.

 

[bettymae1121]

Is it an unreasonable question to ask? No, I don't think so.

Would I ask it? I wouldn't.

It's very easy to laugh and judge parents who would ask those questions. Do you use the cell and drive.....do you have guns in the house, etc. because we might never do that, but I'd bet the first time any of our kids, or kids we knew were involved in an accident due to those things, we'd be asking the very same questions KWIM?

I think for some parents, giving up control over their kids is a hard thing to do. But at some point, it needs done, so if it makes a parent feel better to question me about something, ask away. I'd give them an honest answer and I probably wouldn't change my behavior but they'd know up front what the deal was and then they can make the decision how to react to that as far as their child goes.

Everyone has different comfort levels when it comes their kids, different parenting styles, rules, etc.

Earlier I posted that I could see how parents could resent being asked this by another parent, but the more I think about it, the more don't I get why people would get offended if asked (politely asked, of course). It's a yes or no question, yes I use my cell while drive or no I don't. If you do, the parent can decide to A) Find other arrangements, B) Ask you not to use it while there child is in the car (which IS rude, I agree) or C) Suck it up and let their child go w/out asking you not to use the phone.

Now, there are certainly ways of asking someone that can be really rude. But something along the lines of "I hope you don't mind me asking, but do you use a cell phone while driving? You do? Okay, well thanks for offering to drive Jack but I'll make other arrangements." is fine in my opinion. Now, if you answer "yes" and then the parent asks/tells you not to...then that's crossing the line.

I get why people here don't feel the need to ask the question, but why the hostility of being asked by someone else? Sure, it may be helicopter parenting, but if it knowing one way or the other makes the parent feel better, why get your knickers in a twist about it?

 

[Tink888]

Earlier I posted that I could see how parents could resent being asked this by another parent, but the more I think about it, the more don't I get why people would get offended if asked (politely asked, of course). It's a yes or no question, yes I use my cell while drive or no I don't. If you do, the parent can decide to A) Find other arrangements, B) Ask you not to use it while there child is in the car (which IS rude, I agree) or C) Suck it up and let their child go w/out asking you not to use the phone.

Now, there are certainly ways of asking someone that can be really rude. But something along the lines of "I hope you don't mind me asking, but do you use a cell phone while driving? You do? Okay, well thanks for offering to drive Jack but I'll make other arrangements." is fine in my opinion. Now, if you answer "yes" and then the parent asks/tells you not to...then that's crossing the line.

I get why people here don't feel the need to ask the question, but why the hostility of being asked by someone else? Sure, it may be helicopter parenting, but if it knowing one way or the other makes the parent feel better, why get your knickers in a twist about it?

Oh, I agree with you, there's definitely a right way to ask and a wrong way. And I agree that it's wrong to ask someone to change the way they do things just to accommodate someone else.

I think, especially with kids, people get offended because they take it as a personal judgment against someone else's parenting. And I guess sometimes it might be, but I've always just taken it to be a difference in the way of doing things. Take junk food for instance......I've never had a problem with my kids having some, but there are other parents who don't want their kids to have any at all. Neither one is wrong, just a different way of doing things.

 

[TheDisneyGirl02]

There was just a law passed in the Allentown, PA area that it is now illegal to talk on cell phones while driving without a hands-free device. The two main highways that cut through the city are excluded from the law. I drive on both of those highways pretty much everyday. Most of the time it's not the people talking on the cell phones that are the problems, it is the people weaving in and out of lanes to get around slower moving cars, the cars that travel at high speeds (the speed limit is 55) - I mean 80+ in the passing lanes and the older people who drive 40 MPH on the highways. Very rarely do I see anybody who is talking on the phone driving like a crazy person.

This mother I think is being a little overprotective of her snowflake. I wonder what she will ask a girl when he brings one home! I think she is going a little over the top and if I would be the person she asked, I would have politely declined the car pool.

 

[MushyMushy]

Oh, I agree with you, there's definitely a right way to ask and a wrong way. And I agree that it's wrong to ask someone to change the way they do things just to accommodate someone else.

I think, especially with kids, people get offended because they take it as a personal judgment against someone else's parenting. And I guess sometimes it might be, but I've always just taken it to be a difference in the way of doing things. Take junk food for instance......I've never had a problem with my kids having some, but there are other parents who don't want their kids to have any at all. Neither one is wrong, just a different way of doing things.

I don't really feel "hostile" towards the question per se, I just think it's a control issue. I would feel like the other parent is questioning my judgment and being silly (tilting at windmills so to speak).

Do I feel that using a cell phone is good judgment? No, but why stop at that? Why not ask other questions as well -- do I drink before getting behind the wheel? smoke pot? smoke cigarettes in the car? take sleeping pills (because they CAN make a person drowsy the next day!)? put lipstick on? get distracted easily? Plus there are so many other factors that make getting behind the wheel dangerous -- namely, other drivers!

If you're that concerned about the safety of your kids, and well you should be, you should know the person you're letting them ride with.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Maybe she won't have to worry about other parents driving her kids, because the other parents won't want to.

There. Her problem is solved.

 

[binny]

I think he was scared to drive with me after that.

OMG, your little camporee girl? WOW, that is someone I would not be driving any where again. I would kill my daughter if she did something like that to a friends mother in their car.


Oh, that's okay. Laugh away. I still crack up when I think about it.

WAY OT Heidi, but is that Kevin Durand in your Sig? Ive never watched Lost but have become a big fan since Robin Hood came out!

 

[kaytieeldr]

She feels "confident" that her kids could handle a child with a gun but not so sure they could navigate the terror of a cellphone.

Really? You don't think the letter-writer's middle school or high school child could leave the danger zone of a friend with a gun in a way that they couldn't leave a moving vehicle?

So, she asks the parents not to talk or text while driving her kids. She gets one of three results:

• They agree, and follow through
• They agree, and ignore her request
• They refuse, and she has to find alternate tranportation

She's not telling anyone what to do, she's asking. She's concerned for the safety of her children.

 

[kaytieeldr]

A parent asking me that type of question would alarm me because it would suggest that the parent would be looking for someone to blame if their snowflake was injured while in my care (not necessarily while in the car but while snowflake was with me)

Driving is a risk and it is impossible to "legislate all of the risks out of driving". I also don't want to be "someone elses deep pockets", so I would avoid driving her kids anywhere.

I disagree with this perspective 100%, and would disagree more strongly if it were mathematically possible. A parent looking for someone to blame, or deep pockets, would NOT be expressing any concern over a driver's actions.

They'd just sue after the fact.

I agree with you. At 4 pm, my car cannot drive past a Dunkin Donuts without using the drive thru for a cup of coffee.

Isn't it somewhat disingenuous to ascribe one's addiction to a motor vehicle?

Yes, I drink it while driving and one hand on the wheel. I don't see the difference between a cup of coffee or a cell phone.

Well, since you asked... drinking a cup of coffee doesn't require the interaction or distraction or thought that a conversation does; and a live conversation in a car is safer than a phone conversation because both/all people in the car can be aware of the surroundings. With a cell phone, the person on the other end of the line can't see the car changing lanes or the light changing from yellow (when the driver should have stopped anyway) to red.