Let the Prom Drama begin....Like Aurora, her dress keeps changing

[FINFAN]

Well, DD's has decided she does not care to go to Prom with they guy who was going to ask her( at least that's what she's been told by her "group")...they are great friends ( yes, the friend zone )but Prom is well, NOT a friend/date dance...and she in no way wants him to think there is more to it than there is. Her friends are all pressuring her to go steady with him ( so is he) but the "it" factor just isn't there. She's figured she won't get asked by someone else, I guess everyone assumes the two have been going out as they end up paired off a lot, so DD feels no one will think she's available...and the tickets go on sale the 18th. Plus, the school just posted that they have issued mandatory attendance that day...was a 1/2 day but is now a full day of classes ( I think due to snow day) so that stinks..no time to get hair done etc. I feel bad for her, she says it's no big deal...that she feels better about doing the right thing and does not want to use a friend just to go to Prom...even tho HE says that's fine w/him!
Oh well, she si a tough one to fit for a dress, size 0 and off the rack is VERY hard to find...maybe it's all for the best.


Pam

 

[swanmom]

Wow. Tell you DD that I admire her. I succumbed to the must-go-to-prom peer pressure. I went with a guy that I really didn't want to - just to have a date. I had a miserable time and so did he. It was really unfair. It cost him, as well as my parents, a lot of money. I should have just stood up for myself and said that I really didn't want to go.

 

[Linzybrooke]

I went to prom both years of high school with a friend. It was great. No after prom pressure feelings, no, "I must dance with you only" junk. We just let lose and had a great time.

 

[FINFAN]

Well, that's the thing, DD wanted to go as friends/no pressure, but he wants more, AKA puppy dog hanging on her, thinks she will go out with him after going to Prom etc. She says things just aren't fun with him anymore, that she feels like he is backing her into a corner. My DD may be tiny, but she doesn't take any cr** from anyone. Me thinks her girlfriends need to step up the info that DD is available. If anything comes of it, fine, if not, she is still happier doing what works best for her. The sad thing is, DD knows NO ONE stays going out forever, and one of the things she thought would be miserable would be losing him eventually if they went out and then broke up, but if they stayed friends they could always stay connected, hang out etc. She didn't want to complicate things, and, like I said, no chemistry for her. I guess she will lose him anyway, and she understands if he wants her only as a girlfirend and not just a friend. She has tried to suggest other girls for him etc., but the group keeps pushing them together. This has been going on for almost 20 months...DD focuses on her grades and work, not so much her social life...so not sure which direction she will head...but she did say that she needs to set things straight for once and for all. I give her credit for doing it BEFORE he asked her. At least he still has time to ask someone else if he wants.


Pam

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

I went to my senior prom with my best friend J, who is a guy. We were all going to prom as a group of friends but J wasn't going to get any help financially for college from his parents so he wasn't going attend prom. But prom wouldn't have been the same without him. So I asked him to be my "date" and I would pay for most of it. We all ended up having a blast! Some friends had real dates but nothing serious. We just danced, ate some food, and danced some more. And honostly, my friends and I were the last people on earth you would have though would have fun at prom, heck even go to prom! There is nothing wrong with bringing a friend to prom. It took the pressure off and let me just have a fun night out with friends.

 

[mamacatnv]

FinFan - she can go with my DS, he has no desire to take a "date" to the prom, he wants to go stag or with a friend! He hates the "date" drama and is a very independent thinker (ie doesn't care what everyone else thinks or does).
The pictures would be cute, with your tiny DD and my moose of a DS, 6'4" 250#'s.


Seriously,
Will your DD go with just a group of the girls or is she thinking of skipping it all together? Is this her Jr or Sr?

I admire her for not giving in to the friends/peer pressure, that is so tough for so many kids but I hope she doesn't give up one of those high school experiences just because of "date" issues.

 

[FINFAN]

mamacatnv....DEAL!!!!!!!!!!
DD is 5'2 and 90lbs.....can hit 5'5" in a decnt pair of platforms! Now, logistics...we are just outside of Chicago...how much do you think the Limo will run?
Yeah, she really just wants to go, but does not want to deal with him thinking it will be more. She is a Jr., but she knows that anything can happen to make Prom fall apart so she was hoping to go this year as a back up just in case something went wrong next year...that happened to my DH...didn't bother w/Prom his Jr year figuring he had Sr. Prom...guess who got Mono and couldn't go? So, DD was hoping to avoid that and at least go once.
As far as a group of girls going, I am not sure...they are trying not to be the "losers" of the Prom, and to be honest, several of the group do have dates already so it is awkward for the group thing as the "couples" want it to stay couples, the singles doen't want to but in and are really hoping to get asked...what a mess. I agree she should not miss it , and I don't think her guy "friend" should miss it either....but to go together is just not right at this point. I asked DD if it would bug her if he went with another girl and she said Nope, I wish he would! So, I think her feeling are truly platonic for real!


Pam

 

[mamacatnv]

mamacatnv....DEAL!!!!!!!!!!
DD is 5'2 and 90lbs.....can hit 5'5" in a decnt pair of platforms! Now, logistics...we are just outside of Chicago...how much do you think the Limo will run?
Pam

My DD is also a Jr.
Let's have them crash a Prom in Colorado somewhere

I think it is much easier for the guys to go by themselves, there seems to be less pressure on them. I hope your DD finds a group to go with and that she sticks to her guns of not being the "Date" when she doesn't want to go down that road.

We have a formal Junior Assembly dance here every year. This dance has approx 120 kids from each high school in the district, so it is a "big" deal.

Rule #1, you must have a date of the opposite sex.
This year, a couple of DS's friends (girls) got together and paired the kids together so that everyone in the group was paired off but not as formal dates. They all went to dinner together and had a great time at the dance.

Maybe your DD can do something like this with her social group, she can't be the only one who does not have a "boy/girlfriend" but wants a friend to go with to Prom.

Good luck and hugs to Mom of teenager

 

[Sandy V.]

My DD is also a Jr.
Let's have them crash a Prom in Colorado somewhere

DS is also a junior; you're welcome to crash his Colorado prom!!!

Prom here isn't until mid-May, which is unusual for us (usually occurs in mid-to-late April). DS doesn't have a girlfriend at the moment and doesn't really want one, but he's got 3 girls interested in having him ask them to prom. There are good and bad reasons to ask all of them, and I'm doing a very good job of minding my own business and staying out of HIS drama!!!

 

[JKanownik]

I went with a friend to my senior prom and we had the best time! I met him in middle school and we became friends. He went to my high school for 9th grade and then his family moved to another district. We kept in touch and then when prom came around senior year, I asked him to go with me. He was so excited to see his old classmates and they were happy to see him as well. It was kind of a reunion and prom all in one. I would not have changed a thing about my prom!

Good luck to you and your DD!

 

[mamacatnv]

DS is also a junior; you're welcome to crash his Colorado prom!!!

Prom here isn't until mid-May, which is unusual for us (usually occurs in mid-to-late April). DS doesn't have a girlfriend at the moment and doesn't really want one, but he's got 3 girls interested in having him ask them to prom. There are good and bad reasons to ask all of them, and I'm doing a very good job of minding my own business and staying out of HIS drama!!!

Look FINFAN - we are all set........ Prom problems solved and neither your DD or my DS has to worry what their friends will think, they can go meet up with Sandy V's son and his friends, have a great time and we won't have any prom drama!

Sandy V: I hate having to mind my own business It makes me crazy to not know what is going on, but I really really try to stay out of it

 

[Sandy V.]

Sandy V: I hate having to mind my own business It makes me crazy to not know what is going on, but I really really try to stay out of it

It is SO hard. DS turned 17 today, but he's still my "baby". I want to ask him questions, but I find I get a lot more info out of him if I sit back and let him "spill his guts" to me in his own time. Which he usually does.

 

[FINFAN]

LOL Sandy and Mama...at this point Colorado would be a blessing! The "friend" asked DD if she would go to the Prom w/him today...actually he said, 'if I was thinking about asking you, would you go?" (cop out) DD basically reminded him that he understands that they are just friends right, he kind of hesitated then tried to cover with, yeah, sure, of course. She explained that if they went it would be just that, friends, no expectations, no hanging allover her, blah blah blah. She said to her Prom means a little more than friends , was he SURE that he understood nothing else....he said, well, like I said , I was THINKING about sking, I didn't say I was actually asking...yet. DD just said, y'know, I don't think it will be a good idea...too risky for our friendship, better to each have a date and go in the same group to hang out. So, there you have it, she was honest, but dateless! She feels really bad as now he is ignoring her, but she expected that. She knows that he would not have settled for friends...matter of fact I guess he has been letting people know that he and DD are MORE than just friends, how connected they are etc. She needs her 3 feet of space from him. So, like I said, Colorado is lookin' MIGHTY FINE! DD's Prom is 5/11..and get this, they just found out what was a 1/2 day has been changed to a full day of school! I don't know how these kids are supposed to get their hair done, pictures etc and get to the hall (45 minute away/tollway driving)by 7...when th ebus doesn't drop off 'till after 3. I think the school is just asking for a tragedy...kids tired since getting up at 5:30, racing , long distance...and they announced mandatory attendance to all classes or no admittance to Prom.
Maybe it will be better if she doesn't go!


Pam

 

[mamacatnv]

FINFAN:
Your daughter is displaying wisdom and maturity that should make you sooooo proud, it would me. I'm proud of her and I don't even know her.

I hope she ends up going.....alone, with a friend (boy or girl) and has a great time. I'm still looking into transportation options for Colorado, don't give up hope yet

My DS's prom is on the 5th of May the same day as the SAT's - that will just make for a really long day and a late night for driving home. Probably not too cool to have Mom or Dad pick you up from Prom when you can drive and have your own car....I'll have to make sure he takes a nappie in the middle of the day, yeah, he will go for that

Seems silly the school is having a prom on a school night and then declaring manditory attendance after changing the school schedule - what if you the parent call her in sick/Dr. appt.?

Thanks for the update - I was wondering how she was coming along. Keep us up to date

 

[mandy200587]

You could always schudele that dentist appointment for halfway through the day. I went solo to my prom and had so much fun. Then again I skipped the day before and our prom is on Saturday and it cost quite a bit of money.

 

[FINFAN]

Thanks again guys,
Mamacatnv, that is SO sweet, I told DD what you said and she said to thank you, but she is just going about her life as she hopes she gets treated..honestly with a lot of fun thrown in, and forgivness and support when needed. Then she said, in HS that is daily!
DD is still planning on going, still hopeful for a date, but plans to go with girls if no dates are around. She said she had just hoped to not be the picture in the yearbook of the table of only girls...but she said if that's what will be, no biggie. She made a hair appointment today, and for the first time, decided to take some $ from her savings account. She has deposited every check since starting her job 8 months ago. She plans on paying for th Prom, but under the circumstances..I think we will. If she does choose to ask a guy tho, I will let her pay for his ticket...considering they are $65 each it adds up really quickly.
I'll keep you posted on the saga, if you keep us posted on your DS, and Sandy too...it has to be hard to hear all about my DD point of view when you have the boys..I have a 12 year old DS, and he wears his heart on his sleeve. I see a lot of heart ache in his future.


Pam

 

[mandy200587]

Thanks again guys,
Mamacatnv, that is SO sweet, I told DD what you said and she said to thank you, but she is just going about her life as she hopes she gets treated..honestly with a lot of fun thrown in, and forgivness and support when needed. Then she said, in HS that is daily!
DD is still planning on going, still hopeful for a date, but plans to go with girls if no dates are around. She said she had just hoped to not be the picture in the yearbook of the table of only girls...but she said if that's what will be, no biggie. She made a hair appointment today, and for the first time, decided to take some $ from her savings account. She has deposited every check since starting her job 8 months ago. She plans on paying for th Prom, but under the circumstances..I think we will. If she does choose to ask a guy tho, I will let her pay for his ticket...considering they are $65 each it adds up really quickly.
I'll keep you posted on the saga, if you keep us posted on your DS, and Sandy too...it has to be hard to hear all about my DD point of view when you have the boys..I have a 12 year old DS, and he wears his heart on his sleeve. I see a lot of heart ache in his future.


Pam

Prom was 75 for us. It doesn't matter if you have a date or not, it's the memories you choose to make that you will keep with you the rest of your life. I have friends who regret having dates for prom because they didn't have fun with them. Nothing is more fun than singing and dancing to Love Shack in your prom dress.

 

[FINFAN]

Mandy...I could picture that image as soon as I read it! I wil tell DD about LoveShack...she willl get a big giggle, thank you! She figures between dress, hair, ticket on her own, roughly $300...if she drives..add a Limo at about $60 each. She's not into tanning, manicures, make up etc, so those expenses aren't there. If she asks a guy tho, then she needs to add the additional 65 for his ticket, but hopefully he will help w/the limo, or drive...either way, it will be a lot of $$$ to her...she makes her own jewelry and has asked her cousin about borrowing a dress, but no answer from them yet. I wish they would let DD borrow as she is a size 0 and so is my neice...thay are pretty particular about that kind of stuff tho.
Anyway, thanks for the fun recount fo your Prom.


Pam

 

[mandy200587]

Mandy...I could picture that image as soon as I read it! I wil tell DD about LoveShack...she willl get a big giggle, thank you! She figures between dress, hair, ticket on her own, roughly $300...if she drives..add a Limo at about $60 each. She's not into tanning, manicures, make up etc, so those expenses aren't there. If she asks a guy tho, then she needs to add the additional 65 for his ticket, but hopefully he will help w/the limo, or drive...either way, it will be a lot of $$$ to her...she makes her own jewelry and has asked her cousin about borrowing a dress, but no answer from them yet. I wish they would let DD borrow as she is a size 0 and so is my neice...thay are pretty particular about that kind of stuff tho.
Anyway, thanks for the fun recount fo your Prom.


Pam

My makeup was the most expensive part but I love the company I got it through. As far as a dress go to David's Bridal and then when she's done with it find a company that takes prom dresses for low income families. I drove in my car to the high school. We had a red carpet, the spot lights. Our theme was Old Hollywood. I went to prom then me and my friends went to Ihop for after prom. I had friends who went with younger guys to get ditched for other girls that were in their grade. Needless to say some of our senior guys weren't happy. Don't worry about shoes, wear some flip flops you'll be alot more comfortable. Prom isn't about the guys all the time, it's about being with your friends and having a good time and not worrying about things like school or that.

 

[Disney Doll]

Your DD sounds like a peach and sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders.

As far as her "boy who is a friend"...he'll get over it or he won't. If he doesn't, he probably wasn't as good of a friend as she thought he was...hard but necessary lessons one needs to learn in life. Boys that age have big, fragile egos. But it's a good lesson for him to learn as well...you can't railroad someone into feelings they don't have.