Laurie's journal - Atkins plan (comments welcome)
- Thread starter LAinSEA
- Start date
Beth and Wilderness, thanks so much for checking in on me.
First things first...we went out on Sunday to visit with the lady who runs the rescue organization we adopted Niko from. She had posted a little tuxie girl on Petfinder and it turned out she was really a he. DH and I talked it over and decided that the two tuxie boys should be adopted together and we really only had room for one. Elia will be on the lookout for the right little girl for us. Niko is still very young and we don't want him to feel threatened in any way with a new family member. Tilda will accept any kitten we bring to her as long as the kitten is not too many weeks along.
Going to visit the kitties on Sunday got us out of having to help the couple who just got married and returned from their almost month-long honeymoon unpack her things from the pod they loaded in Santa Clara. I'm sorry, I'm still quite pissed off at the whole wedding fiasco and I'm not ready to put on a pleasant face. DH did talk to the groom on Monday and expressed his disappointment with not knowing the expectations and details so that we could have made a decision as to whether I would have gone down for the event. The other two men and their wives also did not go out to assist on Sunday - each making their own excuses apparently.
The training session at the station in Seattle went a little awry. First they didn't so much want to be trained, they wanted me to set up new graphics for them to use within their automated system. Not being familiar with their setup and having very limited time, I was at least able to show them how to load animated backgrounds into the system. I didn't know how to set up the animated background to loop from a mid-point once it had been started. I did some research, made some calls, and now can tell them how to solve the problem - but really they need to have a real training session for their staff. I had left messages but thus far have not heard back to explain the procedure over the phone to them.
Mowed lawn on Tuesday (overgrown that it was!) and at least got a little exercise yesterday. However, my back spasmed around 2am and woke me up! I was in complete pain - couldn't get it to relax enough to sleep until it was basically time to wake up. I'm beat.
Began my class yesterday - cramming 6 weeks of content into 4 weeks of time and making it a 2 credit course instead of a 3 credit course again. I have to organize two onsite observations for special needs students. I'm glad this course is now and not 4 weeks from now when school will be out until the four-week summer session. My boss did give me permission to shift my work schedule, however, he doesn't know when it will actually happen. The tradeoff is that I will have to be more available to support events needs. Should be interesting. I also just found out that one of our producers got a job in a local school district teaching TV production (she does not have certification but her DH teaches PE in the same district). I'm a little peaved because I'm jumping through hoops to become certified and she's just walking into a position. I'm happy that she is able to move to a job that will be better for her and her family. But all I hear from districts is that certification is necessary even to sub in Washington state...I also found out that my district requires the University to arrange student teaching - and I cannot do this myself. So I dumped the mess into my counselors lap and said, "you make sure this gets done by the end of the week!" I did take my information, resume, letters of recommendation etc. down to the district office.
Back to work, after Tigers, after Pistons, off at 10:30pm...and back to my second class discussion question for the week.
First things first...we went out on Sunday to visit with the lady who runs the rescue organization we adopted Niko from. She had posted a little tuxie girl on Petfinder and it turned out she was really a he. DH and I talked it over and decided that the two tuxie boys should be adopted together and we really only had room for one. Elia will be on the lookout for the right little girl for us. Niko is still very young and we don't want him to feel threatened in any way with a new family member. Tilda will accept any kitten we bring to her as long as the kitten is not too many weeks along.
Going to visit the kitties on Sunday got us out of having to help the couple who just got married and returned from their almost month-long honeymoon unpack her things from the pod they loaded in Santa Clara. I'm sorry, I'm still quite pissed off at the whole wedding fiasco and I'm not ready to put on a pleasant face. DH did talk to the groom on Monday and expressed his disappointment with not knowing the expectations and details so that we could have made a decision as to whether I would have gone down for the event. The other two men and their wives also did not go out to assist on Sunday - each making their own excuses apparently.
The training session at the station in Seattle went a little awry. First they didn't so much want to be trained, they wanted me to set up new graphics for them to use within their automated system. Not being familiar with their setup and having very limited time, I was at least able to show them how to load animated backgrounds into the system. I didn't know how to set up the animated background to loop from a mid-point once it had been started. I did some research, made some calls, and now can tell them how to solve the problem - but really they need to have a real training session for their staff. I had left messages but thus far have not heard back to explain the procedure over the phone to them.
Mowed lawn on Tuesday (overgrown that it was!) and at least got a little exercise yesterday. However, my back spasmed around 2am and woke me up! I was in complete pain - couldn't get it to relax enough to sleep until it was basically time to wake up. I'm beat.
Began my class yesterday - cramming 6 weeks of content into 4 weeks of time and making it a 2 credit course instead of a 3 credit course again. I have to organize two onsite observations for special needs students. I'm glad this course is now and not 4 weeks from now when school will be out until the four-week summer session. My boss did give me permission to shift my work schedule, however, he doesn't know when it will actually happen. The tradeoff is that I will have to be more available to support events needs. Should be interesting. I also just found out that one of our producers got a job in a local school district teaching TV production (she does not have certification but her DH teaches PE in the same district). I'm a little peaved because I'm jumping through hoops to become certified and she's just walking into a position. I'm happy that she is able to move to a job that will be better for her and her family. But all I hear from districts is that certification is necessary even to sub in Washington state...I also found out that my district requires the University to arrange student teaching - and I cannot do this myself. So I dumped the mess into my counselors lap and said, "you make sure this gets done by the end of the week!" I did take my information, resume, letters of recommendation etc. down to the district office.
Back to work, after Tigers, after Pistons, off at 10:30pm...and back to my second class discussion question for the week.
wilderness01
Been There, Done That, Going Back!
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2002
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Laurie,
Ok what did I miss about the wedding stuff? You seem upset about all that. I'm glad your boss will accomodate you and your hours. At least that is one less thing to worry about. Your schedule sounds hectic, take care of yourself.
Ok what did I miss about the wedding stuff? You seem upset about all that. I'm glad your boss will accomodate you and your hours. At least that is one less thing to worry about. Your schedule sounds hectic, take care of yourself.
wilderness01
Been There, Done That, Going Back!
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2002
- Messages
- 5,104
Ok I just read your wedding post. I must have missed it. We were just at a wedding last weekend. Our friend stood up and his wife sat at our table for dinner. They were separated a bit to be introduced and then to dance with the person they stood up with. They also were separated from the wedding to the reception. He was expected to ride in the limo with the rest of the wedding party. Then when they got to the reception there was more pictures to be taken. They had been taking pictures since 11 am and the wedding ceremony started at 3 pm. Other than that and during dinner, our friend was pretty much with his wife. It is customary here to sit at the head table during dinner for all the bridesmaids/groomsmen. Is it not there? I have never heard of a traditional wedding not having a head table. The only wedding where I saw this was my friend's wedding in SF. It was a 2nd marriage for both of them and a backyard ceremony/reception country style. It was alot of fun......I was whisked away a few times to dance with the best man/eat with the wedding party, but I think my husband may have eaten with us now that I think about it. My husband understood when I couldn't be with him. Was she just not asking "favors" politely? One of my friends was a bit of a "wedding nazi" but I just attributed it to nerves and let it go. Maybe things are different where you live and I just don't know what is customary in the Pacific Northwest. But back East what you described is very customary. Was your husband the best man? Unfortunately alot of responsiblity lands on the best man which seems unfair. Sorry it wasn't a better experience for either of you.
Beth: Well at least my co-worker will have only two years to jump through the certification hoops that I'm nearly through hurdling and then she still faces the 5-year deadling of becoming "high qualified". I'll make more money to start as well whenever it is that I get a full-time position. I'm happy that she will have more time with her family...two little girls, one Katie's age, the other 2 years younger.
Wilderness:
We are a little more casual in the West - especially the Pacific NW...that being said. I used to do quite a bit of wedding videography and photography and my philosophy about weddings is that it is the couple's first social event as a couple. It sort of defines who they are and how they fit into the whole scheme of things now that they are married. The wedding for younger couples seems to be more about the what the bride and groom's parents want - they are paying for it. The older a couple is, the more they are footing the bill, the more the wedding is exactly what the couple wants. And that is my point...they did exactly what they wanted to do when it came to this wedding.
Now that you've read my first post...you may have noticed that our friend, John, has been a friend since high school, throughout college, careers, etc. He knows us well, he knows that DH and I do not do not do many things apart. The other two men he asked to stand up with him are also very couple/family oriented. When he started to include his GF, then fiance, now wife in the things we did together prior to the wedding, she, herself made comments on how "neat" it was that they guys just don't go and do guy things - that we all do things as couples or families.
John was a groomsman at DH's and my wedding 17 years ago...as we were just all out of college and beginning careers, we tried to make things simple, the least expensive and the most inclusive of all those involved with the wedding. We did not have a head table nor did we require our attendants to do hours of pictures. We had 1 hour prior to guests arriving on the boat for all the pictures and every thing after that was just candids. But the one thing we did do, was to have decisions made and to be very candid and upfront with our expectations when we asked our four attendants to be involved...no surprises, no secrets.
DH asked John repeatedly over the past year for details and expectations. For the last year, during the wedding planning process, DH was only told things basically as he was expected to do things...and the list grew, month-by-month, day-by-day, hour-by-hour. (For fun, just take a look inside a wedding magazine or planner and find the list of details the best man is "supposed" to attend to...now double or triple that list and my DH did it.) All three men in the wedding party got to the reception and were blind-sided by the head table thing. All three wives were pretty much seated with strangers and kind-of acquaintances during the reception - not with each other. If we had known this was to be the culmination of a very long, not just one wedding day, but three days leading up to the event, not one of us would have opted to travel (the wedding was in Santa Clara) and attend despite our friendship with the groom. It was just too much.
The fallout over the whole thing is that I opened by big mouth and said something about my displeasure of not only not knowing what was going on in advance, but having been exiled to sit with strangers who thought they were catching up with me by grilling me over why I don't have any children of my own. I said something about the misery of the men - seated under hot pink lights with a monitor stationed to make sure they did not wonder off - not only at the wedding, but I wrote John a letter afterwards. He received it after coming home from their honeymoon. John confronted his boss (another groomsman) and asked how he and his wife felt about the reception and he was told that if they'd known, the wife would not have attended or come down for the event...the boss did concede that well, now its all over and done with, but he thinks it will be awhile before his wife would like to get together for dinner or anything. This prompted a call to the other groomsmen who echoed the same sentiments. John blames me over the whole attitude thing that no one is sharing in their "joy" over being married. I contend that if they as 40+ year old adults needed to be so "exclusive" in celebrating the beginning of their relationship over the importance of the relationships of their attendants, they should of let us all know of the program well in advance. We, quite frankly, don't need friends in our life who do not respect that we are married and we enjoy spending the precious little time we can spend together - together. An apology, in the least, for the lack of communication is in order. My DH did the world's best job of being Best Man, the least this couple can do is acknowledge that they were quite rude in not sharing their expectations in advance.
The terrible thing is that its been almost a month since this whole thing happened and I'm still angry. Why? Because I've been involved with very formal Weddings since my own marriage that have not been this "exclusive" and rude to the feelings of the wedding party. This event was designed like it was some kind of made-for-TV how-to-follow the wedding planner to the letter for maximum King-Queen for a day impact. From the Priest scolding the photographers and videography at the beginning of the ceremony for getting in the way of the solemity of the occasion to the Wedding Nazi telling me I can't approach the holy-head table to speak to my own husband or he can't leave to speak to me. (DH said that John called to tell him Wednesday that they just got proofs back from the photographer and the pictures do not look like the couple hoped...everyone looks tired, listless, even down right upset (at the reception)...well what did they expect putting these people through their paces from 6am in the morning on and making them play the part until nearly midnight.)
I met a friend of a co-worker the other day who actually is a wedding planner. Since I'd shared with the people I worked with about the wedding, she was interested in talking to me. It was interesting to find out that tradition aside, it is considered the "correct and polite" thing to do if your attendants are married to ask their preferences in where they are seated during a sit-down-dinner reception. In fact, if you allow your unmarried attendants to bring a date to the event, this protocol is the same...it is unrealistic to expect them to attend to the couple all event long when they also have a guest to be with. She discourages the head table concept in that it makes the couple "unapproachable and cold" - if couples insist upon it, she tells them that it should only be for the wedding couple, their best man/maid-matron of honor and their spouses or guests...all others in the wedding party should be seated at a table with their families. And it is considered to be extremely tacky to put the head table up on a platform as if the wedding party is on display. I suggested that she write a wedding planner with the name, "New Wedding Traditions for Couples Who Consider Friendships Important". She thought the name was very appropriate and needed in this day and age of "Bridezilla".
Still ranting!
Wilderness:
We are a little more casual in the West - especially the Pacific NW...that being said. I used to do quite a bit of wedding videography and photography and my philosophy about weddings is that it is the couple's first social event as a couple. It sort of defines who they are and how they fit into the whole scheme of things now that they are married. The wedding for younger couples seems to be more about the what the bride and groom's parents want - they are paying for it. The older a couple is, the more they are footing the bill, the more the wedding is exactly what the couple wants. And that is my point...they did exactly what they wanted to do when it came to this wedding.
Now that you've read my first post...you may have noticed that our friend, John, has been a friend since high school, throughout college, careers, etc. He knows us well, he knows that DH and I do not do not do many things apart. The other two men he asked to stand up with him are also very couple/family oriented. When he started to include his GF, then fiance, now wife in the things we did together prior to the wedding, she, herself made comments on how "neat" it was that they guys just don't go and do guy things - that we all do things as couples or families.
John was a groomsman at DH's and my wedding 17 years ago...as we were just all out of college and beginning careers, we tried to make things simple, the least expensive and the most inclusive of all those involved with the wedding. We did not have a head table nor did we require our attendants to do hours of pictures. We had 1 hour prior to guests arriving on the boat for all the pictures and every thing after that was just candids. But the one thing we did do, was to have decisions made and to be very candid and upfront with our expectations when we asked our four attendants to be involved...no surprises, no secrets.
DH asked John repeatedly over the past year for details and expectations. For the last year, during the wedding planning process, DH was only told things basically as he was expected to do things...and the list grew, month-by-month, day-by-day, hour-by-hour. (For fun, just take a look inside a wedding magazine or planner and find the list of details the best man is "supposed" to attend to...now double or triple that list and my DH did it.) All three men in the wedding party got to the reception and were blind-sided by the head table thing. All three wives were pretty much seated with strangers and kind-of acquaintances during the reception - not with each other. If we had known this was to be the culmination of a very long, not just one wedding day, but three days leading up to the event, not one of us would have opted to travel (the wedding was in Santa Clara) and attend despite our friendship with the groom. It was just too much.
The fallout over the whole thing is that I opened by big mouth and said something about my displeasure of not only not knowing what was going on in advance, but having been exiled to sit with strangers who thought they were catching up with me by grilling me over why I don't have any children of my own. I said something about the misery of the men - seated under hot pink lights with a monitor stationed to make sure they did not wonder off - not only at the wedding, but I wrote John a letter afterwards. He received it after coming home from their honeymoon. John confronted his boss (another groomsman) and asked how he and his wife felt about the reception and he was told that if they'd known, the wife would not have attended or come down for the event...the boss did concede that well, now its all over and done with, but he thinks it will be awhile before his wife would like to get together for dinner or anything. This prompted a call to the other groomsmen who echoed the same sentiments. John blames me over the whole attitude thing that no one is sharing in their "joy" over being married. I contend that if they as 40+ year old adults needed to be so "exclusive" in celebrating the beginning of their relationship over the importance of the relationships of their attendants, they should of let us all know of the program well in advance. We, quite frankly, don't need friends in our life who do not respect that we are married and we enjoy spending the precious little time we can spend together - together. An apology, in the least, for the lack of communication is in order. My DH did the world's best job of being Best Man, the least this couple can do is acknowledge that they were quite rude in not sharing their expectations in advance.
The terrible thing is that its been almost a month since this whole thing happened and I'm still angry. Why? Because I've been involved with very formal Weddings since my own marriage that have not been this "exclusive" and rude to the feelings of the wedding party. This event was designed like it was some kind of made-for-TV how-to-follow the wedding planner to the letter for maximum King-Queen for a day impact. From the Priest scolding the photographers and videography at the beginning of the ceremony for getting in the way of the solemity of the occasion to the Wedding Nazi telling me I can't approach the holy-head table to speak to my own husband or he can't leave to speak to me. (DH said that John called to tell him Wednesday that they just got proofs back from the photographer and the pictures do not look like the couple hoped...everyone looks tired, listless, even down right upset (at the reception)...well what did they expect putting these people through their paces from 6am in the morning on and making them play the part until nearly midnight.)
I met a friend of a co-worker the other day who actually is a wedding planner. Since I'd shared with the people I worked with about the wedding, she was interested in talking to me. It was interesting to find out that tradition aside, it is considered the "correct and polite" thing to do if your attendants are married to ask their preferences in where they are seated during a sit-down-dinner reception. In fact, if you allow your unmarried attendants to bring a date to the event, this protocol is the same...it is unrealistic to expect them to attend to the couple all event long when they also have a guest to be with. She discourages the head table concept in that it makes the couple "unapproachable and cold" - if couples insist upon it, she tells them that it should only be for the wedding couple, their best man/maid-matron of honor and their spouses or guests...all others in the wedding party should be seated at a table with their families. And it is considered to be extremely tacky to put the head table up on a platform as if the wedding party is on display. I suggested that she write a wedding planner with the name, "New Wedding Traditions for Couples Who Consider Friendships Important". She thought the name was very appropriate and needed in this day and age of "Bridezilla".
Still ranting!
wilderness01
Been There, Done That, Going Back!
- Joined
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Wow that is too bad you are so upset. Unfortunately this will probably affect your friendship and that is too bad. Long term friends are precious. I hope you all can find a way to still be friends after emotions have calmed down. Take care.
P.S. Every wedding I have attended does have the wedding party at a head table up on a platform except my girlfriend's in her backyard! I had to laugh when you typed that! It does sound like your husband was taken advantage of and that I would be upset with.
P.S. Every wedding I have attended does have the wedding party at a head table up on a platform except my girlfriend's in her backyard! I had to laugh when you typed that! It does sound like your husband was taken advantage of and that I would be upset with.
/
Wilderness:
Sounds like traditions need to be updated and changed...When a couple is the first of their group of friends to be married, perhaps the head table concept is OK (if the attendants are OK with it). But at least 4 of 6 attendants for this wedding have been married for years! All three of the men (with wives or wife & kids) had to travel for this and be down to take care of things 2 days early. We all took precious vacation time away from our jobs to attend and I'm sorry, after 3 days of non-stop run-a-round, at least we should have been able to kick back and have some fun at the reception. The enforced "schedule" and seating assignments made that impossible.
I'm not holding my breath for an apology from either one of them...although I've made it very clear I believe one is in order. Just because some wedding planning book or consultant says this is how you do it, does not make the decision to do it by the book OK...When DH and I first met the boss/groomsman and his wife, we were told that we needed to careful how we were seated for dinner at the restaurant we were meeting at...boss & his wife "do not sit apart" we were told. Given that piece of info, the head table thing would not have been an option I'd have considered (if I wanted to remain on good terms with my boss). This wedding, from my standpoint, was all about the event of getting married and not about "being" married...If neither John or his new wife can understand the disrespect shown to my and others' relationships, the friendship is not one I choose to nuture.
I sat with the teenage daughter & son of one of the groomsmen for both the rehersal and ceremony. I think I would have been still disappointed with the seating set up at the reception but not nearly as upset if the wives and children of the wedding party had been sat together...we were all spread out around the whole huge banquet hall with the exception of the wife with teenage kids.
The 18-year son's comment was that it was a little silly for a 40-year old woman to be "playing princess" complete with court. The 16-year old daughter told me her father said he'd pay her to elope when the time came for her to be married. I had to laugh but asked what she though about that. She said that she thought the whole wedding thing was way too overblown and yes, she rather have a downpayment on a house or a really great honeymoon than spend the kind of cash for a wedding like this one. Good sensible kids.
My DH is still a little peaved at having to stand through an 1.5 hour full Catholic Mass when the groom isn't Catholic, the bride wasn't a "virgin", and the bride's parents are still married but living separate lives...mom in CA, dad in the Philipines with a whole other family! He felt like the only one paying attention to the Priest and his wonderful Hommily (sp?) was himself, the matron of honor, and the other groomsmen up behind the alter. After the ceremony, my DH made sure to speak to the Priest and let him know that he was moved and inspired by his words...while John, the groom, paced because everyone was supposed to hustle back into the Mission for more pictures and then off to Stanford (which neither bride or grooms attended) for pictures.
Gotta stop...getting way too spun up again....
Sounds like traditions need to be updated and changed...When a couple is the first of their group of friends to be married, perhaps the head table concept is OK (if the attendants are OK with it). But at least 4 of 6 attendants for this wedding have been married for years! All three of the men (with wives or wife & kids) had to travel for this and be down to take care of things 2 days early. We all took precious vacation time away from our jobs to attend and I'm sorry, after 3 days of non-stop run-a-round, at least we should have been able to kick back and have some fun at the reception. The enforced "schedule" and seating assignments made that impossible.
I'm not holding my breath for an apology from either one of them...although I've made it very clear I believe one is in order. Just because some wedding planning book or consultant says this is how you do it, does not make the decision to do it by the book OK...When DH and I first met the boss/groomsman and his wife, we were told that we needed to careful how we were seated for dinner at the restaurant we were meeting at...boss & his wife "do not sit apart" we were told. Given that piece of info, the head table thing would not have been an option I'd have considered (if I wanted to remain on good terms with my boss). This wedding, from my standpoint, was all about the event of getting married and not about "being" married...If neither John or his new wife can understand the disrespect shown to my and others' relationships, the friendship is not one I choose to nuture.
I sat with the teenage daughter & son of one of the groomsmen for both the rehersal and ceremony. I think I would have been still disappointed with the seating set up at the reception but not nearly as upset if the wives and children of the wedding party had been sat together...we were all spread out around the whole huge banquet hall with the exception of the wife with teenage kids.
The 18-year son's comment was that it was a little silly for a 40-year old woman to be "playing princess" complete with court. The 16-year old daughter told me her father said he'd pay her to elope when the time came for her to be married. I had to laugh but asked what she though about that. She said that she thought the whole wedding thing was way too overblown and yes, she rather have a downpayment on a house or a really great honeymoon than spend the kind of cash for a wedding like this one. Good sensible kids.
My DH is still a little peaved at having to stand through an 1.5 hour full Catholic Mass when the groom isn't Catholic, the bride wasn't a "virgin", and the bride's parents are still married but living separate lives...mom in CA, dad in the Philipines with a whole other family! He felt like the only one paying attention to the Priest and his wonderful Hommily (sp?) was himself, the matron of honor, and the other groomsmen up behind the alter. After the ceremony, my DH made sure to speak to the Priest and let him know that he was moved and inspired by his words...while John, the groom, paced because everyone was supposed to hustle back into the Mission for more pictures and then off to Stanford (which neither bride or grooms attended) for pictures.
Gotta stop...getting way too spun up again....
wilderness01
Been There, Done That, Going Back!
- Joined
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- 5,104
double post
wilderness01
Been There, Done That, Going Back!
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2002
- Messages
- 5,104
Wow Laurie, you are still upset. Ok do you want an outsider's opinion from reading what you thought? If so keep reading.......if not bag what I am about to type and pm me so I can delete it from your journal! 
Ok so after reading your posts I can honestly say that it sounds like too much responsibility was placed on your husband. He should not have been expected to be a slave for days. Didn't they have any family that could help out with the duties? The "do to list" really should have been divided up for more people to share. Plus usually by the wedding isn't most of the "to do list" done?
I think it is totally fine to have a head table to eat dinner at. Like I posted before, every single wedding, except the backyard one, has had one. It was their wedding to choose to do that, and it remains acceptable, at least here it does. I have been married almost 20 years, together for 23, and I would have never expected to sit with my spouse, or vice versa, if either of us were attending. Really you are upset they didn't value your ideas of what togetherness are, but it was one meal and their wedding. It was a reflection of what they wanted for one meal, I'm sure not the rest of their lives. Can't you let that go? Would your husband really not have stood up if he knew there was a head table? They were following an old tradition that plenty of people follow. I for one had a head table but it was round like the rest and not up on a platform. Our choice that we didn't discuss with anyone. However at our first son's baptism they had a head table for the parents/godparents up on a platform. I didn't ask for it but that was what was done. We just went with the flow and enjoyed the day. It wasn't upsetting enough to me to have them change it, although I did feel a little too on display when we were eating but those are my issues of not wanting to ever be the center of attention. Some people love being the center of attention, although I think it is nauseating, it isn't my call what is right or wrong for anyone. At my 2nd and 3rd childrens baptisms we had head round tables again. I did have the godparents and their spouses eat with us. Their kids did sit at a table right behind us together. My 2 younger kids for my last babies baptism sat with my mom and her family. Not because we didn't want the kids with us but it was more fun for them to be with other kids and it was a tight squeeze at our table. I had one of our friends at the last minute come in late and sit down at our table with their kids. We are friends with both the man and woman. To be honest I was upset. OUR kids weren't even sitting there so I thought it was rude. She didn't even ask which was more rude. It didn't spoil the day but caused a strain at first. We just let our feelings go so as not to ruin the day or a friendship but I was ticked they didn't even ask. Ok back to your situation ,I don't understand why you couldn't approach the head table??? Did they think you were going to sit there to eat or did you merely have a question/wanted to touch base with your husband? I don't see the big deal of you approaching your spouse so that I don't understand. As far as your husband being upset it was a catholic long mass, don't you think that is a little harse? Why would he judge like that? How can you tell who is listening or not? It was not the bride or the grooms fault for the priest yelling at anyone so that is unfair to place that on them. It really is not anyone person's right to judge the length or content of the mass don't you think? Sorry but that is just my feeling. Let me give you an example in my own life: I have a friend who is a real "bible thumper", no offense to anyone here, who I love dearly and am close to. I don't ever say a word when she is saying her things, quoting the bible, giving me her beliefs on how she was saved, etc. To each their own. HOWEVER when the pope died she made a smartassed comment on how she was so tired of hearing about him that she wished they would just put him in the ground already and be done. I was highly offended. I am a catholic who doesn't go around spouting my beliefs and I think that should go both ways. How dare someone make fun of something I believe in when they are CONSTANTLY quoting their bible beliefs, etc. etc. Ok now I am getting worked up. I guess my point is that everyone is different and unless it is your ceremony, party, etc. no one can expect to have it done the way you would have. How boring would that be if everyone did things the exact same? But will you really have a long friendship ruined because feelings were hurt? I understand your feelings were hurt and now their feelings were hurt, but can't everyone get over it? Long term friendships are precious and not to be destroyed. If he has been a good friend to you two throughout the years, and you two to him throughout the years, equally to all parties, then why destroy that over a few days? It just seems a shame that's all. I hope this can have a happy ending after emotions have settled because their is nothing like an old friendship which is priceless. 
Ok I am stepping off my soapbox and will resume my normal few line responses in people's journals so as to mind my own business. I hope I didn't step over the internet line but sometimes an outsider's point of view is more honest because it isn't clouded with emotion. Take care.
Ok so after reading your posts I can honestly say that it sounds like too much responsibility was placed on your husband. He should not have been expected to be a slave for days. Didn't they have any family that could help out with the duties? The "do to list" really should have been divided up for more people to share. Plus usually by the wedding isn't most of the "to do list" done?
I think it is totally fine to have a head table to eat dinner at. Like I posted before, every single wedding, except the backyard one, has had one. It was their wedding to choose to do that, and it remains acceptable, at least here it does. I have been married almost 20 years, together for 23, and I would have never expected to sit with my spouse, or vice versa, if either of us were attending. Really you are upset they didn't value your ideas of what togetherness are, but it was one meal and their wedding. It was a reflection of what they wanted for one meal, I'm sure not the rest of their lives. Can't you let that go? Would your husband really not have stood up if he knew there was a head table? They were following an old tradition that plenty of people follow. I for one had a head table but it was round like the rest and not up on a platform. Our choice that we didn't discuss with anyone. However at our first son's baptism they had a head table for the parents/godparents up on a platform. I didn't ask for it but that was what was done. We just went with the flow and enjoyed the day. It wasn't upsetting enough to me to have them change it, although I did feel a little too on display when we were eating but those are my issues of not wanting to ever be the center of attention. Some people love being the center of attention, although I think it is nauseating, it isn't my call what is right or wrong for anyone. At my 2nd and 3rd childrens baptisms we had head round tables again. I did have the godparents and their spouses eat with us. Their kids did sit at a table right behind us together. My 2 younger kids for my last babies baptism sat with my mom and her family. Not because we didn't want the kids with us but it was more fun for them to be with other kids and it was a tight squeeze at our table. I had one of our friends at the last minute come in late and sit down at our table with their kids. We are friends with both the man and woman. To be honest I was upset. OUR kids weren't even sitting there so I thought it was rude. She didn't even ask which was more rude. It didn't spoil the day but caused a strain at first. We just let our feelings go so as not to ruin the day or a friendship but I was ticked they didn't even ask. Ok back to your situation ,I don't understand why you couldn't approach the head table??? Did they think you were going to sit there to eat or did you merely have a question/wanted to touch base with your husband? I don't see the big deal of you approaching your spouse so that I don't understand. As far as your husband being upset it was a catholic long mass, don't you think that is a little harse? Why would he judge like that? How can you tell who is listening or not? It was not the bride or the grooms fault for the priest yelling at anyone so that is unfair to place that on them. It really is not anyone person's right to judge the length or content of the mass don't you think? Sorry but that is just my feeling. Let me give you an example in my own life: I have a friend who is a real "bible thumper", no offense to anyone here, who I love dearly and am close to. I don't ever say a word when she is saying her things, quoting the bible, giving me her beliefs on how she was saved, etc. To each their own. HOWEVER when the pope died she made a smartassed comment on how she was so tired of hearing about him that she wished they would just put him in the ground already and be done. I was highly offended. I am a catholic who doesn't go around spouting my beliefs and I think that should go both ways. How dare someone make fun of something I believe in when they are CONSTANTLY quoting their bible beliefs, etc. etc. Ok now I am getting worked up. I guess my point is that everyone is different and unless it is your ceremony, party, etc. no one can expect to have it done the way you would have. How boring would that be if everyone did things the exact same? But will you really have a long friendship ruined because feelings were hurt? I understand your feelings were hurt and now their feelings were hurt, but can't everyone get over it? Long term friendships are precious and not to be destroyed. If he has been a good friend to you two throughout the years, and you two to him throughout the years, equally to all parties, then why destroy that over a few days? It just seems a shame that's all. I hope this can have a happy ending after emotions have settled because their is nothing like an old friendship which is priceless. Ok I am stepping off my soapbox and will resume my normal few line responses in people's journals so as to mind my own business. I hope I didn't step over the internet line but sometimes an outsider's point of view is more honest because it isn't clouded with emotion. Take care.Wilderness:
I truly appreciate your perspective and advice. You are correct that friendships, especially long-term friendships, are precious. I suppose that is a great deal of the problem...as the groom should have been quite aware of not only the imposition he put on my husband for the past year, but that my husband and I expected to be able to spend some time together during this event (as did the other couples/family involved).
When DH and I discussed it again last night once I got home from work (not because we keep rehashing it because we want to - but because John basically wants my husband to disown me for expressing my views), the most difficult thing to handle was the complete lack of communication of what was expected and being treated like "bad children" by having someone not only monitor the position of the wedding party and the imposed schedule, but to enforce a distance between us throughout the whole affair. After the ceremony, myself and the other wives tried to speak to our spouses to ask what we should now do...go back to the hotel and wait for them to pick us up? drive ourselves to the reception later? get them water or food? Which we then had to toss across a courtyard because "guests" were not allowed to head back towards the santuary. It was all in completely bad taste. The Priest spent the first 5 minutes of the ceremony berating the photographers (3 of them) and the videographer for getting in the way and using flash photography (prohibited inside the Mission). This should have been communicated by himself and the couple prior to guests arriving (IMHO) as it made everyone feel very uncomfortable. The ceremony itself was beautiful from then on...however, in my area of the country, full Mass is not being held during weddings anymore, even for couples who are both Catholic. (Neither DH or I are particularly religious, but we are quite spiritual and have a deep respect for other religions and the late Pope. My DH's issue is the hypocracy of this couple insisting on the long service to please the bride's mother and grandmother...the bride, herself, does not make a habit of attending Sunday or other services. The couple spent the ceremony "posing" for pictures and fiddling with each others hands and clothing...I suppose everyone handles stress in different ways, but it was in complete contrast to the reverent demeanor of the rest of the wedding party.)
I agree that it is the bride and groom's choice as to whether or not they want a head table, the position of such table, etc. However, not communicating that couples, families, would be sat apart prior to the event was simply unacceptable. I have been to dozens and dozens of weddings as an adult and participated in many as an attendant. Only one other wedding had a head table meeting this description - my cousin's (his marriage only lasted 7 months...as the bride's mother continued to "run the show" well into this couple's marriage). All of my other friends for whom I have stood up for have asked what our preference would be for reception seating arrangements. There has never been an imposed arrangement that separated couples or families (if children were invited to the reception). Perhaps because I have been blessed with considerate friends and family, this reception arrangement came as way too much of a shock to both me, my husband, and the other couples involved. The situation was exascerbated by the posting of someone to keep tabs on the wedding party. Being introduced like "game show contestants" and having to spend the evening on display like some sort of zoo animal was just the topping on the cake for my DH.
DH has told John that he would have still stood up for him. It was an honor to be asked to be his best man. But DH did express that the duties imposed went far and beyond what any best man (and his wife) should have had to shoulder. The time and financial sacrifice was great but the lack of communication of expectations well in advance was rude and inconsiderate. If we had known what this long weekend would have been like, I would not have wasted 30 precious hours of earned vacation, the money for plane ticket and hotel, and the time away from my school studies to attend this event by myself - which is exactly what happened. If the other two groomsmen had been informed about the expectations, schedule, and seating arrangements for the reception in advance, they too would have discouraged their spouses and children from traveling to the wedding as well. We are not the kind of people who are "exclusive" of each other's spouses or children, we are very "inclusive" in our social arrangements. The couple's choice to be "exclusive" and "secretive" in their arrangements did show a lack of respect for the relationships of those in their wedding party.
Being married, as you well understand being married for many years yourself, is a commitment that takes daily nuturing, sacrifice, and effort. I show respect for my own marriage by honoring the relationships of my friends and family members. I don't impose on their time or plan social engagements that exclude a friend or family member's partner or children just because he/she and I don't get along or I don't enjoy their company. I think my friend John and his wife spent a year planning for their marriage as an event, but did not spend a moment planning their marriage in the sense that becoming a couple, within a circle of couples, requires them to be as considerate of others' relationships as we are respectful of theirs.
My DH is now going to reiterate these sentiments to John and his wife through a registered letter explaining that their lack of communication and unrealistic expectations surrouding their wedding and the lack of respect by not informing he and myself of the seating arrangements of the reception well in advance do require an apology if they value our friendship. It was their decisions that were the cause of this rift and not the expression of my anger and disappointment to them. How they choose to communicate with the other couples (who have not expressed themselves in the same way, but have made every excuse not to socialize this past week) is their business - we are not in anyway telling anyone how they should feel or behave.
My choice to express my anger and disappointment to John and his wife, with my husband's prior knowledge, is something that I am willing to live with or I would not have done it. If this information has upset them in such a manner that they want my own husband to "divorce" me or force me to apologize, theirs is a friendship that we don't need in our lives. It shows they really don't understand our commitment to our relationship or have respect for it. An apology for their oversight in the planning process I can work with to repair the friendship - the reaction by way of ultimatum to my DH shows that it is not worth saving.
Again, I value your advice and willingness to help me work through this, please forgive my strong words. I have a great deal of respect for you and your willingness to express your opinion. Thanks, again Wilderness.
I truly appreciate your perspective and advice. You are correct that friendships, especially long-term friendships, are precious. I suppose that is a great deal of the problem...as the groom should have been quite aware of not only the imposition he put on my husband for the past year, but that my husband and I expected to be able to spend some time together during this event (as did the other couples/family involved).
When DH and I discussed it again last night once I got home from work (not because we keep rehashing it because we want to - but because John basically wants my husband to disown me for expressing my views), the most difficult thing to handle was the complete lack of communication of what was expected and being treated like "bad children" by having someone not only monitor the position of the wedding party and the imposed schedule, but to enforce a distance between us throughout the whole affair. After the ceremony, myself and the other wives tried to speak to our spouses to ask what we should now do...go back to the hotel and wait for them to pick us up? drive ourselves to the reception later? get them water or food? Which we then had to toss across a courtyard because "guests" were not allowed to head back towards the santuary. It was all in completely bad taste. The Priest spent the first 5 minutes of the ceremony berating the photographers (3 of them) and the videographer for getting in the way and using flash photography (prohibited inside the Mission). This should have been communicated by himself and the couple prior to guests arriving (IMHO) as it made everyone feel very uncomfortable. The ceremony itself was beautiful from then on...however, in my area of the country, full Mass is not being held during weddings anymore, even for couples who are both Catholic. (Neither DH or I are particularly religious, but we are quite spiritual and have a deep respect for other religions and the late Pope. My DH's issue is the hypocracy of this couple insisting on the long service to please the bride's mother and grandmother...the bride, herself, does not make a habit of attending Sunday or other services. The couple spent the ceremony "posing" for pictures and fiddling with each others hands and clothing...I suppose everyone handles stress in different ways, but it was in complete contrast to the reverent demeanor of the rest of the wedding party.)
I agree that it is the bride and groom's choice as to whether or not they want a head table, the position of such table, etc. However, not communicating that couples, families, would be sat apart prior to the event was simply unacceptable. I have been to dozens and dozens of weddings as an adult and participated in many as an attendant. Only one other wedding had a head table meeting this description - my cousin's (his marriage only lasted 7 months...as the bride's mother continued to "run the show" well into this couple's marriage). All of my other friends for whom I have stood up for have asked what our preference would be for reception seating arrangements. There has never been an imposed arrangement that separated couples or families (if children were invited to the reception). Perhaps because I have been blessed with considerate friends and family, this reception arrangement came as way too much of a shock to both me, my husband, and the other couples involved. The situation was exascerbated by the posting of someone to keep tabs on the wedding party. Being introduced like "game show contestants" and having to spend the evening on display like some sort of zoo animal was just the topping on the cake for my DH.
DH has told John that he would have still stood up for him. It was an honor to be asked to be his best man. But DH did express that the duties imposed went far and beyond what any best man (and his wife) should have had to shoulder. The time and financial sacrifice was great but the lack of communication of expectations well in advance was rude and inconsiderate. If we had known what this long weekend would have been like, I would not have wasted 30 precious hours of earned vacation, the money for plane ticket and hotel, and the time away from my school studies to attend this event by myself - which is exactly what happened. If the other two groomsmen had been informed about the expectations, schedule, and seating arrangements for the reception in advance, they too would have discouraged their spouses and children from traveling to the wedding as well. We are not the kind of people who are "exclusive" of each other's spouses or children, we are very "inclusive" in our social arrangements. The couple's choice to be "exclusive" and "secretive" in their arrangements did show a lack of respect for the relationships of those in their wedding party.
Being married, as you well understand being married for many years yourself, is a commitment that takes daily nuturing, sacrifice, and effort. I show respect for my own marriage by honoring the relationships of my friends and family members. I don't impose on their time or plan social engagements that exclude a friend or family member's partner or children just because he/she and I don't get along or I don't enjoy their company. I think my friend John and his wife spent a year planning for their marriage as an event, but did not spend a moment planning their marriage in the sense that becoming a couple, within a circle of couples, requires them to be as considerate of others' relationships as we are respectful of theirs.
My DH is now going to reiterate these sentiments to John and his wife through a registered letter explaining that their lack of communication and unrealistic expectations surrouding their wedding and the lack of respect by not informing he and myself of the seating arrangements of the reception well in advance do require an apology if they value our friendship. It was their decisions that were the cause of this rift and not the expression of my anger and disappointment to them. How they choose to communicate with the other couples (who have not expressed themselves in the same way, but have made every excuse not to socialize this past week) is their business - we are not in anyway telling anyone how they should feel or behave.
My choice to express my anger and disappointment to John and his wife, with my husband's prior knowledge, is something that I am willing to live with or I would not have done it. If this information has upset them in such a manner that they want my own husband to "divorce" me or force me to apologize, theirs is a friendship that we don't need in our lives. It shows they really don't understand our commitment to our relationship or have respect for it. An apology for their oversight in the planning process I can work with to repair the friendship - the reaction by way of ultimatum to my DH shows that it is not worth saving.
Again, I value your advice and willingness to help me work through this, please forgive my strong words. I have a great deal of respect for you and your willingness to express your opinion. Thanks, again Wilderness.
DoeWDW
I've been a bit naughty since you've been away
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2002
- Messages
- 8,165
Laurie, I'm so sorry for being away from your journal for so long.
The wedding sounds like a total fiasco. I could have understood being separated from my spouse DURING the wedding and reception, but there is no way I would have let my husband become their errand boy for DAYS without saying anything. I think there was nothing wrong with letting the bride and groom know that you were frustrated and hurt.
On the other hand, if I, as the bride, had let the whole wedding thing go to my head and become a Bridezilla, and then had been told by a friend that I had hurt their feelings, I would be the first one to send an apology card and to invite you over for dinner to smooth things over and show that I value your friendship.
My opinion? You were hurt. You expressed that hurt. A true friend would be sensitive to that and would work to mend the friendship. The ball is in their court at this point. If they don't make the effort, then they are not the kind of friends you need in your already busy life.
I'm sorry to hear about the mixups with UoP. Please don't forget that YOU are paying THEM. Bravo for turning some duties over to your counselor! Remind them that you and they are supposed to be working together as a TEAM to make this work for you. If that means extending deadlines and being flexible, then that's what they should do.
Work? Well, hopefully it will get better if your schedule can be changed.
I know it seems like you've had a lot of disappointments and struggles in practically every area of your life lately. You are a tough lady. You'll get through this too. I've regained all my lost weight too, plus some and am struggling in that area too, so I understand your frustration, but I do think you need to focus on work and school at the moment, with some spare time devoted to your DH and the kitties. Hang in there. You'll have time soon enough to walk more and to plan food.
The wedding sounds like a total fiasco. I could have understood being separated from my spouse DURING the wedding and reception, but there is no way I would have let my husband become their errand boy for DAYS without saying anything. I think there was nothing wrong with letting the bride and groom know that you were frustrated and hurt.
On the other hand, if I, as the bride, had let the whole wedding thing go to my head and become a Bridezilla, and then had been told by a friend that I had hurt their feelings, I would be the first one to send an apology card and to invite you over for dinner to smooth things over and show that I value your friendship.
My opinion? You were hurt. You expressed that hurt. A true friend would be sensitive to that and would work to mend the friendship. The ball is in their court at this point. If they don't make the effort, then they are not the kind of friends you need in your already busy life.
I'm sorry to hear about the mixups with UoP. Please don't forget that YOU are paying THEM. Bravo for turning some duties over to your counselor! Remind them that you and they are supposed to be working together as a TEAM to make this work for you. If that means extending deadlines and being flexible, then that's what they should do.
Work? Well, hopefully it will get better if your schedule can be changed.
I know it seems like you've had a lot of disappointments and struggles in practically every area of your life lately. You are a tough lady. You'll get through this too. I've regained all my lost weight too, plus some and am struggling in that area too, so I understand your frustration, but I do think you need to focus on work and school at the moment, with some spare time devoted to your DH and the kitties. Hang in there. You'll have time soon enough to walk more and to plan food.
Beth and Doe - thanks for stopping by!
No, I didn't have to work over the "weekend" except for Saturday and missed out on the playoff game. We are on right after the one on Thursday night - even though the game is not on our network...Go Pistons!
We got a great deal done over the weekend - weeded the rose bed (and had to pull out half-a-dozen bushes that the roots were bad on - tears), got the lawn mowed. DH presured washed the patio and we moved the tropical plants (2 palms & a banana) as well as the bay tree from the side yard to the patio. I got some really nice Vietnamese glazed pots from a wholesaler at a good price because the terracotta kept breaking over the winter if left out. The pots are super heavy, guaranteed not to break or crack due to weather - but oh my back! The gardener will be out sometime this week or at least by this Saturday to help get the rest of the weeding done. (After tackling the rose bed, DH is happy to let him do the rest.)
I got a bit of a walk in on Monday evening also...was out of breath before I reached the big hill! I had to hike up to chat with my neighbor who teaches Special Education and arrange for an observation. We saw my nieces and parents for dinner Tuesday evening (before Allysa goes with her dad for most of the summer - there is no formal arrangement for us to visit her this summer and I'm hoping that her daddy will be cooperative and let us spend some time with her). Charly is with my parents until father's day and perhaps after...her father's family has moved to a much smaller home and there is little room to add another teen to the household. She attends camp the second week in July and her dad has said that we can pick her up on any Monday as long as she is home for dinner when she is staying with him. My folks are taking the girls to WDW in August again before school begins in Provo (I wish I could go too!).
Doreen - this wedding nonsense is just awful...and as much as DH and I want to just drop it, the couple has been just nasty to him (they will not speak to me). The largest factor was the secrecy about reception plans and yes, the demands they put on my DH! No apology is forthcoming...even though one of the other wives has now politely, but firmly let them know that she was extremely disappointed that she had not known of their plans for a head table...she didn't feel comfortable dining with acquaintances either but she had to be pressed to say anything about it. Now the couple thinks I put her up to saying something even though it was the groom who initiated the phone call and kept asking her if she'd had a good time or not (she and I are "acquaintances" as well - only really getting to know each other through the wedding business and haven't been in touch since getting home). The couple is also annoyed at the photographs they've gotten back, especially from the candids taken during the reception. The groomsmen look worn out and in some pictures extremely bored or upset - depending on your point of view. John has brerated all three now for not "putting on a happy face" at all times. I think after 14 hours in a tux away from your support (wife) a "happy face" was asking a bit too much. I suppose when the video is sent northward, there will probably be a lawsuit for the attendants not acting like it was a privilege to sit on display all night long. DH said if he gets another nasty phone call, he will block all the numbers he knows they can call from and be done with it.
Its tough to loose friends, but given that DH catered both John's birthday, John's father's birthday, helped to move all the furniture to storage, helped to move John's aunt and cousin, and did all the wedding nonsense - its not a very balanced friendship from my point of view anymore. A few less hoops to jump through will be a relief.
No, I didn't have to work over the "weekend" except for Saturday and missed out on the playoff game. We are on right after the one on Thursday night - even though the game is not on our network...Go Pistons!
We got a great deal done over the weekend - weeded the rose bed (and had to pull out half-a-dozen bushes that the roots were bad on - tears), got the lawn mowed. DH presured washed the patio and we moved the tropical plants (2 palms & a banana) as well as the bay tree from the side yard to the patio. I got some really nice Vietnamese glazed pots from a wholesaler at a good price because the terracotta kept breaking over the winter if left out. The pots are super heavy, guaranteed not to break or crack due to weather - but oh my back! The gardener will be out sometime this week or at least by this Saturday to help get the rest of the weeding done. (After tackling the rose bed, DH is happy to let him do the rest.)
I got a bit of a walk in on Monday evening also...was out of breath before I reached the big hill! I had to hike up to chat with my neighbor who teaches Special Education and arrange for an observation. We saw my nieces and parents for dinner Tuesday evening (before Allysa goes with her dad for most of the summer - there is no formal arrangement for us to visit her this summer and I'm hoping that her daddy will be cooperative and let us spend some time with her). Charly is with my parents until father's day and perhaps after...her father's family has moved to a much smaller home and there is little room to add another teen to the household. She attends camp the second week in July and her dad has said that we can pick her up on any Monday as long as she is home for dinner when she is staying with him. My folks are taking the girls to WDW in August again before school begins in Provo (I wish I could go too!).
Doreen - this wedding nonsense is just awful...and as much as DH and I want to just drop it, the couple has been just nasty to him (they will not speak to me). The largest factor was the secrecy about reception plans and yes, the demands they put on my DH! No apology is forthcoming...even though one of the other wives has now politely, but firmly let them know that she was extremely disappointed that she had not known of their plans for a head table...she didn't feel comfortable dining with acquaintances either but she had to be pressed to say anything about it. Now the couple thinks I put her up to saying something even though it was the groom who initiated the phone call and kept asking her if she'd had a good time or not (she and I are "acquaintances" as well - only really getting to know each other through the wedding business and haven't been in touch since getting home). The couple is also annoyed at the photographs they've gotten back, especially from the candids taken during the reception. The groomsmen look worn out and in some pictures extremely bored or upset - depending on your point of view. John has brerated all three now for not "putting on a happy face" at all times. I think after 14 hours in a tux away from your support (wife) a "happy face" was asking a bit too much. I suppose when the video is sent northward, there will probably be a lawsuit for the attendants not acting like it was a privilege to sit on display all night long. DH said if he gets another nasty phone call, he will block all the numbers he knows they can call from and be done with it.
Its tough to loose friends, but given that DH catered both John's birthday, John's father's birthday, helped to move all the furniture to storage, helped to move John's aunt and cousin, and did all the wedding nonsense - its not a very balanced friendship from my point of view anymore. A few less hoops to jump through will be a relief.
Some good things:
The gardners did a terrific job with the weeding on Saturday and even DH admits it was well worth the money we paid to have it done. Things are now managable. We can get to the remaining pruning and I got the tomatoes and beans planted in the raised bed. I have a few more containers I'd like to plant but haven't decided what I want in them yet. I need to find some specialty basil plants that DH likes to use and get them potted too.
My new schedule began today and I have decided that I don't really need to be at work at 11:30am - I can be here at noon and still get in my 40 hours each week. I will do my best to get up and walk tomorrow am. Even my fat clothes are tight right now.
I have not been overeating and I've stayed primarily low carb. I've even had an upset tummy over the past few days and I'm still putting on inches! It is so frustrating.
The other frustration has been with getting material to work from for this present course. Our team needs an assessment tool used to diagnose a learning disability or for special education assessment. I tried to get these tools when I did my observations yesterday, but came up with only one that my other team members don't have. Scanning the 26-page document will be difficult but it may be our only option. Then we still need to get it approved. The project is due on Sunday. I did get my paper written that is due tomorrow...I don't know if it meets the requirements. Unfortunately, in 500-700 words it is really difficult to do a thorough job with documentation and still get the information included. The enforcement of word count is really a challenge for me.
I'm still waiting to hear if I have gotten a student teaching placement for October. (and then it will be up to UOP to approve my "late" request...). I had an excellent time observing special education and resource classrooms yesterday. The severe needs teacher was terrific! The other teachers seemed to be really put out with my request to observe even for an hour and with about half the students missing for a school-wide field trip to Wild Waves. I was also concerned with the real lack of civility of teachers to some students. I understand being firm, but being firm without any warmth doesn't help even the behaviorally challenged students to want to succeed. I know that junior high school students can be very difficult to relate to and for a teacher to maintain control, but I really believe that students are people too and need to be treated with love and respect if I want them to respect me. I have their best interests at heart but I know that I have to gain their trust before they will believe that. I hope I don't become the cold, unfeeling, unfathomed teacher I observed yesterday.
The gardners did a terrific job with the weeding on Saturday and even DH admits it was well worth the money we paid to have it done. Things are now managable. We can get to the remaining pruning and I got the tomatoes and beans planted in the raised bed. I have a few more containers I'd like to plant but haven't decided what I want in them yet. I need to find some specialty basil plants that DH likes to use and get them potted too.
My new schedule began today and I have decided that I don't really need to be at work at 11:30am - I can be here at noon and still get in my 40 hours each week. I will do my best to get up and walk tomorrow am. Even my fat clothes are tight right now.
I have not been overeating and I've stayed primarily low carb. I've even had an upset tummy over the past few days and I'm still putting on inches! It is so frustrating.
The other frustration has been with getting material to work from for this present course. Our team needs an assessment tool used to diagnose a learning disability or for special education assessment. I tried to get these tools when I did my observations yesterday, but came up with only one that my other team members don't have. Scanning the 26-page document will be difficult but it may be our only option. Then we still need to get it approved. The project is due on Sunday. I did get my paper written that is due tomorrow...I don't know if it meets the requirements. Unfortunately, in 500-700 words it is really difficult to do a thorough job with documentation and still get the information included. The enforcement of word count is really a challenge for me.
I'm still waiting to hear if I have gotten a student teaching placement for October. (and then it will be up to UOP to approve my "late" request...). I had an excellent time observing special education and resource classrooms yesterday. The severe needs teacher was terrific! The other teachers seemed to be really put out with my request to observe even for an hour and with about half the students missing for a school-wide field trip to Wild Waves. I was also concerned with the real lack of civility of teachers to some students. I understand being firm, but being firm without any warmth doesn't help even the behaviorally challenged students to want to succeed. I know that junior high school students can be very difficult to relate to and for a teacher to maintain control, but I really believe that students are people too and need to be treated with love and respect if I want them to respect me. I have their best interests at heart but I know that I have to gain their trust before they will believe that. I hope I don't become the cold, unfeeling, unfathomed teacher I observed yesterday.
I used to think that I tested well. After this morning, I'm just not so sure about that. The Praxis language arts content exam seemed to me to be more based upon what I had been exposed to rather than what skills I possess that would make me qualified to teach English.
I felt pretty terrible about the West-B last year and did OK on those tests. I really don't know how I did on this test...either really, really terrible or really, really well. Now do I sign up to re-take it in August before I receive my scores? My scores will arrive too late to make an informed decision. I can get a portion of the fee back if I don't have to take the test but I do have to pass the test before I can begin student teaching...ACK! The sad thing is that I don't know, even after sitting through the exam, on how I'd better prepare for the next sitting. I also need to take the social studies content and/or history content exams. There is also specific humanities exams for middle school.
If these tests are going to show I'm qualified to teach, then I don't believe they are very good measurement. This exam seemed to be more like random Jeopardy questions than appropriate language arts content test.
I've got the rest of my classwork done for the day and I'm going to take a break until this evening. I'll have to get going on other assignments tomorrow and have them done by Monday.
I felt pretty terrible about the West-B last year and did OK on those tests. I really don't know how I did on this test...either really, really terrible or really, really well. Now do I sign up to re-take it in August before I receive my scores? My scores will arrive too late to make an informed decision. I can get a portion of the fee back if I don't have to take the test but I do have to pass the test before I can begin student teaching...ACK! The sad thing is that I don't know, even after sitting through the exam, on how I'd better prepare for the next sitting. I also need to take the social studies content and/or history content exams. There is also specific humanities exams for middle school.
If these tests are going to show I'm qualified to teach, then I don't believe they are very good measurement. This exam seemed to be more like random Jeopardy questions than appropriate language arts content test.
I've got the rest of my classwork done for the day and I'm going to take a break until this evening. I'll have to get going on other assignments tomorrow and have them done by Monday.
DoeWDW
I've been a bit naughty since you've been away
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2002
- Messages
- 8,165
That Praxis exam sounds like a real piece of work! Waiting for the results must be so frustrating! I vote for signing up for the next test, just for your own piece of mind.
I hope all is going well for you with school and work and life in general. I've been thinking of you lately and sending good thoughts your way.
I hope all is going well for you with school and work and life in general. I've been thinking of you lately and sending good thoughts your way.
Did you hear my shreak of joy all the way across the country!
It is still unofficial, but it looks like I will get my student teaching assignment at Emerald Ridge H.S. - the newest high school in our school district - next fall. My date to start isn't until Oct. 10th but I am hoping to be there at least a few hours each day from the beginning of the school year in September. DH called me after talking to HR this afternoon. It looks like I will be getting to teach journalism and junior/senior level English (literature) as well as assist with their television production program (as request from their vocational department).
I have three weeks of vacation saved up and I'm hoping that DH will agree to let me stop working fulltime the end of August. I'm not going to put in my notice until everything is official, and even then I may wait until "2 weeks", but the light is at the end of the tunnel.
I did re-sign up for the Praxis language arts content exam for August and if I have passed this test, I will pay the extra to switch over to the history content exam. DH ordered the study guides for me and the new Potter book yesterday. The HR representative said that the district is not fussy about when I pass the exams and receive the endorsements. They are also putting the paperwork in for an emergency certification and a vocational certification so that when I am teaching without supervision I can be paid the substitute teacher rate. Also my career experience will count as "6,000 clock hours" on both the certification and salary scale. The only issue is whether Univ. of Phoenix will allow for the deadlines to be moved for me to be ready for fall.
Doe, thanks for your encouragement! I'm hoping that I have students that are as great as your son and daughter to work with next fall.
It is still unofficial, but it looks like I will get my student teaching assignment at Emerald Ridge H.S. - the newest high school in our school district - next fall. My date to start isn't until Oct. 10th but I am hoping to be there at least a few hours each day from the beginning of the school year in September. DH called me after talking to HR this afternoon. It looks like I will be getting to teach journalism and junior/senior level English (literature) as well as assist with their television production program (as request from their vocational department).
I have three weeks of vacation saved up and I'm hoping that DH will agree to let me stop working fulltime the end of August. I'm not going to put in my notice until everything is official, and even then I may wait until "2 weeks", but the light is at the end of the tunnel.
I did re-sign up for the Praxis language arts content exam for August and if I have passed this test, I will pay the extra to switch over to the history content exam. DH ordered the study guides for me and the new Potter book yesterday. The HR representative said that the district is not fussy about when I pass the exams and receive the endorsements. They are also putting the paperwork in for an emergency certification and a vocational certification so that when I am teaching without supervision I can be paid the substitute teacher rate. Also my career experience will count as "6,000 clock hours" on both the certification and salary scale. The only issue is whether Univ. of Phoenix will allow for the deadlines to be moved for me to be ready for fall.
Doe, thanks for your encouragement! I'm hoping that I have students that are as great as your son and daughter to work with next fall.
I received my phone call (woke me up at 8am) from my supervising teacher to let me know that my student teaching placement is official. I will head over first thing on Monday morning to meet her, the principal, and the journalism teacher I will be working with. They are already beginning to plan for next year's curriculum. I will need to attend orientation in August as well as put in planning time in August to build lesson plans with my supervising teacher for at least three different courses. It was highly suggested that I be ready to go - fulltime - on the first day of school in September even though my student teaching doesn't officially begin until Oct. 10th.
Because I was "up" and it was a beautiful morning, I went for a walk and did the "full route" - not too fast but boy are my tush and hamstrings tight! It felt good but I will be very stiff to attempt it tomorrow morning too. I'm really low energy right now after working until midnight last night, working on school work until 2am, and then waking up at 8am.
I am not going to put in my notice at work until I know what my August schedule will be for orientation and meetings. I told many of my coworkers yesterday but I'm going to wait until my meeting with the GM next Wednesday to really inform any supervisory staff. I'm going to ask the GM what my options are--perhaps I can take the time as a "sabatical" instead of outright quitting or sign up as freelance, part-time, on-call status like another gal who is leaving to teach next fall is doing.
Because I was "up" and it was a beautiful morning, I went for a walk and did the "full route" - not too fast but boy are my tush and hamstrings tight! It felt good but I will be very stiff to attempt it tomorrow morning too. I'm really low energy right now after working until midnight last night, working on school work until 2am, and then waking up at 8am.
I am not going to put in my notice at work until I know what my August schedule will be for orientation and meetings. I told many of my coworkers yesterday but I'm going to wait until my meeting with the GM next Wednesday to really inform any supervisory staff. I'm going to ask the GM what my options are--perhaps I can take the time as a "sabatical" instead of outright quitting or sign up as freelance, part-time, on-call status like another gal who is leaving to teach next fall is doing.
DoeWDW
I've been a bit naughty since you've been away
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2002
- Messages
- 8,165
WOO HOO!!!! Laurie, I'm so so so excited for you!!!! You're well on your way to following your dream!! Congrats on the new job!!
I'm glad you took on the "full route" for your walk. Just remember that you haven't been walking regularly for a while and it will take time to build back up to your previous level. I think every other day would be a good start. Take it slow and easy, OK?
Thanks so much for sharing your great news!!
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