Latest Kerry Humor

[we3luvdisney]

I don't want to hear any whining, crying or saying this is a Kerry/Democratic bashing thread. It's a damn joke!

One sunny day in 2005, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry."

The Marine replied, "Sir, Mr. Kerry is not President and doesn't reside here."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry."

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Kerry is not President and doesn't reside here." The man thanked him and again walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying, "I would like to go in and meet with president Kerry."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Kerry. I've told you already that Mr. Kerry is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"

The old man answered, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."

 

[hulabird]

That was a good one!

 

[goin2disneyagain]

I love it.

 

[Tulirose]

 

[Phrebert]

Nice.

 

[tar heel]

It's just like the jokes about rival univesities. You can easily switch the name to George W. Bush and the joke works just the same.

 

[workinggal]

tarheel, you can't change it to bush and have it work. He IS the president and DOES reside there.

 

[wvrevy]

Originally posted by tar heel
It's just like the jokes about rival univesities. You can easily switch the name to George W. Bush and the joke works just the same.

Since I heard this about two weeks ago and it was in just that form (the guy walks up and is told "George Bush isn't president anymore), I think this is safe to say

But hey...I also was posting the "Vote Republican, it's easier than thinking" line months ago, so expecting creativity from the right may be too much to ask

 

[Chicago526]

Originally posted by workinggal
tarheel, you can't change it to bush and have it work. He IS the president and DOES reside there.

Well, right NOW his is, but not for long!

Hey, I'm voting for Kerry, and I thought this was funny!

 

[spearenb]

Originally posted by tar heel
It's just like the jokes about rival univesities. You can easily switch the name to George W. Bush and the joke works just the same.

oh you ruined it for me...

 

[spearenb]

Originally posted by wvrevy


But hey...I also was posting the "Vote Republican, it's easier than thinking" line months ago, so expecting creativity from the right may be too much to ask

This is sort of like Gore's 'I invented the internet' line, isn't it? Take credit for it after its done? joking, just joking....

 

[wvrevy]

Originally posted by spearenb
This is sort of like Gore's 'I invented the internet' line, isn't it? Take credit for it after its done? joking, just joking....

It would be, except Gore never actually said that
(at least, not seriously)

 

[Patch'sD]

Al Gore to Wolf Blitzer March 1999 'During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the internet'

 

[VAN]

I loved the joke!!!

I am in full support to President Bush!!

 

[bsears]

No,
Al Gore did not claim he "invented" the Internet, nor did he say anything that could reasonably be interpreted that way. The derisive "Al Gore said he 'invented' the Internet" put-downs are misleading distortions of something he said (taken out of context) during an interview with Wolf Blitzer on CNN's "Late Edition" program on 9 March 1999. When asked to describe what distinguished him from his challenger for the Democratic presidential nomination, Senator Bill Bradley of New Jersey, Gore replied (in part):


"During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet. I took the initiative in moving forward a whole range of initiatives that have proven to be important to our country's economic growth and environmental protection, improvements in our educational system."

Clearly, although Gore's phrasing was clumsy (and self-serving), he was not claiming that he "invented" the Internet (in the sense of having designed or implemented it), but that he was responsible for helping to create the environment (in an economic and legislative sense) that fostered the development of the Internet. Al Gore might not know nearly as much about the Internet and other technologies as his image would have us believe, and he certainly has been guilty of stretching (if not outright breaking) the truth before, but to believe that Gore seriously thought he could take credit for the "invention" of the Internet — in the sense offered by the media — is just silly. (To those who say the words "create" and "invent" mean the same thing: If they mean the same thing, then why have the media overwhelmingly and consistently cited Gore as having claimed he "invented" the Internet when he never used that word? The answer is that the words don't mean the same thing, but by substituting one word for the other, commentators can make Gore's claim sound [more] ridiculous.)
However, validating even the lesser claim Gore intended to make is problematic. Any statement about the "creation" or "beginning" of the Internet is difficult to evaluate, because the Internet is not a homogenous entity (it's a collection of computers, networks, protocols, standards, and application programs), nor did it all spring into being at once (the components that comprise the Internet were developed in various places at different times and are continuously being modified, improved, and expanded). Despite a spirited defense of Gore's claim by Vint Cerf (often referred to as the "father of the Internet") in which he stated "that as a Senator and now as Vice President, Gore has made it a point to be as well-informed as possible on technology and issues that surround it," many of the components of today's Internet came into being well before Gore's first term in Congress began in 1977, and it's hard to find any specific action of Gore's (such as his sponsoring a Congressional bill or championing a particular piece of legislation) that one could claim helped bring the Internet into being, much less validate Gore's statement of having taken the "initiative in creating the Internet."

It's true that Gore was popularizing the term "information superhighway" in the early 1990s (when few people outside academia or the computer/defense industries had heard of the Internet) and has introduced a few bills dealing with education and the Internet, but even though Congressman, Senator, and Vice-President Gore may always have been interested in and well-informed about information technology issues, that's a far cry from having taken an active, vital leadership role in bringing about those technologies. Even if Al Gore had never entered the political arena, we'd probably still be reading web pages via the Internet today.

http://www.snopes.com/quotes/internet.htm

 

[peachgirl]

I also was posting the "Vote Republican, it's easier than thinking" line months ago, so expecting creativity from the right may be too much to ask

So, THAT's where it came from.

So much for originality and thinking of it first. I love the honesty!!

 

[peachgirl]

The nice thing about Bush jokes is no one has to make them up!



This following poem is composed entirely of actual quotes from George W. Bush.

Make the Pie Higher

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen
And uncertainty
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet
Become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish
Can coexist.

Families is where our nation finds hope
Where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!

 

[Patch'sD]

I guess It’s time to wage Sensitive Wars against Terrorists

 

[tar heel]

workinggal -- The joke is set in 2005. Bush will no longer be president after Jan. 20, 2005, unless he wins in November.

 

[Frank Babaganoush]

At least Bush doesn't say thing like this: "I believe I can fight a more effective, more thoughtful, more strategic, more proactive, more sensitive war on terror that reaches out to other nations and brings them to our side"-John Kerry



Sensitive? Do we really need France and Germany on our side that badly?