Last one to post........... Part 19

[eeyoresmountainpals]

I agree they don't understand that, but DD has been taking dance since she was 3 and I would just ask her if she still wanted to do it. And as long as she did I would pay for the month. But if she didn't it was no big deal.

 

[Lyn5]

And she can't understand why I'm having a problem with this.

1. I'm not naive, I don't have a problem with the idea that she's going away with her boyfriend. She's old enough to make that decision.

2. How could she even think to go to the hotel we always stay at. This is the hotel that DH and I honeymooned at almost 23 years ago. This is where our kids have grown up going on vacations. This is "OUR" hotel. And she thinks we won't have a problem with her bringing her boyfriend there. I could see it if there were no hard feelings as far as this guy goes but DH can't even say this guys name. He only refers to him by a name I can't put on here! Doesn't she see that if she goes there with her boyfriend it'll never be the same for our family going there again. Am I wrong??

3. And how could she expect me to help her finance this?

And it's not like she was calling to start planning the trip and see if I could help. They wanted to leave last night 'cause she suddenly has time off from work. (Yeah, suddenly has 4 days off because she was suspended from work for being late....again!)

uggh, I am so sorry Kathy. Please don't feel guilty ...you offered to help her see a friend...not finance a getway for she and her boyfriend that they can't afford. If she were staying at the hotel on her own dime, I would think that as insensitive as it may be, that would be her choice....but to ask you to pay for it and to pay for him I am sorry, but that is too much. I know you are not naive, so I will say this...if something occurs as a result of this weekend getaway, I think later it would bother you and your DH even more if you helped them go...just my $0.02....goodluck...I don't envy your options and I don't look forward to having teenagers/young adults

 

[Mom2Ashli]

The whole thing is the hardest thing I've gone through. It really tears at the whole family. I try not to say anything 'cause I know she'll just run to him to rebel. But on the other hand it's so hard not to say anything 'cause of the situation. I can't win!

Trust me I know that one first hand. My Parents told my brother about his girlfriend being trouble. So he goes off and gets married, has a baby. Ends up in big trouble for something SHE lied about. Gets cleared and has not seen his DD in 18 years. Go figure. Mom and Dad knew what they were talking about.

 

[Lyn5]

It's so good that you don't want to force the opportunities. You mentioned before that you'll go back to cooking and baking with her. I bet she really enjoys that! And the important thing is that you're doing something that she enjoys!!

Well, we never stopped baking...or eating

I didn't read far enough earlier...I am glad things worked out with your DD.

 

[eeyoresmountainpals]

uggh, I am so sorry Kathy. Please don't feel guilty ...you offered to help her see a friend...not finance a getway for she and her boyfriend that they can't afford. If she were staying at the hotel on her own dime, I would think that as insensitive as it may be, that would be her choice....but to ask you to pay for it and to pay for him I am sorry, but that is too much. I know you are not naive, so I will say this...if something occurs as a result of this weekend getaway, I think later it would bother you and your DH even more if you helped them go...just my $0.02....goodluck...I don't envy your options and I don't look forward to having teenagers/young adults

Thanks!

 

[Mom2Ashli]

The more his friends and family told him stuff about her the faster he ran to her. BIG MISTAKE in his life that the rest of us really had to pay for in the end. It really took a lot out of my family to deal with this situation he caused.

 

[eeyoresmountainpals]

Trust me I know that one first hand. My Parents told my brother about his girlfriend being trouble. So he goes off and gets married, has a baby. Ends up in big trouble for something SHE lied about. Gets cleared and has not seen his DD in 18 years. Go figure. Mom and Dad knew what they were talking about.

Moms and Dads usually do know what they're talking about in situations like this! But you certainly can't get the kids to see that!

Sorry for what you brother went through!

 

[Mom2Ashli]

Well, we never stopped baking...or eating

I didn't read far enough earlier...I am glad things worked out with your DD.

My problem is that DD loves to cook and bake but doesn't like to eat it. So DH and I have to do our part to eat all the stuff she wants to make. Trust me it is beginning to show.

 

[Lyn5]

Lyn honestly that is the best way. DD does dance because she wants to. I support her 100%. The only thing that I make sure every month is that she still wants to do it before I make the committment with funds.

If she didn't want to, no big deal. We could find something else to do.

But if I pay for the month I do expect her to finish it out. My neighbor used to pay 100's of dollars for her kids to do diving and cheerleading for them to do it one or two times and than quit. And they are teenagers now and have NO responsibiliies what so ever. They expect everything to be handed to them with NO strings attached. Very sad.

You sound exactly like my DH. Anything we sign them up for, they must finish, but we do it in reasonable increments. Soccer- DS finished and then the TaeKwonDo we did only one month. After the one month, DH asked DS if he wanted to keep doing it or not. DS wanted to keep doing it. We asked if he rather do that or soccer....he wanted TaeKwonDo...so, we paid for the next set. At the end, DH will ask him again.

The tap class was a free tryout...so at this point DD isn't getting signed up...if not, I would have done a month by month too.

 

[eeyoresmountainpals]

Well, we never stopped baking...or eating

Good! I know my kids always loved baking at that age! And my boys still like it!

I didn't read far enough earlier...I am glad things worked out with your DD.

I don't know if "worked out" is the correct term. Maybe tolerated would be better!

 

[Mom2Ashli]

You sound exactly like my DH. Anything we sign them up for, they must finish, but we do it in reasonable increments. Soccer- DS finished and then the TaeKwonDo we did only one month. After the one month, DH asked DS if he wanted to keep doing it or not. DS wanted to keep doing it. We asked if he rather do that or soccer....he wanted TaeKwonDo...so, we paid for the next set. At the end, DH will ask him again.

The tap class was a free tryout...so at this point DD isn't getting signed up...if not, I would have done a month by month too.

It seems to work for us. I just make sure it is what she still wants to do.

 

[Mom2Ashli]

Moms and Dads usually do know what they're talking about in situations like this! But you certainly can't get the kids to see that!

Sorry for what you brother went through!

He figured that out in the end. But it was a hard lesson to learn.

 

[eeyoresmountainpals]

The more his friends and family told him stuff about her the faster he ran to her. BIG MISTAKE in his life that the rest of us really had to pay for in the end. It really took a lot out of my family to deal with this situation he caused.

People don't realize that things like this effect the entire family and it takes everyone in the family to work through it. DD has all but alienated (sp?) her brothers because of this guy. She's made her choices. And as much as she feels it's her choice she doesn't realize that "HER" choices effect and hurt everyone in the entire family!

 

[Lyn5]

I understand! My in-laws usually love our deserts....but they went....on a diet DH and I have been picking up the slack

My problem is that DD loves to cook and bake but doesn't like to eat it. So DH and I have to do our part to eat all the stuff she wants to make. Trust me it is beginning to show.

 

[Mom2Ashli]

People don't realize that things like this effect the entire family and it takes everyone in the family to work through it. DD has all but alienated (sp?) her brothers because of this guy. She's made her choices. And as much as she feels it's her choice she doesn't realize that "HER" choices effect and hurt everyone in the entire family!

Yep sounds very familiar.

 

[eeyoresmountainpals]

You sound exactly like my DH. Anything we sign them up for, they must finish, but we do it in reasonable increments. Soccer- DS finished and then the TaeKwonDo we did only one month. After the one month, DH asked DS if he wanted to keep doing it or not. DS wanted to keep doing it. We asked if he rather do that or soccer....he wanted TaeKwonDo...so, we paid for the next set. At the end, DH will ask him again.

The tap class was a free tryout...so at this point DD isn't getting signed up...if not, I would have done a month by month too.

Sounds like we all have the same way of dealing with these things!

(Once again....great minds...!)

 

[eeyoresmountainpals]

I understand! My in-laws usually love our deserts....but they went....on a diet DH and I have been picking up the slack

Our jobs as parents are never done, are they!

 

[Mom2Ashli]

I understand! My in-laws usually love our deserts....but they went....on a diet DH and I have been picking up the slack

I was sending to my neighbors house but they are on a diet.

So again DH and I are doing our parts.

 

[Mom2Ashli]

what a beautiful day here today.

 

[Lyn5]

Our jobs as parents are never done, are they!

It doesn't look like it will end..

But, on Sunday, my DMIL was watching over DH's Grandfather for the weekend...he is in his mid 90s and has some great days and some not so good days....he was SO HAPPY watching the kids play in the yard...and I brought over lunch so we all (Papa, DMIL, DFIL, DSIL, DH, DSIL's boys, my two and I had one of my Sister's girls) all ate lunch and then the kids played and jumped in our little jumping castle...

Papa just loved watching all the kids and hearing everyone chatting....