Large Family: Disney wedding or Not?

[lizloph]

So, while not engaged, my boyfriend and I are budgeting the move to marriage. Everything from the ring to the day of is being hashed out now. We travel to Disney at least once a year and are in the process of figuring out if a Disney wedding is right for our families. Its proving to be a nightmare already.

What I consider my immediate family consist of 24 adults and 2 kids. (mother deceased and her siblings stepped in along with the grandparents to raise me and brothers. They've been to every large event (high school, college major job promotion) since my mother has left the earth. His family consist of his parents and one grandmother.

A DFTW with 30+ people is not feasible budget wise-- it leaves out our friends on top of it. My problem is when I think of what's important which is the boyfriend and I as a couple Disney is what will work best for us. Not inviting all 26 people on my side will cause people to be hurt...so now I just feel selfish.

SO. With that situation alone (not including how to deal with making his family feel comfortable with my overwhelmingly large family) I am asking Current and Past Disney Brides with large families how you pulled off your Disney wedding? We are also from NJ so this will be a Destination Wedding.

 

[bradleyjess]

We saved for over a year to be able to pay for our Wishes wedding on our own. I wouldn't exclude anyone from your wedding who's really important to you. We limited our wedding to close family and only friends that are in the bridal party. Also, I didn't allow plus ones. We're having a morning wedding at locations that are within walking distance of each other so transportation isn't necessary. I also cut alcohol and most decorations. I was able to stay at my $10,000 minimum with 40 guests -- not including photography.

You could always have a wedding at Discovery Cove or the Swan and Dolphin if any Disney option is too expensive.

 

[WDWLover75]

Hi-that's a really tough situation. It sounds like you and your family are very close. In five years from now, would you regret not having invited them all? If you do invite them all, do you think they could all attend? From what you described, it sounds to me like they should all be invited, especially those that helped to raise you. I think that if you want a Disney wedding, you either need to try really hard to save enough for a Wishes wedding or come up with some sort of hybrid option- maybe you get married at the Swan/Dolphin or at one of the hotels by Downtown Disney and then work through Disney Catered Events for a meal or maybe have a Memories ceremony followed by catered meal. Sorry this isn't helping much. If you want a Disney wedding, you should have one.


Regarding your boyfriend's small family, I actually have a sort of similar situation. DF and I actually both have around the same size families (7 and 8 people), but he has a very strained relationship with most of his family and at this point, isn't sure if we wants them there or if they would even come if he did invite them. This is leaving him feeling very uncomfortable about the fact that all the people would be on 'my side' of the aisle and there would be none on his. He gets along really well with my family, they love him, and we've been together for a really long time.....but he still feels this way.

How many of your close friends do you think would be able to make the trip?

 

[lizloph]

Hi-that's a really tough situation. It sounds like you and your family are very close. In five years from now, would you regret not having invited them all? If you do invite them all, do you think they could all attend? From what you described, it sounds to me like they should all be invited, especially those that helped to raise you. I think that if you want a Disney wedding, you either need to try really hard to save enough for a Wishes wedding or come up with some sort of hybrid option- maybe you get married at the Swan/Dolphin or at one of the hotels by Downtown Disney and then work through Disney Catered Events for a meal or maybe have a Memories ceremony followed by catered meal. Sorry this isn't helping much. If you want a Disney wedding, you should have one.

Regarding your boyfriend's small family, I actually have a sort of similar situation. DF and I actually both have around the same size families (7 and 8 people), but he has a very strained relationship with most of his family and at this point, isn't sure if we wants them there or if they would even come if he did invite them. This is leaving him feeling very uncomfortable about the fact that all the people would be on 'my side' of the aisle and there would be none on his. He gets along really well with my family, they love him, and we've been together for a really long time.....but he still feels this way.

How many of your close friends do you think would be able to make the trip?

He has very few close friends maybe 2 or 3 plus his best man that he would invite. We aren't exactly sure if they would go or not. I've looked at the swan and dolphin and their indoor option kills me. God for bid we had bad weather I'd blow all that money to get married in a conference room. Writing things out generally made me realize that not inviting the family as is isn't really an option. I'll most likely get a count way my options and go from there.

 

[chris31997]

I would plan on inviting important/closet to you and DF. I would also make a list of the critcal stuff. What is important. Can you get away with a wedding during the week and the morning? Can you go do the wedding on an off peak time?

I would also be ready to plan a reception at home for friends, something that the family can help plan and host maybe. Or a house warming

I would also plan to be as flexible as possible. Sales are your friend The ladies here can help with some wonderful ideas

 

[sarahb01]

So, while not engaged, my boyfriend and I are budgeting the move to marriage. Everything from the ring to the day of is being hashed out now. We travel to Disney at least once a year and are in the process of figuring out if a Disney wedding is right for our families. Its proving to be a nightmare already.

What I consider my immediate family consist of 24 adults and 2 kids. (mother deceased and her siblings stepped in along with the grandparents to raise me and brothers. They've been to every large event (high school, college major job promotion) since my mother has left the earth. His family consist of his parents and one grandmother.

A DFTW with 30+ people is not feasible budget wise-- it leaves out our friends on top of it. My problem is when I think of what's important which is the boyfriend and I as a couple Disney is what will work best for us. Not inviting all 26 people on my side will cause people to be hurt...so now I just feel selfish.

SO. With that situation alone (not including how to deal with making his family feel comfortable with my overwhelmingly large family) I am asking Current and Past Disney Brides with large families how you pulled off your Disney wedding? We are also from NJ so this will be a Destination Wedding.

Don't forget about having a ceremony at the Swan and Dolphin. They don't have any guest limits. I have 50 people coming to mine, and the ceremony is going to cost the same as if I was going to have 12. You have to be a little more creative with a "reception". But we are having a dessert party through Disney Catered Events right after the ceremony, we are watching Wishes over at the Grand Floridian. The company that you would go through is called Just Marry, we also have a thread towards the top of this board.

EDIT: I saw that you said you were worried about being moved indoors. I guess you will just need to decide if you are willing to take that chance. For being able to save money, invite my entire guest list and have more customization, it was worth the gamble. Good luck!

 

[hoosiergirl7]

Tough decision. If you can't afford it if you include everyone, then I say don't do it. Have an affordable Disney themed wedding at home and then go on a Disney honeymoon.

The Disney wedding business was just a fledgling start up when I got married in 1997 and although it greatly appealed to me, we just could not afford it - even then. So we had a Disney themed wedding in my hometown and then a year later when we could afford it, we went to France and did Disneyland Paris for part of our honeymoon.

Oh, and I wish my family was that small. When you said large family, I was expecting a minimum of 50 people. If we had excluded any aunts, uncles or cousins when we got married we would've gotten an earful from our parents and grandparents and the amount of family in our 220 person wedding was about 100. When I got married in my family I had 22 cousins, 18 aunts and uncles, 5 great-aunts and uncles and my immediate family of 5.

I'm ready to do it over again with a vow renewal and if that means excluding family that I never see, so be it. This time we'd be paying for it - not our parents. I want to do a very intimate thing with the people that have really been there for me and touched my life the most.

Good luck!

 

[PrincessSoshi]

I'm in a similar situation because I have a large family too. My problem is that we live in Florida so a Disney wedding isn't really a destination wedding for us ( its only 2 hours away). Therefore most of my family would be able to attend and wouldn't even need to get a hotel. I can't afford a wishes wedding, so we are going with the escape package. Luckily my fiancé has a small family, but even so I wouldn't be able to invite all my aunts, uncles, and cousins (with only 18 guests allowed). I think my guest list will look more like this:
-Bride's mother
-Bride's father
-Bride's sister & her husband
-Bride's grandmother
-Bride's uncle & his partner
-Bride's friend
-Bride's friend & her husband
-Groom's mother
-Groom's father
-Groom's brother
-Groom's grandmother
-Groom's friend & his wife
-Groom's friend & his wife

It might look strange to invite so many friends and cut family off the list, but the problem is I have 6 aunts/uncles and 9 cousins on my mom's side. I see them all so often at Xmas and thanksgiving that I feel equally close to all of them and I feel that I can't invite some and not others. On the other hand my dad only has 1 brother and he has no children of his own so he has always treated my sister and I as his kids. I consider him to be closer to me than any other aunts or uncles, I mean he gave me my first car and he wants to pay for all the food at my wedding. So that's why I have decided to invite him and his partner to the ceremony.

Since the escape package doesn't come with a reception I was thinking of having a reception and inviting the rest of my family to just the reception. At first I found a venue in Orlando that was pretty cheap to rent and I thought of having a reception, complete with food and dancing, there after our ceremony at disney. The place I found is called the farmer's market in winter park. It's only $1300 to rent and you get it from 4pm to midnight, and if I go with this option I won't do a dinner probably just a lot of horderves. Oh, and the best part about this place is that you can bring your own alcohol, so we could just buy a case of wine and some bottles of liquor which will save money. My sister knows a dj that will do a reception for like $400 or I would honestly be ok plugging in my iPod into a stereo system (I'm not picky). My other option is to rent out a private room at a restaurant and just do a dinner, which I could invite the rest of my family to but most likely only the people in Florida will come for just a dinner. I know this might not help you because your family doesn't live in Florida.

I would honestly suggest only inviting your closest family members and friends if you are set on doing a disney escape wedding, and if they have kids i would suggest leaving them with disney daycare to cut down on the number of guests. With a destination wedding most people understand that there are a limited number of spaces available for guests, so I don't think family members would be upset with you. Another thing you could do is have a wedding in Orlando (not at disney) and then have a disney honeymoon and plan a day to go to disney with family as well. Hope this was a little bit helpful.

 

[Bewitch324]

Another thought: you could do the bigger wedding at home and include everyone that you feel should be there...and then go to Disney and do a Memories collection ceremony for just the two of you. You still get a (albeit scaled down) Disney wedding that is meaningful for the two of you, but you don't have to try and plan a wedding for 40 people at Disney.

On the other hand, depending on where you live, the bigger wedding at hom COULD cost as much or more than the Disney wedding would in the first place (not including travel). LOTS to think about!!!

There are definitely ways to save on your Disney wedding, as some of the other poster have already suggested...if it's your dream, start saving NOW.

We've been saving for about a year now, and we're not getting married until next November, and we still have quite a bit more we need to save.

Good luck with your decision!
Brooke

 

[MrsDuck]

Another vote for a Swan and Dolphin wedding.

We were in the same boat - our guest list was huge and we simply couldn't cut anyone out. DFTW was not going to cut it on our budget ($10k from my parents). We explored the S/D option and were THRILLED. I have 0 complaints about our wedding - everything was wonderful, perfect, and affordable. Feel free to check out my planning journal (in my signature) or message me if I can help at all!

 

[lyncecelia]

We went back and forth on our wedding. We both really wanted a Disney wedding, but were worried about the guest list situation. Another thing for us was my older sister. She's autistic and wouldn't have been able to travel to MA and I really wanted her there. So we are saving for Disney. By the time we get married, we will have been engaged for 2 years (together for 4). We didn't want a morning wedding (especially since we have DF's 4 kids to get ready!) so we are doing the noon ceremony on a Monday. Definitely worth the wait to have my sister and other family members there. Our guest list has around 60 people on it.

I wish you luck with the planning, there are a lot of options luckily, and if you want Disney you can always wait a little longer and save up. At first I was hesitant to do that, but now I'm glad we did. As you can tell from my ticker, we are around 9 months away! It truly does go fast.

 

[lizloph]

I'm in a similar situation because I have a large family too. My problem is that we live in Florida so a Disney wedding isn't really a destination wedding for us ( its only 2 hours away). Therefore most of my family would be able to attend and wouldn't even need to get a hotel. I can't afford a wishes wedding, so we are going with the escape package. Luckily my fiancé has a small family, but even so I wouldn't be able to invite all my aunts, uncles, and cousins (with only 18 guests allowed). I think my guest list will look more like this:
-Bride's mother
-Bride's father
-Bride's sister & her husband
-Bride's grandmother
-Bride's uncle & his partner
-Bride's friend
-Bride's friend & her husband
-Groom's mother
-Groom's father
-Groom's brother
-Groom's grandmother
-Groom's friend & his wife
-Groom's friend & his wife

It might look strange to invite so many friends and cut family off the list, but the problem is I have 6 aunts/uncles and 9 cousins on my mom's side. I see them all so often at Xmas and thanksgiving that I feel equally close to all of them and I feel that I can't invite some and not others. On the other hand my dad only has 1 brother and he has no children of his own so he has always treated my sister and I as his kids. I consider him to be closer to me than any other aunts or uncles, I mean he gave me my first car and he wants to pay for all the food at my wedding. So that's why I have decided to invite him and his partner to the ceremony.

Since the escape package doesn't come with a reception I was thinking of having a reception and inviting the rest of my family to just the reception. At first I found a venue in Orlando that was pretty cheap to rent and I thought of having a reception, complete with food and dancing, there after our ceremony at disney. The place I found is called the farmer's market in winter park. It's only $1300 to rent and you get it from 4pm to midnight, and if I go with this option I won't do a dinner probably just a lot of horderves. Oh, and the best part about this place is that you can bring your own alcohol, so we could just buy a case of wine and some bottles of liquor which will save money. My sister knows a dj that will do a reception for like $400 or I would honestly be ok plugging in my iPod into a stereo system (I'm not picky). My other option is to rent out a private room at a restaurant and just do a dinner, which I could invite the rest of my family to but most likely only the people in Florida will come for just a dinner. I know this might not help you because your family doesn't live in Florida.

I would honestly suggest only inviting your closest family members and friends if you are set on doing a disney escape wedding, and if they have kids i would suggest leaving them with disney daycare to cut down on the number of guests. With a destination wedding most people understand that there are a limited number of spaces available for guests, so I don't think family members would be upset with you. Another thing you could do is have a wedding in Orlando (not at disney) and then have a disney honeymoon and plan a day to go to disney with family as well. Hope this was a little bit helpful.

Your family is identical to mine. Right down to the uncle! I do plan on looking at some alternatives near Disney to accommodate everyone while we're down there. I think I'll be limiting it to my grandparents, uncle I'm closest to and I think I will give relatives that live far away from Nj the choice of either Disney or the party at home.

 

[lizloph]

So after a recent turn of events is looks like the BFs family may be going from 3 to 2. He's so upset. I don't think I have the heart to have a large wedding home or at Disney given what his family is going through. I think away will be easier than the formality of a traditional wedding. I'm going to have a heart to heart with my family explaining that the number is going to me small (most likely my brothers and grandparents and family that live closer to the south). We are interconnected community wise and have had a few business friends offer their place to have a reception so we can have a nice celebration with everyone when we get back. Budget solved, number solved. Sometimes life decides things for you?

 

[wiigirl]

Another vote for a Swan and Dolphin wedding.

 

[ChavonDisneyWedding]

It is good to know I am not the only one struggling with what to do given budget and number of people concerns!

 

[PrincessSoshi]

So after a recent turn of events is looks like the BFs family may be going from 3 to 2. He's so upset. I don't think I have the heart to have a large wedding home or at Disney given what his family is going through. I think away will be easier than the formality of a traditional wedding. I'm going to have a heart to heart with my family explaining that the number is going to me small (most likely my brothers and grandparents and family that live closer to the south). We are interconnected community wise and have had a few business friends offer their place to have a reception so we can have a nice celebration with everyone when we get back. Budget solved, number solved. Sometimes life decides things for you?

I'm sorry to hear about your DF's family. Life is strange sometimes, but I hope all is working out in the end. I'm glad you figured out how to solve the dilemma.

I was thinking of just doing the Disney wedding the way I want, small escape wedding like i mentioned before, and saying my mom will just have to deal with it. She is trying to turn my wedding into an opportunity for a family reunion. I can't decide if I want to let her invite everyone to a reception type thing the evening after my disney wedding at a cheap venue with dancing and dinner and say if you want this you have to pay for it, because I am paying for my Disney wedding myself and I can't afford any more than that. Or if I want to tell her we can do a family party a while after the wedding and we can show pictures of our wedding to everyone (only bummer is idk if it would be appropriate to wear my wedding dress then and I love dressing up ). Any advice would be helpful from anyone