Large Families - how do you cope with college expenses?

[MrsPete]

I have one college student, soon to be two. I've been surprised that paying for college has been easier than expected! Here's what we've done:

- We saved aggressively from the time the kids were young. We live in a lesser house, drive lesser cars, and go out less often than people in our income bracket -- but college matters much, much more.

- In high school we pushed vocational courses and work experiences to provide some insight into the careers that interest our girls. Our oldest worked in the hospital her senior year and finished high school with a CNA license. She left with a good feel for what nursing is and she hasn't waivered since. Our youngest is a bit more difficult, having more trouble being sure of what she wants, but we've worked hard at giving her "life experiences" to see what's out there -- at this point, she has it narrowed down to two possibilities, but unlike her classmates, she's not just guessing. NOT changing majors will be a money-saver.

- We told the girls up front exactly what we would pay: 4 years tuition and fees, dorm room and basic meal plan for 4 years at a state school. This will make them just as employable as an out-of-state school or a private school. This gives them 16 schools from which to choose, so they had a variety of locations, sizes, etc. from which to choose. Our oldest narrowed it down to two acceptable schools and had a very hard time making the decision. We're also keeping them on our insurance and phone plan while they're in school.

- We are paying the basics, but we are not funding so many "extras" that our older daughter's friends' parents do pay: A car, spring break vacations, fancy dorm room decorations, etc. She was raised in a frugal home, and she works to supply herself with a few "extras".

- We qualified for no financial aid, but our oldest did earn two nice scholarships, which cover about 50% of her expenses.

- Our "ace in the hole" has been that we've saved for retirement since our very first paycheck . . . so those accounts are quite healthy, and IF we need to do so, we can "give ourselves a raise" by cutting back or stopping new contributions. Pulling money out of accounts is a very expensive choice, but stopping new money from going in is a reasonable option -- IF you've been saving for years.

I have intensions of paying for no more than every other year. And they will not get the $$ until they have a degree. I am not paying for them to play around, and figure out what they want to do.. They need to actually get a degree and finish...


I also will set a limit, and encourage the 1st 2 yrs at a comm coll, but if they hit the limit to go to their school of choice that is on them. Honestly making better college choices in our budget instead of going anywhere you want. Learning that if doing a comm college will bring the full bill down 1/3rd and going to a different school than 1st choice would save another 25%... IMO is the way DH and I live.. If they want more, that is thier choice.

I completely agree with setting limits and telling kids up front exactly what you're willing and able to pay, but it sounds like you don't like these kids much. You sound downright antagonistic towards them.

However, please note that all is subject to change as they get closer to the actual date/time.

ALL plans should be subject to change as the date draws closer! One of the hardest things about college planning is that you have to make decisions before you have all the facts -- should I pursue this college? will I get any scholarships? will I get any financial aid? do I really want to major in that subject? As you draw closer to high school graduation, more and more of these questions are answered, and you're more and more able to make good choices.

Here's an example of the kind of thing you don't see coming: We'd told our oldest that books (along with a few other things) would be her responsibility. We told her we expected that she'd work in the summer, save money, and that would cover her books. Our intention was that we'd cover the lion's share of the expenses, but she'd have a few things for which she'd be responsible. Then she chose a college that includes books in the tuition!

So we changed it to, we'll pay the big things -- you'll be responsible for some lesser expenses, and when we see the final costs, we'll nail those down precisely. I liked being more specific because I thought it would help her plan . . . but I was wrong.

It's generally a bad idea to co-sign for any loans.

I extremely anti-loan. It's better to choose from what you can afford, even if that's not as much as you'd like -- and so many options do exist.

However, I do agree that co-signing for student loans is an especially bad idea. Think it through: If you haven't managed in 18 years to save for college, why do you think you can make payments on the loans? If you're going to do it, absolutely take out life insurance on the student (it won't cost much for a young, healthy person).

This is really good advice. I know a number of kids who went to community college to "save money" and their courses did not transfer to their degree plans, so in the end, they wasted money and time.

If you go to community college with the intent of transferring to a 4-year school- work closely with an advisor who has experience with that school. Don't accept generic advice!

Good advice.

I'll add this: Some 4-year schools have good "transfer programs" for kids who've started at a community college. This makes for a good transition between the two schools.

No flames but I alway hate the implication that those of us who do pay for our kids education are some how NOT teaching our kids responsibility.

Yeah, you've been raising this kid for 18 years, and you've made thousands of decisions that've either pushed him towards responsibility or irresponsibility. You've indulged him at some times, said no at other times. You've seen whether he's grateful for what he's been given, or whether he has a disgusting "entitlement" attitude.

All those things you've done over the years have already made him either responsible or irresponsible (or, most likely, somewhere in between). Whether you pay for college is just one more choice in a long line-up. It is in no way a make-or-break item on the scale of responsible behavior.

 

[angierae]

Those who wrote about kids working during Christmas break etc, how do they come home and get a job so quickly just for the few weeks?

My daughter works at one of the big movie theater chains in town. They have kids who only work during summer and school breaks. They were kids who worked there in HS, and now work when they are home from school.

 

[imsayin]

No flames but I alway hate the implication that those of us who do pay for our kids education are some how NOT teaching our kids responsibility.

My parents paid my entire education, I am not an irresponsible spend thrift that doesn't no how to handle my bills neither are my sons. I did not get into college than go partying every day. I somehow managed to go to class, do well and become successful. When I was a stay at home mom and our house was damaged due to fire in another row home, my wonderful father helped us out financially. I still manage to be appreciative, grateful and pay him back until he told me to stop.

I too have wonderful smart, successful and for the most part wise kids. they are not in debt, they are not in college having keg parties, my youngest has an american express card tied to my card since he is 700 miles from home and he has not gone la vida loca with it. In fact, it's wonderful because I don't have to worry about getting him cash for books, etc.

My youngest may have the opportunity to do an unpaid internship this summer in London, which means he probably won't work LOL according to some here I'm probably a bad mom because I believe the experience and contacts will be more valuable than the minimum wage job he'll have over the summer. So should I tell him to not take the opportunity because he won't have the dough to pay his cell phone?

Nope, I'm going to encourage him to make the most of it, if he gets accepted. Learn all he can and see if he can keep going back. Even if it means during his Jr year I'll have to pick up some of his living expenses.

making kids pay their college tuition does not infer magical powers and make them great money managers nor does paying a kids tuition make them irresponsible party animals wasting parents money.

I'm with you 100% on this post!

 

[wallawallakids]

No flames but I alway hate the implication that those of us who do pay for our kids education are some how NOT teaching our kids responsibility.

My parents paid my entire education, I am not an irresponsible spend thrift that doesn't no how to handle my bills neither are my sons. I did not get into college than go partying every day. I somehow managed to go to class, do well and become successful. When I was a stay at home mom and our house was damaged due to fire in another row home, my wonderful father helped us out financially. I still manage to be appreciative, grateful and pay him back until he told me to stop.

I too have wonderful smart, successful and for the most part wise kids. they are not in debt, they are not in college having keg parties, my youngest has an american express card tied to my card since he is 700 miles from home and he has not gone la vida loca with it. In fact, it's wonderful because I don't have to worry about getting him cash for books, etc.

My youngest may have the opportunity to do an unpaid internship this summer in London, which means he probably won't work LOL according to some here I'm probably a bad mom because I believe the experience and contacts will be more valuable than the minimum wage job he'll have over the summer. So should I tell him to not take the opportunity because he won't have the dough to pay his cell phone?

Nope, I'm going to encourage him to make the most of it, if he gets accepted. Learn all he can and see if he can keep going back. Even if it means during his Jr year I'll have to pick up some of his living expenses.

making kids pay their college tuition does not infer magical powers and make them great money managers nor does paying a kids tuition make them irresponsible party animals wasting parents money.

I was not implying that and I am sorry you took it to be that way. I was only stating what we do.

I realize lots of people have successful children who know how to pay their bills and stay out of debt when their parents pay for college. I was not saying "don't pay for your child's college education." I was just answering a question about larger families handling the cost of a college education and saying what I believe is best for my 4 children and how we do it in our home.

I am sorry you took that to imply that I had any opinion on how others do it in theirs. I am very much a "to each their own" person and have no judgement at all on how others handle their children or their education. I have many friends who pay $30k a year for their children to go to private elementary school. Do I? No. But do I think it is wrong they do? No. It is their money and they must do what they believe is best for their children. What works for one doesn't always work for the other and that is that. No judgement here.

 

[Pumbaa_]

Great thread. My girls are still young 6&9. I currently have about $15,000 for their education in a IRA under my moms name. When talking to my financial advisor he said this would work well for me in my situation. My mom is 66 so that interest can be withdrawn at any time. I make a decent salary,but not too much as I am single and I would like to get some money for them for college. I do have an emergency fund also and that money will also go into my mom's saving account so when college approaches on paper I will be pretty poor. Since colleges can not count your house and retirement against you I am hopeful that it will all work out.

I am encouraging both of my girls to go to the local CC. 1 has expressed an interest in being a dental hygeinest. I want them both to be debt free.

Be very careful with putting money in Mom's name. If something happens and she needs extensive medical/rehab care, this will be considered part of HER money, and not yours to use. It happens every day to folks that are healthy. (My mom just spend 5 weeks inpatient with multiple complications after a kidney stone!)

 

[eliza61]

I have two boys - oldest starting HS next year and one in middle school. Those who wrote about kids working during Christmas break etc, how do they come home and get a job so quickly just for the few weeks?

Hey Lisa,
My youngest son got a job at burlington coat factory the summer after graduation. In August when he left for school, he spoke with the manager and said he wanted to keep his job and work when he was home. The manager was great with it especially since they usually hire christmas help. So when he comes home for thanksgiving he works 1 day probably more to keep his name in the system than any thing else. then when he comes home for Christmas he works for about 4 weeks.

Retail is usually a great avenue because they are looking for seasonal help. one word of warning, it will almost always entail working on the weekends and nights.

I was not implying that and I am sorry you took it to be that way. I was only stating what we do.

I realize lots of people have successful children who know how to pay their bills and stay out of debt when their parents pay for college. I was not saying "don't pay for your child's college education." I was just answering a question about larger families handling the cost of a college education and saying what I believe is best for my 4 children and how we do it in our home.

I am sorry you took that to imply that I had any opinion on how others do it in theirs. I am very much a "to each their own" person and have no judgement at all on how others handle their children or their education. I have many friends who pay $30k a year for their children to go to private elementary school. Do I? No. But do I think it is wrong they do? No. It is their money and they must do what they believe is best for their children. What works for one doesn't always work for the other and that is that. No judgement here.

Thanks Wallawalla, I appreciate that.

Like others Dh and I knew that our kids were never going to get financial help with school due to our salaries. So from day one, right after retirement we started college funds.
We got our families on board too. My siblings and I had a pact, the parents would take care of christmas toys, the relatives would give financial gifts to the grandkids, neices, nephews college fund. So for my nephew for 19 years instead of buying them toys I put in a couple of hundred dollars in his college fund. times that by 6 aunts and uncles plus a few grandparents and his tuition is good to go.

Now I'm a bit older, my parents were from the old days where they weren't worried about ripping a kids head off. My aunt was an attorney and one of my uncles own a funeral home. My dad had a favorite saying "I can take you out, bury you and get away with the crime" if we messed up, so believe me, I knew full well what was expected of me and wasting my parents money in any shape, form or fashion was just not going to happen.

Thanks for getting back.

What's ironic is that I always read these lines that people write that go like this "My kid isn't wasting my money, slacking off and partying" and I think "HOW". The parents I know who are covering their kids tuition are up their kids backside about doing well. No way would my son even get the chance to live la vida loca.. LOL, I picked him up from the airport for christmas break and the first thing I said after "I'm glad you're home" was "when do your grades come in"?

 

[JillyBean1899]

I'm not a large family, but I'm doing everything on my own, with no help from my mom, so some of this will be helpful.

#1. Community college. In Florida, if you graduate from a Florida community college with an AA, you are guaranteed entrance into any of the public universities. You might not get into the program that you want (that's more for lawyers, doctors, limited access programs like that), but you'll get into the school as a junior. Classes are smaller, and cheaper. There typically aren't dorms, so the kid would most likely be living at home, but if you treat them like a tenant (within reason, of course) instead of a child, they tend to be more open to staying at home.

#2. Scholarships. Talk to the financial aid office to see what scholarships are available, and apply for everything. Even the little $500 ones. Check for minority/special interest groups, too. There are some scholarships that are only available to women over 30 that are studying business/accounting (which, handily enough, I fall into that category ), and you never know what you'll end up getting.

#3. Part time job. There are a *TON* of on campus jobs that students can get, even if they've never had a job before. Yeah, a lot of them pay minimum wage, but they're not only earning some money, but they're getting work experience. Or work at Target, Walmart, something like that. They'll make money, and get a discount on stuff they buy there, which helps keep the cost of clothing and supplies down. Plus, every hour you spend working is an hour you're not spending money.

#4. Textbooks. Buy them used, or buy them online. The bookstore tends to be a rip-off. Wait until the first day of classes before buying the books. I'm going to be able to take back both of the "required bundles" for my English Comp class because the teacher doesn't use the MyLitLab and MyCompLab online access that we *HAD* to purchase with the book (in fact, the lit book isn't even a part of the MyLitLab website, so the online code is completely useless to me), plus she doesn't care which comp book we use as long as it's the right version of MLA documentation. Sign up for Amazon Student and you get free 2 day shipping, plus access to the Amazon Prime video library (free movies WHAT?!? ). Also check into ebooks, they tend to be cheaper than hard copies, and a lot easier to carry around. You can search them, highlight and make notes, and read them on your tablet. Much nicer than carrying around a 10 lbs, 2,000 page book.

This isn't a money saving tip, but it's a study saving one. If your kids have trouble with math, get them a LiveScribe pen, and have them ask their teacher if it's OK if they record the class (I have yet to have a teacher tell me no). It uses special paper, and syncs up what it records with what you're writing at the same time. It gets imported to your computer as a PDF file, and you just click on the part of the page you want to hear again, and it automatically plays what the teacher was saying when you were writing. It's also awesome for lecture classes, because you can write a word or two to remember what the teacher was talking about, then play that whole section later. I can type pretty fast, so I just use my laptop and type notes in lecture classes, but I work with the disability services team at school and have seen how the people in our group with physical or leaning disabilities use it. If you're not stressing about being able to write fast enough to keep up with what the teacher says, you can relax and actually listen to him/her, and learn more in class.

 

[mjkacmom]

We have 4 children and we will do our best to "help" each of them, but we do not plan on footing the entire bill. My parents did not pay for my college education, and they did not pay for my 3 siblings. My husband also received no support from his parents. He went to undergrad and med school on his on bill. Yes, it did take us years to pay off, but I do not regret it. It taught us how to manage money, how to save, and how to pay off debt to the point where we are now debt free. I feel like if we turned around and paid for their education in full we would be robing them of the ability to learn that things do not come for free and that great things are worth working for, saving for, and having a budget for.

The problem is, college is SO much more expensive now, and the salaries these young adults will be starting out with are not that might higher than back in our day. The tuition at the state school I attended has tripled since I graduated. I WISH I could afford to pay for college, and not have them coming out of school with debt the size of a mortage.

I was really hoping this crisis would be over before it was time for my kids to start college - nope.

 

[Egdisney]

The problem is, college is SO much more expensive now, and the salaries these young adults will be starting out with are not that might higher than back in our day. The tuition at the state school I attended has tripled since I graduated. I WISH I could afford to pay for college, and not have them coming out of school with debt the size of a mortage. I was really hoping this crisis would be over before it was time for my kids to start college - nope.

Exactly! I am hoping the bubble bursts before my kids get out of school, but goodness it is too much!! I have not completed a degree, I was just diagnosed with ADD at 30. Before I stayed at home, I was lucky to find some fairly decent jobs where I could move up without a degree. Since the economy crashed, many of these positions I once held require you to have a bachelors degree. I just ask myself why? Why is there a need for someone to get an overpriced degree to do customer service? My husband has worked his way up the ranks at his company. He is the director of his department and really is very successful there. If he were to look for new jobs a number of places would throw out his resume because he lacks a degree. It is sad. My brother is in management at Walmart, he has a bachelors degree in business, he loves retail, not so much Walmart but he also doesn't apply to many other places. I asked him if he really learned anti in college. His response was, "I don't think so." I feel companies really sell themselves and their employees short by only hiring people with degrees into management. The best way to learn most jobs is through doing. I think it is disgusting that people require a degree to get paid $12 to manage a Gap or to answer phones at an insurance company. It really takes away the value of an education, at the same time driving up the cost. Only in America.

 

[MrsPete]

What's ironic is that I always read these lines that people write that go like this "My kid isn't wasting my money, slacking off and partying" and I think "HOW". The parents I know who are covering their kids tuition are up their kids backside about doing well. No way would my son even get the chance to live la vida loca.. LOL, I picked him up from the airport for christmas break and the first thing I said after "I'm glad you're home" was "when do your grades come in"?

That's a fair question. How do I know my college daughter is doing what I think she should be doing?

- She has a 3.9x GPA in a tough major. I can see her grades online, so I know they're real. I can also see that she's on track to graduate on a four-year schedule.
- She tells me specifics about what she's been doing in class, upcoming projects, etc. Papers for me to proofread arrive in my email on a regular basis.
- Anytime I text (which is always in the evening) and say, "Wanna Skype?" she says yes, and I see her within minutes in her dorm room, surrounded by books and looking sober.
- She doesn't have much money to blow.

So, no, I don't think my college student is pulling the wool over my eyes about what's going on at school.

I don't begrudge her some fun in college, but she is doing exactly what I want her to do: She's focusing on her studies. She has her priorities straight, and she's keeping fun in balance with her academics.

 

[MrsPete]

Since the economy crashed, many of these positions I once held require you to have a bachelors degree. I just ask myself why? Why is there a need for someone to get an overpriced degree to do customer service?

There's a pervasive idea that "everyone" has a degree, but the reality is that 25-30% of adults over 25 have Bachelor's degrees or higher, and only about 8% have a Master's degree. MOST Americans are not college graduates. You could make an argument that the number of college degrees is rising, and that may be true.

The other problem is that too many college students aren't planning well and aren't choosing degrees that lead to jobs. For example, fewer and fewer Americans are earning degrees in Engineering and the sciences, yet we have a glut of lawyers who can't find jobs.

 

[disykat]

Yes, just like Eliza61 and Mrs. Pete, everyone I know who is covering a bunch of their kid's college expenses has expectations that go along with that.

 

[MrsPete]

Yes, just like Eliza61 and Mrs. Pete, everyone I know who is covering a bunch of their kid's college expenses has expectations that go along with that.

Yes, we made it clear to our oldest -- and will give the same speech to our youngest in the near future -- about how in our family we're "on the semester system".

We gladly paid for her first semester. When we saw good grades, we gladly paid for her second semester . . . and so on. If we'd been faced with lackluster grades or a failure to progress towards graduation at the end of first semester, we would not have been moved by tears or promises of improvement: Rather, we would've said, "The choices we made clearly didn't work. We will not continue to pay." And, depending upon the circumstances, we would've considered pulling all financial support and pushing her towards full-time work, coming home and going to community college, or whatever. But that didn't happen.

Yes, our oldest might've gone away to college and whooped it up for a semester. But we wouldn't have been fooled more than one semester.

 

[Patience]

Amen! We tell our daughter that our money is a terrible thing to waste- lol. We pay for her to be away at college and in return she works hard and brings home great grades. It's a two way street. I know she has fun in college and has a social life that I don't inquire about too much but she's a bright girl. If she was neglecting her school work, it would show in her grades. She shares her grades with us so, yes, I know my kid is not wasting my money.

 

[Green Tea]

Actually, if you define higher-end schools as Ivy League or the top LAC's, then this is absolutely true. There are no merit scholarships or athletic scholarships, only financial aid based on need.

OP If your state school is U of IL (guessing based on that tuition), they do not give out a lot of scholarship money. Look for schools where your kid is in the top 25% of grade/test scores admitted to the school. This gives you a better chance at merit $$$. Also, some schools just give more than others.

While the Ivy League schools do no give merit awards, the top liberal arts colleges definitely do award merit, and generously. The Johnson Scholarships at Washington & Lee not only find tuition but also room and board, as well as summer study. Additionally, for families making less than $60,000 per year, they will not charge any tuition. Davidson, Williams, Swathmore..... Lots of merit awarded each year. As D3 schools they do not offer athletic scholarships.

 

[BWV Dreamin]

We've sent 3 boys to college. Two obtained bachelors degrees, one an AA degree. We are firm believers in state schools. Our goal was to not have any of our children have any debt upon graduation. Since we were paying the tuition portion, it was cheaper to stay in state. Also each boy started out at community college, graduating from there first before transferring to 4 year college. What this accomplished was 1) time for the kids to figure out their major, 2) maintained an affordable approach to college with no debt upon graduation. I can't tell you how great things have worked out for them. University of Maryland and Towson University gave excellent education.

IMO the worst thing we can do as parents is to sugar coat the educational experience and have these kids get into mega debt. There is a great word for curbing this ..."NO!"

 

[texasroni75]

I put myself through college, first by working full-time and going to school at night (paying completely out of pocket), and then was later able to take many courses with tuition reimbursement through my job. I never expected my parents to foot the bill for college, nor could they have afforded to.

That said, with my own children, I have made it clear we don't have huge college funds for them. We will help as much as we can considering I am presently a stay-at-home-mom. There are tons of grants and scholarships out there to help bring costs down too. My oldest is right now going to a local college, working part-time and living at home so she has no real living expenses. We pay for her cellphone and internet connection and bought her a new laptop for school. She has a plan and is saving to be able to afford the higher tuition costs upon transfer to her preferred University after completion of her first 2 years here locally. She is proving to be very frugal and careful with her paychecks and I'm very proud. Not only that but she's gaining work experience too.

Like others mentioned, Ebooks, renting textbooks and used textbooks also cut the costs of college down considerably (about $50/book instead of $140 adds up when having to buy 5-6 books every sememster!). We all agreed that having to take out student loans was NOT something we want her to do. School is stressful enough without debt looming large.

 

[Alexle2007]

While I footed the bill for my BS working full-time and going to school full-time and then my work paid for my MS, my DS in 2nd grade already has high aspirations of getting in a PhD in Architectural Engineering at either Cornell or Princeton. Luckily, my husband and I make very good salaries and should be able to make his dreams come true between a 529 plan, I our investments in the stock market and having our home paid off.

 

[Lisa71]

There are educational plans at community colleges that have all transferable classes. I am a professor at one. This is better than in years past so you would not waste time or money. I have many students go on and our last gradating class had over 3000 students transfer. There are even honors programs.

 

[powellrj]

You can't take everything you read here as true for all schools.

Yes there are lots of jobs available on campus, but the problem is that the times the jobs are available, most students aren't. DS did get a job one time opening and closing the pool since he was a lifeguard, only problem was he had to be there at 5am and then again at 1am. It wasn't real practical for him.

Don't limit yourself to state schools. My DD is going to a private school and once she gets all of the scholarship money, it will cost less than our cheapest state school. They just called yesterday and because she retook the SAT and raised her score enough she will be getting even more money.