Kids Say the Darndest Things

[cinjam]

I was standing in the checkout line at Taret with my then 3.5yo son. Behind us was a mother & daughter speaking in Italian to each other. My son has always been a social kid so he's leaning out of the cart waving to them, smiling, getting them to come a little bit closer to say...."Why don't you speak American?"

Embarassing & funny at the same time!

 

[eduk8r26]

I was taking my then 12-year-old niece to her cheerleading competition last year when she asks me if back when TV's were black and white, was everything else black and white--meaning everything around us. I chalked it up to a blond moment!! (She has blond hair.)

 

[ElizabethG]

While driving down the road:
DS6 says, "Mommy, there's a pirate driving that car!"
I looked over to see a guy with a long beard and bandana on his head.

Playing with castle and knight playset:
I said, "How are you doing knight? Hey, knight, where are you going?"
DD5 says, "I have to go potty. I'll be right back, DAY."

 

[Spoonful of Sugar]

Great thread! I love funny kid stuff. DD is only 21 months, so she hasn't said much yet, but here are the funniest I can think of so far:

Recently we were at my mom's house, and she was feeling shy, so when I went to the bathroom I took her in with me. She likes to take a little bit of toilet paper and wipe her nose, so she did that. As we were leaving the bathroom, she turned to the toilet as she always does and said, "Bye pee!" Then she turned to the toilet paper roll. I saw her pause and think about it, because she didn't know the word yet. After thinking a moment longer she came to a decision. "Bye pee nose!" she shouted.

Another one happened just a couple of days ago. DD is totally obsessed with rocks right now. Well, she had her first poop on the potty, but just a little tiny bit. Evidently, she didn't realize she had pooped because when she stood up and saw it in the potty her face lit up and she exclaimed, "Rocks!" She was delighted!

I also work in a daycare, so I hear some funny things there. Once I was looking at a catalogue with a six-year-old girl, and there was a picture of some sort of toy that attaches to a wheelchair. The girl thought the toy was really cool. Turning to me she said, "I wish you were in a wheelchair!" I notice she didn't wish she was in a wheelchair.

Then there was the two-year-old who told me, after being treated for an eye infection, that she had gone to the doctor and gotten "a new eye." She really believed it, too!

 

[Spoonful of Sugar]

Reading the church posts just reminded me of another one. When I was a kid there was a cute little girl at church, probably about 2 or 3. One Sunday she was standing in the communion line with her mom, when she said loudly, "Mommy, I love God." Everyone said, "Aaawww." Then she gets up to the front of the line, looks straight at the priest, and says, "I love you, God."

 

[thebeesknees]

My 5-year-old DS and I were in line at the grocery store one day when we saw a sweet little girl in front of us wearing an eye patch. DS started loudly asking me why she had that on. I tried to shush him by saying, "We don't talk about other people's owies behind their backs- it might hurt their feelings." He paused a moment, then walked over to the little girl and said to her, "Arrrrr, what 'appened to your eye, little girl?" in his best pirate imitation. If her mother hadn't busted out laughing, I think I would have died right there! We had another talk in the car afterward, you can be sure.

 

[mouseketeer_mom]

I have a few .....

My mother was about 7 months pregnant with my sister. My brother was 4 at the time. We were at my grandparents for dinner one evening and my brother accidently picked up my grandfathers drink. My mother caught him just in time and explained that Papaw had whiskey in his coke and it was "ruined". Fast forward a few days later, my mother stopped at a Wendy's to grab lunch with my brother. As they hand my very pregnant mother the tray with the sodas on it, my brother asks, loudly, if my mother plans on ruining that soda with whiskey again.


My DS was a huge Thomas the Train lover when he was 3. He had a bunch of the engines but wanted the cars that "hooked" to them for Christmas. Sitting on Santas lap, he explained that all he wanted for Christmas were "hookers" for Thomas and Percy.

 

[ColleenG]

My DS was a huge Thomas the Train lover when he was 3. He had a bunch of the engines but wanted the cars that "hooked" to them for Christmas. Sitting on Santas lap, he explained that all he wanted for Christmas were "hookers" for Thomas and Percy.

 

[CandyHead09]

I was babysitting my cousin (who was 3 at the time) pretty much my enitre family had just gotten back from a Disney trip a few months prior and he explained to me that "mommy and daddy and Jenny and Anna are gonna go on da aiwplane to disney world and we're gonna take a bus cause it's safer."

He also asked me "why dont you live here if your my sister?" he didnt quite understand the whole cousin thing and was always very upset when I had to go home.

Last year when he was four he said "Abbie I'm gonna be da twain and you can be da camoose ok?!"

 

[PigletsMommy]

 

[PollyannaMom]

When DS was little, we were driving home from church, and the children's assignment was to learn the Hail Mary. So we were going over each line, and having him repeat it back to us. - We got to "And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus" and DS repeated it as "And blessed is the Fruit of the Loom Jesus."

 

[daddyof2]

when my little girl was about 3 their was a song that went I wanna rock and roll all night and she would sing.... I WANNA WACK A MOLE ALL NIGHT!!!

 

[Stan's MaggieMouse]

I once took my 3 or 4 year old nephew to a church dinner and a somewhat heavy set man was taking the tickets at the bottom of the steps. I handed the gentleman our tickets at the same time that my nephew piped up with "Hello, Fat Man!".

 

[Deesknee]

When DS was little, we were driving home from church, and the children's assignment was to learn the Hail Mary. So we were going over each line, and having him repeat it back to us. - We got to "And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus" and DS repeated it as "And blessed is the Fruit of the Loom Jesus."

 

[ImarriedGrumpy]

As a former preschool teacher and now mom to a 2 yr old, I have a whole collection of hysterical kid quotes. I love all the crazy things kids say! They're really so creative in how they approach the world.

This was one of the most recent from my DS:
DS, sounding shocked: "Mama, what's on your socks?!"
He closely examined my clean white cotton sport socks, then said: "You have cucarachas on your socks. They're all over."
Me: "DS, what do you think a cucaracha is?"
DS: "I don't know, Mama. It's on your socks."

Another day I had him in a striped shirt and he said "Whoa! There's a lot of colors on my shirt!"
Me: What colors do you see?"
DS: "I don't know, I'm too dizzy!"

He's also learning the art of buttering people up to get what he wants. He started by saying "Hey Mama, how 'bout because I love you so much you can turn the light on in the living room for me?"

And one of our favorites, in the category of "Things you never want to hear your 2 year old say" - "Hey Mama, I'm gonna dig for buried treasure in the kitty box with this little shovel!"

 

[DMOMof3]

When my DGS was 2 or 3 he was being a little silly and I told him he was being "goofy" He said "no Gamma I'm Minnie"

 

[PigletsMommy]

So excited I finally have my own story!!

My 19 month old DD grabbed by purse this morning and said "Bye Bye Katie" as she headed to the front door

She has called me Katie since she was about 13 months old. She only calls me Momma when she is in trouble or wants something...

1 yr going on 16

 

[PebblesMK]

So excited I finally have my own story!!

My 19 month old DD grabbed by purse this morning and said "Bye Bye Katie" as she headed to the front door

She has called me Katie since she was about 13 months old. She only calls me Momma when she is in trouble or wants something...

1 yr going on 16

So cute, they grow up so fast. My child still calls me by my first name from time to time. She's 9 1/2


A few weeks ago, my kiddo was asked to sing the National Anthem at baseball game so she had been practicing non-stop. I didn't give it much thought until one day I hear "AND THE ROCKETS WERE SCARED!!!!" umm...I think she meant "and the rockets red glare". Hahah, I'm guessing that she'll always hear things differently than most. What a weirdo.

 

[wahooker]

A Little Background: My Daughter is Adopted from China.

While our family was at the Pool, My Son (4yo) was playing with a little girl of Asian Descent. He asked her "Are you Chinese?".

The Girl's Older Sister said "No, She's Korean."

The Little Girl Replied "No, I'm Iron Man!" She then went back to playing with her Superhero Action Figures.

 

[PUZZLDY5]

I have a few. When my oldest son was learning to ride a bike he was watching me take off his training wheels. He asked me how he was going to ride. I told him that I would hold on to the back and then let him go. He got sooo mad at me and slamed the bike on the ground and said " NOW SEE THAT'S GONNA BE ME"

Next one was my middle son. He was about 3 at the time. I was out running errands with him on a VERY hot summer say. He was being so good that I told him I would buy him ice cream at the local dairy dip. Anyway there was a rather "fluffy" woman standing in front of us in line. The line was moving slowly and my son was starting to become inpatient. Out of nowhere he states rather loudly.. "What does she need ice cream for she's fat!" I thought I was going to die. Needless to say we ended up at McDonalds.