Kids refusing to go with XH on "his" weekends

[HERSEY]

Paint Speaking from person experience. My son went through a time where he didn't want to be with his dad. Things are very different now he enjoys the time they have together.

Not every experience kids have is fun. My son would rather go to the dentist then go shopping with me for an example. Can you talk to your ex with the emotions getting in the way. Maybe the kids can pick an activity once in a while to do with him. If he sees that this is fun and the smiles on his kids things will calm down.

 

[crazee4mickey]

I had to make my boys go but after a while Ex lost interest, kids got to HS and they haven't seen him in years.

Same here....even though they didn't want to go...... crying, kicking, screaming whatever I had to "make" them go---this came from child psychologist and court-----it was horrible! My kids were 5 and 7. After about 3 visits he lost interest---he hasn't seen or contacted them in 15 years

 

[paintnolish]

Thanks for all of the advice. I am really torn. DS seems like he just likes staying home for the sake of it. We don't do anything different or special when he is here instead of dad's. I went to work last night and to the grocery store today- nothing fun at all. I think he likes just being at home as far as I can tell. The few things that do raise some suspicion...a few months ago ds and dd both came home and said they were never going back. XH likes to sit around on the pc, let the kids get worked up (very close in age and have a tendency to rough house), then freak out and yell at them. I was told he chased them around, dd was screaming, and he smacked ds on the bottom and dd on the mouth. I was NOT okay with this. I told dh the next time I saw him and he just blew it off. I said I would not tolerate that kind of behavior and if he thought he couldn't handle himself around the kids, maybe he needed to seek counseling. I have not heard any major stories before or after this. I hear stupid things, like he doesn't let them watch "That's So Raven" because he thinks it is inappropriate or makes them do push ups as a punishment. Nothing horrible, just not my parenting style.

 

[paintnolish]

Same here....even though they didn't want to go...... crying, kicking, screaming whatever I had to "make" them go---this came from child psychologist and court-----it was horrible! My kids were 5 and 7. After about 3 visits he lost interest---he hasn't seen or contacted them in 15 years

This is my fear. I am fine with coaxing and reasoning, but I don't think I could carry a child who is kicking and screaming and shove him into the car. It would break my heart. If I were xh, I would try to reason with the kids, saying things like- I love you and miss you. We will have fun. We will do such and such." Not stand there and say he is going to call a lawyer.

 

[Starbrite]

I have not been in this situation but I do have a question. Did the dad, once the police were involved, tell the officers that it was o.k. they didn't have to go or did the officers tell dad they don't want to go and they can't make them?

The officers pulled both of my kids aside & asked them each if they wanted to go. They explained to ExH that they would never force a child to go against their will. ExH threw a hissy fit, was escorted off the property & asked not to return until his next scheduled visit. Sadly, this has happened more than once. And in our case, the kids would call ahead of time to let him know they didn't want to come - but he would drive out anyways.

 

[christineann]

In SC, a child has to go until he/she is 18. My children didn't want to go visit the ex, and my attorney told me that family court would not suspend visitation until he put one of them into the hospital and that I could end up in jail for not making them go. We went into family court mediation and had a wonderful mediator whose wife was a family therapist, and (long story/short), they told my ex that they would support the kids' desire to end visitation in court if necessary due to abuse/endangerment issues. I understand that some kids just may not want to visit, but the issues behind it should be examined by an objective third party if necessary.

 

[mom2rb]

My cousin was told that she had to make sure that the kids were packed and ready. If they refused to get in the car she could not get in trouble. She called the police to see if they would make the kids go with their dad.They told her no. Now she was not allowed to tell her ex that they didn't want to go. They had to tell him themselves. In fact she had to hand the phone to her kids every time the ex called. The kids would then have to tell him " I don't want to talk to you ", as long as it came from the kids, my cousin couldn't get in trouble.